This weekend sucked. Wait, no it was great. Wait, no it sucked. Shit, I can’t decide. Okay, so here’s what happened. I took Zoey sledding and if you look at the pictures and the videos on social media you’re gonna think it was the most spectacular Mommy-daughter day ever. But that’s a lie. Because here’s the…
ME: Hey buddy, how was the field trip?! HOLDEN: Boring.
Okay, so this is no secret, but I’m not a huge fan of guns. Don’t get me wrong, I come from Texas where most of my friends owned plenty of guns and I’m not trying to take away people’s gun rights, and I think there are perfectly reasonable reasons to own a gun. But honestly…
This morning Zoey freaked out about her hair. She got this new fancy bun wrap (like this fancy glittery thing that wraps around it) and she has literally worn it every single day for the past six days. So every day I have to put her hair up in a high ponytail and everyday we…
Dear Chrissy Teigen, Okay, you can’t see me right now so let me tell you that I am literally on my knees bowing down to you as I write this letter, which doesn’t make it easy to type. I mean technically America doesn’t have royalty, but you are my queen. Not because you’re gorgeous,…
Dear Aunt Ida, WTF? Seriously? Do you seriously think I want a fuzzy sweater with a 3D reindeer on it for the holidays? I mean thank you for the present and nothing against reindeers, but where the heck am I supposed to wear this thing? To the ugly sweater party I wasn’t invited to…
OMG, I am so excited for Holden. He is totally going to be the best soccer player ever. My hubby and I both played and we are just super excited that he’s such an athletic kid. He’s amazing. See? Yup, this is him in action. Impressive, eh? We tried coaxing, threatening, bribing, begging, and ignoring,…
You know what kills me? How my kiddos used to speak when they were little. OMG, their tiny adorable voices and their baby laughs and their funny toddler words. Zoey used to call coconuts “nuck nucks” and Holden called guacamole “macamole.” It was so stinkin’ cute. But they slowly learned the real words now they sound coherent…
Oh my God. Not OMG. This story is way too serious for abbreviations. So yesterday after school and baseball, Holden came home smelling all stinky, so after dinner I told him to go upstairs and get ready for a bath. HOLDEN: I’m tired.
Dear Target, I’m sorry, but I’ve been cheating on you. A lot. Do I still love you? With all of my heart and soul and I still love pushing a cart around your store and putting way more things into it than what I came for, but it just doesn’t happen as much as…