Dear mom who’s going back to work after maternity leave, Congratulations, you’re going back!! You’re an independent woman who’s not letting any pipsqueak baby stop you from being a breadwinner. You must feel amazing! Wait, what? Are you crying? Awwww, don’t cry. You’re gonna love being back at your job. I mean just think…
1. I want my hubby to do all the packing. And if he forgets some stuff, oh well. Guess I’m going on a big-ass shopping spree. 2. I want the airlines to bump us all up to first class. And by “us” I mean, all the moms on the flight. 3. I want our…
Okay, let’s play a game. It’s called “whose night sucked the most?” Like maybe your kid woke you up four times in the middle of the night, or maybe your rugrat had the stomach bug and splatter-painted your shins with vomit, or maybe your hubby came home drunk and decided to wake you out of…
Okay, so I should probably look this stuff up online and see if the professionals have any suggestions, but that would take time and honestly, this all kind of happened spur of the moment and I had to talk to Zoey about it right away. So here’s what happened. ZOEY: Mommmmmm!!! MOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!
Well, this sucks. A lot. Poor Zoey is pretty upset about what happened and I don’t blame her one single bit. I mean usually I’m the first one to tell my kids to buck up and shake it off and make lemonade and shit, but this time it’s harder. Lemme start at the beginning. So…
Dear Katy Perry, Wow I think you are awesome. I mean your music is awesome, you always look so amazing, and you just seem like a pretty good person. I mean yeah, I know that probably doesn’t mean much coming from a lame 45-year-old, so take it for what it’s worth. But here’s the…
Dear students at our local high school, Okay, so I heard about the letter you just got from the district, the letter that states you are not allowed to participate in the #ENOUGH National School Walkout on March 14th. Not a loud protest. Not a violent demonstration. You simply want to honor the victims…
Zoey lost her screen time for a week. A week!! It’s kind of a long story, but basically she was just acting like Little Miss Poopypants and I told her if she didn’t knock it off that I’d take away screen time, and she must have confused me with a nice mom because instead of…
Dear mom who wears pajama pants in public places, We need to talk. Helllllloooo, don’t you know that pajamas are for bedtime? NOT for out and about when you’re running errands. I mean yeah, I guess it’s okay to wear them to your mailbox (quickly so the neighbors don’t see you), but seriously? Shouldn’t…
Imagine this. You’re sitting at work in the middle of the day when your phone buzzes. A text. Just an average text from a friend and you quickly glance at it. You read the first few words. Your heart stops. Your heart drops. Your heart lurches into your throat. No, this can’t be happening.…