Ooh ooh ooh, what class is YOUR kid in?!!!

Ding!!

Ding ding!!

Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding!!!

Holy crap, WHAT is going on? Why the heck is my phone going crazy and getting flooded with text messages? Seriously, I put it down for 14 seconds in the other room and now there are 74 messages. I wish I were kidding. And then I remember why. Awwwww shit, guess what just arrived in our mailboxes today? Teacher assignments.

Yup, today is the day that moms all across my neighborhood wait at their front doors drooling like Cujo and when their mail carrier arrives they charge out of their house and pounce on him like he’s been rubbed down in juicy meat.

CUJO MOMS: GIVE ME MY KID’S TEACHER ASSIGNMENT NOWWWWW!!!!!

But here’s the thing. The school just sends you your teacher assignment and they don’t actually give you the whole class list, so as soon as those little cards arrive there’s this huge flurry of moms texting each other trying to figure out who’s in which class.

Which teacher did Zoey get?

Did Zoey get Mrs. Bananapants?

Is anyone’s kid in Mr. Butterfly’s class?

Agghhh, we’re out of town, can someone go check my mailbox pleeeeeease?!!!!

What class is your kid in?!! What class is your kid in?!! What class is your kid in?!!!!!!

Until your phone is flooded with 9,000 text messages. And some moms are bubbling over with excitement and emoji-high-fiving each other, and some moms are freaking out, and some moms are still trying to figure out a single other student who got in the same class as their kid.

SAD MOM: Does anyone know ANYONE else who got Mrs. McLonely?!!!

I wish I could say I didn’t care. I try not to care. I don’t want to care. But I find myself asking the same questions as the other moms. Did Zoey get with any of her friends? Did she get with her best friend? Did she get put into a class with the “mean” girls? What is her class like?

But then suddenly in the middle of this diarrhea of text messages, something suddenly occurs to me.

It just doesn’t matter.

All of  this bullshit about who got in whose class doesn’t matter at all. And here’s why.

Zoey is going to benefit no matter which class she’s in.

1. Let’s say she gets in a class with her friends. Awesome. That’ll make it easy to adjust and I know she’ll be comfortable and happy.

2. Let’s say she knows no one in her class. Well, then she’ll have to make some new friends. And sure, it might be a little more challenging, but learning how to make new friends is a HUGE skill we all need to learn at some point.

3. Let’s say she gets into a class with a bunch of “mean” girls and troublemakers. As much as that would suck, it’s not a bad thing to have to learn how to deal with that, especially while she’s still young. For the rest of her life Zoey’s gonna come across mean/naughty/bullying/cliquey/peer-pressuring kids and even adults one day, and the sooner she learns how to handle them, the better.

See? It’s a win-win. Or rather it’s a win-win-win. And really all that matters is that she gets an awesome teacher and she learns a lot.

So I turn my phone to mute and put it on the table face down. For a little while. Occasionally (like every 26 seconds) I pick it up and check the messages. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little curious.

But it’s good to realize that no matter who’s in her new class, Zoey is going to be okay. They all are.

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And if you want something fun to read when your kids go back to school, get my new book I Want My Epidural Back!! It’s getting awesome reviews on Amazon, except that one shartface who thinks I curse too much. Sorry, shartface.

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There are 18 comments for this article
  1. Julie Mills at 9:58 am

    I sent the first text. I’m that mom.

  2. Stefanie Hoover at 10:26 am

    What I do not understand is why don’t they make more of an effort to keep kids together? The kids rarely have the same kids from year to year. Its like they do it deliberately. The administrators are all like Yeah but they see them throughout the day. Its not the same as having your bestie in your class. There is something to be said to going through at least elementary school with the same kids. It just makes me sad. B only had his best friend in his class for one year. We did play dates and the likes but it was just not the same. He is one of those kids that has one really good friend. He is friendly with everyone but he craves that one connection. m sure the school has some education reason for this but it sucks.

    • Debra Morgan at 7:35 pm

      I asked the same thing because my son had problems making friends. They told me that they try to keep obvious friends and relatives in different classes so that they don’t distract each other.

    • Ren at 8:55 pm

      They do that to make sure every child has a chance to mix with every other child. I’m sure wed all love our kids to be in the same class with their bffs but what about that child who doesn’t have a bff in that class who doesn’t always fit in, with the class rotation they get a chance to find that person and perhaps there is a couple kids who together are trouble but separate are good kids well they don’t get lumped in as the “bad” class. The point is its nice that the kids who are friends can be together but that’s not fair to the rest of the kids who have more challenges. It also teaches kids that disappointments are a part of life and we can’t dwell on them we have to make the best of the situations they are delta. A very good life lesson

    • Kim Nelson at 10:21 pm

      I’m ‘that’ administrator…and actually my teachers make the lists and I approve them. We do it to balance out behaviors. We can’t have all the energy in one room! 😉 We do our best and it is a challenge–I understand your concerns as a parent. I’m a mom too!

  3. Alisha at 10:44 am

    I’ve never heard of it being done that way. We have to go up to the school and see which teacher has their name on the list. My second child is getting the same third grade teacher my first child had. Which is awesome! My daughter begged for her and I love the teacher too! It’s going to be a terrific year!

    • Liz at 11:45 am

      We get a letter home with the teacher, supply list, and uniform rules. My third son got my second’s teacher from last year and was thrilled. They actually already went back last week, though.

  4. stomperdad at 12:29 pm

    As a teacher and a parent, I get it. I understand. We teachers can be the same way when the school gives us our class list. Who do I have? Who do you have? Who’s this kid? Who’s that kid? Who’s kid is this? I know full well I don’t need that list. The year is going to go buy regardless of who I get. There will be good times and hard times and yadda yadda yadda. I’m pretty much the same way as a parent. I like to know who is in their class because I’m curious. I love how you pointed how that if she gets her friends, great, and if not she’ll learn to deal with it. Great life skill to have!!

  5. Paula Sears at 2:01 pm

    We find out who our kids have before school ends the previous year. The name of the teacher and the room are in the package with their final report card. That way the kids (and the parents too!) have all summer to feel comfortable and not anxious.

  6. Paula Sears at 2:04 pm

    You all think having it mailed to you is bad????? At the school my friend’s daughter attends, on the first day back, everyone is herded into the gymnasium and they read out who is in whose classroom. They have to stand up when their name is called and they leave with their new teacher. My friend said there are endless tears, kids hugging their friends etc. TERRIBLE!!! Now that is cause for anxiety!!

  7. Tessa at 2:37 pm

    I wish it were that easy, for us, here in the UK right now. In 10 days, 16 (my eldest) will get her exam results. Praying that her exams are good enough for her to start 6th form and to do her A levels….even though that gives us just a couple of weeks to get her new uniform, text books and Lab-Coat. Then do it again in 2 years to see if her A levels are good enough for her to get into the University she wants……..(then the year after our youngest will be 16 and we’ll be back doing the same for her)…..The joys of having Teenagers! You teach them for 16 years about how to be a Kid, and then suddenly you hit the other side of parenting, where you try to teach them how to be adults, but ultimately it’s out of your hands, so you just have to pray (a Lot) that you’ve done a good enough job. This parenting job is hard, from the minute you find out you’re pregnant until they are grown adults themselves,(probably not even then). I hope all the Kids got at least one good friend with them….ok I hope Zoey got ALL of her friends with her 😉

  8. Karen R at 4:34 pm

    I live in a small town where there is only one teacher for each grade, and you go through school with all your friends every year. So I personally have never had to deal with this. But it sounds like a big hassle for those that have to! Hope Zoey gets to be with her friends and gets a good teacher!

  9. Debra Morgan at 7:31 pm

    One of the nice things about living in a small town is that they still post the elementary school class lists on the door of the school. That’s not to say we don’t get the phone calls or text messages but definitely not as many. It also helps that there’s usually only 2 classes per grade! Even still, I’m quite glad my son is in high school!

  10. Dory Dog's Mom at 11:36 pm

    I’m an assistant principal. As such, I thank you for being practical. What class a child is in IS important. That being said, wherever he/she ends up for a year will likely be fine, if not better than fine.

    I’m also a mother of a five year old who will start Kindergarten next week. We will receive her placement information on Friday. As such….thank you for the reassurance!

  11. H at 1:53 pm

    So true! I got SO annoyed with a mom friend who had a special-request teacher EVERY year for her kid… Total helicopter mom move… Her kid didn’t learn how to make friends, or deal with confrontations, or have any disappointments at all. I felt bad for the kid who ended up struggling in middle school bc didn’t know how to socially navigate various situations!

  12. Vicky at 6:37 pm

    When I was a kid first day of school at the elementary level entailed showing up, and finding out your teacher by reading a large list posted on the front door. Only kids who got any early notice were kindergartners because, well, you have to know in advance whether to show up at 8 or 12.