Advice I would give my younger self if I could go back in time (with a special offer from Care/of!!)

 

Dear Me twenty years ago,

We need to have a conversation. And since I’m older and wiser than you, I’m gonna talk and you’re gonna listen. Capeesh? I’ve been around the block a few more times than you, so I’d like to give you a little advice. Okay, here goes:

1. Stop looking at your AWESOME body and seeing things that are wrong with it. That is not a muffin top, it’s called skin. And thighs that touch are normal. And your body isn’t flawed, it is gorgeous. And one day you’re gonna look at old pictures of yourself and wish you had that body again.

2. Stop freaking out about being single. Seriously, enjoy it while you can. Because once you’re married, you’re married forever. At least that’s the goal.

3. Don’t be too scared to tell scumbag men to F off. Whether it’s a drunken frat guy or your boss. Better to lose your job than your dignity because you can always get another job.

4. Stop plucking your eyebrows too much. Take note, I did NOT say stop plucking your eyebrows completely. You want to find a happy medium between looking like Bert from Sesame Street and growing up to be that lady who has to draw on her eyebrows every morning.

5. Stop saying you’ll start taking care of yourself tomorrow. That’s the funny thing about tomorrow. It never actually arrives. So eat some broccoli today, jump on the elliptical today, or do what I do– order some Care/of vitamins today (Yes, this is sponsored but I only promote products I really like and Care/of is awesome!!) Look how cute their customized vitamin packets are! (Keep reading for an amazing offer from them)

But I digress. At least it was a healthy digression! Sorry, back to my list.

6. Don’t ever pick up a cigarette. Never ever. Not even to pass it to your friend. Friends don’t pass friends cigarettes. And people who smoke don’t look cool. They die.

7. Travel as much as you can right now. Because once you’re married, it costs twice as much. And once you have kids, it costs four times as much. Five times if you’re wealthy enough to bring the nanny along. And you won’t be.

8. There are two kinds of wrinkles you’re gonna get when you’re older. The kind you get from smiling a lot, and the kind you get from sunbathing. You’re gonna hate them both, but only one of them is worth it.

9. Stand in front of the bathroom mirror and look at your boobs. A lot. Like constantly. Because one day you’ll get out of the shower and look in the bathroom mirror but they’ll be too low to see unless you stand in front of a full-length mirror. And by then you’ll avoid full-length mirrors at all costs.

10. Buy Apple stock. As much as you can.

It’s sooooo hard to stay healthy when you’re a mom. So much to do, so little time, so many leftover French fries and sandwich crusts to inhale. So I take Care/of vitamins. It’s simple. Just go to the Care/of website, take a fun quiz (it’s free so go try it!!), and they’ll create customized packs of vitamins to send you every month. There’s a pack for every day of the month with your name on it!

And when I’m walking out the door in the morning (more like sprinting while I’m screaming at my kids to get their backpacks), I just grab a pack and take it with me on the road. Easy peasy!! Mine have vitamins for my skin, my immune system, and my stress level. Duhhh, because I’m a mom. And right now if you click here and use the code SIDEBURNS50, you’ll get 50% off your first month. Yipppppeeeee!!!! I wish I knew about this twenty years ago!

If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it. Thank you!!

#sponsored #gottaputfoodonmytable #ionlysupportproductsireallylike

 



Subscribe to Baby Sideburns and laugh your ass off. Enter your email address and I promise to only send you funny stuff once in a while and nothing spammy.



7 responses to “Advice I would give my younger self if I could go back in time (with a special offer from Care/of!!)

  1. Buy Apple stock 😂😂 that was really funny

  2. Did the test and i must say I’m impressed! Cool company and concept, would buy this immediately (and recommend it to my younger self;) if shipments outside the states were available as I live in Italy.. too bad! Btw, don’t mind your #gottaputfoodonmytable posts at all, they’re few and you’re awesome so I totally trust you! (And yes of coooouuurse you can use this as a reference to get more free stuff and tell us all about it! 😉 xx

  3. This post was just what I needed this morning to make me smile and chuckle! I’m a single, full-time working (with travel, yes I’m sitting on an airplane now), in graduate school, and insane Mom of 3…
    I love your posts and I should (I mean I will) check out the vitamins as I likely don’t take care of myself the way I should!
    Thanks!!!
    -LeAnne

  4. Love this article you rock

  5. Good column, but the Care/Of offer is not available to Canadians.

Leave a Reply