The crap you may have missed this week
Awwww shit, as much as I like Facebook, sometimes I just want to kick it in the balls. Because these days I keep hearing the same damn thing: “Why isn’t Baby Sideburns showing up in my newsfeed?” Why? Because Facebook changed their algorithms, which means sometimes you’re gonna miss shit. Funny shit you don’t want to miss. Grrrrrr.
So I’m gonna start doing a Facebook recap on here. Not everything I posted that week, just the shit you guys liked the most. And maybe even a few things from Instagram too. That way if you missed something funny, you’ll see it in my weekly recap. So laugh at it, share it, say it sucks balls because you already saw it, whatever. And don’t forget to subscribe to this page (over there on the right where it says subscribe to blog >>>>) so you’re not missing anything. Because you probably are.
Here goes.
Okay, do you know how hard it is to make a grilled cheese into an F’ing octopus? Insanely hard. But he begggggged me to and then this little a-hole hated it, but I was like there is no F’ing way I’m making you another sandwich so EAT YOUR DAMN OCTOPUSSSS!!
And then there were a whole lot of poopie trolls in the comments section who were all pissed at me for calling him an a-hole, so my badass defensive line ripped those poopie trolls a new one. And that was really fun to watch. Here’s a question. If you’re a poopie troll and you get ripped a new one, do you have a stick up that ass too? Inquiring minds want to know.
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October 20, 7:45pm
Aww shit, so while Zoey was brushing her teeth tonight I was getting her room ready for bed and I accidentally tooted. I didn’t even really think about it until she came in and do you know what she said to me? She walked into her room, looked at me and said, “It smells like something died in here.” I’ll tell you what died. Me. Of embarrassment.
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Siblings.
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October 18, 2:15pm
You know what sucks? When your son wakes up early from his nap and pukes his brains out all over the couch. You know what doesn’t suck? When your hubby calls to tell you about it because you took your other kid to a birthday party and now he has to clean that shit up without you. Bwhahahahaha, sucks to be youuuu!!! The rags are in the laundry room succcccka!
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October 21, in the am
11:30PM – Holden pees in his bed
12:30AM – Zoey wakes up because her legs hurt
1:30AM – Zoey wakes up again because her legs hurt
1:40AM – I yell at Zoey
2:00AM – I break down and give her Tylenol
6:00AM – Holden is up for the day
7:00AM – Coffee
8:00AM – Coffee
9:00AM – Coffee
10:00AM – Coffee
11:00AM – Coffee
12:00PM – Diet Coke
4:00PM – lots of wine
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There you go little Halloween store. I fixed your evil toys section because it was missing something.
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Oh yeahhhh, and this week was my Bookiversary (No shit, spell check, I know Bookiversary’s not a REAL word. Duh)!!! Anyways, if you like peeing in your pants, check it out here. Hmmm, wait, no, if you like peeing in your pants you have a problem and should get help. But you should still read it.
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Plus some random links I shared this week:
Scary Mommy Thanksgiving Project
Thanks and don’t forget to subscribe to this page!! It’s different than my ChicagoNow page.
And if you like this post, please don’t forget to “like” it or share it. Moo chose grassy ass!!! And remember, if your kiddos are alive at the end of the day, you were successful. Even if you are curled up in the fetal position in the corner.
Never EVER apologize or be embarrassed for ripping one in front of your kids or husband! My kids thinks it is hilarious to gas me out of the car or room!! When my son was shorter I would grab his head, smoosh it into my b**t and fart! WHY! Because he would come up to me, stick his b**t in my face and say smell it mommy smell it!! Paybacks are hell!
Whoop whoop…I didn’t miss any of that…happy to know my FB feed seems to know what I like
Well, I only miseed one, but now I need to go see what poopis trolls wrote, here I go!