WTF happened to my daughter?! (Ten things I’ve learned parenting a tween)

WTF happened to my daughter?! (Ten things I’ve learned parenting a tween)

WTF happened to my daughter? This is basically what I say on a daily basis now that I’m parenting a tween. I mean don’t get me wrong, I LOVVVVVE the crap out of her… when she’s actually my daughter and doesn’t resemble Heath Ledger playing the Joker. Tweens are fun, aren’t they?! Yay! FYI, that…

Boys will NOT be boys

Boys will NOT be boys

The following is a chapter from my new book Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be A-Holes, available everywhere books are sold Can we just talk about the phrase “Boys will be boys” for a sec? It exists for one reason only — to excuse bad behavior. Like if you saw a boy…

How I turned my pipe dream into my piping dream

How I turned my pipe dream into my piping dream

Back at the beginning of all this pandemic shit (pardon my French but I think we all know curse words are very much in order these days), I was like WTF do I do with all my time stuck at home? At first I did a crapload of puzzles, but once I got sick of…

How to have a Virtual Disney World Day!!! (things to do during Covid)

How to have a Virtual Disney World Day!!! (things to do during Covid)

KIDS: Mom, can you play with us? Ugggghhhh, no, for the love of God, pleeeease don’t make me play anymore. I’ve played LEGOs, I’ve played marble maze, I’ve played Monopoly Junior, I’ve played dress-up. Seriously, people, I am going bOnKeRs. And yes, I know there are people reading this right now who are like, “Oh…

School ended. And so did my daughter’s social life.

School ended. And so did my daughter’s social life.

Craccccck. You know what that’s the sound of? My heart breaking. Yup, like I’m pretty sure even the neighbors heard it. Wanna know why? Because I was being a diligent parent and checking through Zoey’s text messages. After remote learning started last week, I told her why don’t you reach out to some of your…