Same-sex marriage: should we ban it in kindergarten

Okay, so lately I’ve learned that if I don’t ask Zoey a million questions after school, like super specific questions, I don’t learn jack shit about what she did that day. Like if I ask her, “How was P.E.?” I get a one-word answer like, “Fine.” But if I ask her “What did you make…

The Messiest Dirtiest Kiddo Photo Contest with a Totally Kickass Prize!!!

The Messiest Dirtiest Kiddo Photo Contest with a Totally Kickass Prize!!!

Okay, so I’m totally bummed. There’s this awesome photo contest but I don’t have a good picture for it. AGGGHHH, I have like 9 million pictures of my rugrats but none of them work for this!!! It’s being put on by Sterling, that cool brand by Kohler, do you know it? You’re supposed to enter…

24 NEW words to call our little A-Holes

Okay, so lately I’ve noticed this trend. Tell me if you’ve seen it. All these people are starting to call their kiddos “a-holes” ever since I wrote my book I Heart My Little A-Holes. Nahhh, just kidding, I have no idea if my book was the first to do it. Probably not, I rarely come up…

The crap you may have missed this week

Awwww shit, as much as I like Facebook, sometimes I just want to kick it in the balls. Because these days I keep hearing the same damn thing: “Why isn’t Baby Sideburns showing up in my newsfeed?” Why? Because Facebook changed their algorithms, which means sometimes you’re gonna miss shit. Funny shit you don’t want to miss.…

Is 5 too young to have a boyfriend?

Dear Baby Sideburns, My 5yr old came home today from pre-k and told me she has a boyfriend. WTF… I don’t know what to say. I kinda froze. I don’t know how to handle this. What would you say? Signed, MSH   Dear MSH, Awwwww shit, see, this is what happens when you don’t feed…

Awww crap, look who just lied to her kids about where their stoopid balloon went

  Do you guys remember this picture from earlier this summer? When Holden’s Spiderman balloon floated away? Maybe you do or maybe you’re like me and have brainesia and don’t remember jack squat anymore. Anyways, as you can see it was pretty traumatic. And HILARIOUS. Uhhh, I mean devastating. But seriously, it was just a stupid…