So apparently we scarred our kids for life. Isn’t that awesome? One minute we’re snuggling up on the couch together to watch a movie, and the next minute our kid needs 14 nightlights and refuses to sleep ever again.
Dear Amazon Video,
FYI, the movie we rented does not cost $3.99. It costs $2000 because of all the therapy bills we’ll be paying for the next decade.
A mom who hasn’t slept in 498 hours
So if you’re reading this, I’m gonna give you some advice. Before you show your kid Ghostbusters, go to Costco first and buy a CRAPLOAD of coffee. Because your rugrats’s gonna wake you up at 12AM, 1AM, 2AM, and every other AM because every time he closes his eyes at night, he’s going to be attacked by a scary-ass gargoyle dog or a Stay Puft Marshmallow man who wants to eat his face off.
And here’s some more advice. I asked you guys to tell me which movies freaked out your kids, and HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of comments poured in from overtired, bleary-eyed, zombie-like parents who haven’t slept in years. I went through alllllllll the comments and made a list of the movies that appeared over and over and over again so you won’t make the same mistake. You’re welcome.
Without further ado, drum roll please, badadadadadadadadada, here are the top twenty scariest movies for kids according to parents and please feel free to add more movies in the comments so I can keep updating this list:
The top twenty movies for kids that might scare the crap out of them:
I think I just pooped myself. Button eyes should be illegal.
How I remember Gremlins.
Three words: WTF Tim Burton. W-T-F?
Hey kids, did you know that whenever you walk on floors, they might eat you!!? Awesome idea.
Time to sue the contractor.
- Wizard of Oz
Seriously, there’s not enough LSD in the world to make this thing okay.
Plot: Alien pops out of the bushes and screams and scares the crap out of you. Alien does lots of cute things so you fall in love with him. Alien that you just fell in love with gets sick and dies. Heavy-breathing scientists put on scary astronaut suits and invade the house to steal the corpse of your beloved alien. Great plot!
If your kid can make it past the first appearance of Sloth, they actually might fall in love with him. Big IF.
Dinosaurs are cool!! Oh yeah, and they also eat humans alive. Minor inconvenience.
Never Ending Story
I barely remember this movie, but based on the comments I received, that’s because I blacked it out after years of therapy.
The House with the Clock in the Walls
You’ll never carve pumpkins again. Or have a ticking clock in your house.
There’s a reason certain movies should only be made in cartoon.
- The Lion King
In most Disney movies, the parent dies at the beginning. But in this one, first you get to know and love him and THEN he dies.
Zombies that dance and want to suck your brains out. And if that’s not scary enough, there’s always the pedophile factor.
- Miss Peregrines Home for Peculiar Children
I’ve never seen this movie but I’m pretty sure those are the same twins that were in the Shining only now they’re dressed up as the KKK and they’re gonna kill people with that shovel so their brothers and sisters from the Great Depression will have something to eat. Looks lovely.
- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
When tanning salons go wrong.
- It’s Tough to be a Bug at Disney World
This movie at Animal Kingdom is super fun… until they fill the theater with smoke, and the lights go out, and giant spiders drop down from the ceiling and everyone starts screaming. Oh yeah, and every seat is rigged to sting you in the back and feel like bugs are crawling under you. So it might be a good idea to let your kid sit on your lap… you know, if they’re wearing a diaper.
As if ventriloquist dummies aren’t scary enough when they’re NOT evil.
- Little monsters
Oh noooo, sweetie pie, there’s no such thing as monsters under the bed. Hey, wanna watch this movie? It’s about a monster who lives under a bed? Brilliant idea.
- Finding Nemo
The mom dies, the kid gets lost, the shark tries to eat him, and the turtle is stoned. Just another happy Disney movie!
P.S. A bunch of parents said these movies also scared their kids but I’m giving them their own list… the “no shit Sherlock, doesn’t everyone know these movies are supposed to scare the crap out of you” list:
IT, Poltergeist, Child’s Play, Jaws, The Meg, Nightmare on Elm Street, Children of the corn, and that adorable little sequel to the Secret Life of Pets—Pet Cemetery.
If you liked this please don’t forget to like and share it!! And also feel free to tell me more movies that scared your kids so I can add them to the list. Thank you!!