Tag Archives: getting your period

What I REALLY want when I have my period

 

1. I want to take a nice long bath. But I don’t want the bathtub filled with water. I want it filled with melted chocolate and surrounded by romantic candles so I can roast marshmallows and dip them into the tub.

2. I want an unconditional get-out-of-jail-free card. If I murder someone because they’re chewing too loudly or because they put a piece of trash in the trashcan I just emptied, I want to be acquitted for PMSIM (Premenstrual Involuntary Manslaughter).

3. I want a giant barrier in the middle of our bed so my hubby won’t bother me. Don’t ask me for sex. Don’t ask me when my period’s ending so we can have sex. And whatever you do, do NOT ask me if I can just give you a BJ in the meantime.

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The thing every girl should know BEFORE she gets her period

So the other day I was having a girls’ day with my daughter Zoey and we were in the restroom together and she saw the tampon machine on the wall and asked me what it was (she sees anything with a coin slot and automatically thinks treats are gonna come out). Because I was totally unprepared, I panicked and failed miserably at explaining to her what a period is.

ME: Uhhh, that’s a tampon. When you get older, you’re gonna start bleeding out of your you-know-what and, ummm, that’s what you use to stop the blood.

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