What you SHOULD F’ing buy my kids this holiday

So now that I’ve pretty much nixed every present out there because they’re all so annoying, all these blue-haired grannies are on my ass asking me what the hell they should buy their grandpoopers. Welcome to my world, Nanas. Sucks ass, doesn’t it? Anyways, let’s skip all the intro crap (translation: I’m lazy) and get…