OMG, if I find another UBS I’m gonna make someone lick it clean


Dear males who live in our house,

Okay, so I just found a little something and I need to talk to you about it. Don’t get me wrong, I get it, you’re guys. You love your bathroom time. And since I can hear a lot of what’s going down in there (literally), I fully expect to strap on a gas mask if I dare to step into that room within a half hour of you going. What I do not expect is to have to put on a full-body Hazmat suit. I mean, we have the same anatomy back there so I kinda know how that shit works. Pun intended. Anyways, I’m on my knees begging (well, actually I’m scrubbing, but while I’m down here already, I’m gonna beg a little too). I’m begging you to do a little something the next time you’re in the bathroom. When you get up from the porcelain throne (after you stomp your feet because they’ve fallen asleep from sitting there so long), take a quick look around. Do you notice anything? Any leftovers? Any unintentional Jackson Pollock paintings? And don’t just look INSIDE the bowl. Take a look around OUTSIDE the bowl too. Because I just found a five-inch streak (hopefully chocolate) on the underside of the seat and it looks like it’s been there for at least a week. AT LEAST. And wellllll, I don’t usually lift up the seat too often but you guys do. And I assume you pee with your eyes open since half of your pee made it into the bowl this week, so I’m guessing you probably saw the UBS (unidentifiable brown streak) long before I did. So please, if you DOO something, DO something. Flush again, flush three times, clean it off with a big wad of toilet paper, or in the least, put a fluorescent pink post-it note there with a giant arrow pointing to it so I see it while it’s still fresh. Do whatever it takes so that I don’t find your fossilized poop a week later.


The woman you supposedly love most in this world so please do this for her

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9 responses to “OMG, if I find another UBS I’m gonna make someone lick it clean

  1. My husband. 100%

  2. LOL… the dreaded UBS!! Sadly, it’s NOT unidentifiable. I can identify it immediately. Which would make it the IBS…. or the BS… yep those are pretty accurate too!!

  3. YES, YES, YES!!!

  4. I totally read USB, and was thinking to myself, d**n, that’s something I’m going to have to remind certain people in in our house about, then I read correctly UBS, and yep, sadly, that is a reality in my house, too.

  5. LMAO!! The WORST! Especially if you have already cleaned the toilet and then you have company, and you KNOW they saw it!! UGH!

  6. Yep! My husband! Good thing for me though, since it’s his ubs, he can CLEAN his OWN mess from now on!

  7. And I thought I was the only one who had s**t going up the inside of the lid and on the toilet seat. I mean, how on earth do you s**t directly on the toilet seat? What do you guys DO in there?

  8. I thought it was just my house. And, if I have to sit on a pee dribbled seat ONE MORE TIME, I am moving out.

  9. Omg…my step-kids call my FIL Craptain S**tstain because the back of his seat (on top 😣) is permanently stained. So gross!!

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