Dear camp directors,
I’m worried. Like seriously worried. I mean you’re supposed to be taking care of my precious kiddos every day, but I’m questioning your sobriety. Nahhh, not our bus driver. She rocks the Casbah. But I’m seriously worried that the people who are in charge at camp are smoking something.
Because I just took a look at the summer calendar and I have four words for you: WTF were you thinking? Or drinking? Or inhaling? I mean yeah, I get it, it’s super fun for the kiddos to dress wacky once a week, but what is wrong with NORMAL dress-up days? Like crazy sock day, or funny hat day, or backwards day?!
But nooooo, for some reason you felt like you had to get creative and have totally UNIQUE dress-up days. Like “Favorite Frontiersman Day.” I meannnn, are you F’ing kidding me? Is this a joke? I think I’m a pretty smart lady, but I had to google Frontiersman to make sure I knew exactly what you’re talking about. According to google there are like two famous frontiersman, Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett, and I’m sorry but I refuse to go out and buy a $30 coonskin cap for my kid to wear in 80-degree weather until she loses it like every other accessory she brings to camp. And yes, I know I’m supposed to put nametag labels on everything, but I’m not even sure whether I want the coonskin hat to come home at the end of the day.
Oh, and here’s another day you put on the dress-up calendar. “Favorite Game Show” personality. Wha-WHAT?!! My kids don’t watch game shows. Here, Zoey, why don’t you wear a ball gown to camp and you can be Vanna White. And Holden, you call all the females “honey” and pinch their tushies and you can go as Bob Barker.
HOLDEN: Who’s Bob Barker?
I mean I guess today’s dress-up day was kind of normal. “Favorite car or racecar driver.” Easy peasy, I’ll just send my rugrats to our costume bin to get out our Tesla costume. Oh wait, scratch that because guess what? We don’t own an F’ing Tesla costume. But my kids really wanted to dress up for racecar day so last night I dug through the old clothing bins and finally found an old Lightening McQueen shirt that I was sure they were going to fight over but it was a size 4 and ridiculously skin-tight so both kids were like F that.
KIDS: Mommmm, it’s racecar day, not Disney dance club day.
So Holden decided that dress-up days are stoopid (yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!) and Zoey decided that racecar drivers have numbers on their shirts so she wore her baseball uniform backwards. Ummmm, uhhhh, but I nodded my head and exclaimed…
ME: Wow, you look just like Danica Patrick!!
Anyways, yes I know the regular ole dress-up themes might seem a little “been there done that,” but here’s the thing. They’re like that because they’re NORMAL. And EASY. And CHEAP. The last thing I want to spend my money on is a NASCAR costume my kid will never wear again.
I’m begging you, from now on can you pleeeeease make dress-up days more normal? I promise it’ll be a good thing. More kids will participate, more parents will think you’re awesome, and I won’t have to make a voodoo doll with your name on it.
The mom who’s wondering whether or not to order the Frontiersman costume she just found on Amazon because it comes with a rifle
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