A bunch of things I do that my hubby doesn’t appreciate because he probably doesn’t even know I do them
Okay, so I have an awesome husband. Like he totally kicks ass, and if I ask him to do something like pack a lunch or toss the laundry into the dryer, he’ll do it without complaint. But that’s the problem. I have to ask him. Urrrggghhh, it is SOOOOOO annoying. And half the time I end up asking him in a super passive-aggressive way with a noticeable eye roll.
Husbands are clueless (gross generalization but I guarantee most of you are nodding your heads). Not because they’re genuinely stupid or anything. They’re just wired differently. It would never occur to my husband to ask for a gift receipt, or to pick up my daughter’s skating costume, or to dress Holden in a decent shirt because it’s picture day. It’s not his fault really. I’m pretty sure it’s a physiological difference between men and women. But I end up doing like 99% of the shit around here (I’m totally exaggerating, it’s more like 95%) just because lots of stuff occurs to me that never even occurs to him.
So here goes. A bunch of shit I do that my hubby doesn’t appreciate because he probably doesn’t even know I do them:
1. After-school activities
Riddle me this Bat-husband, when one kid wants to take ice-skating, art class, gymnastics and Girl Scouts and the other kid wants to take swimming, basketball, soccer and baseball and there are only seven days in the week, how do you figure out a feasible schedule? Answer: YOU don’t. I do. Every single semester.
It’s a miracle!! Our kid had a growth spurt and grew seven inches but his clothes still fit. Ummm, yeah, not a miracle. I cleaned out his entire closet last night, returned the old hand-me-downs, sorted the new hand-me-downs, and restocked his closet. On second thought, saint me. It’s an F’ing miracle.
HUBBY: What do you want to do for dinner?
ME: I want to shove an apple in your mouth, lay you across a big ass platter and then decorate you with a few sprigs of rosemary to feed to the kids to eat while I go out with my friend for sushi. Ohhhh, wait, you didn’t mean “what do I WANT to do for dinner.” You meant what did I PLAN to do for dinner? Yeah, basically if I didn’t think about meals ahead of time, our family would either starve to death or overdose on Domino’s.
4. Birthday parties
Last year I spent 37 hours on birthday parties. Not AT birthday parties. ON them. As in RSVP’ing to them, planning them, shopping for presents, and schlepping my kids back and forth. Could I leave this all up to my husband? Sure. But then my kids would never go to birthday parties anymore. Hmmmmm, maybe that’s not a bad idea after all.
5. Schedule appointments
See this guy? Nope, this is not Cousin Itt from the Addams Family. This, my friends, is what my son would look like if I put my husband in charge of getting him haircuts. Or pretty much any appointment.
6. School forms
This is what I sound like every year in a pathetic attempt to let my husband know the hell I’m going through.
ME: Uggghhh, I have to fill out allllllll of these school forms. These school forms are so painful. And now I have to bring these school forms to the doctor’s office to get these school forms filled out. Ugghh, I HATE school forms.
And this is what my husband hears.
ME: Blah blah blah yada yada yada I want to have sex blah blah blah.
Seriously, I’ll bet he doesn’t even know that school forms even exist.
7. Buy important shit
You know what I love (translation: hate)? I hate that my hubby thinks I go to Target because I love shopping. Hey honey, here’s is a list of shit I buy there and please tell me if you want me to stop buying any of these things: toilet paper, toothpaste, toothbrushes, food, underwear, soap, floss, band-aids, tampons, sponges and razors. As in if I didn’t shop there I would literally look like Chewbacca’s second cousin and we would all smell worse than the porta-potties at Lalapalooza.
8. 9,000 other things I don’t have time to elaborate on (This list is long and boring so just skim it)
Schedule doctor appointments, do Zoey’s hair every morning, return library books, sign permission slips, book parent teacher conferences, arrange carpools, figure out play dates, volunteer at school, buy clothes, borrow clothes, field calls from the school nurse, research shit like potty-training and tantrums, plan birthday parties, make grocery lists, nag my hubby about house problems, clean out the playroom once in a while, nag my hubby about house problems he still didn’t fix, check kids for lice when that dreaded letter comes, make dentist appointments, know when we’re running out of stuff before we actually run out of it, take care of the kids if they are sick, take care of my hubby if he is sick (God help me), buy school supplies every year, figure out what to do all summer, breastfeed (yes, it was years ago, but I will take credit for this for the rest of our lives), clean the pot he left to “soak” in the sink, buy holiday gifts for a million people, buy end-of-the-year gifts, buy pretty much any gift our house is going to give to anyone, clean out the fridge, clean out the junk drawer, clean out pretty much anything behind a door or in a drawer, etc etc etc etc etc etc. There really aren’t enough etceteras in the world.
So there you go. I am the mom. I do everything. Almost. I don’t take out the trash. But I usually have to remind him that it’s trash day.
If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it. Thank you!!
And looks what’s on sale!! The kindle version of I Want My Epidural Back!! It has a whole hilarious section on clueless hubbies that you can read and LOL at and your hubby will wonder what you’re laughing at and you can be like, “Oh, nothing honey.” Bwhahahahahaha.
My husband often says, “God, can’t ANYONE ELSE take out the trash?” And I say, yeah. Let me trade you that 2 minute trash job for ALL THE OTHER M-F-ING JOBS, I WILL TRADE YOU RIGHT NOW.
Yep. I get that regularly. Because he works 8 hours a day and I don’t.?
Sounds familiar! That said, my husband takes care of other things that I’d rather not do, like put furniture together or get the oil changed in the car. BUT we just do what needs to be done and don’t make a big song and dance out of it like men do when they take care of something.
My hubby says all I have to do is ask for help. So when I ask and he forgets, he says all I have to do is make him a list. No. I was overwhelmed enough to actually seek your assistance, if he values his wife, than he values my requests. If he knows his wife, he knows I only ask for help when I truly need it. My requests should rank high enough in importance for him to either remember himself or make his own d**n list. I am many things to many people, but I am not his personal secretary.
Then he looks at said list and starts eliminating items one by one. “We shouldn’t do that today, we should wait till tomorrow.” Get’s a kid to do the next one on the list. Sits down at computer. I chase him down- Oh I didn’t understand number three on the list – and so on and so on. Am I right?
And when I leave a message I get, geez, can’t I relax, it’s like your my mom. I’m so sick and tired of hearing I forgot, I didn’t remember, I didn’t think of that and why does that have to get done today-uggh!!!
Oh my gosh, yes. I got a whiteboard for the fridge and wrote the list he asked for on it and he still doesn’t notice that there are things I’ve asked to have done. But we’ve tried me asking multiple times, post it notes, me going on strike, arguing and now the white board. I gave up and just started doing that list myself.
Nodding head throughout. My husband and I both work full time but I still take care of 90% of the kid stuff and household stuff. We are at peace with this partly because he does all the cooking and grocery shopping, and the way to my heart is through my stomach. Still, heaven forbid I were to go away for a week, ten tons of s**t would simply not get done and would be waiting for me when I got back.
I ask for a list of things pretty wife needs help with so I won’t forget them while I’m:
– Changing her tires/oil/serpentine belt/air filter/trans fluid and filter/cleaning her mass air flow sensor, 02 sensors, etc so she has a reliable and safe vehicle
– Cutting down trees and chopping them for firewood so she will be warm when the temperature drops
– Building everything she wants from pinterest (new backyard deck, floating shelves, live edge dining room table, wrap around bench on the new porch, etc),
– Fixing her broken computer
– tilling the garden
– Building a new deck over the concrete one in front of our house
– Building a raised garden bed as well a few other things that need to be done (like crawling under the house to change the air filters, and more fun things)
I happily do all of these things without complaint ( I may get frustrated with the tasks while I do them, but I’m frustrated with inanimate objects, not the act of doing them) as I know they will help pretty wife, or it is something she wants/needs. I’ll do whatever I can to make/get the things that she wants and will make her happy.
But yeah, husbands really don’t do much of anything 😀
Quick question: how often do you do these things? Yes, those are important and make your wife’s life better/easier, and yes we appreciate them,but they are mostly one time tasks or very sporadic chores. So what are you doing in between? Relaxing on the couch? Playing on your phone? Watching the game with your friends? Enjoying meals she plans, shops for, and prepares? Just not having to worry about the day to day activities required to keep a household running smoothly while your wife does aaaalllll of the things BS just listed and more? Probably so, and you’re welcome.
Exactly. My awesome husband does all these things with I ASK too. But I have to ask, and usually ask multiple times. Do you want a medal for doing these things while the pretty wife does all the planning and reminding purchasing and thinking of these things…
No medal for me, thanks. Have you ever tried telling your husband to make a list of everything that needs to be done? I know it may seem silly, but I do this for myself so that I can keep track of the tasks that I need to do for that week (vacuuming, dishes, shopping, etc).
It’s extremely helpful to have a physical point of reference as to what I need to do.
We do our planning and shopping together so that neither of us has to do it alone.
Nope, those are just some of the things I do. I cook dinner (or we cook together), do the dishes, clean the house and do plenty of other things on a regular basis as well. I watch “games” WITH my wife, after I’ve cleaned the house and cooked dinner or helped cook dinner. I go shopping WITH my wife, so that neither of us has do do it alone.
I’m truly sorry that you have been in a relationship that has programmed you to think that all men sit on a couch while women clean and do everything necessary to run a household smoothly.
Maybe he goes to work for 8-12 hours a day. Maybe that’s what he does in between those sporadic chores.
Well, give him a gold star. Does that mean that women who don’t work and are stay at home moms don’t work? Only the husband gets to relax after work while the wife still takes care of the household and her “work day” ends when the kids go to bed… if they do. Because I bet that most of the time it’s the wife who stays up with her kids when they wake up in the middle of the night because she “doesn’t work” and the husband does.
And what about the wives who work just as much but have the responsibility of the chores that need to get done every single day in addition to taking care of the kids after work? It’s not like they don’t do sporadic chores too
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I wish all I had to do was mindless independent tasks once a month. This is her way of getting you to try to focus on one thing because she’s too busy doing 1,000 other things. My husband needed to change a hallway lightbulb, snake the drain, and mount a tv. That post it stayed on the dining room table for two weeks so guess who ended up doing it all? Me. Meanwhile lunches are made, newborn is bathed medicated fed taken care of, dogs are up to date and taken care of, toilets cleaned, shower clean, all laundry done so he just has to wake up and grab his work clothes and throw them on his back, dishes done, floors swept and/or vacuumed, plants watered, etc. the list goes on. When will we come home to a clean house and cooked meal and freshly changed and fed child/children? When will we be able to just eat, take a s**t and shower, and drink a beer on the couch? Hmmmmm never. Because we are Moms.
How many times did your wife ask before you did these things. If none, one or even two is your answer, know you aren’t the norm.
I use a list to keep track of what I have done that week, and what needs to be done. It’s SUPER helpful for me to have a physical point of reference!
I don’t belive this post is aimed at you. Men can be thoughtful and helpful husbands. Some men were not raised to accomplish these responsibilities for a family. I have also met a few women with similar faults. Your wife is lucky. I will trade lol.
Best answer award !
I don’t believe this was aimed at you. Men are capable of being very thoughtful and helpful husbands. Some men are not raised right to accomplish these responsibilities. I have met women with similar flaws. Your wife is lucky. I’m willing to trade lol.
LA: On behalf of grateful wives everywhere, I can’t thank you enough for all the things you do – no matter how heroic or insignificant! Keep being an example to others & doing what you’re doing!
LA. Point is you’re not typical. Your wife is a lucky girl.
I trained our niece to say, “Aunt Lynda does ALL the work in this house.” It’s just nice to hear from someone other than me.
Imagine doing all of this AND being a working mom.
And my husband’s only domestic job is the trash… in my second life I’m coming back as a husband/dad.
I am sick to death of doing the same sort of thing.
I went to see one of my friends who’d just had a baby, and stayed overnight.
Next day when I got back, kids had had no proper breakfast, weren’t dressed properly (like no pants) and hubby hadn’t made their lunches.
He thought I’d do it all,, when I got back at 8:21am. We had 9 effin minutes of hell before school.
I feel like you’re in my brain. This was EXACTLY me last night. Husbands have NO clue!
First, the same way a lot of your husbands don’t know what you do, maybe you should tell them, you have no idea all of the little things they do, and maybe they should tell you.
Second, I wish my wife did half the things on the list. Aside from buy clothes and birthday presents and drive the kids too/from school, I do most everything. My normal day is get the kids up, get them dressed, brush and style hair, make breakfast, make lunch ( and that’s about when my wife gets up), then I go to work. When I get home I clean the dishes that are still on the table from lunch, plus breakdown whats left in the lunch boxes, make dinner, then do the dishes. Play, read, do homework with them, give them a bath then put them to bed. I then try to clean up some of the other mess.
My wife went away for 10 days once for a bachlorette party and bridal shower. Best 10 days ever, house was never cleaner, I had more free time then ever. I concluded my wife generates more work then she resolves.
Time for an upgrade? (kidding) I think you should sit down with her and make a list of all of these things with TIMES on it and have her pick the ones she wants to do. It sounds like she’s depressed, really, if she no longer cares about caring for her home/kids/husband. Good luck!
This sounds like the reverse of my house! We should get together! I find it much easier to care for the house, yard, kids when hubby is away!
I agree totally with this…wife went away for week and got all the painting she hadnt finished without her asking me since I wanted it to be a surprise…and all chores including vacuuming who h I hate were done. N ore issues are created In my opinion as well…lol
Do you have a brother? Lol, jk. I’m married to, from the sounds of it, your wife’s twin brother. You are DEFINITELY a rarity & deserve many kudos.
If your wife isn’t depressed, she’s lazy
Right now, I want to be married to you, Ray. I do absolutely everything with the exception of moving the garbage can to and from the front during trash day, paying mortgage/untility/car bills (I do general budgeting and medical), making breakfast for the kids and HIS OWN laundry. Now, my husband isn’t a lazy man as he will pick up the slack for what I can’t get to or if I need an extra set of hands. However, he repeatedly has said I’m inefficient compared to himself and that there’s “no possible way” I can be as busy and as tightly booked as I claim to be. He also just complained that I “obviously” have spare time I refuse to acknowledge since I just took the kids to the zoo on their day off school and I spent an afternoon with my mother before she left for the warmer states firing the season change. He of course refused to also acknowledge the fact that dinner was made for the family before both jaunts, I took my daughter to her eye appointment early prior to the zoo, my dad just died and I planned the funeral and badly needed some time with my mom not handling estate issues, and that the house was cleaned do there were no messes waiting for him when he got home. Unlike my husband I think you, Ray, would at least appreciate, acknowledge and respect the amount of work I do. That’s very attractive.
I call myself the toilet paper fairy because it always magically appears. I even take out the trash! ?
Oh man, this post is so accurate it’s almost not funny… almost. LOL
Instead of joking, commiserating and complaining, all moms should start insisting that their hubbies help more in the house and childcare duties. A marriage is a partnership with both parties expected to contribute equally. A human being should not be exempted from chores and duties because he has a p***s.
And all that almost equates to a part time job. You’re doing all that so you don’t have to work 40-70 hours a week just to hand it over to a b***h that takes you for granted. Then we add the traditional “men’s work,” aaaand help with all of the stuff on the list. I have yet to meet a woman who does all those things and works full time to pay her bills, and that includes single mothers.
Then you haven’t met me.
Sorry unapreciated guy (whoever you might be) I work full time and do all of that on the list and fix things that need fixing in my house. I AM a single mom and dont earn enough to relegate fixing thi gs in my home to some guy thats going to come to my house charge me a ridiulous amount so that next weeki have the same issue all over again. So when ever your ready to meet a woman that does all of those “unimportant” woman lists things AND the 40 -70 hrs a week jobs AND the “important” man lists that your not appreciated for doing. Give me a call. Ans tell me what you do that needs appreciations.
I am a woman and a mother that has a job where I regularly bill ~200hrs/month. I also cook dinner almost every night, insure that my daughter has clothes that fit her, schedule every single social activity that we have, buy birthday presents, take her to ballet, put her to bed 9 nights out of 10, clean up the piles of crap that are regularly lying around the house, do the grocery shopping every weekend, pack her lunches, make her breakfasts, plan & book all family vacations, and make sure my daughter does her homework. Your statement is patently ridiculous. Take a look at all the strong, capable, and intelligent women around this country who are the backbone of their families AND work full time for less pay, all the while being told they contribute nothing. Then take a look at your judgemental statement again.
(And for the record – my husband also more than carries his weight when I’m traveling for work to Asia for 10 days at a time. He does an awesome job when I’m not here. It’s when I’m here that he “forgets” to do all the things he does when I’m gone…he’s an awesome dad and I don’t diminish that, but OMG why do I have to ask all.the.time. for him to do things when I’m drowning at work that he does automatically when I’m gone???)
Unfortunately, I fall in to that category. I work, pay the bills, cook, clean, make sure my kids are in activities and figure out how to get them there. I don’t complain though, because I chose the lazy man to procreate with (when we were dating he was a different person). I think it’s time to upgrade to someone who can contribute even a 1/4 of the work in the household chores. Because I don’t need anybody to pay my bills. We are out there though, believe that.
Ladies I think I have a solution. Who cares if the in laws are in town and the house isn’t clean? I hit my breaking point and now I just do me. I take care of my kids of course but no more making him food or doing his laundry. If I want clean sheets I will change them. If I want my a*s on a clean toilet I wash it. From now on ladies do you. Stop caring about what your family thinks and do you. If you don’t take care of yourself then what is the point in life? Before making this change I founs myself working a 50hr week, pregnant, taking care of an infant with a double ear infection, completing all cleaning tasks in the house daily because I wanted a clean house and no matter how much I asked they never got done or done right, all while taking online classes to advance my degree to make enough money so I didn’t have to think twice about buying formula. Well you know what? I woke up and called my mother and decided that I was done. Im too tired and miserable all the time so in turn I started to become a negative, irritable, depressed human being. I never felt appreciated, wanted, or even worthy. Of course this is all in my head right? Of course I am dramatic, sensitive, sassy, and need to relax right? Well. I decided to give my husband what I have been receiving. An emotionless snail who just does what he feels is right. Live in the moment. Long hair don’t care. Who cares if thw trash is overflowing? Who cares that there is dog hair wverywhere? Who cares that there are 10loafs of laundry needed to be folded on the floor? Crusties on the stove? Hair all over the shower? Dust piling everywhere? I don’t. I shall live in filth until I am energized enough to clean. And then I will clean what I have created. Down to every dish. Soon he will catch on and I will not ask or pry or bother. Maybe we should have seperate rooms too. Roomates it is. Cheers!
You are a weak person and your husband takes advantage of that. There is nothing more to the story here. Stop perpetuating this old-fashioned husband-wife archetype and start leading a more fulfilled life.
Seth for the win.
If your spouse is “lazy?” There are one of two things going on: YOU are the problem or THEY are.
Either way, YOU have a problem that needs fixing; fix what’s broken or have a cup o’ shut the f*** up.
Try showing your children what a strong, loving, equal relationship is by getting out of the abusive, manipulative relationship you’re currently in. Or, stay in the “relationship” you’re in and have your children continue the cycle.
It’s called “pride,” folks. You’ll settle for what you think you’re worth: so will your children.
I thought my husband was the only one who let pots “soak” in the sink!!! Lmao!
You guys got the raw end of the deal! A marriage is a team! Right now after we both worked all day we are both sitting at football practice. One of us is about to take the other child to gymnastics. We will both get home at about 8 pm and together we will make dinner for the kids, get them in bed and hang out for about an hour before we head up ourselves. We both do laundry, we both take out the kids, and we have both consistently picked them up or dropped them off for school. We have both sat and helped with homework or filling out invitations to birthday parties or make snacks for the team or class. None of this should be one sided.
My husband helps out so much. Sure there may be a LOT of thing I do that he doesn’t even realize, but I am certain that there are just as many (if not more) thankless things he does that the kids and I don’t realize. I am right on board laughing at this list, but just remember to love on and appreciate your husbands for the things they do too. Sure, I don’t know what he’d do without me, but then on the other hand, I don’t know what I would do without him!
I couldn’t agree more!
Last spring I had a severe kidney infection and had to be in the hospital for 5 days. That same day my daughter got lice and the dogs ate something that made them sick. It was all I could do not to laugh! He was beside himself trying to figure out how to handle everything. I may have been in the hospital but for those 5 days it was heaven!
I am woman! I am invincible! I am TIRED!!!
Marriage is a team effort, it should be from the beginning, even before you have kids. Don’t act like a martyr, you helped create the situation you’re in. One thing that always bugged me when my son was little was mom’s who would say that the dad was babysitting the other kids while she was at the soccer or little league game with Jonny. Babysitting??? He’s their dad! Let him be involved from the beginning and stop treating him as the stand-in when you aren’t there.
It makes my day ….especially point no. 6. I have to laught and laught. 😀
Yes, too many husbands don’t pitch in nearly enough. But if husbands are clueless or unappreciative because they don’t even know about all the tasks their wives handle, the husbands should be told in a constructive way. And then spouses should figure out together how to divide up responsibilities fairly and thoughtfully (thank you Spousonomics for all the tips).
Maybe my wife and I don’t always strike the right balance. After all, she is a total rock star, especially with daily tasks like meals and household essentials. But I hope that her first instinct is to tell me when she feels we need to make adjustments, rather than telling everyone on the internet that I’m clueless.
Because of schedules years ago, I was the (mostly) stay-at-home dad. Let me count all of the things I do regularly. 1.) Cook. Every single meal. 2.) Laundry. My wife might start it, but I get it folded and distributed. 3.) After-freaking-school activities. I have the flexible schedule, which makes me taxi serivce. 4.) Driver. (See above) 5.) Not clean the bathrooms. Fine, mainly because I have an inability to see pink soap scum around the tub. (I’m slightly red-green colorblind. I also can’t see when the hamburgers are still pink) 6.) Go shopping with my wife. For no matter what. 7.) Wait on my wife hand and foot.
Should I keep going? Sometimes the Dads do it all too, not just the Moms.
I was like this too when my wife worked I had two jobs worked 12-15 hrs a day ..did the dishes and had dinner ready when she got home and mostly did the laundry because I didn’t want her doing it by herself at the apartment’s we were at. Now that she doesn’t work and I still work a lot but I will admit don’t do quite as much as I used to around the house…and to her I ‘m lazy and don’t want to help. But this summer I was off and with help of course remodeled our bathrooms and did all the recess lighting in the house. Didn’t get much for appreciation then either…But women tend to want more appreciation for all that they do. But where was that when I was doing it while putting in crazy hours? I feel ya bro! Both sides need to realize they both doing their jobs…wether it’s taking care of house and kids or supporting family by making money. This is never a men or women’s thing. But I am tired of it being only about women “doing everything” and men do nothing.
Ok so I have been told by many that our household is run like it is still the 1950’s. My husband works and I take care of kids and house. I don’t mind either, because he is out working hard for his family. But there was a time when we were both working – opposite shifts so either of us had the kids, hence no babysitter! So while I was working he had our 1 yr old (at the time) and had been called to an appointment! Guess what? He showed to that appt with our baby in tow. When asked where his wife was, he said working. They gave him a hard time for having to babysit his own kid! I think he went wild at that point! Parents do not babysit their own kids! But the appt went well, diaper change in the middle of it and all. So now I have the lovely choice to be a stay at home mom and take care of the house and kids and I do! But there are things that I just can’t do, that he can, and he does! When he has the time to get them done. And we talk about what needs to be/get done in our home with the kids and life and chores also! So are we out of the norm? from reading all of these posts I am starting to feel like my husband should be dumb or something. He works, alot, sometime 2 or 3 shifts in a row. that equals to sometimes 24 hours in a row! I do not see any women out there working those kinds of hours. and if they did there would be a revolt for sure! so yes i do all of the household chores and i do not complain. Unless it is to one of my kids for not doing something they should have. Yes those are called chores! my kids have chores they must do also! OMG call the police or something because I make my kids responsable! Anyway – there is a point here LOL I just don’t understand all the whining about who does what in the home. If i have to hire someone to do it – i do.
I think my rant is over now.
Your husband sounds like an incredibly lucky man. Remind me to send flowers to his funeral after you consume him whole.
really???!!! I think maybe you missed something in my post.
The only difference being a single mom is I have to take out the trash and mow the lawn or bribe my oldest to do it. Being married meant nag him to do it!
OMG! You just totally described life at my house! I was just at Target at 9:30pm buying laundry detergent & a freaking white T-shirt for my 6-year-old because it’s “World Peace Week” at school & today is “Wear a D**n Peace Sign Shirt” day! The absolute best is when my hubs actually decides to make an appointment for one of the kids & 2 days before said appointment he’s saying he can’t take them & needs me to do it! Makes me want to punch him in the throat!
Wow, somebody call the waaaaaambulance! First world problems! Be grateful for what you have people. Are husbands perfect? No! But neither are you! We have different roles. If you don’t like it, change it! Good grief, this post and all these crybaby posts are ridiculous. Try having real problems like not even having a home. Suck it up people!
YOU are the smartest one on here!
I found that when one person doesn’t feel appreciated, the other one doesn’t either. When I researched my own book (The Man Puzzle) I found that men generally have an equally long list that the women don’t know about… @Mariah had it right, call the waaaaaambulance!
Well I’m sure glad and thankful my mom (plus grandfather) made it a point that I could be self sufficient by the age of 10; that I wouldn’t need a woman or depend on one to cook, clean (ceiling to floor & in corners), sew, take out the trash, lawncare, change oil & a flat tire, take care of a baby, farm, garden, balance the household budget, pay bills on time (for the most part), knowing all the kids information for whenever I must take the kids to appointments, and etc.
I’ve recently turn 45 (a wk ago) and I know my wife is glad that if she goes down so to life, I’ve got her side. We’re both happy I had those chores instilled in me and how much of a better person I am as a result of my rearing which we’re slowly implementing into our children’s life. I hate to hear that a lot (I mean a lot) of women doesn’t have the luxury my wife has in having a husband like me, but it’s not to late ladies and don’t stop making attempts regardless of how frustrating your husband makes you…
Well disguised misandry and continuing the “dumb male” myth that pervades western society. If children are conditioned on this behavior, don’t expect anything to change.
Men aren’t wired differently, they are raised differently – with completely different expectations (not revolving around house keeping and child rearing). And if you don’t push the reset button early on in your relationship, you just perpetuate the inequality.
Why are you blaming your husband for overcomplicating your own life? You wanted all the kids when you decided to have them right? In years past people didn’t have the luxury to do all the sports and dance and karate and this and that. So you sign your kids up for a million things they can’t even enjoy being kids anymore. Then you get mad at your husbands your stressed running here there everywhere when if left up to us we would probably say don’t need all that because sometimes we are more practical. Now we have to work more or longer hours so we can keep up with all these extra activities so we can afford them. Also what about your husband? You were a couple before kids came, many times husbands are left with just the nagging and complaints from the wife, work work work to pay for the kids and activities and house and car. The problem we have as humans is we are always looking to add things.. I want a house now I have to clean it. I want kids now I have to take care of them I want this or that now I have to do maintenance on it care for it clean up after it . Many problems are our own fault our spouses are just scape goats. Yes you wives work too hard, but so do many husbands. You can always leave if you think you can do better. The grass ain’t always greener when you get to the other side. There is an old school preacher named Paul Washer who says god doesn’t give us a spouse that we will like. God gives us a spouse to compliment our short comings. The scriptures say this”Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
The revelation of these scriptures to me is, what we sometimes view as the snake or scorpion is really something good. You get rid of your husband because of these flaws you think he has and then realize how good you really had it. The scorpion in your eyes was really the egg.
could the author be more insulting to us dads who do so much for our kids?!? Article after article of what moms go through and do, and not enough for us dads. Pathetic and insulting!
I mean if you don’t work and your husband does than all those things should be up to you!
Pretty accurate… However I have to say most moms are their own worst enemy. My advice to all new moms and wives is to never treat family or household work as a husband is helping you but instead as it being just as much their job. Also I never sabotage. This is classic female control- if it is his job to clean or dress the kids or buy something I leave it to him. I don’t remind or tell him how to do it and I especially do not go behind him and do it again. If it works out great! If not, I let him know what happened and leave it to him to figure out how to do it better next time. Our husbands aren’t our kids and shouldn’t be treated as such and if we do treat them like kids rest assure they will behave like one.
Do marriages/families like this still even exist? This article *must* be satirical? My husband wouldn’t dream of behaving this way. Nor would I dream of tolerating such complete and utter nonesense.
I found this appalling !!! Count your blessings that you can do this! Are you a millennial ? There are some who would love to have, a Mom or still have their Mom (after she has passed), or do this for their child on your descriptive “norm” society way. To those who have lost a child or has a disabled child or both, they would love to have these problems. No one is perfect, except you? Humble and humility, love as a mother should to her whole family. You have to many, me me me’s.. I I I’s going on in your brain and in this letter. Why did you become a mother? I bet your mother did all this, in some fashion similar to being a Mom in a different era. Some Dads work 70 hours a week and still are awesome or decide to not be as wonderful as you. I actually feel bad your husband.
Usually I see the humor in your columns and I usually enjoy your blog, HOWEVER, I take exception to this one because aren’t you a stay-at-home Mom? Isn’t it YOUR JOB to do all the things you are complaining about doing? I don’t have any sympathy for you (but I actually don’t think you are looking for sympathy — I do still think you are trying to be funny). But this one does not come off funny; you just come off as whiny and self-centered. If one spouse is home all day, I would expect that said spouse – be it male or female – take on the bulk of the chores that you describe. If both spouses work outside the home, then I would expect more of a sharing of the chores. I realize there are still a lot of inequalities out there. But I agree with some of the other posters who said women need to stand up for themselves and tell our men what we want and need. If we don’t tell them, they aren’t going to know. People aren’t mind readers. There should be communication on both sides, as other posters have suggested. Now, if one cannot work it out with one’s mate, then that would be the time for a “come-to-Jesus,” or marriage counseling, or whatever will work to fix the problem.
Just thank your lucky stars that your husband makes enough money to support you and that you can be a stay-at-home Mom. Due to economic circumstances, a lot of us don’t have the choice. Just sayin’ (which, as I am sure you know is internet code for FU!)
Obviously you really hit a nerve with this one! 😉
My kids aren’t in school yet but this sounds just like my husband and if I plan to do something nice for someone, like I made a book online for his mom of family pics that were not easy to get, and take too long he nags me! Heaven forbid he does any of the work. I mean I pull out the laptop to work on it and both the toddler and the baby have a meltdown about a sippy cup.
How do all those things that require time and money get done if mom is at work all day?!?
Sounds to me like you need to quit bitching and sit down and have a real conversation about what needs to be done and come to a 50/50 resolution. This article is true for a lot of women unfortunately, but as a man/husband/father of 2, I have no respect for a man who doesn’t pitch in and carry some of the load. Admittedly, most men don’t pick up on the small things using intuition, but a passive aggressive way of doing things like this article suggests is not the way to ASK for help. Why is asking for help such a hard thing to do? Maybe it will start the conversation that you and your spouse OBVIOUSLY need to have.
Hope this helps ♡
What is the point of having children? You know you’ll just end up with more work.
The problem mainly looks like you’re a hateful b***h with an inflated sense of entitlement. Lot of echoes of that in the comments, too.
Sure there are plenty of “clueless husbands”. My guess is that the number is roughly equal to “clueless wives”.
My husband said to me once (and only once) when I asked him to change a diaper: “Ok, but I want you to know I changed the dirty diaper yesterday too.” Who did he think changed all the other dirty diapers that month? What made him think one child (and we had two in diapers at the time) produced only one dirty diaper in a day?
I could really relate to the “blah blah blah I want to have s*x” and the bit about cleaning the pot they left to soak. Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one with a well-meaning husband like that.
Off the subject a bit, but as a relatively new reader of your column, Karin, I just have to ask. Where/how did you come up with the name “Baby Sideburns”?
I just posted this column PUBLICLY on facebook, so that more fathers can read it (hopefully!)
Feminists call this the “mental load” – This might be interesting for you! https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
Genuinely confused….if you worked a full time job outside the home, and you are still doing all this, then you have a legitimate concerns and need to take it up with your husband.
If you are a full time stay at home Mom, then what exactly is your compliant – all the above is your job. If you feel you are not getting fairly compensated for it, that is again another issue you need to take up with your husband. But to complain about doing your job that you signed up for (you did have a say in having kids, correct?) – what did you think it was going to be like?
If your husbands are such lazy bums, why did you get married in the first place???
Here is a suggestion for all you whiny feminazis: quit begging, cajoling, and shaming us into marrying you, then you can take care of your own d**n house and pay your own way for a change. Then us guys can take care of our own s**t and live longer because we won’t be constantly nagged to death by you entitled bitches.
Oh, and I also work and have two young kids.