Dear teenager, Every day when I pick you up from school, I have a moment of dread. What mood are you going to be in when you get in the car? Are you going to say it was the best day ever, or are you going to be a miserable wreck of a human being…
So we just got back from The Grand at Moon Palace, an all-inclusive resort in Mexico, and I have two VERY important words for you: FREE MARGARITAS. I shit you not. They were FREEEEE… unless you consider the fact that you paid a crapload to go there in the first place. So are they really…
Dear Hubbies, Wives, Mommies, Daddies, Grannies, Aunties, Kiddos, Secret Santas, and anyone else who needs a gift guide, They say it’s the thought that counts, but the thought should not be WTF when someone opens up your gift? So I’ve scoured the world for the most kickass items I could find for this year’s gift…
Wanna know why it sucks to have a teenage girl? Oh wait, I don’t have time to write an entire book right now. Fine, then wanna know why it’s AWESOME to have a teenage girl? Because you get to show her all your favorite old movies and watch them together. Look how excited my daughter…
Dear friend, So the other day when I ran into you at Target, you said you miss hanging out with me. That we should go out for dinner or drinks sometime. I know we never really talked about what happened between us, the way our relationship just kind of fizzled out. Because here’s the thing.…
Okay, so I’ll admit it. When my daughter started junior high, I barely knew WTF I was doing. But now that Zoey’s in the 8th grade and she’s 2/3 of the way through, after making thousands of mistakes, I can officially say I’ve learned a few things. So here goes. Here are a bunch of…
“Why don’t we live here?” I literally uttered this phrase every single day we were in Vail. And now that I’m home and I look out the window and the only view I have is of our weird neighbor who vacuums her front lawn and plants fake flowers in her yard (I kid you not),…
I am going INSANE. Like literally, someone needs to strap me into a straight jacket and lock me in a padded cell WITHOUT any internet. And here’s why. This week we sent Zoey to overnight camp, and while not having her around makes me feel like I’m missing a limb, that’s not why I’m going…
*”ATORIA’S” SWEEPSTAKES OFFICIAL RULES *NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. A PURCHASE OR PAYMENT OF ANY KIND WILL NOT INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF WINNING. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW ELIGIBILITY:The “Atoria’s” Sweepstakes (“Sweepstakes”) is open only to legal residents of the fifty (50) continental United States and the District of Columbia (void in Puerto…
Okay, let’s talk periods. Yup, yup, yup, I’m going there. But I’m not saying a word about my own kiddo because OMG that would be TMI big time and I really prefer she doesn’t disown me for the rest of our lives. But it might be a good idea to have a pair or two…