Okay so the other day we were at Toys R Us looking around when I stumbled upon the Barbie section and I did a double take. What’s this? Did you finally give Barbie’s body a makeover? And then I looked a little closer and realized nope, not really. The regular Barbie is still all over the place, but so are three new ones: Petite Barbie, Tall Barbie and Curvy Barbie. I kept looking for a Barbie that represented my type– Saggy Boobs with a FUPA Barbie– but alas, not yet.
Anyways, at first I was like damn, that’s awesome that Barbie is finally looking a little more “human,” but then I was like, wait a sec, no. Because there is something that’s still bugging me about this. Actually, three things.
1. Why doesn’t Original Barbie have a “body-type” label like the others? I think I know why. Because WTF would you call her? Corset Barbie, Anorexic Barbie, Nonexistent Barbie, Thigh-Gap Barbie???
2. Who decided it would be a good idea to label one of the new Barbies “Curvy?” I mean, sure she’s got curves but so did the original Barbie. And so does the tall Barbie. And even the petite Barbie has some curves. Because they are WOMEN!!!
And 3. Why the hell did you have to label the new Barbies with body types at all?? Couldn’t you just shove the Barbies into their boxes without labels and let the kiddos pick whichever one they want? Like maybe Astronaut Barbie would be a little curvier, and Teacher Barbie might be a little smaller, and Lawyer Barbie might be a little taller. And then the kiddos and adults could base their Barbie choice on shit that actually matters, like their career and not their body shape?
The bottom line, it’s time to stop labeling women’s bodies and start focusing on the shit that matters. Their brains, their careers, their personalities, their awesomeness that has nothing to do with the package they come in. Because women come in all shapes and sizes. But most of us hope that’s not the first thing people notice. And when you slap a giant label on the box that says “curvy” or “petite” or “tall,” guess what people are noticing first. The wrong thing.
A mom with a daughter whose box would be labeled “smart,” “creative” and “awesome” and would have nothing to do with the size or shape of her body
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And speaking of women achieving awesome shit, check out my new book I Want My Epidural Back. The reviews are in and they are great!!! And I didn’t even pay people to say them!!