Okay, who’s ready for a HIGH-larious story? A little gross but F’ing hilarious. Before I tell you, I want to loudly announce that this is NOT about me. Like this is NOT one of those stories you tell about yourself and then pretend it’s about a friend to protect yourself. Okay, so here we go.…
Dear Hubby, So last year we had a conversation about holiday gifts, and I see where you’re coming from. I understand that you REALLY want to pick out your own present and surprise me. And while I love the spirit of that, we’ve tried it your way for the past decade, and welllll, we’re…
Dear Zoey, So this morning I pulled up to your school to drop you and your friend off and you did something. Something you’ve never done before. When I said, “Give me a kiss goodbye,” you giggled and said, “Mommmm, no.” It wasn’t in a mean way. I could tell you were just embarrassed…
Dear Me twenty years ago, We need to have a conversation. And since I’m older and wiser than you, I’m gonna talk and you’re gonna listen. Capeesh? I’ve been around the block a few more times than you, so I’d like to give you a little advice. Okay, here goes: 1. Stop looking at…
Dear Harvey Weinstein, This is a letter to thank you. Yup, you probably didn’t think I was going to say that. These days I’ll bet most of the letters you’re getting are F.U. letters. But not me. I would like to say thank you. All this time, we thought we were going to remember…
Not again. NOT AGAIN. But yes, again. I turned on the TV this morning and there it was. And I quickly turned it off and snuck bits of it when the kids weren’t in the room. Because they do not need to know the kind of world they live in. I am SO SICK of…
1. Trophies really meant something Like I had to be in ballet for five years before I got a participation trophy. FIVE!!! And sports trophies came in different sizes so that the person who got first place got a bigger trophy than second and third. Duh, reality. 2. Birthday parties were low-key
1. Teach her how to look in the mirror and see a person, not a face. 2. Teach her that a little chocolate is okay. A little pizza is okay. And a little body fat is okay too. 3. Teach her that friends are like columns. You can lean on them all you want, but…
So I was out to dinner the other night and there was this woman sitting a few tables away with her baby who was being a total douchenugget. I mean yeah, babies are often douchenuggets, but this one wouldn’t stop screaming and the mom was trying desperately to make her stop and you could tell…
1. Don’t tell me my kids are growing up so fast. No shit Sherlock. I’m like Zappos’s best customer on earth. And every time you tell me, it drives the stake into my heart a little more. 2. Don’t tell me I’m buckling my car seats wrong. If you don’t tell me how to buckle…