How did you find out you were pregnant? Most people pee on a stick and wait for it to show two blue lines, but the second blue line has to be as dark or darker than the first, and the longer you stare at it the more you wonder whether it’s really darker or whether your mind is playing tricks on you. Sound familiar? That’s the way I found out the first time. But not the second.
There I was standing in my closet getting ready for bed when suddenly I looked down. “That’s weird, my boobs are leaking.” Got milk? Yup. All I needed now was some Oreo cookies. Three positive pregnancy tests later, I knew why my body was acting so strange.
That’s the thing about pregnancy. All sorts of weird things happen to your body. You suddenly have the boobs you always wanted even though they double as a vending machine. Suddenly your sense of smell is so bionic, you can actually smell your next door neighbor’s bad breath. And if you’re not bowing down the to porcelain thrown all day, you’re sitting on it for 20+ minutes to squeeze out a miniscule rabbit turd.
So lay it on me, what’s your weirdest pregnancy symptom? ‘Cause guess what, I’ve got you beat. I dare you to beat this one. I double dare you. Here goes.
I was pregnant with Zoey when one day I woke up and noticed a little bump on my voluptuous boob. Not a lump. A bump. Being hyper sensitive, I showed it to my doctor who didn’t seem alarmed, but who sent me to a dermatologist. Maybe it’s a clogged pore, I wondered as I waited on the exam table in my sexy paper gown. Or a keloid, whatever that is. I wasn’t prepared to hear the two words that came out of his mouth.
“A supernumerary nipple,” he repeated. Did I hear him correctly? I think my shocked/embarrassed/confused/about to blow chunks look made him explain further. “It’s nothing to worry about. Just an accessory nipple.”
Earrings, purses, headbands— now these are accessories a girl can appreciate. But an accessory nipple? Let’s just say no one walks into Bloomingdales and says, “I’m looking for a nice third nipple.” Well, eventually I learned to appreciate my third nipple… when it went away.
There are lots of things I still have from the first pregnancy. A jiggly belly, a burst blood vessel, droopy boobies. But I’m happy to say the only thing left of my triple nipple is a fading memory. And if my accessory nipple comes back this pregnancy, maybe I’ll embrace it by going out to buy some accessory pasties. Too bad they usually come in two packs.