How can you measure how good your friends are? Is it whether they bring you soup when you’re sick? Is it whether they lend you their maternity clothes? Or is it the moment you notice you’re having a conversation with them that is just so inappropriate, you know you’d go to jail if the authorities were eavesdropping?
Well, today I found out I have two of the best friends a girl could ever have. It went a little something like this.
“So Justin was sitting on the training potty and I couldn’t help but notice how cute his little balls are when they’re dangling.”
“That’s too funny! Just the other day Briana was on her potty and I noticed how cute her vagina is. It’s so little!”
“And pure!” my other friend chimed in. “Especially compared to mine now that I’m pregnant and mine’s all giant and swollen.”
Of course I rushed home to see if mine was all swollen too, a symptom I’d never experienced during pregnancy. Side note, this symptom seems equally as gross as my own pregnancy symptom of having a triple nipple, or as one of my pregnant readers likes to call it, a thripple. God is definitely not a woman.
But back to the subject at hand. Teeny weeny weanies and vajayjays. Before I had a child, I always knew that babies had the cutest tushies ever, but who knew their genitalia could be so adorable too. And while I can gush over any baby tush, would I find someone else’s baby’s genitalia to be endearing? Hmmm, I’m not so sure.
In any case, the conversation with my new BFFs was thought-provoking, bonding and disturbing all at the same time. Who knows? We’ll probably all be branded as pedophiles and wind up in some high security prison together wearing orange jumpsuits. Well, as long as they make maternity ones. Oh, and as long as we don’t have to share a potty in our cell. Three pregnant mommies plus one potty equals el problemo.