Dear lady I just saw breastfeeding at a restaurant,
Really? Do you seriously have to pick the table right in front of me so I have to stare at you the whole time you do THAT? I mean yeah, I guess I could pick up and move to a different table, but F that, I was here first.
And now I have to sit here staring at you breastfeeding for God knows how long because you insist on doing it in public. And here’s why I think that is so wrong.
Because now I have to listen to that cute little baby suckle away at you like you’re the best thing on earth. Now I have to stare at those adorable little hands reaching out from under your Hooter Hider or Boobie Blanket or Coconut Concealer or whatever all the new moms are wearing these days. And now I have to watch you kiss those itty-bitty toes, and wahhh, I’ll never have toes like that again to kiss. You’re totally rubbing it in.
I mean these days if I try to kiss my kiddos’ toes I either get a giant whiff of nasty foot odor or they’re like WTF, Mom, and kick me in the face. And besides, have you seen my kids’ feet? Helllllooo toe cheese and sock lint and black dirt in every crevice. No, thank you.
I know you have no idea I’m even watching you because you’re lost in your own little world with your brand new perfect newborn, but quit being so selfish and think about other people for once. People like me who are positive we don’t want to have any more rugrats, until someone like you parks yourself and your porn star tatas right in front of us. I mean I know we’re supposed to avert our eyes, but it’s hard not to sneak a peek when your little love muffin keeps making all those adorable cooing noises.
To think there was a time in my life that I thought breastfeeding was a pain and wanted to be done with it. What was I thinking? Because you know what’s harder than breastfeeding? When your daughter doesn’t want to kiss you goodbye because her friends are watching. Or when your son won’t let you carry him anymore and insists on doing everything by himself. Or when both of your kids go to camp for the first time and suddenly you’re sitting there in the kitchen all alone and you’re like now what?
Anyways, how dare you breastfeed in front of me and rub it in my face and make me wish my kiddos were babies again and make my uterus do the come-on-let’s-have-another-baby-dance. Before you sat down I was 100% sure I was done. And now I’m only 99% sure. And I know that doesn’t seem like a big amount, but that 1% makes all the difference.
So yeah, I know there are all these crazy people out there who say breastfeeding in public should be outlawed because it’s ugly, but I think it should be outlawed because it’s beautiful.
Next time, please be a little more considerate and take your breastfeeding somewhere else.
A mom who didn’t want more kids… until you sat down
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