Woman longs to eat her muffin top away

Dear Baby Sideburns, I need some tips!!! For the first time post baby, I’ve been asked when my baby is due. For the record, I’m 5’5 160lb and slightly overweight, nothing out of the norm. And I’ve lost 25lb in the past year so to say I’m pissed is an understatement. I’d love to hear some…

Crying It Out is teaching your little a-Hole to deal with shit

Dear Baby Sideburns Our eight month old still wakes us up constantly through the night. I was thinking about letting him cry it out but my friend says that’s mean. What do you think? -Katie Dear Katie, Beep beep beep beep beep beep. You know what that’s the sound of? That’s the sound of my…

Yo Rug Rat, Keep Your Damn Food In Your Mouth

Dear Baby Sideburns, Our 2.5 year old daughter keeps spitting her food and juice on the floor and in her toys. We have tried everything. I want to kill her lol. Have you ever encountered this and how did you handle it? I’m going fucking crazy lol. Thanks for keeping me sane with everything I’m…

The Cockini–because apparently the fig leaf was too much coverage

Agggghhhh, my eyes my eyes! I think I’m blind! I just saw a picture of an old man wearing this, uhhh, dare I say bathing suit, and now I close my eyes and I still see the image of his wrinkly naked body on the back of my eyelids. I’m scarred for life. Seriously, the…

NoseFrida Snot and Booger Sucker – Mmmmm, salty

Ewwwww, what the hell is this thing? The NoseFrida? Blagggh, you use it to suck the clogged up snot and boogers out of your rug rat’s nose. No, that is not a typo. You SUCK it out with this tube you put in their nostril. Gross, double gross, triple gross, grossity gross gross. And here…

LOVE IS…

  Love is… 1. Pulling over to the side of the road even though you’re in a hurry because someone’s Spiderman doll fell on the floor 2. Letting your kiddo spit their chewed gum in your hand because they’re done and there’s not a trashcan around 3. Shaving your legs in the middle of the…

Honest Mommy

Lately I’ve been reading this hilarious blog called Honest Toddler. If you haven’t seen it, you should go check it out. Well, it gave me a thought. If everyone loves this Honest Toddler so much, what if I were to become Honest Mommy? For shits and giggles, let’s see what a day in the life…