Nine random things I really F’ing want

1. I want a plexiglass divider in my car like they have in limousines. These stupid car companies are all braggy like, “Our minivan was designed by a woman.” And I’m like yeah, brainfarter, maybe she has a vajayjay, but I’ll tell you what she doesn’t have. Two rugrats screaming at the top of their…

My son doesn’t want a girl to be president

So yesterday I had CNN on and I usually try to turn it off when the kids come in because it’s full of scary shit like Syria and Isis and gun-wielding maniacs, but it was talking about the presidential candidates so I left it on and the kids started watching. Now Zoey is ecstatic about the…

Hells yeah, a new study shows TV is actually GOOD for your kids

So I know some of those Muffy McPerfects are all braggy braggy that they never let their rugrats watch TV, but not me. No way no how. Because TV F’ing rocks and I let my kiddos watch TV all the time. Wanna know why? Here you go. I have conducted my own scientific study and…

Old McDonald had a wussy, wah wah wah wah wahhhhh

So I know this is going to come as a complete surprise to you, but I’m like a total Super Mom… when someone else’s kid is at my house. I don’t know why, but for some reason when someone else’s rugrat comes over to play, I feel this crazy need to impress them. Maybe it’s…

The time I totally F’ed up as a mom, well, one of many

Awwww shit. I F’ed up. Like I went against all my own rules and did something totally stupid and now I’m pissed at myself. So Zoey plays soccer. Correction, Zoey puts on a uniform, stands on the field and runs around once in a while but rarely kicks the ball and is usually making funny…

The day Zoey cut her own, agghhh I almost can’t type it, hair

Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath. It’ll grow back. Whatever it looks like, it’s okay. It’s just hair. Agghhhh, but that’s not how I feel. It’s not JUST hair!! Zoey has the most awesome hair. I mean I know I’m a smidge biased, but seriously, I would KILL for hair like hers. It started out…

Holy crap do I suck at making school lunches

Holy crap do I suck at making school lunches

Okay, so now that Zoey is in kindergarten I have to pack her lunch for school, which is like the hardest thing on earth because she doesn’t eat jack shit. Well, she eats peanut butter but we can’t pack that because it might kill a kid, and I’m not really into killing children. Well, besides my own…