It takes a village when someone’s too much of a wussy to discipline her own crotchmuffins

Okay, so the other day I went to an apple orchard with my kiddos and you’re not gonna believe what happened. And yeah, I know I posted this on Facebook the other day, but I have more to say about it now. So if you already read this, just skim the italicized story and jump down to the bold part. Okay, here’s the story.

Awww shit, I’m feeling guilty. Today we went apple picking and there was this big corn box thing there where the kids can play in all this dried corn and bury each other and dig in it and catch ebola and typhoid and shit. It’s really cool and basically great for little kiddos and big kiddos.

Well, there was this total douchebaggy older kid in there (probably around ten or eleven) and he was sitting on the side of the box just picking up kernels of corn and pelting people with them. Like a three-year-old on the other side of the box would get pelted in the face but have no idea where it came from. After watching this for a little while, I leaned over to the kid and said, “You know better than that,” and he looked down like he felt guilty and he stopped. Awesome. End of story. Nope.

So about five minutes later the kids are all playing happily when this kid starts horsing around with some other jackass and they start digging in the corn like dogs and the shit is flying at like a hundred miles per hour at all these little kids’ heads. I am not exaggerating. I’m sitting there watching this two-year-old boy getting slammed by corn in the head and he’s squinting his face tight because he’s just constantly being pummeled. I mean I don’t even think the kid could cry because he was stuck in the middle of it. And all these other kids are being pelted too like it’s a sideways hailstorm of dry corn. Ouch.

I look around. No mom comes over to tell them to stop so I finally lose my shit on him. I walk over to them and I basically turn into Cujo and yell, “CUT IT OUT!!! YOU’RE HURTING OTHER KIDS!!!” I mean I REALLY raised my voice. And as I’m doing it, I see the boys’ mom approaching slowly. She sees me say something to them and then she stops and backs up. WTF? I mean I’m not 100% sure it was definitely their mom because she never actually spoke to them, but I could see her watching them out of the corner of her eye after that and smiling at them and my hubby totally thought it was their mom too.

Now part of me is super mad at myself for losing it on someone else’s kids. And then there’s this other side of me that’s like WTF, was that their mom? Because if I saw another mom go ballistic on my kids, I would do two things. A. I would head straight over to ask her what’s going on. And B. I would probably go ballistic on my kids too because there’s a good chance they’re acting like little a-holes and deserve it. Not definitely, but probably.

So anyways, if you’re the mom who didn’t discipline your little a-holes today and I overstepped my bounds, I’m sorry. I know you are the only person who should be disciplining your douchenuggets like that. So next time discipline them, and I won’t have to.

Here’s the thing. I put this post up on facebook thinking it would be a kind of nothing post that might get a few likes, but all of the sudden I checked back on my page and holy crap, it had over 7000 likes and almost 700 comments. FYI, I never know what’s gonna do well on my page. I’m kind of a dumbass like that.

Anyways, all these people started saying I did the right thing because it takes a village, and at first I was like, “Yeahh, yeahhh, that’s it, I’m not an a-hole, I’m just supporting the village.” And then I started to think about it more. Wait a sec, is that really what it takes a village means?

Doesn’t it takes a village means there are lots of people around to watch your kiddo when you aren’t there because you have to go do something else? Like if you have to go wash the loincloths down in the river. Or you have to go gather more leaves to use as toilet paper because “somebody” didn’t write soft leaves on the list. Or you have to go on a bison hunt but you don’t want to schlep your toddler along because you know he’ll throw a massive tantrum in the middle of the hunt and scare all the animals away and everyone will glare at you.

It takes a village means that a bunch of families are living together and everyone is pitching in and doing the work so one mom doesn’t have to do it all alone.

NOT what happened at all the other day at the apple orchard.

It takes a village is NOT an excuse for one mom to be a slacker and sit back and watch other people take care of her shit. Like disciplining her little a-holes. The village is supposed to make it easier for EVERYONE, not just one person who’s too much of a wussy to tell her rugrats to knock it off.

Anyways, my point is this. There isn’t a village anymore. At least not in my life. But if we were lucky enough to have a village, everyone would be doing their part. Like if I were off hunting for TV dinners in the frozen section at Tarjay and my kid was back in the village acting like a total douchenugget, I would expect another parent to discipline my crotchmuffin. But if I ordered Peapod delivery and I were standing right there in the village next to my kids, there’s no way in hell I would rely on someone else to rip him a new one. That’s my job. 

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There are 8 comments for this article
  1. Katie at 9:04 pm

    To me “it takes a village” means that even when you’re not present and watching what your children are doing you know the other moms and dads etc are willing to step in and do the right thing. My neighbors, people from church, my sisters,my boyfriend, my friends, the stranger at the store who sees my kid knock the spaghetti sauce off the shelf, my parents etc. are all part of my village… I know that if my child being a little a-hole that somebody from the village will do it needs to be done even if I don’t see it. Each person has their own level of appropriate discipline but I know that there are other eyes on my children even if my back is turned. it doesn’t mean I don’t have to be responsible for my children or that I’m going to watch them less than I should it just means that I have others supporting me.

    • katie at 9:06 pm

      Ps. I think your awesome and am not being an a-hole with my response lol

      • Jennifer at 9:52 am

        I agree with you Katie. If my kid is being a j**k and I am distracted…please say something. (Obviously, there are lines you never cross with other peoples kids.) One thought that came to my mind was that the Mom could have thought, “I wonder if that will work better than my methods?”.

  2. Crystal at 9:12 pm

    I 100% agree with you. Good for you for speaking your mind on here and there. I would have done the same, I say deal with your kids or don’t have any.They don’t need a friend they can get them at school, they need a parent and that means disapline and teaching them what’s right.

  3. Sara at 9:42 pm

    It probably wasn’t their mom. Probably just another mom ready to step in and tell them to knock it off but you got there first. I prefer to let the parents of little a-holes handle anything going on, and then a teacher or coach if the parent doesn’t step up, but I have no problem correcting someone else’s kid.

  4. Stephanie at 9:58 pm

    Look, if some kid is screwing with the group, someone from the “village” or community or country fair gathering or WHATEVER has to step in. And if said screwer doesn’t have a readily apparent parent to take him or her down, it is your job. It doesn’t take a village to raise a child, it takes a bunch of normal, sane parents who don’t let their kids run amok and make the rules. If the parent of the a*hole kid doesn’t like what we say, screw them. Someone has to provide boundaries for that kid! Good for you and love the posts.

  5. D Campise at 11:35 pm

    Also, you should consider that maybe that wasn’t the mom and that the real mom was in the bathroom dealing with her other kid who just vomited all over her or is crying because his a-hole brother just put his eye out with a piece of dried corn. Just sayin’ we don’t always know the whole story but you should always be able to step in and tell kids what not to do when they are being douchy!

  6. Amanda at 7:19 am

    I think you were spot on correcting those kids. To me, “it takes a village ” means my kids know all adults will hold them to the standard of non-a**holery because frankly, I’m not going to be there every second, especially as they get older. 10 year olds should be responsible to roam in a safe place like an apple orchard AND should know if they don’t act responsibly an adult will call them out on it.