You’re only as happy as your least happy child

You’re only as happy as your least happy child

You’re only as happy as your least happy child. Want to know why I hate that phrase? Because it’s true. I don’t know who the F came up with that saying, but damn them because they tapped into one of the absolute worst things about parenting. Here’s the thing, you pop a baby out your…

Tell her she looks gorgeous

Tell her she looks gorgeous

So the other day I was with a friend and she told me her ten-year-old wants to shave her legs. I think maybe she could have heard the sound of my heart breaking through my ribcage. Wait, WHAT?!!! And I know what you’re probably thinking. What’s the big deal? Girls shave their legs all the…

WTF happened to my daughter?! (Ten things I’ve learned parenting a tween)

WTF happened to my daughter?! (Ten things I’ve learned parenting a tween)

WTF happened to my daughter? This is basically what I say on a daily basis now that I’m parenting a tween. I mean don’t get me wrong, I LOVVVVVE the crap out of her… when she’s actually my daughter and doesn’t resemble Heath Ledger playing the Joker. Tweens are fun, aren’t they?! Yay! FYI, that…

Boys will NOT be boys

Boys will NOT be boys

The following is a chapter from my new book Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be A-Holes, available everywhere books are sold Can we just talk about the phrase “Boys will be boys” for a sec? It exists for one reason only — to excuse bad behavior. Like if you saw a boy…

How I turned my pipe dream into my piping dream

How I turned my pipe dream into my piping dream

Back at the beginning of all this pandemic shit (pardon my French but I think we all know curse words are very much in order these days), I was like WTF do I do with all my time stuck at home? At first I did a crapload of puzzles, but once I got sick of…

How to have a Virtual Disney World Day!!! (things to do during Covid)

How to have a Virtual Disney World Day!!! (things to do during Covid)

KIDS: Mom, can you play with us? Ugggghhhh, no, for the love of God, pleeeease don’t make me play anymore. I’ve played LEGOs, I’ve played marble maze, I’ve played Monopoly Junior, I’ve played dress-up. Seriously, people, I am going bOnKeRs. And yes, I know there are people reading this right now who are like, “Oh…