How my friend is going to fake out her hubby and get a REAL vacation

OMG, you guys, my friends and I just hatched the BEST plan ever. So last night we’re hanging out and one of them (I’ll call her Minnie) mentions she’s taking her family to Disney, so we start giving her all these Disney tips:  you can always get free ice water at the concession stands, yes you want a stroller, and I’m like you definitely need place an Amazon order to your hotel before you go. And do you know what she says?

MINNIE: I’m actually just going to let my hubby swim with the kids the first day while I go shopping for a bunch of stuff. Food, sunscreen, pool noodles, snacks and everything else we need.

Ummm, F that. We’re all like there is NO WAY you’re spending thousands of dollars to go shopping while the rest of your family has a vacation. You should NOT have to take a day off your vacation to do that!! And that’s when she confesses something.

MINNIE: I actually like doing it. It gives me a little time to myself.

And we all nod. Yup, we totally get it.

Every night I offer to wash the dishes, not because I LIKE it, but because it gives me like 15 peaceful minutes to myself. And there are plenty of times that I say, “I’ll go pick up Zoey from theater class,” just so I can get a few minutes of solitude in the car. But as I’m listening to my friend last night, I start thinking about it. Ennnnnh, this is bullshit. As blissful as it is walking around Target or Walmart or Publix all by yourself, there are much more blissful ways moms can spend time alone. Especially on vacation.

I mean come on, when my hubby wants alone time, he doesn’t get it by going shopping for stuff for the family. He’s never like, “Hmmmm, I could use a little time to myself so maybe I’ll run to Costco and pick up some laundry detergent.” Nope. If he wants alone time, he goes to play hockey or golf or to watch a game with his friends at a bar. And I am NOT criticizing him for this. Not at all. In fact, I’m applauding it.

So I say what I’m thinking to my friends. And we all agree. Shopping for groceries is NOT a vacation. And we spend the next ten minutes dreaming up a NEW plan for her. Here’s what she’s going to do.

First:

Before they leave town, she’s going to order everything delivered to her hotel. Food, sunscreen, pool noodles, snacks and everything else she would have bought at the store. And she’s going to ask the hotel to hold it at the front desk.

Next:

While she’s still here in Chicago, she’s going to take a few selfies of herself shopping at Target and the grocery store with a few noticeable things in her cart like pool noodles.

Then:

When she gets to Orlando, she’s going to tell her hubby she’s off to go shopping and send him to the pool with the rugrats. But she is NOT going shopping. She will secretly head off to the adult-only pool all by herself and just lie there on a lounge chair with a Piña Colada and a stack of People magazines all day long.

And:

While she’s lying there sipping her drink, she’s going to sporadically text her hubby a few messages like, “Man are these cash register lines long!” AND “Gotta run to a different store to find pool noodles now,” AND “Found them!” with the pool noodle picture she took weeks ago in Chicago.

Last:

When she’s had enough alone time and feels like she misses her family (because this always happens), she’s going to call the front desk, have them bring the Amazon delivery to her room where she can quickly unpack it and get rid of any signs that it was delivered, and then go join her family.

Taaadaaaaa, the perfect plan!! Man do I hope she really does this. Knowing her, she probably won’t but that’s okay because I know there are moms who are reading this right now who WILL attempt to pull off this brilliant plan. Including myself. Because moms deserve a break. A REAL break. Not just a shopping-at-Target-or-Walmart-for-the-family break.

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There are 2 comments for this article
  1. Cole W at 11:28 pm

    While I enjoy the thought behind the plan, why does it have to be a lie and the guys just straight up say “I’m hanging out with Joe at XYZ bar and watching the game Saturday”?

    Family vacation or otherwise, we as moms shouldn’t have to fib our way into some time for us. If we need it, we should also be communicating to our husbands that we’re doing as they do.

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