My son doesn’t want a girl to be president

So yesterday I had CNN on and I usually try to turn it off when the kids come in because it’s full of scary shit like Syria and Isis and gun-wielding maniacs, but it was talking about the presidential candidates so I left it on and the kids started watching. Now Zoey is ecstatic about the possibility of a woman becoming president. EC-F’ING-STATIC. I don’t think she cares if it’s Hillary Clinton or Carly Fiorina or Miss Piggy or Doc McStuffins. As long as the leader of the free world has a vajayjay, she’s gonna be bouncing off the walls with excitement.

Now please don’t get your panties all in a wad because you think I’m suggesting you vote for someone. I’m not. I don’t care who you want to win. Or don’t want to win. I’m not even saying who I’m voting for. But at this point it’s impossible not to think about the repercussions of a woman winning. I’m not talking about political repercussions. I’m talking about social repercussions. Because there’s a big F’ing difference between this:

PARENT: A black man can be the president.

And this:

PARENT: A black man IS the president.

The same way there’s a big F’ing difference between this:

PARENT: A woman can be the president.

And this:

PARENT:

Nope, can’t say it yet, because it doesn’t exist. It’s still a hypothetical, and that sucks. Because lemme show you what girls do.

Recently we took our kiddos to see the Marvel Universe show with Spiderman and Captain America and Iron Man and Thor, when suddenly this random unknown female superhero popped out onstage and Zoey was like, “Mommmm!!! It’s a girl! It’s a girl!! She’s my favorite! That’s who I want to be!!”

And even though we watch sports all the time, it wasn’t until earlier this year when the US Women’s Team won the World Cup that all of the sudden our very uncompetitive daughter who’s never wanted to play a sport in her life was like, “Mommmm, I HAVE to play soccer!!! Sign me up, sign me up!!!”

I don’t know why the heck it works this way, but girls look for other girls to emulate (heyyy look at that, I just used the only fancy word I remember from the SATs!). Anyways, about a year ago Zoey saw this picture…

Screen Shot 2015-10-23 at 1.08.51 PM

… and this is what she asked.

ZOEY: Is that one a woman?

ME: No, men used to wear their hair long in the old days.

ZOEY: What about that one?

ME: Uh-uh, that’s a guy too.

And I could see the deflated look on her face. She’s staring at this picture with FORTY-THREE different presidents (yes, I counted) and she’s like WTF do you mean a woman can be president?? Are you sure, because it doesn’t look like it?

So for a lonnnnnngggggggg time I’ve known that if a woman is elected to the White House that it’s going to make an enormous difference to girls all over this country. No surprise. But here’s something I didn’t know.

As my kids were sitting there yesterday watching CNN talk about the presidential race, one of the female candidates flashed on the screen and I’m almost too embarrassed to admit it, but this is what happened.

HOLDEN: I don’t want a girl to be president.

Cracccccck SNAP. That, my friends, is the sound of my heart breaking. I mean I know he’s only four and might not really understand what he just said, but this kills me a little. He doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want a specific girl to be president. That would be okay. He genuinely means that he doesn’t want ANY GIRL to be president.

ME: (trying not to lose it) Holden, why not?

HOLDEN: Because presidents are boys.

OMG, deep breath, deep breath, deep breath. My heart is literally breaking. As soon as I shock myself with the defibrillator, I start to think more rationally.

Holy crap, he’s right. Presidents ARE boys. I mean look at the picture. No wonder this is what he thinks.

Of course I do my best to explain to him that girls can be president too and that a girl would make an AWESOME president, but it’s really not the same thing as showing him. And that’s when something dawns on me.

If a woman is elected president, it’s not just going to change the way every girl in this country thinks. It’s going to change the way every BOY thinks. Because guess who built the glass ceiling. Not women. Men did. And when our boys understand that a woman can do ANY job a man can do, they’re going to help break that stupid glass ceiling. They’re going to hire women, promote women, vote for women, work for women, and respect women.

So I don’t think we should vote for someone because they’re a woman. I think we should vote for someone because we think they’re the best PERSON for the job. If the best person is a man, okie-dokie. But if that best person happens to be a woman, hold onto your hats, people, because it’s going to change the way our girls AND boys think forever.

If you liked this, please don’t forget to push the like and share buttons. Thank you!!

Know someone who needs a good laugh? Pick up a copy of my New York Times Best Seller I Heart My Little A-Holes for them this holiday!!

Screen Shot 2015-06-09 at 10.28.33 PM




There are 26 comments for this article
  1. LorinNYC at 10:11 am

    This is the best post you’ve every written. Thank you.

    • Virginia at 7:51 am

      I loved reading your post this morning. Thank you!

  2. mominvirginia at 10:14 am

    Some movie suggestions for Zoey, where the main characters are all female and they save the day just fine, thank you very much, without being kissed or rescued or gee… anything. “Ponyo”, “Totoro”, “Howl’s Moving Castle”, “Spirited Away”, “Secret World of Arrietty”, “Kiki’s Delivery Service”…. basically all the films by Studio Ghibli. Some of these will be too old for her, but not by too much. My 10 yo daughter just discovered them, one by one, and immediately noticed that the main character in each was not a boy. It was a “eureka” moment for her.

    • MonkeyPants at 11:29 am

      Some of the first movies both my girls watched! They are favorites in our house!

    • MonkeyPants at 11:43 am

      Some of the first movies my girls watched! They are favorites in our house!

    • Jen at 12:50 pm

      Thanks for the movie list! I will have to check these out. I do love that the first Disney movies my daughter obsessed over were Brave and Frozen, where the girls are the main characters AND save the day. It’s a different landscape from when we were kids, that’s for sure.

  3. Avra at 10:17 am

    I love this post! My kids are older, 19 (girl) and 23 (boy), and electing a woman president would be a defining moment in their lives as well!

  4. LaurieinMA at 10:18 am

    What I tell my kids, a boy and a girl, is that the ONLY thing boys can do better than girls is pee standing up.

  5. Pablo Svirsky (@psvirsky) at 10:26 am

    For what it’s worth, you can introduce them to other countries just to prove the point – there are many female presidents, prime ministers, etc. You can talk about why we don’t have one here, but help them see that girls can be presidents and that it happens regularly.

  6. Crystal at 10:57 am

    Wow. I’m going to share this with my college class if that is ok. We are currently talking about sexism, and your post is so incite fully written. Your posts always brighten my day and this was no exception. Thanks!

  7. Jen at 12:40 pm

    Great post. We haven’t talked about the election yet with either of my kids (ages 3 and 6), but we will be doing so. Funnily enough, the first time I talked about sexism with my daughter was following a Power Puff girls episode (a bad guy asks why the girls didn’t “cry like a girl” after being hit). Now we are watching the new Supergirl series and I expect we will have more opportunities.

  8. Andie's Mommy at 3:10 pm

    Fantastic post! I have a 4 year old daughter and will be sharing this her her and her daddy tonight. THANK YOU!

  9. Jeff at 3:43 pm

    I’m “running” for the presidency, but I’m not rich, so you won’t see me campaigning. But I think I may vote for you!

  10. Nusrat at 7:51 pm

    I love this post! I never even thought about how girls AND boys are shaped by and believe in what they can be by what they see. I have two sons and I want them to break glass ceilings. Not put them there.

  11. Aidan at 9:05 pm

    Electing someone purely on their gender will not help anyone, especially when it’s to prove a point to a child rather than on the merits of that individual’s platform and experience. Eventually, there will be a woman who has those merits and she will be elected. Whether that is Hillary Clinton or not remains to be seen, but I would hope that someone wouldn’t pass on a male candidate for the reason that they feel their 4-year-old needs to learn a lesson about sexism. My family is full of women who succeeded in male-dominated fields and I never heard any of them complain about sexism in their field (mom was a president, my sisters are a doctor and a vet), and I feel that there are still big gains to be made regarding the fight for gender equality. I think Mrs. Clinton would be a great leader on her credentials, not on her gender, but I also think Mr. Sanders would be a great leader on his credentials, not his gender. I will support whomever I feel has superior ethics and morality. But if a female candidate who isn’t qualified and who doesn’t belong in the White House becomes a candidate (such as Sarah Palin), the idea that someone may support her based on her gender is as frightening as the idea that someone would be against her for the very same reason. It should be irrelevant.

    • Jennifer at 9:39 pm

      Didn’t she say that?
      “So I don’t think we should vote for someone because they’re a woman. I think we should vote for someone because we think they’re the best PERSON for the job. If the best person is a man, okie-dokie. But if that best person happens to be a woman, hold onto your hats, people, because it’s going to change the way our girls AND boys think forever.”

  12. Virginia at 7:52 am

    What a great article to start my brain today! Similar conversations have floated around our house. “Why aren’t there any women on money, Mommy?” and “Are all scientists boys like Daddy?”

    The other day I watched her draw a picture of woman in a lab coat holding a dollar like a flag. The dollar showed a girl where George Washington usually sits. She drew littls red hearts with orange centers all around the border and a two babies near the scientists legs.

    “Do you like it, Mommy?” She proudly pushed her drawing close to my face. “Yes darling. Its beautiful!”

  13. Emily Prince at 12:17 pm

    This is seriously the best essay you’ve ever written. It’s universal, and I hope it get’s recognized, outside the genre of your blog. (NOT that I don’t love the genre of your blog !)

  14. Sandy at 2:59 am

    You’ll have to point out female presidents in other countries. There just hasn’t been one here yet.

  15. Vickie Ceccato at 9:14 pm

    Fantastic post. My daughter is coming into this realm of knowledge and I want to tell her she can do anything.

  16. Jennifer Weir at 11:46 pm

    Please show the kiddos this woman:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Robinson
    Maybe it’ll help to SEE that most other countries have female leaders. The reason I show this particular case is that Ireland had only 6 presidents total that were male before Mrs. Robinson, the 7th president. How embarassing, USA! We’ve had 43 men (7 TIMES IRELAND!) before a woman, assuming that the 44th is female. Way to go US…looking out for yourselves by choosing the best person as chief executive!

  17. Kelly Asher at 4:22 pm

    I am concerned that Hillary Clinton is going to really suck at being the president. That will definitely not help boys and men to think differently about women.