What I REALLY want when I have my period

 

1. I want to take a nice long bath. But I don’t want the bathtub filled with water. I want it filled with melted chocolate and surrounded by romantic candles so I can roast marshmallows and dip them into the tub.

2. I want an unconditional get-out-of-jail-free card. If I murder someone because they’re chewing too loudly or because they put a piece of trash in the trashcan I just emptied, I want to be acquitted for PMSIM (Premenstrual Involuntary Manslaughter).

3. I want a giant barrier in the middle of our bed so my hubby won’t bother me. Don’t ask me for sex. Don’t ask me when my period’s ending so we can have sex. And whatever you do, do NOT ask me if I can just give you a BJ in the meantime.

4. I want a big-ass sign on the bathroom door that says do not enter when I’m in here. Don’t even knock. There’s a crime scene inside, and I promise, you don’t want to be a witness to it.

5. I want all of my friends to have their period on the same day as me so we can lock ourselves in a room and guzzle wine and Midol and vent about everything our spouses and rugrats do wrong.

6. I want it to be illegal for anyone to say Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom for five days straight.

7. I want to stay in bed when I have cramps and act like my hubby when he has a man cold. And I don’t want to come out of my room afterwards to discover my house looks like it got hit by an F5 tornado.

8. I want to remember to celebrate because having my period is wayyy easier than being preggers!!

And last but definitely not least, I want 100% cotton LOLA tampons so I don’t have to put a bunch of synthetic junk and chemical cleaners in my vagina every month. Yes, this is sponsored (sorry, gotta put food on my table!), but this is an awesome company with an amazing offer so you don’t want to miss this.

Did you know that if you’re using regular tampons, you might be putting all kinds of junk in your body? Harsh chemical cleansing agents, fragrances, dyes, rayon and polyester. So some brilliant women came up with the idea for LOLA, a company that makes 100% organic cotton tampons, pads and liners and then ships them to you.

LOLA products are all-natural, so you don’t have to wonder what the heck your body is absorbing. Plus, you can customize your box (the package I mean, not your vagina) with the exact size tampons you need. It’s super easy to change, skip or cancel your order anytime, so hop on over to LOLA right now and get $5 off your first order, no code necessary. Wahooooo!!! A coupon for you vagina!!!

If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it! And remember, I only promote products I REALLY like!!

#sponsored #puttingfoodonmytable



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5 responses to “What I REALLY want when I have my period

  1. Tammy MacDonald

    Best one yet!!

  2. In response to #5, please go read The Red Tent because if you’d lived back then, your wish would come true. (and some not so great things too, but yay friends!)

    • Totally Ann! My friend and I always say “meet you in the red tent!!” She gets hers a day or two before me every time. Loved that book!!

  3. I am SOOOOOOOO glad I don’t have this problem anymore! Oh, no! I’ve traded it for mood swings, brain fog, night sweats and mini vacations in the tropics all at random. Hello, menopause!

    Well, at least I’m saving money on pads & tampons!

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