How to make your Elf on the Shelf go away for a little while

Ahhhhhhh, don’t you just lovvvvvve that feeling at the end of the day when you finally crawl into bed and the sheets feel so good on your skin and your pillow is so soft and nobody’s bothering you any– AGGHHH, FFFFFFFFFFF MEEEEEEE!!! I forgot to move that stupid Elf on the Shelf again. Elf on the Shelf…

Woo-hoooo, the winner of the Messiest Dirtiest Photo Contest is…

Da da da daaaaaaaa!!!!! And now announcing the most awesome badass totally hilarious winners in the Messiest Dirtiest Kiddo Photo Contest!!! You came, you saw, you voted, and the winners are in. But wait, before I announce them, here is what each lucky winner will go home with. Prize #1:

Holiday gifts for teachers: how the heck do you know how much to give

Holiday gifts for teachers: how the heck do you know how much to give

Okay, so today I was talking with a friend about the gift cards we’re each giving to our kiddo’s teachers this holiday and I almost died when I said the amount out loud. It sounded so low. I mean shit, I spent more on the stoopid party favors for my rugrat’s birthday party. Yup, I spent…

What NOT to F’ing buy my kids this holiday

What NOT to F’ing buy my kids this holiday

  Dear Grammy, Grampy, Nana and Pop Pop, Ahhh, yes, here we go again. The most wonderful time of the year. For you. For me it’s more like let’s see how much more crap I can fit in my house until TLC comes knocking at my door because they think I’m an F’ing hoarder. I know…

Same-sex marriage: should we ban it in kindergarten

Okay, so lately I’ve learned that if I don’t ask Zoey a million questions after school, like super specific questions, I don’t learn jack shit about what she did that day. Like if I ask her, “How was P.E.?” I get a one-word answer like, “Fine.” But if I ask her “What did you make…

The Messiest Dirtiest Kiddo Photo Contest with a Totally Kickass Prize!!!

The Messiest Dirtiest Kiddo Photo Contest with a Totally Kickass Prize!!!

Okay, so I’m totally bummed. There’s this awesome photo contest but I don’t have a good picture for it. AGGGHHH, I have like 9 million pictures of my rugrats but none of them work for this!!! It’s being put on by Sterling, that cool brand by Kohler, do you know it? You’re supposed to enter…

24 NEW words to call our little A-Holes

Okay, so lately I’ve noticed this trend. Tell me if you’ve seen it. All these people are starting to call their kiddos “a-holes” ever since I wrote my book I Heart My Little A-Holes. Nahhh, just kidding, I have no idea if my book was the first to do it. Probably not, I rarely come up…