All dolls are scary, but these ones take the cake… knife… and kill you with it

So Zoey and I are pet-sitting for some friends and we found this creepy doll in their toy area and I was like OMG that thing is scary. See? 

She’s not eating solids yet but this kid clearly devoured too many pot brownies.

So I jumped on Facebook and showed you guys and then I asked if anyone had any other pictures of scary dolls and holy crap did you deliver. Over 1000 comments!! But I wish I never read them because now when I close my eyes at night, your creepy, freaky, scary-ass dolls are haunting me. So strap on your adult diapers, people, because you are about to poop yourself. Drumroll please, badadadadada, I now present the top scariest dolls EVER. 

“Some dolls say mama. Some dolls wet themselves. Me? I wait until everyone is sleeping and then I come to life and do bad things.”

“I can’t wait until somebody takes me home and unwraps me. I have a lot of pent up anger.”

“My face is cracked. Can I have yours?”

This family threw their doll out and the garbage truck took the trash away. But guess who showed up again? I’m baccccck.

DOLLY: Let’s swap faces. GIRL: Okay! DOLLY: Forevvvvver.

No.

Oh hell no.

WTF is THAT??? Noooooooo.

“I’m Elf on the Shelf’s evil twin. I don’t report to Santa. I take care of naughty kids all by myself.”

“Missing campers? What campers? I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve been out water skiing all day.”

Well thank God for the pink elephant onesie that makes her look totally normal. NOT.

When your daughter falls in love with a doll and carries it around with her everywhere she goes.

When you see a doll that looks EXACTLY like your son and you’re like ohhh crap, this is how horror movies start.

When your daughter picks out a doll from the church rummage sale and you’re pretty sure she picked out Satan.

“I cry real tears.” Like literally I think they filled this freaky doll with actual tears from human beings.

When you’re leaving town but you don’t have an alarm system, just do this. 

“Do you see me winking at you? That means you’re my next victim.”

Aww, look how pretty she was when she arrived. And then she was loved. For years and years and yearrrrs. Yes, it’s the same doll.

“Don’t be alarmed if my eye spontaneously rolls around and around and then suddenly stops to stare right at you.”

“Come and play with us, Danny.”

“It puts the lotion in the basket.”

One word: edibles

“Hiya! I just got eyelash extensions! And Botox! And filler! Want to join my pyramid scheme and come sell beauty products for me?!!”

BABY: Mama? Mama? Mama? ME: She ain’t comin’ back for you Frankenbaby.

“Howdy, I’m Jessie and I think amphetamines are fun! Giddy up!”

“Hel-lo Sal-ly, I am your new sis-ter. If any-one both-ers you, just tell me and I will ‘take care’ of them.”

WTF, Santa? She did not write “creepy AF doll” on her list.

Dear whoever sent in a picture of a real baby and said it was a doll, that is all kinds of F’ed up. Oh wait, that is a doll?! Nooooo.

I’m pretty sure he’s screaming because he just saw a reflection of himself.

Yes, if you own a creepy doll, you should definitely leave it in secret places to scare the bejeezus out of family members. You know, if you want them to DIE of a heart attack.

Ain’t no one breaking into this car in the Walmart parking lot.

“Look into my eyes and I will suck out your soul.” 

“Aww come on brother, give Sissy a hug.”

I’m pretty sure someone stole these things from the Swedish section of the It’s a Small World ride.

It’s Baby Mike Meyers!! But not funny. Not funny at all. 

ME: Aggggh, and she walks!!! DOLL: Yes I do. So I can follow you WHEREVER you go.

Wait, WHAT? Why does this doll have THREE faces?!! I’m just picturing its head spinning around and each face saying, “Mama,” “Mama,” “Mama.” Eeeeeks!!

And last but NOT least. 

F’ing Caillou. You turn off the TV and he’s still there. Haunting you. Noooooooooooooo!!

Thank you soooo much for sending in such awesome pictures of scary dolls! Please pick your three favorite ones from this post and put them in the comments here or on my Facebook page so we can pick a winner. And feel free share more scary doll pictures if you have them! 

If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it! Thank you!!




There are 18 comments for this article
  1. Jennifer Painter at 2:25 pm

    First, that porcelain doll with the brown straw hat and brown dress I had as a kid…my grandmother gave it to me and it just sat on my dresser for year – it was the least scary doll. Second, that one in the car at Walmart – f*****g HILARIOUS!!! I want one!!! And third, dolls that look like real babies are just wrong!! Whoever came up with that idea needs a good smack in the head!! The only “good” dolls are the simple normal baby dolls you give to Alzheimer’s patients to make them feel good….but, still, dolls are f*****g scary and i hate them all. 😀

    • Katie Hays at 3:35 am

      #1 scary doll is the doll standing in the entryway (no alarm needed)
      #2 the doll “driving” the boat
      #3 the doll the little girl got for Christmas

      • Crystal at 9:48 am

        I’m pretty sure there’s a cowbell included with the walking Will Ferrell doll🧐! And dudes the older man holding his “best friend” Chucky that’s aged with him is just too creepy to not use swear words for😳!

  2. KELLY TRIPI at 4:16 pm

    I am legit crying.

    1. Aww, look how pretty she was when she arrived. And then she was loved. For years and years and yearrrrs. Yes, it’s the same doll.
    2. The waterskiing one
    3.Wait, WHAT? Why does this doll have THREE faces?!! I’m just picturing its head spinning around and each face saying, “Mama,” “Mama,” “Mama.” Eeeeeks!!

  3. Christin Harding at 5:59 pm

    oooh, so many many things I could say here……..mostly WTF, but I’ve got to say, I’m peeing my pants while reading this-just absolutely dying here….. I actually REMEMBER that doll with 3 faces. It pre-dates The Exorcist, and no one thought it was scary then, but now……..holy buckets!

    Truly, this just made my day-maybe even my entire week. haahahhahaha!

    (You’re so awesome. I love your writing)

  4. Liz Beattie at 9:11 am

    Sorry I can’t pick any dolls, it means GOING back and looking at them again and I was laughing so much I had an asthma coughing fit! 🙄

    • Liz Beattie at 9:14 am

      But the one Zoey has my granddaughter has the same one. Did you put your finger in its mouth? It gets better! Mismanagement!

  5. Sherry Kraus at 7:57 pm

    Omg, I was rolling! But I’m kinda twisted like that. I collect scary dolls for Halloween. Some of my kids are totally freaked out by them. I love them!

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