Queen Elsa’s Dating Profile is totally hot

Holy crap, did you guys hear who is ROYALLY pissed off?! Elsa. Yup, that snow queen is mad as hell because Disney decided to keep her single at the end of Frozen. I mean yeah she totally agrees that it’s cool to teach little girls that women don’t NEED a man to be happy, but…

American Girl Dolls and why I’m NOT cashing in my 401K for them

Okay, so Zoey just got her first (and hopefully last) American Girl Doll as a gift, and let me say this. HOLYYYYY SHIT am I in the WRONG business. I mean you know how they say a house is $XX per square foot? I think they should do the same for these dolls. This is Isabelle. She’s…

Disney Tips to make your vacay more magical and less sucky

I’m just gonna come right out and say it. I am a Disney person. No matter how F’ed up your life is, for at least the first few minutes when you’re walking down Main Street in Magic Kingdom you can’t help but be optimistic. I mean I’m not gonna lie and tell you all sorts…

The veggetti–My friend just showed me hers. Awwwkward

ME: Hey Aimee,what’s that? AIMEE: My veggetti. ME: Your what? AIMEE: My veggetti! ME: I’m not sure I want to see your veggetti. AIMEE: It’s okay, I show my veggetti to everyone. It’s so easy. See, I just stick a zucchini in my veggetti and it’s go time. 

So what if my son wears girl’s clothes

Okay, I have a confession to make and I’ve been feeling shitty about it all week. So last weekend was Zoey’s birthday party and she picked out a super cute pink sparkly leotard to wear for it. And then she picked out a super cute black one with neon designs for Holden to wear. Yup,…

I just found out I might have breast cancer, and I’m scared shitless

  ME: Hello? RECEPTIONIST: Hi this is Nancy at Willow Hospital, I’m calling about your recent mammogram. Insert stomach in throat. ME: Yes? RECEPTIONIST: We need you to come back in for a repeat mammogram. Let’s see, we don’t have any openings today. Let me look at Monday. Trying not to freak out. ME: Can you tell…

Yo, crazy lady, you ain’t MY Nana

Dear Baby Sideburns, My Mother-in-Law refers to herself as Nana when she emails me, leaves me voicemails, texts me, etc. She is not MY Nana! It’s driving me crazy. What should I do? You’re the best. Emily Dear Emily, Oh, I am SOOOOOO sorry you are going through this. I mean this is like my…

How to wax a hairy baby

Dear Baby Sideburns, I feel bad saying this but my daughter is very hairy and has a unibrow already. She’s only two, but I’m wondering when you think it’s okay for me to “take care” of it. I know you can relate because you always say how hairy you are. Sincerely, Alyssa Dear Alyssa, Okay,…