ZOEY: Mom, this car is super messy. You should clean it. ME: Excuse me? Let’s just say she’s lucky she‘s lucky I didn’t make her lick it clean because I was tempted to. Anyways, this is the story of my life. My family hardly ever notices anything I do for them and then when…
Okay, so yesterday I was sitting with my college roomie and she’s about to have her first baby and I am sooooooo excited for her. But that bitch isn’t finding out whether they’re having a boy or a girl. Aggghhhhh!!! How can you do this to me?!!! I mean how am I supposed to buy…
Agghhhh, so we went camping this weekend and holy shit, allllllll night long someone was waking us up. First it was my friend’s kid who was like wahhhhhh, I have to go to the bathroom. Then it was Zoey who was like wahhhhh, I can’t sleep. But little did I know who would keep me…
Dear lady I just saw breastfeeding at a restaurant, Really? Do you seriously have to pick the table right in front of me so I have to stare at you the whole time you do THAT? I mean yeah, I guess I could pick up and move to a different table, but F that,…
Dear Mommy,
ME: I want another cookie. WILLPOWER: You said you’d only have one. ME: But I realllllly want one. WILLPOWER: You’ll feel better if you don’t. ME: I know, I know. (pause) ME: I don’t feel better. WILLPOWER: Stop thinking about it. ME: Yeah, okay, I’ll do that.
So you know how we went to Boston a few weeks ago? Well, you are NOT going to believe how insane our ride back to the airport was. Seriously, it’s a miracle we made it back alive. Wait, lemme back up a sec. So whenever we plan a trip, my husband and I stress out…
* TomTom “Get Home Faster” SWEEPSTAKES OFFICIAL RULES *NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. A PURCHASE OR PAYMENT OF ANY KIND WILL NOT INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF WINNING. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW ELIGIBILITY: The TomTom Get Home Faster Sweepstakes (“Sweepstakes”) is open only to legal residents of the fifty (50) United States and…
Okay, so the other day I woke Zoey up and here’s the first thing she said. “Mom, can I make breakfast?” Part of me wanted to be like, “And make my kitchen look like Hiroshima? F**K no.” But somewhere inside my head a little voice was saying, “Let her try.” Now I don’t know about your little…