So I’m giving Holden a bath the other night when suddenly I hear Zoey screaming bloody murder from the other room. I can’t tell you how many times this happens in our house on a daily basis. Because she stubs her toe, or she can’t fix her pants that are inside-out, or she finds one…
We don’t do Valentine’s Day gifts. Nope nope nope, never have never will. When we first started dating it was right before Valentine’s Day, so we agreed to do pizza on the couch and NO GIFTS because WTF do you get someone for V-Day when you’ve just started dating. Anyways, fast forward to last week…
This is the year! I am 100% committed to all of my New Year’s resolutions!! By March I’m going to have beautiful skin, less anxiety, respect at the carpool line, and be one of those women who’s so skinny I have to worry about my cell phone accidentally falling between my thighs into the toilet.…
Ummmm, can I just brag for a minute? So Zoey wanted her room redone and I get it. I mean we painted her room pepto bismol pink when she was 2 and like two days later she decided pink is the ugliest color on earth. But here’s the thing, there’s no F’ing way am I…
This weekend sucked. Wait, no it was great. Wait, no it sucked. Shit, I can’t decide. Okay, so here’s what happened. I took Zoey sledding and if you look at the pictures and the videos on social media you’re gonna think it was the most spectacular Mommy-daughter day ever. But that’s a lie. Because here’s the…
ME: Hey buddy, how was the field trip?! HOLDEN: Boring.
Okay, so this is no secret, but I’m not a huge fan of guns. Don’t get me wrong, I come from Texas where most of my friends owned plenty of guns and I’m not trying to take away people’s gun rights, and I think there are perfectly reasonable reasons to own a gun. But honestly…
This morning Zoey freaked out about her hair. She got this new fancy bun wrap (like this fancy glittery thing that wraps around it) and she has literally worn it every single day for the past six days. So every day I have to put her hair up in a high ponytail and everyday we…
Dear Chrissy Teigen, Okay, you can’t see me right now so let me tell you that I am literally on my knees bowing down to you as I write this letter, which doesn’t make it easy to type. I mean technically America doesn’t have royalty, but you are my queen. Not because you’re gorgeous,…
Dear Aunt Ida, WTF? Seriously? Do you seriously think I want a fuzzy sweater with a 3D reindeer on it for the holidays? I mean thank you for the present and nothing against reindeers, but where the heck am I supposed to wear this thing? To the ugly sweater party I wasn’t invited to…