Dear stranger who disciplined my kiddo at the playground today
Dear stranger who disciplined my kiddo at the playground today,
Woah woah woah, lemme get this straight. So today your daughter was trying to do the monkey bars? Okay, got it. And my kid was trying to do the monkey bars too? Simple enough. But since your kiddo is new to the monkey bars and takes forever and sometimes gets scared and stops right in the middle, my son had no choice but to go past her and sometimes bump her a little and she would fall and be all sensitive and start crying? Hmmm. Alrighty then.
Now before I continue, I just want to say that yes, I know I should have been there when this all went down, but unfortunately I was on the other side of the playground with my son’s friend who was crying. So no, I wasn’t there, but does that give you a right to discipline my kiddo? Does that give you the right to talk to him sternly and tell him to knock it off? Does that give you the right to act like you are the person in charge when he is actually MY child?
Ummmm, yes. YES IT DOES.
I didn’t get the chance to say this today, but THANK YOU. Because if my kid is acting like a douchenugget and I’m not around for whatever reason, you have my permission to tell him to knock that shit off. I’m not saying you have the right to touch him in any way or yell at him uncontrollably (only I’m allowed to do that), but please feel free to tell him to stop being a jerkwad if he’s not waiting his turn to do the monkey bars. Or if he’s walking up the slide. Or if he’s throwing wood chips. Or if he’s saying bad words. Or being a bully. Or doing anything that he shouldn’t be doing that’s bothering someone else.
Because even if you aren’t his parent, you are the adult. Which means you are smarter than he is. And yeah, I know there are probably a-holes out there who would be all pissy about some stranger getting mad at their kiddo, but not me.
It takes a village. And these days our village might be a little bigger and more spread out and we don’t all sleep in side-by-side huts or ride in covered wagons or gather around the campfire at night and we don’t even all know each other, but we can either choose to have a village or not. And I choose to have a village.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there to do my job, so thank you for helping me do it.
“That” kid’s mom
P.S. If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it. And don’t forget to subscribe to this blog so you don’t miss any of my other shit, uhhh, I mean really intellectually hilarious stuff.
Love this! At first, I was worried you were actually pissed about this in the beginning of your post. Glad it ended with support. 🙂
Me too! Well I have not yelled at other kids, I have gently reminded them that they were cutting in line or that they were doing something mean. It’s funny now-a-days how we are all on pins and needles AFRAID to say anything for fear of starting a mommy blog against you lol. Which is what I thought this was going to be haha. Glad it’s not 🙂
Omg! i was almost scared for the same type of blog. I totally agree with this! The beginning sounded like it was gonna go the complete opposite way! LOVE THIS. It takes a village to raise a child.
I’m glad my kids are grown. I also was afraid you were actually offended. Glad it ended the way it did. And please don’t start sending me emails 6 times a day because I left a comment. Thanks.
This post came right on time. A few weeks ago, my daughter and I were having dinner with her Brownie troop. One of the little girls brushed past me when she got up from the table. I said Excuse me because she didn’t. She did the same thing when she sat back down. When I said Excuse me again since she didn’t, her mother told ME not to check her child. I told her her child was not only pushing past me, but she was moving my leg while she was doing it. She told me that she was just a kid and she didn’t know better (which is a bunch of baloney). Like it has been said, it takes a village to raise a child and I would do the same thing again, no matter if it was an adult or child.
I would have reminded the mother that maybe she should teach her child to “know better” Start with common courtesy.
What did the other child do wrong??? Nothing.
Yo obviously weren’t raised right either…
I believe she’s talking about the child from the brownie troup in the comments.
Katy you obviously see no value in offering others “common courtesy” and now we know by your post you also won’t be teaching it to your children. How sad that something that is so easy to give others is a chore for you.
I don’t see the problem either Katy. If the girl is tying to get out of her seat and your leg is in the way, maybe you should be polite and move it. I don’t have kids, but once when I took my ex-boyfriends kids shopping with me I was unbelievable annoyed by how many other people though they could tell the kids what to do when they were behaving and right next to me. First the kids were picking out glitter for a art project. I was having a casual conversation with them about their glitter options explaining that they could each get one big thing of one color of glitter or get a pack of smaller glitters with several colors. Apparently someone els in the store though I was trying to steer them towards the multi pack and came over and told them to listen to me and get the multi pack and stop taking so long deciding. I had to explain to the other adult that we where in no hurry and they could choose what ever glitter they wanted I was just talking with them about it. Then later in the checkout line the women in front of us told the kids to unpack her cart for her. They looked at me super uncomfortable saying that they were not suppose to talk to strangers. The women then started trying to talk like the cookie monster and offered them cookies to unpack her cart, she was even creeping me out. I was torn between telling her no and wondering if she actually needed help. I offered to take her heaver item out myself, it was so uncomfortable. After the cashier range us up and it was obvious that everything I bought was for the boys she looked at them and said, “what do you say.” At this point I was so annoyed. The kids where being very well behaved and these other adult where trying to tell them what to do. I hope parents don’t have to put up with this all the time.
You are right, Katy. The child didn’t do anything wrong. But it is rude to bump into someone and not say, “excuse me.” The point, I think, is that kids need to be taught manners, so Mom should have addressed this and not been defensive. If kids are not taught, they will continue the behavior and, through no fault of their own, wonder why they no longer have friends. Its not fair to the kid to NOT address the behavior.
Really? Most mothers DO teach their children those things. But often kids, when out of reach of parents, will push limits a bit. I teach my children manners, but they don’t always remember to act perfectly. Last thing I need is some other parent telling me how to teach my child.
Well I will make sure to REMIND them.
You must have a walgreens on every corner in your neighborhood, as well. ?
You must have a walgreens on every corner in yur neighborhood, as well. ?
I call people out when they’re being rude, adult or child, does not matter.
So, in you opinion, when kids without a parent push limits or “don’t remember to act perfectly” they should be above being called out for their rudeness? I don’t think so.
Some parents tell their children to act a certain way but, never bother to set the example
According to this scenario, if your child is out of reach and pushing boundaries, isn’t it appropriate for another mom to reasonably correct them? Raising a child that only behaves well when within reach seems like a bad plan. If kids get feedback from multiple sources they’re more likely to receive it and actually change behavior.
If the other mom corrects, and you snap back, it isn’t ok for that mom to question your lack of restraint on your child? Ie, if she’s not allowed to correct her, and you’re not willing, then she’s not allowed to suggest that it be preferable that you teach better manners?
It just feels like you’re not leaving other moms any options, if you’re not ok with them correcting the child, and you’re not ok with them correcting you. Then your child is just free to be a d**k?
Well sometimes when your ” not around” , you may too need a reminder.
Parent to parent support.
Let go of the ego and take a hit once in awhile to get back in your place.
And be thankful
That’s when you step in like most mothers that are trying to raise good kids and remind them in front of people. Don’t tell me they “forget”. I see 1 & 2 year olds with better manners than some older children and teens.
REALLY. I take it you didn’t fully read or comprehend the article. The “correcting” mother never spoke to the author. She was speaking to a child who was being unsafe around other children. Not only could the “correcting” mother’s child have gotten hurt, the author’s child could have gotten hurt. It sounds to me like the woman was just trying to keep everyone safe. And that is totally appropriate. None of us act perfectly all the time, but it is perfectly reasonable for someone to let us know, adult or child, when we are not behaving reasonably. And it is great that you teach your child manners, but it is even more important that your child knows how to use those manners when he is not in your presence.. and if that takes a reminder from another adult, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.. The idea that you, as the mother, are the only one who can teach your child is very short sighted. We cannot possibly teach our children all they need to know to be successful in this world and it is doing a great disservice to a child to expect that only the parents can teach their children.
Yes Sharon, because you are so perfect and you know everything about child rearing that you need no help. I bet you don’t need help with anything. It also wouldn’t surprise me that your husband left long ago because you’re so pleasant.
I tend to agree with you. But then again, the only experiences I really had with this is when some snotty person didn’t realize my kid was just a kid and wouldn’t stand perfectly still or maybe sang a bit too loudly in the grocery store, or heaven forbid, touched a toy they were selling at a craft fair. They chose to TOUCH my child or reprimand them when I was standing right there. Believe me, had there been a reason to reprimand, I would’ve been right on it.
@Nancy – they shouldn’t be touching your child. I’ll agree with you there. Your child shouldn’t be touching stuff at a craft fair, either, unless you’re buying it. Doesn’t excuse the stranger touching your child, but it’s pretty simple to make sure kids know not to touch stuff that doesn’t belong to them. Just yesterday I was in the grocery store and a little kid was wandering around the self-serve gourmet foods (olives, etc.), opening up the lids and sticking his face down in the bin. Multiple people gave the kid a dirty look, but nobody said anything. When he opened up a sixth bin, I finally told him, “Don’t touch the food. Where’s your mom?” One of the shoppers heard me and realized that her child wasn’t with her, so went over to talk to him, then shouted, “He’s not touching the food. He’s smelling it!” Ewww! The point is that it was unsanitary to be breathing his germs all over other people’s food.
When my children were small, every time they went shopping with me, once I shut off the car I’d ask, “What are the rules in a store?” and the kids would all recite, “Be quiet, stay with mommy, don’t touch things!” In the store, they were either in the cart, or had one hand on the cart at all times. It’s easy to do, and sets expectations so that kids know what is appropriate behavior. Different approaches will probably work for others. The key is to choose some approach and teach them.
Obviously the child WAS in the mother’s reach for her to tell Thasia not to “check” her child. She should have reprimanded HER child not the victim.
Obviously the mother doesn’t “know better” either or that child would know proper etiquette.
Yes, the same thing I was thinking! Teach the “supposedly” teacher!!
I actually agree with the other mom on this one. If you think an 8 year old “brushing up against your leg so hard it moved it” is a serious enough offense thst you get to try and embarrass them publicly than your skin is prob alittle to thin.
Ah, so Dave is one of those people who slams into you in the hallway, not looking where he’s going and then replies to your “excuse me” with just an ignorant glare. Common courtesy is totally lost on you – thanks for the heads-up.
It is sad that an 8 year old doesn’t know enough to say excuse me without prompting. The mom probably doesn’t say it either. If your kid forgets manners when out of your reach than you aren’t teaching it properly. What are they going to do when they are 13 and out of your reach?
That is the problem with these KIDS today, they have “PARENTS” like you that give them a sense of entitlement, It not about having thick or thin skin, it is about teaching those kids of yours to have respect for adults PERIOD!!!!!
not just respect for adults, but respect for others….
That is the problem with these “PARENTS” like you today, they have a sense of entitlement. To have respect you must earn it by your actions, not demand it because of your age. Adults can be, and often are, A-holes. PERIOD!!!!!
Over a year ago in a Miami, a boy approximately 10yrs of ago rammed a grocery cart into a woman approx age 70ish. He continued ramming the cart until I along with another adult grabbed this little psycho by his both of arms….I yelled SECURITY several times, no one came to our rescue. The other adult took over the little psycho and swatted his buttocks and the little psycho(who did not cry…he looked like he had dead eyes) responded by kicking the adult. By then, I was checking on the woman the little twit had previously rammed with the cart, I was ready to call 911 but the woman said not to call 911. The adult who was holding the kid off to the side finally was able to find someone who claimed to be the psycho’s parent and he said “what are you doing to my son”. He claimed his boy did nothing wrong, I responded “How would you know, as he was too busy talking to his guy pals to discipline this brat! He responded “Not too worry, and brought the brat into his inner circle. I was quick to get out of Dodge, but I wish I had a chance to smack the kid and his dad too..but I was too busy looking for the exit!
The difference between being unaware and a bully, is doing the same thing twice is intention. not bothering to acknowledge the person you slighted. If the kid apologized or, made an effort not to do it a second time that would be fine.
The problem with kids these days are their self important parents.
So well said!
And believe some parents should teach their kids manners or not let them out of public places…
Their parents shouldn’t be allowed out in public either if that is the case.
The issue with this is we never know when someone has a medical condition like MS, lupas, RA, fybro etc that brush of the leg can be painful or bothersome or just say they have anxiety of people in their space can we not teach our children to say excuse me or apologize, agnologize their surroundings that the world is not just about them. Compassion love generosity come from simple little things like being taught if you run by someone and accidentally step on their toe, you go back say your sorry and see if they are ok, not just go about your day ignoring it. Next thing you have a teen driving bumping into cars that doesnt report because well know one seen it happen or called me out on it so i will just act like it didn’t happen. It starts some where.
I would agree so much more with your comment if you had only taken the common courtesy to use correct grammar, punctuation and spelling. In this internet age, written comments with such a bad standard of language are as bad as intentionally bumping into an old lady who is carrying her tea tray. Punctuation is not an accident. It helps transport your meaning. Spelling is not an accident, either. If you want to communicate in writing and if you want your message to be understood, then you need to apply the common rules of spelling and punctuation, otherwise you will confuse your audience rather than convince them. But maybe that is beyond your capabilities. Ah, well.
EatsShoot and Leaves
Calling others out on their grammar, punctuation, and spelling is also rude. You don’t know if there is a problem with spellcheck, if English is the person’s second language, if they have a learning disability, if they have a physical limitation that makes it difficult to go back and make corrections or even difficult to use the keyboard or touch screen.
You’re not a morning person, are you? Shouldn’t the clause “if you had only taken the courtesy” instead be “if you had only HAD the common courtesy” in that first sentence? I also see wordiness, and a baffling simile. “Punctuation is not an accident.” Who said it was? And is that a comma splice I see toward the end of your little tirade?
What on earth was that comment about spelling and punctuation not being an accident ? To me, her main idea was clear enough and the tiny mistake she may have made is NOT enough to prevent us from understanding her correctly…
Please get off you high horse… Well just the same, Have a nice day =)
Ya , I thought she sounded a bit cry baby if an eight year old is pushing past you obviously you can use your mind and move for the child not humiliate them…
no…by eight years old a child should not get a free pass for pushing someone to get where they want to go. They may have been humiliated? Boo hoo then they learn to not do it.
And how is a child supposed to learn manners and courtesy if their inappropriate behavior isn’t pointed out *when it occurs* and the appropriate behavior indicated to them? This child wasn’t “humiliated” by having “excuse me” said to them- it would have been different if the poster had called the kid out and berated her.
If an 8 year old is moving hard and fast enough to move an adult’s leg then the child is not being appropriate and should be told so – the adult shouldn’t have to “move out of the way” for the child. What if the original poster were elderly? The child could potentially knock her down or cause her to fall – or should she just lithely jump out of the way?
If the parent is unwilling to teach the child common curtesy and respect then someone sure needs to. You have no idea of the medical issues that she might have. So you don’t know how it felt!
Saying “excuse me” as a reminder to the child, is not humiliating the child, it is teaching them. When I was growing up, and used poor grammar, adults would correct me. Not just my parents, all adults. This is how we learn. If I ran at the pool, adults that I didn’t even know reminded me to walk. This is how we learn. It is not meant to humiliate, but to teach. If the child is embarrassed, it’s because they know that they are wrong. The only reason a parent would be angry is because they are embarrassed that someone else needed to correct their child.
Way to be a troll?
Meant for dave?
Absolutely no thin skin involved in that brownie troop dinner situation. That child brushing up against MY leg, so hard that my leg moves, could send me to an ER because I need a cane for balance. I can’t risk the fall. Wind can knock me over, never mind a rude shoving child. Disabled people aren’t always identified with stickers on our foreheads. If any of my 3 kids had pushed against an adult that hard, they’d have been grounded for a month and everything that life has to offer them taken away until they graduated high school. No, that kind of behavior from a child is NOT ever acceptable. It’s the behavior of a budding bully. No child should be allowed to push other people, and that’s what that episode was about — pushing. And my community of parents knew that they could say something to my children if I wasn’t present to discipline them.
sounds like a great opportunity to offer to do a etiquette class for the troop next year! Volunteer & show that mom HOW to teach her child manners.
Bully raising a bully is what that was.
The excuse that she doesn’t know any better because she’s a kid is a total reflection of the parent. When kids don’t know better, that’s when you teach them.
I get it. The kid had no regard for another human standing there. She was rude and manners went by the wayside.
It’s not productive to be passive aggressive with children. Ever. And as you witnessed, they don’t even pick up on it. Was this about you reminding a child to use their manners, or your hurt feelings? You could have asked her not to bump you and please use manners, or said nothing at all.
A 2-yr-old can learn to say “excuse me.” By the time they’re in Brownies, they should certainly know when it’s appropriate. Kuddos to you for stepping up when the parents apparently aren’t doing their job.
Point made… if the little girl didn’t know any better, she was learning the lesson that day. And would have been a good teaching time for the defensive momma.
I don’t usually respond but, as an incredibly shy child who was very nervous about speaking to adults I would ask for compassion in understanding what might have motivated the child to not speak up. Maybe she doesn’t have a grasp of manners, but maybe she is so shy that the thought of talking to an adult she doesn’t know, especially one who chastised her, is a bit much. It took me years to get over my shyness – please don’t assume that you know a child before trying to understand them.
I don’t have a kid and I imagine I would be quite strict as a mother but that being said, i was an anxious kid and still am, I remember being quite young and one of my friends moms had no problem correcting my every little bad or less than perfect behaviour and I was absolutely terrified of her and of doing something wrong. In hindsight she wasn’t even mean or scary but because I was such a sensitive and anxious kid she was literally part of my nightmares. I was and still am not by any means perfect but I was a sweet kid I never meant any disrespect and still do not. It wasn’t her who taught me how to be a good person it was other people leading by example and treating me with respect patience and love. Kids really are just kids and making them uncomfortable or scared or embarrassed just is NOT the way to teach them. If the woman who called me out as a kid would have taken me aside explained what i did in a way I could understand, gave me a smile and showed me some compassion and patience she would have taught me the same thing without terrifying me or making me uncomfortable. Fear is not the way to teach and if you aren’t a child’s mother you can scare them by even speaking to them. I was the kid who would give my last m&m to my friend or give up something so someone else could have it, did i need to be called out on everything I did to grow up into a good human being? hell no. Have some perspective people these are children and they are all very different.
Kr, I totally agree and that was the premise of my response. Parents need to model behavior not instruct it. Of course there are times to reinforce limits, but the first step is to understand the behavior and where the decision or cause to misbehave came from. Next step is to instruct your child to have compassion for the other child who is crying. Most of the time your child will reach out with true companion, instead of forces actions in front of an observing parent. Which behavior do you think will be more persistent? Behavior forced at the threat of harm or from intimidation, or a realization of another’s pain?
Jaime, both of my kids are incredibly shy but still use good manners. Shy children would be embarrassed to push their way past an adult…no more excuses please.
If she didn’t yet know better, wouldn’t this have been the perfect time to learn?! When parents don’t use these opportunities to teach, the kids will NEVER know better.
She didn’t know what better because her parents or parents doesn’t know better
Exactly. Mother’s like that are the reason our future generations are so screwed up. It’s really scary.
The reason some kids don’t know any better is because they aren’t taught any better.
She obviously doesn’t know better because her mother is not teaching her. The mom needs to be put in check as well.
That rude kid might grow up to be a rude adult. I wish people would think of that before they defend their offsprings’ bad behavior.
This is what is wrong – giving your kid the benefit of the doubt, yet slamming another parent. Never your kid’s fault?
You didn’t read the whole article, did you..
Lee, it looks like Jessica is replying to Thasia (actually agreeing with her point) not criticizing the blog entry.
I am always going to defend my child and give her the benefit of the doubt if she is being chastised or “spoken to sternly” in public by a stranger. I will certainly get to the bottom of it, but I will not let anybody confront her in public without taking her side first.
And this is what is wrong with parents nowadays. Maybe if you were doing your job, your child would have not disrespected an adult in the first place.
Thank you! I am that mom! The big kids climbing up the slide as the little ones are trying to go down drives me crazy! The sad thing is some people do get weird about you saying something to their kid but I’ve found that those tend to be he people who don’t say anything to their own kids when they are being jerks.. Control your kids, people!
I did not like the names that she was calling her child. If she calls her child these names all the time, no wonder he’s acting up.
She wrote a good post dont ruin it with your prude mind
Are you serious? So being honest with your kid and say your acting like a j**k is not ok? I’d rather me call my kid this and correct him than someone else. He acted up because he’s a kid. S**t up
She isn’t calling her child a j**k to his face. She’s talking about him on the internet. A public forum directed at the rest of the world; not her child. I imagine she calls him much worse at home. “Look at me! I’m such a great mom! See what a great mom I am!” that is not a great mom, let alone a good mom.
She said acting like a douche nugget .. She didn’t call him one.. And kids are not reading this.. It is filled with truth and humor. Lighten up!
I suggest you take the pickle out of your a*s before you comment on a perfectly hilarious adult posts…
Really? You can’t separate saying “if he’s being a douchenugget” from actually calling her kid that? There’s a difference. I’ll tell my children when they’re being jerkwads so they can recognize it and correct for it in the future. People in the real world aren’t always going to be proper and polite, it’s good for them to know this and learn how to respond to it. You should try to realize that children are real people and need to experience things before they can learn to deal with them.
I’m with you, Lisa. I would NEVER call my child names. Nor would I support someone else calling her a jerkwad. Reference: “please feel free to tell him to stop being a jerkwad”
I’m sorry some people are telling you to “shut up” and that you have a pickle up your a*s.
As you were…
Agreed, it’s probably a stick, not a pickle.
Oh you made me giggle 🙂
I guess that stick has helped some stand up straight and have a better view of the world around them. I’d rather that stick than still walking around on my knuckles like so many on this thread.
Well that stick is certainly keeping your nose up in the air.
You some my pet peave! Yes I am “that” mom aka Playground Hitler Mom. My kids are a little older now ( and wouldn’t dare go UP a slide) but when they were 4, 5, 6 years old, going down a slide and that obnoxious 9, 10, 11 year old took off running UP the slide – I was DEFINITELY “that” mom. Teach your kids manners, respect, and to follow the rules – either written or common courtesy. I’d you do that, I’ll happily keep my mouth shut!
I am the j**k father. If bigger kids are bullying the small ones by climbing the slide or propping themselves halfway to block it I will ask the kids to please stop, if they do not stop I put my daughter on my lap and slide all of us down. I’ll keep doing this until they realize I will just slide them to the bottom every time. If their parents object I tell them that I am using the slide with my daughter, if they cannot control their children then they should be prepared for others to do it for them.
I despise those parents that raise spoiled, self-entitled brats. I try to give the poor kids the benefit of the doubt because they didn’t choose to have idiots for parents, but that is a short fuse.
I was worried too! I was thinking “oh no, I am gonna have to disagree” but this is great. I agree that kindly telling another child their behavior is not “ok” is OK! Thanks for being grounded, funny and totally rational on all counts.
It doesn’t say in the blog how she knows this person was right to sternly talk to her child, would you allow any adult to berate (or talk sternly to) your child right or wrong just because they are an adult? I have met many adults that don’t have the sense that god gave a billy goat
Can we agree that there is a difference between “berating ” and “talking sternly”? A stern tone is to convey the seriousness of the lesson. To berate is to intentionally cause emotional pain. A stern tone reminding a child that their behavior is not appropriate is the responsibility of any adult the witnesses the behavior. Especially if the behavior could be dangerous or damaging.
Thank you! I’m so glad this post went in the direction it did. All hail baby sideburns! ?
Very good. Now please stop saying “kiddo.” If you don’t like the word “kid,” say “child” instead, but “kiddo” sounds so affected. WTH is a kiddo, anyway? Nothing.
Stop being a nit picky B and correcting her language. I’m pretty sure she’s the one with two hit books…
What the H is wrong with kiddo????? Call my kiddos that all the time.
Relax…..she clearly loves her nuggets.
What about “little” or “kidlet” or “tiny human”? Any of those work for you? Chill out and get off your high horse.
That your internet name tag Nichol?
It’s a term of endearment. Deal with it.
Well said! A “child” is supposed to be guided to proper adulthood & acceptance by society by those who have already been there, done that stuff, in my mind, the term “kiddo” is referring to one who is more mature than a child & is learning how to behave as an adult & because the parent wasn’t in place at that moment another stepped up to the plate, that’s how it should be, The mom who posted this didn’t use foul language, just words that get the point made re: unacceptable behavior needing correction, & her words were in the direction of her own child, not the others involved.Parents need to get a backbone & BE THE ADULT & CONTROL THESE KIDS alot more, stop caving & coddling to their demanding BS! Or else that “child” will still have to same behaviors coming out of an adult sized person!
Kiddo: 1. used as a familiar form of address 2. Child, kid. Seriously, it’s in the dictionary. She likes the word kiddo and you like the word kid. It’s not your article and when you write one you can pick whatever word you want.
OMG you should have stopped at “very good”. Everything after that turned you into a DB.
Kids are baby goats, so your suggestion is grammatically incorrect. It’s her blog. She can call them kiddos, children or whatever she prefers.
Kid is from German and Scandinavian origins….wunderkind and kindo dating back to 17th century.. it is usually a friendly word, but can be condescending to someone your are chastising. and of all things I hear parents call a child…kiddo is mild.
ps puki … pooki is Finish for goat
Yes!!! Another person who can’t stand the word “kiddo” lmao effing hate that word :p
Ugh!!! I hate the name Nikki. So white trash stripperish. LMAO :p
Oh my, but you made me laugh!
Whoa…. No. Nikki was the raunchy woman Prince caught masturbating in public…. NOT a stripper! Lmao 😉
All words were made up at some point. Otherwise we’d still be making animal noises.
Saying kiddo irritates the hell out of me as well.
Try listening to a 75 year old woman saying “kiddo” to her 67 year old brother! I hate the word in that context! If it’s a child, I can deal with that. I like to think I’m compromising! 🙂
I’m 63 and have been calling everyone kiddo all my life – men, women, children, animals, people older and younger, most often for people whose name I don’t know but many times because it’s a casual conversation. Now, don’t get me going on young people who are waiting on me as clerks, cashiers, waitpeople, who call me “sweetie” when I’m old enough to be their grandmother! PS By the way, my dog’s name was Nikki. PPS Love the article and often have been in this situation…
Such an unnecessary comment.
I agree, language is important
Get a life, lady. For Pete’s sake, can’t you find more important things to take issue with?
“Kiddo” has been said for at least 5 generations in my family. We have respect, morals, rules and respect for the english language. We use “kiddo” as a loving, affectionate word. ie….. the kids walk in the door from school- “Hey “kiddo’s”! How was you day at school?”
Your kind of being judgmental of the word kiddo and you may be the weird one in this.
I was called Kiddo all the time as a child and I still love the word kiddo, I call my godson it, refer to him and other family as kiddo! Many people use it all the time, in this case I think she was lightening the mood from the beginning. Or she may use it all the time in writing and at home. So if you don’t like reading it stop reading and walk away. Boom! You don’t have to see the word kiddo.
I agree with you. Because I find the word kiddo to be annoying and degrading I will not return to this site so I don’t have to read it again.
There is so much name calling and nasty comments made to and by people on this site that many adults are behaving as badly as some of the children they are complaining about. The most obvious thing I got from reading this is that many adults and children need to learn to be respectful and considerate of others.
I call my kiddos kiddos all the time. Why are you being a douchenugget?
Seriously?? My sister has called me kiddo for as long as I can remember (I am 50 yy). It’s the way she refers to “ME”. All children are kids. But I was “kiddo” and still am. I love that she refers to her child that way. Great article!
How about chicklet, or chitlin? Technically, they’re gum and animal innards. However, I call my children that all the time! Don’t like it?
I run a childcare and use the word kiddo or kiddos all the time. What the heck is wrong with that? LOL Some people!
It may be a term that is set geographically. My grandmother from Wisconsin called me kiddo. My grandmother from the south called me young’un. I loved my grandmas so either term is fine with me. 🙂
I had an unpleasant boss who used kiddo. All the time. We workrd with families so it was an every day thing. So I agree about dropping thst word but for a different reason.
um … I still call my little sister ‘kiddo’ (she’s six years younger than me) and we both are mothers now over the age of 40 with three children each. It’s a term of endearment. I call my own children ‘kiddos’ all the time.
Oh my gosh. I totally shouldn’t have been fooled by this, but I was at first. Whew!
Yes, absolutely scold my kid if he is. Being a butthead. I’m with you!
All day today I had to be “that” mom. I’m nice about it. I explain to the kid that if the slide is empty feel free to climb up but if there is someone coming down or a line of kids ready to go down then climbing up is off limits. It gets people hurt. I had a pack of 5 yr old brats talk back to me horribly about it while their moms drank through their bible study at a table that barely had a sight line to the playground. A bit frustrating…
I would of had to interrupt their studies and point out That somewhere in their studies should be something about honoring their mothers and dads, and should include honoring adults in general. If a group of 5 year olds got mouthy they are failing miserably as parents.
Wow! How and why did this subject get so off course?
Kiddo, sweetie (they aren’t a piece of candy) princess, pumpkin, honey, all terms of endearment.
“Drank through their bible studies”? Drinking what?
At least they are studying it.
I agree with this article 100%.
I honor my alcoholic mother every day… Well, not since she thought being a total hypocrite on my fb public wall. Drunk people do dumb things like, expect to be respected for being drunk…
I mean and then they would be the first to complain or ask why you were not watching their kids as they walked off with a stranger. Terrible. Ugh dislike people like that. Sadly there are a lot of parents like that these days.
You might be my favorite mommy ever ?
Amen! And kudos to you, I cannot agree more!!!
Looking out for everyone’s safety and sharing is a big role in parenthood. Thank you for stepping up!
While I agree in spirit, be aware, too. My little guy has a speech processing disorder, and won’t understand what you’re saying to him unless you are speaking clearly at eye level. Scolding won’t work. He also can’t tell you what happened in his perspective. I try to watch closely, but I have 2 kids– and I’m human. For some of these special kids, it might be better to notify the mom, rather than scold the child. It might be like a foreign language in their world.
I agree. My child has sensory processing disorder. He would be that kid bumping into all the other kids. He doesn’t mean anything by it. He doesn’t understand where he begins and ends. In this situation, scolding him is not going to help.
You guys sound like great parents! But let me get going on a tangent re:learning disabilities/disorders…(not personal to you)
Can I just say that as an EA, my biggest pet peeve is when parents of kids with learning and cognitive difficulties think their kids rights trump the rights of others. These same parents excuse and dismiss disruptive behaviour towards others, rather than explain the reason and find/work on a solution.
Most kids with disorders and learning disabilities look like every other kid. Not up to others to try to figure out who’s ‘typical’ and who’s not.
Secondly, even ‘typical’ kids will be bumping into each other here and there. Not a big deal. If your kids are constantly shouldering or playing innaproprately to the point its affecting other kids playing, it’s time to leave and come back later.
Couldn’t agree more! How easy is it to find every kid’s parent on a playground to sit and discuss how their form of communication works best for their child?! Lol Kindly ask the kid to stop the behavior or go somewhere else and move on.
Your so right, it’s like the handicap stalls why are their rights trumping mine….you should quit your job.
How on earth would the availability of handicap stalls affect your rights in any way, shape, or form? Who should quit their jobs, and why?
Not all of us parents with unique kids ( I dislike disabled) dismiss our child’s behavior or think their rights trump others rights. I use my son’s diagnosis as a learning tool for those around him. If my son is being an asshat I expect him to be corrected but I also expect you to have an understanding of him before disciplining him or all you will do is cause a melt down and he won’t understand what he did wrong. My son also has sensory processing disorder. He doesn’t know where he begins and ends and is often clumsy and bumps into things and people. It has to do with the type of sensory processing disorder he has.
If your child does not understand correction and/or basic social skills, do not let him out of your sight. If he is being a douche canoe and has a meltdown because someone else was forced to correct him, that is on you 100%.
As a mom of an autistic boy I agree. We do.everything we can to teach him how to.play appropriately and to behave. We very rarely ask for an accommodation or understanding or excuse his behavior. Because we have two older ones who shouldn’t miss out on things because of him. So we do all we can to correct it. I get frustrated at those parents who expect me to.monitor and watch over their kids while they apparently have better things to.do, like sit on their phone or engage in a convo with someone else to the point of distraction.
I’m gonna have to disagree here. I have 4 kids with sensory processing disorder. My middle child is extremely bad about realizing “where he begins and end” (I like that phrase!) BUT it does NOT mean it is not something that he needs to learn. By having other adults point out to him that he’s bumping into someone else and it’s not ok, he’s learning. As long as the correction is done kindly, I’m all for it! And yes, it may not help right away, but the great thing about SPD kids is that they CAN learn it. It just takes a little more work.
Exactly, just because a child has special needs doesn’t mean he|she can’t learn that their behavior isn’t acceptable, and to make them know or realize it. It may take longer to learn, but they sure can learn.
Brat I agree with what you said. I have a son who is ADHD, has asperger syndrome, speech and learning difficulties. Many of the behaviours you described for your son are the same as my son’s. From a very young age I educated him and corrected any undesirable behaviours. I told him that his difficulties were something that he and I had to work to improve. I told him that he had to fit into society and that we would not make excuses for him. I also believe that if you can not get a child (with or without special needs) to behave at the age of 3 that you have no hope when they are 13. You can be firm and loving and explain to the child the difference between right and wrong, good and bad behaviours. The sooner you teach them how to behave the better for all. From the time they do something wrong, work to correct it, they are not too young. It takes hard work and being constant,even when you are exhausted and time poor the effort is worth it.
He was bullied at school but joined an ant-bullying program at the school and together with other students and staff assisted in teaching the general student population of the school about bullying and the effects of it.
My son is now 23 years old. He has a car, got a job and moved out of home. He achieved his independence and I am proud of him. One of the most memorable moments is when he was 19 and we were going out and I was driving. Oh how I wish I was recording what he said.Out of nowhere he said “Thanks” I asked for what. “For not allowing me to use my condition as an excuse, and for making me go to school and college” That one sentence from him made all those hours of speech and occupational therapy, teacher meetings and hard work worth while.
Brat, I hope one day your son says thanks to you. Even if he doesn’t say it, I am sure he does or will (when he gets older) appreciate all you have done for him.
I have a son who is autistic, he has sensory issues; while he is gifted in other areas, social skills are lacking, every day tasks such as using a phone, ordering something from the menu, paying for something at the cash register, cooking for himself; these we are STILL working on, even voice volume control (inside voice, outside voice). He too gets into own little world ESPECIALLY if bored while shopping (he thinks, thinking means he does his little flapping thing) But you know what I DO NOT make excuses for him, I make him be aware of his surroundings so if he bumps into a kid at the park, a old lady at the grocery store, He knows he is to say sorry. Walked over you? knocked the shoe off your foot because he stepped on the back of your heel, he is to say sorry. Flapping getting annoying or causing a disturbance? All we have to do is say hands; and he puts them down. Is he monopolizing the conversation by talking about history or science? Tell him, say stay on topic. Is he interrupting your conversation? Tell that isn’t acceptable. Scratching his head and hair at the table because he’s bored? Tell him about it. My son is 17, he’s a sophomore in HS, he started school at 3 yrs. old. Started kindergarden a year late for our own reasons. The point is, I have NEVER used his disability as an excuse, I hold him accountable for his actions. Yes, sure there are we may ignore for 1 reason or another because he does have special needs as EVERY parent picks and chooses the battles with their children. But just because he has special needs doesn’t make him exempt to consequences of his own actions. So, yes I realize he has special needs; but I treat him just like I would treat any other child or young adult. And my son is excelling in school, excelling as a productive young adult in his community. He is very helpful, thought full, considerate young man.
I think this is beautiful. I may have to “borrow” some of your cues to help my kids and myself!
If your kid is special, you need to keep a better eye on him then to just barely be in eyesight of the playground.
Well, I’ve always been one to know the difference between scolding and proper discipline. Scolding always entailed, to me, pointing out the problem and yelling at you for it. Discipline, to me, was always being told what I was doing wrong and why I couldn’t do it. In this instance, proper discipline would be, “Hey buddy! You have some strong arms to go across that so fast! Sometimes kids aren’t as strong as you so when you go across them like that and bump them, you can hurt their feelings or they can fall off and hurt themselves!” Now, understanding not all situations are going to be like that, one needs to realize that they need to respect the children just like we respect others! When a person scolds, I think a child is more inclined to do it again just for the sole purpose that they are never told how their actions can affect others around them if they are misbehaving or can themselves!
I’m not a mommy, but I’m a dad and grandpa who has had a total of 167 years of playground experience. (Well, it seems like it!) Your piece today was spot-on! I’ve seen all the types shown in the above comments, and had my rounds with mad cows who do nothing until they see a perceived affront to their angel’s right to be an a-hole. The trouble is, I think the people who read your work are not the ones you need to reach. We can only hope. Well done, you!
I love you!
I feel the same way about my fourth grade class family! Sometimes it’s difficult to handle an urgent issue while other kiddos decide to make not-so-good choices.
Agree. However, I was pissed when a stranger shushed my child at Barnes and Noble (even though I was shushing him at the very same time). It’s a retail establishment not a freaking library!
I would of simply said the the Shusher, Thank you, I’m working on that and I was telling my child to shhhh.. That I didn’t need assistance, it is a public place not a library and maybe they should shhhush. Then I would probably break into a soft appropriate song. Like row row your boat. And she how they like that.
What they did was extremely rude and there was no reason for it. If you had been ignoring your child maybe, but there is a polite way to of done it. Simply saying would you mind being just a bit quiter please, I would appreciate that. Would of gotten a lot more polite response back from me I’m sure.
I don’t know… something, having someone else (ie not a parent) comment will make more of an impact. Again, if it was done “gently”, no offense taken. I would probably thank that stranger for reinforcing my parenting.
Library or not, your child should be quiet in public. He can go mad at home. If the little asshat was so noisy that a stranger was compelled to correct him, you should be embarrassed not annoyed.
I won’t go as far as to say which person was right in this situation. It’s hard to know, especially when you can’t see the exact situation. Perhaps the son just went “Mom!” and she shushed him. Perhaps he was screaming for five minutes.
But I’ve been through the extreme. I can distinctly remember being five and my mother telling me I can pick any toy under a certain amount at the grocery store, and to come find her in the next aisle when I got one. I had one in my hands, hadn’t said a word, and was just walking back. I was a really quiet child, quite shy and hated touching things without permission. If things had been knocked over, I picked them up and put them away. It was just how I was, and I state that so you understand it was just someone grabbing something after consideration and walking away. Yet a 65 year old woman had the audacity to tell me not to steal it and to put it back, and I had to run to my mother and tell her what happened.
Now, again I’m not saying that the woman in B&N was that out of hand, but it’s a possibility. You simply don’t know the situation, so I wouldn’t go as rude as telling someone their son was being an asshat and they should be embarrassed. Some people are just dicks.
Yeah… Listen “mom” ….. Some of us are busy with other siblings and can’t be one on one all the time, so thank you for realizing that it took a village to raise all of us…. Greatly appreciated ….. Signed part of the village
I agree 1000% l, however, I don’t see enough of it. I also don’t see many parents at the park with their children either. As for the slow child on the monkey bars… We need to teach them to stay strong even when others are doing this. We can’t be helicopter parents that neglect to let our children “tough it out”. Again, I believe there is a fine line.
I love this post minus one part – I’m that mama that allows her kid to climb up the slide as long as he remains respectful of the other children. Kiddos to you!
I’ve never thought one way or the other about climbing up slides when there aren’t other kids playing on it. But just tonight, a neighbor told me about their niece going down a slide, a rather large slide, and didn’t know a kid was climbing up it. The girl going DOWN the slide broke her leg when she ran into the kid climbing up. I will definitely re-think how I teach my kids slide etiquette because of that story!
With my kids, I taught them that the person coming down *always* has the right of way. They can climb up all they want as long as no one is about to come down. If they are half-way up and someone appears at the top, they have to slide down and let that person go. (Then they can start up again if the slide is empty.) They internalized the rule pretty easily and it was never a problem. They climbed up many slides, many times, but the rule worked well to avoid conflicts and injury.
I am strongly pro slide climbing (watching out for others and being safe, of course). I think it’s so good for kids to use the equipment in multiple imaginative ways.
If my kids want to climb up the slides, I stand right beside it so I can tell them to hop down when someone wants to use it. However, my ‘kiddo’ (sorry to those offended by the word) has a balance disorder and climbing up slides is actually something the Dr suggested! They are enclosed enough that she doesn’t get scared, but it gives her a challenge. I don’t really think it’s a problem if the parent is paying attention and the child knows they need mom there to watch before they can do it. It’s not too difficult for us.
Had a friend whose daughter was going down one of those slides where you couldn’t see ahead, because it curved and was enclosed. Her daughter had a concussion from the boy climbing up colliding with her.
Great post! From a teacher’s point of view, I wish all parents were like you. So many of them don’t want anyone to scold their little darlings, even in school, no matter what the “dear darling” did. Thanks!
I am forever “that” mum and typically people are very thankful.
However, what I have learned living in our current generation is the kids are not the problem, they are fine to be re-directed by an adult…it’s the not so appreciative mothers you need to be weary of…sadly.
Like and love! And I have no issues disciplining another child. Please return the favor!
Amen and yes please! I would love to see this at all playgrounds! I have 3 boys. I can’t be in 3 places at once but I certainly don’t want any outlandish behavior to go I dealt with. Scold my child in a kind but firm manner.
As someone mentioned (sort of) in an earlier post, the moms who need to hear this are not reading your blog. Hmmm. Maybe there is some anonymous way to send it to them?
Have it plastered all over on all forms of social network sites. Tweet it, facebook it, and whatever; make it go viral. Perhaps going viral it can get some attention from the new media.
As too many mommies that maybe offended by another parent disciplining their child; that mommy may be the 1 that is stuck with their cell in hand texting with a girl friend or checking out their facebook.
These kids aren’t supposed to raise themselves; we parents need to get off of our butts and be a part of our children’s lives and yes that means getting off the dang cell, tablet or whatever. When I was growing up there wasn’t all this technology and parents were parents. Regardless if it was their own child or their child’s friend or some complete stranger child.
When I was growing up the moms usually didn’t even come to the playground with us. And on the occasions when they did, they used the time to catch up with each other while we were playing.
I’m with that other lady. Even though I appreciate that you are a well grounded woman who sees the advantage in someone saying something to your child when they are misbehaving, I have to say I HATE that word “kiddo”. It just sounds dumb!
Like other people commenting I was thinking I was going to have to put a comment disagreeing with you. While I wouldn’t actually correct another person’s child I agree it takes a village. Kudos to you mom!
Working in a grocery store, sometimes there is a blurrier line when it comes to me being part of the village…not too sure how much the company would like me being more nanny and less cake decorator 😉 I have found though that I can gently encourage my mini customers to curb some less-than stellar behavior by invoking superheroes and princesses…”Suzy, slow down a little with that cart, walk like a princess” “I think Batman would help carry that” Neither parent or child gets offended.
OMG! Nobody talks to my kid! You got a problem? Come to me! I won’t have my child scarred for life because a stranger yells at them. The next thing you know is these kids being corrected by strangers will think they have to take a “time out” inside the strangers van! If your kid is too little to accomplish a playground set, keep them in the kiddy area and don’t even think it’s my kids fault that yours is not ready for the big stuff. What were you doing on the other side of the playgroung anyway? Stay with your kid, or hire a helper!
Hahaha. You’ve got to be trolling.
Are you serious? If someone yelling at your child will ‘scar them for life’ you are raising one precious little pansy a*s kid.
I was just waiting for comment like this lol
Haha haha haha haha. Oh please … hire a helper? Wow you must have all the money in the world to think we should hire a helper just because a parent is tied up at the other end of the park with a sibling for some reason because they might have fell or something..
2. How do you expect them to be “ready” if they don’t practice. ‘practice makes perfect’
3. No one is trying to traumatize anyone… they are simply tell them what they are doing is wrong and should wait there turn… or go do something else until the other child is done .
GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE
First off, she’s not talking about yelling at the child. She’s talking about firmly (not unkindly) saying to the child that their behaviour was inappropriate and not nice. Second, if you’re at the playground with more than one child, it’s impossible to be everywhere and see everything ALL the time or every single second. Sometimes it works better or your child might listen more to you, if another parent is to say something to your child about an inappropriate behavior(that you have told your child is inappropriate on a previous occasion) to have it confirmed that it’s not mom/dad just being weird, but other people find tat behaviour wrong too. And as to your comment about hiring a helper… Not everyone has the money to spare to do so. That comment was unnecessary and a bit insensitive.
I don’t think it was ever stated that the older child was yelled at by the other parent but rather asked sternly to stop what he was doing.
Playgrounds are public places designed for children of all ages to use, and one is not more entitled to it just because they are bigger or older. Every kid was small once and was in the same position as that little girl learning to use the monkey bars. Is it so wrong to ask an older child to exercise a bit of empathy and patience instead of pushing her aside in the pursuit of their own personal fun.
If it’s apparent who the parent is, then yes I would politely ask first if they could have their kid refrain from hurting mine. That is not always the case in my town. In fact some of the kids are brought to play by parents but rather older siblings.
I don’t think the author is implying that strangers should be allowed to yell or give your child time out, but rather kids need to be taught to respect adults in general not just their parents, because as they grow they are going to encounter many different types of authority. Seeds of respect need to be sown early on because as our kids grow we are not going to be with them 24/7.
Tina, I sure hope you are a troll, because if this is how you really think the next generation is screwed?
Thanks Tina. I was waiting for someone like you to stir things up. Thank goodness people like you are few and far between but please proceed. This will be good.
No one mentioned “yelling” at them. In fact everyone has said “politely”. Calm down. Based on yoyr response, I have a feeling you wouldn’t be very receptive to anyone’s opinions about your child’s behavior anyway. Lol
We aren’t saying screaming or yelling at them. Someone saying wait your turn while this child is doing something is more than acceptable, rather than some punk causing a child to fall and possibly break their ankle. And if your child is going to be traumatized by someone saying to them; wait your turn, or give this other child a chance than yes; you have some serious issues and some pansies for kids. How are they even going to cope in the real world??? Oh, that’s right they won’t be in the real world, your child is probably 1 of the d**n punk kids who think they are entitled to everything and ended up in the back seat of a police car on his or her way to jail.
You do realize that your perfect little darling will be going to school where a teacher, a principal will have to tell your child mind. Regardless if it is in a hallway to the lunch room, outside at recess, in gym, in the library, in the classroom. And BTW, if you are that concern is another mommy calmly tells your child to knock it off and give this child a chance to complete the monkey bars then you best have your eyes glue to your child at the park, or in the public swimming pool and not on your cell or ipad. Because, I am sorry if I have to correct your child for something minor and you come back at me with your little ti-raid you had above you and I and probably several other understanding mommies would be having a word with you too.
This has to be a joke. Tina, you’re joking, right?
So you’re telling me I have to hire a helper to keep your kid from being mean to mine? If you don’t want others telling your kid not to be a j**k then maybe YOU should be paying attention.
And that mentality is exactly why we have this generation of soft-handed, delicate littler special snowflakes who are not emotionally equipped to handle the real world. I say, correct my kid, village. Because in the real world when he grows up, if he screws up, the police will correct him. I would rather him learn as a child that the world will put you in your place if you need it so he can learn how to NOT need correcting.
I agree! I also agree that it takes a village to raise a child but I get to choose the villagers who assist (ie teachers, friends, etc). I choose which values, rules, etc. I want to raise my child with. Perfect example right here in the comments regarding the allow/don’t allow your child to climb up the slide (I’m a don’t allow mom but I wouldn’t tell another child not to as their parents may have taught them differently which is their right). Where I would say another person could intervene (as I would) is if there is bullying or someone is being hurt and that would apply whether it was a child or adult doing it…nothing to do with parenting the person! I don’t want any other strangers scolding my child for any other reason as unfortunately there are adults who behave worse than the kids…see me if you have any issues with my child’s behaviour.
I agree with you on this 100%, Mom!
I have to agree with Tina. She is hardly a troll, she is one of the few here with some sense! If you have a problem with my child, take it up with me. Don’t you dare take liberties with my child! I also agree with the parents of special needs kids who posted here. You have no idea what cognitive or sensory difficulties that child might be coping with. I’ll pick my village, thank you very much!
Great, just make sure only your “village” is around then when you take your child out then. Then their bad behaviour will not bother the rest who actually know how to behave around strangers. Simple enough right?
If I am in public and you choose to lecture or “teach” a child you need to recognize the fact that you are a stranger, the parent doesn’t trust you or your judgement. You might be in for more trouble then it is worth. Everybody seems to think that their parenting skills are beyond reproach…a simple “heads up” or “hey slow down” is one thing, but the “stern talking to” or worse based on some of the comments is out of line. I don’t know you or your parenting skills.
ok so when your child falls off the monkey bars or hurts themselves while your over dealing with another sibling I wont offer any help to said fallen child because Im not their ‘village’ ….. oh wait, you would expect another mum who is close to help or offer sympathy if you were unavailable for some reason, even if you havnt run them through a police check and interviewed them first to make them part of your ‘village’? then ‘Mom’, its a two way street ….. if your busy with another child (as the mom in the article was) and your child shoves past mine or hurts them, I will kindly ask them to be careful or not to push past her …. and if that offends you, then keep your child at home in your own village until you have taught them not to shove, hurt or bully other children in a public playground.
When I started to read this I thought we were going to have a problem because I am that mom saying “we don’t go up the slide, go around and wait your turn”. But then you did it again…you said exactly how I feel. Keep on keeping it real!
Thank you!! I always feel like I’m the “mean mom” for disciplining other people’s kids…but seriously if your son pees on mine…he’s gonna get a whoopin’!
NOBODY should be laying hands on anybody else’s child- I don’t care what they did.
I meant a verbal whoopin’ not literal?
Yeah if you hit my child I would beat your stupid a*s. Telling a child right from wrong is not the same as disciplining them. That should be done ONLY by the parent not some stranger who thinks they can touch anothers child.
I totally agree and that’s why I responded a verbal whoopin’ not literal. It is only the parent (or guardian)’s job/right/choice on how to handle any additional punishment other than being told right from wrong.
Yes! You had me fooled at first, but I’ve been on both sides of this issue and welcome those who correct my children’s behaviour when needed. I have also spoken to stranger’s kids with mixed reactions from parents, but will continue to do so. Thanks for writing this.
This is amazing. Thank you. Unfortunately it’s tough because many people overreact (on both sides- being overly sensitive to what kids are doing and getting upset if someone else tries to address the situation), BUT- you are so right. I hope that my kid does what’s right when I’m not around but if he doesn’t and he’s out of line, I hope there is a parent who can help address the situation in a way that helps him learn what’s right and what’s wrong.
I did that once when a little kid was actually smacking and shoving other kids and making some of them cry… I work with kids (this was not a kid I worked with, just some random kid at the children’s museum when I was there with my friend’s children) so it was sort of a habit to step in and say something like, “You’re hurting them! Keep your hands to yourself!” When he kept on doing it I asked him to show me where his mom was and I let her know. I was careful to say it in a polite way, just, “Hi, just wanted to let you know he’s having some trouble playing with other kids up there, he was hitting them and some of them were getting really upset.”
I have to ask – What did the mom do when you pointed this out to her?
Its refreshing to see someone consider other people’s reasons for doing things. I find people so strident these days, and many many people with kids do not understand that they often infringe on the boundaries of others and that those people are entitled to have feelings about that.
Just to be the devil’s advocate, how does this mom know that it is not the correcting adult that is being overly sensitive? By her own admission she was nowhere near the incident?
When my child was younger I did the same but got lots of grief for telling people it was ok to tell my child to knock it off if she was misbehaving. It took me a while to stand my ground and since I didn’t have any family around to bounce my opinions and English wasn’t my first language, it was mixed feelings at first and hard to express myself but I stood tall and brushed off those negative comments and today my daughter is 19 and she is very respectful and polite. So to you mommy, way to go for saying it out loud, I completely agree with you!
Absolutely let my kid when he’s being a j**k. And if I see your kid being a j**k know I will do the same. It applied when my kids were on the monkeybars and it still applies now in their teenage years, at least for me, other people apparently afraid to talk to teenagers. I always thought that was how it was supposed to be, we’re all in this crazy parenthood thing together.
Yes! Exactly how I do with my kids. If someone sees them acting like a fool, I would want another parent to help them to remember their manners, and act like the decent kids they are. I’ve always told people who come over to visit, that if they see the kids being inconsiderate, bratty, or down right mean, treat them as if they were your own, to a point. Point out that there are thinks they need to consider when in the company of others, even if I’m not around to catch it. I am trying to raise my two to be decent and happy adults. If they’re stepping on anyone’s toes, tell them to straighten up. If they don’t send them to me!
When it’s others kids that are doing something they shouldn’t, I try and at least get a eye on mom or whoever is with them, and ask the kid politely to stop doing whatever is causing the issue. If the kid continues with the action, or starts getting worse, I’ll go and talk to the person in charge, and hope that they can take care of it.
What is sad during the summer I see little 5 yr old going to the park to swim by themselves. Or if parent is there they are paying attention to their cell or tablet and not their kid. And how he heck can you just allow your 5 yr old to walk to the park by himself? And let him swim by them self? And rely only on the life guards to watch your child? When the life guard is also watching over the whole pool of people. Something wrong with this picture??? Or better yet let your kids use their sled on the over head hill and hope they stop before they end up in the road. Yeah the over head road does have a hill; but that isn’t a safe place for sleigh riding??? Where are some parents brains up their asses? in their little gadgets to busy with them to pay attention to kids.
I am from the olden days… way back in the 70’s Things were different when I was a kid. We knew there was a village in our neighborhood. Let me tell you… if the lady down the street had to discipline me for being a little brat (and yes that often meant a smack on the b**t back then) I was terrified to go home. Because I knew with out a doubt that my punishment would be twice as bad because I had dared to misbehave around an adult. My mother would never .question the neighbor ladies reasons for disciplining me. That is the reason we played outdoors till all hours and all over the neighbor without seeing our parents for hours. The village adults were always watching over all of us. Moms and dads would call each other without hesitation. I work in education and believe me I long for the village days.
Annie you’re the problem and this lady is a brat just like her child!
Going UP the slide is totally fine.
Learning to watch out for kids who are bigger and rougher is fine.
Being a helicopter parent (over someone else’s kids!) is not fine. Let them sort it out themselves… it’s how they learn. If they need help, let them come and ask. Be there for them… but not everywhere.
Watch and learn… you might even pick up a thing or two about how to ADULT.
I couldn’t have said it better!
“Aww s**t”. That’s how you begin this post. I know right from there you are a base person with no compassion of any kind for anything other than what you think. Good luck to you and your child. It’s you and your kids that are making this world a worse place. But good for you at least you blog about it.
You’re a j**k.
I have been known to say sternly, “Excuse me, where is your Mother?” and usually the kid runs away because they KNOW they are getting in trouble if I find her.
Love your blog, you say it as it is. So good to hear honest, level headed responses to situations. Thank you. Po
The child was “Admonished” NOT disciplined. Discipline is punishment. Admonishment is a stern verbal statement.
W-h-o-a. I love the premise of this blog, but please spell words correctly. I know. I’m an a-hole, but if you’re going to put it out to the public at least use correct spelling. Thanks.
I did that one time when a Neighbor Boy was standing in the middle of the road at My Kid’s Bus stop. I told Him to get out of the road. I was Rewarded with a Restraining Order. If it had been My Kid, I would have reacted like You did. I would have Thanked the Person that cared enough to protect My Kid. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to have Kids…..
I love this more than words will let me say. Thank you! If this had happened around me I would of done the same thing the stranger did, then when you showed I would of told you, so if you had a problem with it we would of handled it like grown ups.
If you hadn’t liked me telling your kid not to be a jerkwad, I would of politely sat on your head while I explained that I shouldn’t of had to tell him. That you should of been there and you should of taught him better in the first place. I understand sitting on your head may cause you not to hear as well as I would like, but volume is included with freedom of speech.
But since you are a sensible woman, and yes I’m sure you taught him better even if he forgot momentarily. I’m thrilled to see you are not going to be a delicate flower and get your panties in a wad over this! Obviously our kids should have a play date to go over the rules we have taught them while we have a large glass of wine, I meant coffee.
Either way… it’s nice to see not everyone has lost their minds. And nice to see someone not teaching their kids to be self entitled jerkwads for no reason other than the fact that their parents have spoiled them beyond any reasonable measure for no apparent reason.
So to you, a woman raising kids that have been told no, and probably had a swat on their precious bottoms. I say BRAVO… My hat is off to you! Thank you, for raising kids that will probably turn out to be decided human beings and for having the courage to post this as opposed to whining that someone told you spoiled jerkwad to stop it. When no one should or would of if those enablers would do their jobs instead of whining.
And thank you for letting me share a word or two – hundred or so. My last thought on this is you deserve a standing ovation and you are getting one from me. I’d start the wave but a one person wave is to ridiculous for even me.
Oops – typo
I meant decent human beings not whatever my voice recorder typed, this stupid thing is as bad or worse than autocorrect.
Wow…..thank you for being an honest and realistic mom. Your kid is one lucky guy!
It really does take a village, at first I thought you were mad was happy to see this thank you .
It pisses me off when parents allow their kids to run around inside malls, stores or even inside thier own homes when they live above the ground level. I don’t want to live below that, do you. I do daycare, I live in a 2nd floor apartment and I would NEVER allow the kids to run around in my home. Thats what parks are for.
Amen! I am a manager at a fast food rest. Just two nights ago I nicely told two little girls (3 and 6 years old) to please stop hanging from and flipping over the rails where customers line up as they are loose and could fall causing the girls to get hurt. The mom looked at me like I had 2 heads and continued to ignore the girls’ hanging and flipping while she carried on a conversation with the cashier about that being the reason she entered the youngest into gymnastics. She struck me as the type of person who, if one of the girls had fallen, would have sued us even after being asked to stop.
When my daughter was in grade 2 she was on the monkey bars at school during school hours, a child too young for school was also on the monkey bars, an adult with her. The young girl bumped my daughter causing her to fall breaking her arm in two places and have surgery to put pins in. The adult just walked away with the young girl leaving my daughter on the ground. Since this situation happened at school there were adults around to help her. I think letting a child know their actions, wether it was an accident or not, can be dangerous is okay and apologize when they have hurt another child. What we learn as children stays with us as adults and respect for one another is necessary to have peace and understanding of one another.
the mother should tell her kid to hurry up or let other kids go first. ive seen kids lie sideways so not to allow kids to ride the slide
So is there a mandatory time limit on monkey bars or is it strictly dependent on when your child becomes impatient?
Way to go mom!! My hat is off to you! So often things like this happen. I have been screamed at for literally catching a child as he fell off play ground equipment he was using incorrectly. Never mind that I probably saved him from injury. I prefer an adult to tell my kid wait your turn, be kind, use this the right way, rather than my kid ending up hurt. I wish more parents were like you.
I’m not a mom…but I am a teacher, pretty close. I have had many a parent get angry at me for asking their child to stop acting like wild monkeys in public places. Thank you!!
right on mama!!
Douchenugget…love it! I agree with the author….I have no problem letting kids know when they are acting wrong, and I would hope all parents would do the same to my kids. Don’t yell at them…talk to them and let them know what they are doing wrong. This is so second nature in the south where I am from.
Agree 100% Well said
This makes me feel better because i cant help but do this at the play ground. Being a preschool teacher it is just instinct for me no mater who’s kid it is.
Thankfully you wrote this. Otherwise you would have needed to actually say something to the parent. Lord knows you don’t want to do that.
I used to tell me kids’ friends’ parents much the same thing – if you catch them doing something that I’m not around for, discipline them add of they were your own; I’d say the same to a stranger who acted reasonably. Just because I’m out of sight doesn’t give my kids the right to act like they have no home training. Thank you to all the people who may have stepped in for me ♡
What if my definition of “reasonable” differs from yours? Blindly giving a stranger carte blanche is a dangerous precedent to set with your child. I am quoting you, Basically you have said to your son/daughter that any adult can discipline them when you are not around? That cannot be what you meant. A close friend or close relative maybe, but Joe Blow from Idaho in a public setting? Not a chance.
As a mother I believe we all do need to watch out for children, I appreciate it when someone helps mine out, when done respectfully. I’m a little concerned about the author of this blog and the words he/she chooses to use. The words we choose to use shines a light on attitude. Some words, even used “playfully” can hurt. I believe we need to show respect to all children because the way parents feel about their children is the way the children feel about themselves.
some people probably don’t agree (keep in mind I’m a nurse), but words like, “douchenugget”, “jerkwad” or using phrases like, “knock off that s**t” makes the adult sound like the unruly child!
Teach children how to get along and play while being respectful!
Thank you, Kathy:)
I totally tell other kids on the playground to stop throwing rocks or being a public nuisance and if they are about to hurt themselves or another kid, you bet I step in. It’s not about judging another parent for their kids behavior. Like you said, it takes a village.
I guess I’m a different kind of mom…
I have two boys, one older and one the youngest. Neither enjoy the same activities at the park, so they are off on their own and away from each other. They are also both very well mannered and we’re taught to watch the younger kids backs. Don’t let them get bullied if they see other kids being mean. My kids are old enough to be at the park by themselves, but it’s just across the street to my house, so I am always on watch even though they don’t know it. But my park etiquette was sunken in their heads long time ago when I walked up to other parents and told them ” you see these kids? These are mine, but for the moment they are also yours and if you see them misbehaving or acting inappropriately, you have my permission to call them on their behavior and if necessary give them a time out! That sunk in my kids heads, so now anytime and at every park they think those parents are moms watchdogs! As a parent you can’t always be everywhere or see everything at all times and to me it should be an unwritten law of the park that all parents work together to ensure a fun, safe, positive environment for all our kiddo’s. So if you’re sweet Suzy or Jonny is acting like a “b**b” you can be sure the behavior will be noticed and kindly corrected….should the behavior escalate it’s outta my hands, but be sure your child will escort me to your house so I can explain to you parenting 101… Apparently you have forgotten!
Well, good on you. However your language leaves a lot to be desired. I won’t be reading your books anytime soon.
It is important to take care of each other’s children when the situation requires. Obviously, in a gentile and kind way.
Your spelling leaves something to be desired as well.
Or perhaps you MEANT to say “gentile”…as in a non-Jewish person. To which I would respond, “why you gotta bring religion into this?”.
It’s a long way down off that high horse. Tuck n roll, girl. Tuck n roll.
A child told my daughter she wasn’t allowed to play on the playground. No idea who that child belonged to, so I gently corrected the child to say that all are allowed to play, but I was pretty sure a mom was going to come out of no where and give me a verbal whipping. Another time a smaller child pushed down and stomped on my larger son, who was on the ground crying. I tried to tell the mom, who yelled at me because her phone call was being interrupted. So, yeah, people stink.
I am so glad to see this!!!
Good for “That” kid’s Mom
My mother loved it when other adults scolded me. She could then say “I told you so! It’s not just me!”
This was a pleasant surprise. Looking forward to reading your book!
Apperantly you don’t work for a school board. I congratulate you on remembering what most bubble wrapped soccer mom’s forget. “Respect your elders” thank you for this. It slightly restores some faith in humanity.
Yay! I think I love you. 🙂
I have had to – more than once- say something to a kid IN FRONT OF THE PARENT. If your kid is climbing on my sofa with his shoes on, I get to say (even though I don’t want to say it – I want you to deal with it), “In this house, we do not put our shoes on the sofa.”
If your kid is repeatedly opening and closing the cupboard doors in my kitchen, I get to say (even though I don’t want to – I want you to deal with it), “In this house, we do not open and close the cupboard doors.”
If you won’t say it in my house, I will.
I read this entire blog twice and am the mother of 2 adult sons who are a police officer and a fireman. You are wrong. One of the things I worried about was raising bullies. Didn’t happen and no one was ever allowed to discipline my children except my husband and some family members. Two bad lessons were taught then. One to each child. You should have been the one to discipline or admonish your son. The fact she did not know the offender who spoke to a child that did not know him says a lot about that person. Her daughter is learning that people should step aside and give in to her, that her priorities are more important than others. Learning new skills is difficult and that mother should not have placed her in a situation that left her frustrated and crying while other children were watching. She expected them to step aside for her child that you don’t was ready or capable of this skill. And your son was taught that it is okay not only to talk to strangers but also to do what they tell him to do. And calling people names while you are speaking about them is what you are teaching him.
Yeah but it’s all about respect though. Children should learn early to respect not only the other kids playing, but the adults too. You see the thing I think you are missing in this article is that when children get older, they get disciplined from other people. Their teachers, their boss, police, etc… There is always going to be a stranger out there reprimanding us. The sole purpose of this article is to be able to respect that person who says you are in the wrong. I work at a car dealership, so I see little children in my Dealership Daily. Parents get put in a situation where they cannot be around their kids 100% of the time. If one of the kids starts putting their hands on my $120,000 Corvette, how are they going to know that is wrong if their parents can’t tell them? Am I suppose to go barge in on the paperwork or call up the customer to tell them to tell their kids not to touch the car? A simple, respectful, “Hey buddy, I can’t have you touch that car or play on it because its a very special car.” I mean that’s all it takes. It’s all about how that child was raised, weather or not they can take a proper discipline tactic and be respectful back to that person.
So let kids run amok and hurt other kids when a parent is indisposed for a minute or not there?
No. You are wrong.
Cheryl….I completely agree with you! Well stated.
Amen sister 🙂
Don’t guess over ever called one of my kids a douchebagnugget before…but hey, it totally fits!!! I LOVE this, and I totally agree and have shared!
I noticed one of the things another adult would be aloud to call to your child’s attention was the use of bad language. I liked everything about your article and totally agree with it – except your use of a bad word. It was not necessary to make a point. Of course, bad language is never necessary, but if you are writing it in your blog so carelessly, I assume you use it freely in your home.
Totally agree. As I childcare provider, I am use to having to discipline other children and I would not hesitate to correct another child that is misbehaving. If my children acted like that, I would want someone else telling them if they are wrong with their behavior. Kudos to you!
I am so happy to see that there are some moms out there who are sane enough to accept another to comment to your misbehaving child. I am not a young person, but have had my share of the other kind of moms. They believed their “angels” were just being o.k., even when running around restaurant tables and annoying other diners while mom and friend(s) eat and chat. One such mom threw a fit when I asked (or told) her child to go back to her own table.
Wonderful!!! I tend to keep an eagle eye on my son. He has autism as well as some other special needs that make it hard for him to interact with others sometimes. He is high functioning, but often needs reminders. If for some reason I was not able to see him and he was doing something that could hurt another child (or did something annoying more than once and I didn’t show up), I would want another adult to say something to him, in a kind way though. He would probably get scared if someone he didn’t know got angry with him, especially if he didn’t know what he did. I have had problems with other kids being bullies to him though. Telling him he can’t play in a certain part of the playground, or pushing or even hitting him – usually younger kids, but old enough to know better – my son is 10. I’ve said something to those kids, but they just stare at me and continue doing what they want. I have no clue where their parents are. I don’t want to make my son leave the playground when he’s the one who is behaving. I’m grateful he’s not hitting back! I know that if you have more than one kid, you can’t watch them all every second (and often even if you just have one, they are faster than we are!), but you should at least check on them every so often! Both my sons have autism and they are FAR from perfect when it comes to behavior, I worry about my younger son a lot because he has become aggressive with teachers at school, but that’s why I make sure they have appropriate supervision and I welcome “tattle-tales”!!!
Brava!!! We’re all in this to-getha!
I take a deep sigh of relief at this post. I am thankful you see matters in this light. As an autistic mother parenting autistic children, I seem to sit outside of the village circle, though the thought of it makes me strive, in whatever way I can, to find those connections. I tend to be very attentive and protective of other children ontop of my own, but I seem to annoy other parents with my caring. I have learned to back off and just tend my own, though, I still watch for thngs like the street and cars with kids
One time I was yelled at by a helicopter mom – my 3 year old son was patiently for his turn on a toy bulldozer at a park. The first boy got off, and as my son was about to get on, this other boy from out of nowhere shoved past him and got on. I went over and nicely asked him to wait his turn, which he did – no tantrum, nothing – he was perfectly OK. He got off and went back to his mom. His mother came flying over and ripped me a new one, telling me I needed to teach MY boy how to share! Kudos to the author of this post for GETTING IT.
this is well done and I agree, but PLEASE no more “it takes a village” crap. Some dumbass ruined that term, and I hope to NEVER hear it again. Thank you.
I cringe when I see it takes a village because Hillary used that phrase to get us to accept more and more GOVERNMENT intervention into raising our children implying they knew better when it came to our children. By the comments I am reading here I got more of a neighborly feeling…moms watching out for all kids and reminding others about good manners. The blog cracked me up and sounded like something my mom would have said 50 years ago.lol. very enjoyable!
.Okay i agree that the child should of been told to knock it off or wait his turn or please share…..and I agree that you were otherwise occupied ….but sometimes adults try to instill the fear of God into the child by using threats….I do not agree. My child was in a simular situation were a wanna be bike said ..you just wait till i tell your Mom what a j**k wad your being if you were my kid i would beat the crap outta you…sorry i dont agree with that language towards my child…a simple please stop that or i will tell your parents would of been enough
Liked your blog and viewpoint. You mentioned a concern for your son using bad words. Just curious because of some of your language, at what age are bad words OK? Just sayin’
So that could have been me the other day. I absolutely will tell your child to knock it off if they need to. I try to be a bit more lenient with someone else’s child because I don’t know what kind of moral compass Mom and Dad have of their own to raise the child and we may see things a bit differently. For that reason I try to look the other way for all those minor infractions but yes, if your child is doing stuff I would quantify as ‘felony stupid’ then I will step in. After I step in, you can rest assured that when you return to your child I will politely inform you that I corrected their behavior and let you know what I corrected. That way if you have a problem we can discuss right vs wrong at that moment, and if you don’t have a problem you at least know what your child was doing in your absence and can use that info to evaulate if they can be left alone again in a similar circumstance.
So thank you for recognizing my role as an adult and allowing me to be responsible enough to correct your child when necessary (and within reason). Understand that I will not touch your child unless it is to keep them or someone from immediate injury.
Weird, I was writing that comment at the park and some “douchenugget” (as you so politely put it) actually started chasing the geese right in front of me. I honked and yelled at him then started the car and drove by the apparent adults (I use that term loosely in this case) and made sure they understood why I had chastised the child. They got all high and mighty about a family issue they were dealing with as though any crisis is a valid reason not to parent. I understand your immediate distraction may be important and need most of your attention but if you are aware your child is misbehaving and I intervene, at least have the decency to internally accept that you had a momentary laps in parenting and then step up and be the parent your child needs instead of making an excuse in front of your child on why you failed to teach them better and I had to.
I like the fact that you tell the parents about their childs’ misbehavior in their absence. I feel like I have been in that situation as a kid! I would misbehave when my mom wasn’t around and I would get told to stop by an elder! I usually always listened to first time but when I didn’t, I’d get reprimanded by one person, they’d tell my mother and than I would get what I had coming to me whether a well deserved spanking or no tv for 2 weeks! I might have had one encounter where a parent had gone off on me for really no reason before and my Father had to step in to tell that guy off, but of course I still got disciplined! Adults have to be respectful to kids too!
Stop saying kiddo!!!
Hey there! Just
loved it! May I translate it to portuguese?
I had a parent I’ve never met come to my door the other day. My son has some issues, he’s 10 my daughter 12. They were allowed to go to the park wich is a 2 min walk from my home. A few weeks prior there was a situation between my kids and hers. I’m still a believer that we as parents need to stop standing in for our kids at every situation that arises. They need to learn to work it out. ( unless of course it’s being physical, or non stop daily). Anyways she comes ranting and raging hot headed, would not let me explain anything to her. ( meanwhile as her back is turned to the car, her angel is sitting there waiving and smirking at me). I almost to,d her to turn around and take a look, but took the high road. 10 mins later 2 other moms, accompanied my 2 home and informed me that this lady verbally attacked my kids, telling them to shut up, as my daughter was trying to explain what her son had done she told my daughter that she has been a teacher for 25 years and knows “her type” told my son to get up now and stop hiding I the grass like a little suck. She threatened the, to have police come to the house, and haul them to jeuvenial hall. My kids didn’t want to go to school. The mothers told me that my kids tried to explain and she told them to shut up. I’m the first to say my son is a handful, but am I wrong in thinking this was not ok? I’m fine with my kids being to.d to cool it, but being yelled at in front of their friends, neighbours and peers by a lady who made no mention of this action when she came to my door right after doing this losses me off.
I used to work at a restaurant, on a very busy day this lady was letting her child run through the aisles while we were on a half hour wait for tables. I kindly asked her to please keep her child with her and not let the child run around. The child could have easily gotten ran into by a server carrying drinks or food from the back. She proceeded to rip me a new one bc I had no right to tell her what to do with her kid. She was extremely irate to begin with because of the half hour wait for a table on a holiday weekend.
Good job for not being “offended” in this cry baby world as we know it today. It DOES take a Village to raise a kid as I would know as I have 4 outstanding teenage sons and we are ALL parents. Good job Mom 🙂
I’m the type of mom that will “discipline” other kids who are being Jenks when needed. I’m not mean about it, more just a “could you please not walk up the slide when others are coming down?” OR “I know you guys are having fun running but please keep an eye out for little ones like my toddler that you just knocked over?”
When I read the title of this I was afraid it was going to be a harsh one about how people need to mind their own business Yada Yada Yada lol
You can tell which folks here probably have douchbag bully kiddos on these comments!! Correct kiddos when they are acting up is fine- being a j**k over someone else’s slang words is well…. a bit douchy! I am sure that isn’t a word but oh well. 🙂
Bloody brilliant!!! Amen!
Amen to you! Brilliant post!
Thanks for letting good sense prevail! Takes courage. Of we ALL work together, we can make it work!
The “It takes a village” saying is BULLSHIT.
It takes PERSONAL PARENTAL responsibility to raise a child.
It’s NOT the village’s responsibility to raise your child, it’s YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
Saying “it takes a village” implies that you SHARE the responsibility with others. NOPE.
You chose to have the kid, the responsibility is YOURS.
If you rely on (or worse, EXPECT) others to raise your kid, then YOU are an IRRESPONSIBLE PARENT.
I actually had a lady get in my face and threaten to kick my a*s of getting onto her kids. They were literally beating the crap out of a younger one!!! Black eye and everything!!!! Several kids that I know were the ones to come running to me and telling me that I needed to help. This lady was NO WHERE around!!!! I didn’t get ugly, just told them to knock it off and leave the little one alone. When this woman confronted me (in front of some other parents) I’m actually surprised I held my composure. It was so scary because she was such a bully and was an inch from my face yelling at me. She kept telling me she’s whoop my a*s and near the end of the convo, I told her that if she did, she’d go to jail, not me. It was scary, now I don’t say anything to kids I don’t know their parents.
A little boy on our court (probably about 4) was riding around unsupervised (where was the nanny?) on a very low bike and was in the street. People driving and turning into our court wouldn’t see him in time. I gently reminded him to stay on the sidewalk so he wouldn’t get hit. I’d rather be the person who intervenes than feel horrible if a child was injured or worse!
A lovely article, and one that would be even better if you correct the spelling of “whoa” like you’re stopping a horse. 🙂
I’m glad you wrote this post! I have read other posts about parents who get angry if another parent “disciplines” their child. I’m a long time nanny and I have to protect the children with everything I have because they are in my care. If a child is doing something that could harm the child I’m caring for then I’m 100% going to say something. I obviously do it in a courteous manner.
But I’ve also stepped in when I’ve seen children bullying another child and let them know that it’s not ok. This is something I find incredibly important and don’t think many adults do this.
I don’t often think kids are hooligans on purpose. I think the majority of the time they just don’t know any better and why not develop a teaching moment for them?
After reading anyone’s comment that says anything negative about this article, I wish that the Internet would turn off the “comments” function.
hmmm.. I seem to remember playing at the playground … just the kids, no adults and yup, some pushed, some got pushed, but at the end of the day, everyone had fun and left friends… Seems we need to have too much adult intervention on everything, and Kids are not getting the opportunity to develop their personality or learn any social skills on their own….
I have a story about this exact thing. My sister’s friend was watching her son and took him to a public playground. There was another boy there with special needs, that was trying to play with all the other kids. The kids told him that because he was slow he wasn’t able to play with them, my nephew included. My sister’s friend went to the entire group of kids and let them know it wasn’t right to exclude the little boy, and that his feelings were being hurt. A mom of one of the kids came up to her and said she had no right to yell at her child. She told that woman that she was wrong, and walked away. She took my nephew aside and told him that just because that boy is slow doesn’t mean that he is any less of a person, and he can get his feelings hurt just the same as any other boy. My nephew then went up to the boy and asked him to play, and they just ignored the other kids, and had a great time playing together. I was so proud of my nephew, and my sister’s friend. Maybe this story will put it into a different perspective.
I love this.. I almost hate to say this..BUT I am that parent who is gonna correct any children that NEED a gentle reminder to watch their mouth..manner or patience.. I would never spank a strangers kid.. my friends kids maybe.. DON’T leave them with me if you don’t want me to treat them like they are my own.. I will also hug any child that needs.. baby and pet any kid who needs it. And buy a treat for any child who wants it.. and I expect the same from anyone I trust to be around my babies.. Neelum
I don’t think it’s appropriate to touch another child that you do not know. If they need comfort it should come from someone they know. While you may not be a threat or dangerous to them there are others out there that are. If the child needs a hug, comfort, or attention and a stranger gives that to them it might be fine when you do it but what happens when a bad person does it and the child gets hurt because they were ok when you did it? Also buying a child a treat is extremely dangerous! Many children have allergies that you would have no way of knowing about. Plus buying them the treat also lets them think that they can accept other treats from strangers. My sister was almost kidnapped because of a situation like that. Would you really be comfortable with a stranger doing any of those things to your child???
If a child is alone and needs comfort, then yes, it is better to get it from a stranger than no one at all. A child was in an accident where the mother was critically injured, strangers comforted that child until his father arrived. MOST people are good people. Should the young child just be left to sit and scream at all the blood?
Thank you for sharing. Thank you also for having common sense! I completely agree! And please feel free to be my back up too!
Thank you for flipping the post so I can love it instead of hate it.
Year ago at the playground a kid was throwing a ball at my daughter’s head. Repeatedly. (She was about 6, he was about 9. She was on a swing.) I asked him to stop. He didn’t. I asked him again. I asked him sternly. He laughed every time. Finally I walked over, took the ball away, and said he could have it back when his parent talked to me.
Seconds later the mom appeared from her mommy chat corner and verbally assaulted me for having the nerve to speak to her son. Kah!
You ppl are crazy… enjoy the amber alert next time it’s a pedophile and not some random adult who you’re assuming acts in a mature and responsible manor. From my experience on playgrounds and kid play centers, etc about half the parents are responsible and about half I wouldn’t let be around my children. You can flip a coin with your child’s well being… I’ll pass!
I am that person who disciplines other children when their parents aren’t around and even when they are there but refuse to handle business for themselves. I am also grateful for those who have aided me when I wasn’t able to deliver instant discipline.
I thought Mommies like you were extinct! Thank you for saying this! So many parents nowadays (and you have no idea how much I cringe to type that word!) are completely over sensitive about anyone talking to their children in any way (even a nice one). Common sense is so uncommon now. Thank you again for this – I’m encouraged for the next generation of mommies!
I forgot to mention that my own children didn’t need discipline from a stranger often, but when they needed to be reminded to stay out of the roadway by a stranger, they took that way more seriously – and minded so much better – when it didn’t come from good ol’ momma!
I think it’s all in how it’s done. If I am present, you do NOT have the right to discipline my kid (unless I have ignored repeated offenses). I have had that happen. Before I even had the chance to say anything, this obnoxious older lady YELLED at my 7 year old. As this involved calling him a name, I took serious exception and the ONLY reason there was not a throwdown at the HEB was because my mother was also present and abhors a “scene” – even if the other person is begging to be schooled. So, I am standing there next to my apparently offensive animal of a heathen child who had the nerve to ‘double dip’ his celery (using the end he had not eaten) into a small sample of cheese dip. This caused her to (before I had a chance to breathe in to tell him that is not acceptable even if it’s not the chewed end) scream at him…yes, SCREAM… that the cheese is now “unclean” because he was “stupid and had no manners” and that he should be slapped for doing something so disgusting. Yeah…about that time I cut in and asked her if she was proud of the fact that she just made a 7year old cry and told her that her ability to breathe had just become optional. As my vocabulary is large and I am, at heart sarcastic and scary, I was prepared to annihilate her. My under the carpet mother was just wanting to let it go to avoid a scene. I gave in. I know. Not a proud moment…but, it’s my mom…
I don’t mind appropriate reactions to something my child is doing or has done, especially if it involves another child. I have no problem telling another person’s child, in a nice but firm way, to knock it off because they could potentially hurt someone else. If the parent is present and not saying anything, after a couple of incidents, I will say something. However, name calling, denigrating my child, embarrassing them, etc. is not acceptable and I will absolutely defend them on that part.
How did the topic of disciplining a child, turned to people making comments about the word “kiddo”,
This topic was about teaching a child right from wrong. So for those people who made a “mamma drama” about the word “kiddo, get a life. There’s better things to think about then arguing about the word.
Awesome job mom. I am THAT mom that appreciates others making my kids and grandkids behave too.
Woah! Shockingly good!
I’m Italian. When I grew up, everyone disciplined or corrected everyone’s child…then told the parents about it. I was at a Children’s Discovery Museum this past weekend where parents allowed their children to run like hooligans through the establishment. There were a lot of little children (ages 3 to 5) there and then there were many preteens running crazy. I told every last one of those preteens to “Stop running!”, “Slow Down!” because the parents were doing what? Yes, face down looking at their phones! It doesn’t take much for an 85 pound kid to plow over a 25 pound kid. Good on the parent who corrected the Monkey Bar expert for toppling Monkey bars Novice. Thanks for being a big enough parent to accept help from others!
This story went much differently than I expected at first! Very happy that we share the same opinion. If my daughter’s being a little buttface, tell her she needs to stop! I know every parent thinks their kid is perfect, but they won’t behave if they know they won’t get disciplined when mom of dad isn’t around. Those teachable moments come from parents, grandparents, family friends, teachers, and yes even strangers at the park. This is a very important point that you’ve made 🙂
I do this all the time. They are not “in trouble”. Im simply correcting something that needs fixing. Its not a huge deal but when parents arent watching their kids, yes i do this
Best post I’ve read on this subject and ummm yes this goes for my kids too?
Love it. Love it love it. It does take a village. Now if the diciplinarian doesnt want anyone to say anything toher kid. Then her pie hole should be shut. Kuddos to all. cause I get on everybody. Young and all and expect the same to be given to me.
Love the story
Wow. I just want to say maybe you should get a little more educated at the way you talk about your kids and all the names you call them. She did a good job and correcting your child while you were busy and I’m glad you agree with that. But those are not names you call your child. It’s disrespectful!!
When I was growing up, kids played by themselves with other kids in playgrounds. There were no adults around to supervise kids’ play to this degree of helicoptering. So the slower kids may have gotten shoved a bit or learned to move faster if faster kids wanted a turn. It wasn’t a big deal. No one’s feelings got hurt. Or even if they did they learned to deal with it on the playground. These days parents are always within a few feet of children ready to spring into action at the minutest perceived offense given or received. I am not sure that’s what the ‘village’ was meant to address. Totally fine with the village chipping in and helping guide children but this article seems to be directed at a very small offense that would have been typical on a normal play ground 40 years ago. I think we’re raising a generation of easily offendable people.
I agree..we all should be thankful for the village..xoxo
When I was a kid every neighbor was a temporary parent in our neighborhood. After you got scolded by them, they would call your mom and boy howdy you were in for it when you got home!
For anyone saying she was calling her kid these names you obviously CANT read! It said ACTING like one not that she was calling the kid that theres a huge difference! Also if the kid is indeed ACTING like a complete ignoramus I would totally do the same thing by yelling at the child parents these days DONT discipline enough if at all I know that from personal experience and it irks me to no end when I see it!
Ask any 5 year old, feels the exact same to the recipient to be called a name or told that you are acting like that name.
Ugh, I agree with you to an extent. But my son is high functioning autistic, and quite honestly, if a mom “disciplined” him, and he doesn’t respond or even make eye contact, it’s not because he’s being a little “douchenugget.” This is certainly you’re perspective, and it’s a valid perspective. However, this is not black and white, and not all moms are doing it to keep the peace in the playground. Sometimes the grown up can be the douchenugget. So please tread lightly with what you’re putting out there.
I am so glad that more people feel this way! This was so good to read!!! I commend you!
Love it!! And I agree completely. I was at a park last summer when my (then 4 year old) was going up a ladder to the slide another kid came up (Probly 8 or so) and tried to push past him. I said ” hey now you need to wait your turn” the kid goes off and tells his mom. She gets all upset and asks me why I yelled at her kid!! I told her I never yelled at him and just told him he needed to wait his turn. She ranted and raved her self and her kids right out of the park!! I was like wow just wow, jaw hanging open and everything!
Over the years, I was always afraid I was too strict with my kids, but felt like the balance of parenting seemed the right thing to do. When I look at them now, in their 30’s and 40’s, I am proud beyond words. It can leave a grown man teary to hear his kids commenting to his grand kids in the same tone and words they had learned from. I am so proud of them all, and I think when it’s all said and done, my kids and grand kids, not to mention on down the line will have contributed to a better world and balanced society. I have to add the good Lord had a big hand in it too.
Right on! Good for you! Too many people would have jumped down the other Mother’s throat. This is a refreshing change. ❤️
How about giving children an opportunity to work these types of conflicts out for themselves and supporting those efforts when they hit bumps in the road? If you are policing turn-taking at the playground, what message are you sending to those children about their abilities to navigate life?
I’m not saying abandon children to might makes right. I highly recommend Ross Greene’s books as well as the Faber & Mazlish books for supporting children with problem solving so that they feel empowered to resolve things rather than always relying on the power of a parent, something that can be weaponized.
The only part I don’t like is you saying (their smarter because their the adult)that so not true at least not for my kids,I know alot of kids including my own that are so much smarter then most adults, besides that good story.
LOVE IT! All day, errrrrrday!
OMG what’s wrong with all you people? A bit carried away on the whole issue I would say.
I do agree with you. I intervene when there is a possibility of children getting hurt. If the other kids are misbehaving, I remove my children from the area. If my child is personally involved in a situation, I’ll stand close by and watch them work it out and mediate if needed. Where I live, all the parents disappear or are on their phones, not pay any attention. Fast food playgrounds are the worst, the parents ditch the kids of all ages and eat while the kids play in a separate room. I don’t understand that, I want to watch my children have fun, laughing, and enjoying themselves, not to mention I want to be there for their safety. I don’t get parents who do that, maybe those parents can give me some insight? (I’m not talking about kids either who are old enough to handle problems on their own and can be by themselves)
Lol… we call it playground politics.
WHOO!HOO! Common sense and rational thought aren’t dead after all! I’m loving it!
Good article…thanks for sharing.
This turned out to have a twist I wasn’t expecting. Having been a mom who had to go mama bear on kids that were bullying mine on the playground while moms weren’t even paying attention…I applaud you!
Omg you had me worried for a minute there. Thank you so much for writing this. I agree 100%!!!
Agree…to a point. Sometimes I think it is ok to correct another persons child that is just being naughty. But some people DO take it to extremes and b**t in where they do not belong. We have a child in my family who happens to be profoundly disabled (mental and physical). We have actually had people chastise her mother because her two year old child has a tablet ( she uses it to communicate, as she does not speak) and one went so far as taking her bottle out of her mouth and telling her she was too big for it as her mom was paying the cashier at walmart. Needless to say, the lady got an earful ( this was the only nutrition she had at the time, due to chew/swallow issues) Common sense does not always prevail 🙁
Agree 100%. I yelled at some kids on the playground 2 days ago at the baseball field because they were throwing rocks! I was with my 3 year old and they were all easily over 7 years old without adults. I yelled “Don’t throw rocks! A 5 year old knows better than to throw rocks!” and I walked away. The friends were like “You just got burned by that mom! She called you dumber than a 5 year old.”
Yes, yes I did! If your kid is doing something that is going to endanger my kid, if your kid appears to be doing anything that looks like they are going to hurt themselves or others, you can bet I am going to speak up. I might even take action to prevent it. If your kid falls down and is crying, I am going to help your kid to his feet and check their boo boos to see if a doctor is necessary. If I don’t see you and can’t find you, I will call an ambulance if needed, offer a bandaid for their scraped knees. I will tell your kid to take turns with the little ones and treat my kid no differently. I don’t want to babysit your kid, nor do I want anyone’s job of parenting them, I would never raise my hand to a child, not even my own.. but I will yell and set things straight in injustice.. because we are the coalition of parents. All for one and one for all. 😉 #ItTakesAVillage
This article was FANTASTIC!!! I teach 4th grade and I am a mom and so often I find it hard to not use my teacher voice in public. However if there is a safety concern in good conscience I will not avoid saying anything.
P.S the line where you called your kiddo a douchnugget made me laugh out loud!!!
I loved it! However it gives me no faith in some of the parents on here who are supposed to be an adult, acting like children arguing with each other. Yet they have the audacity to question others about reminding their children. She didn’t discipline the child she simply reminded him what is polite. Which I’m sorry, ALL children need. Even those kids who their parents think are perfect. Sorry to say but your kids WILL act differently when your not around whether you teach them to or not. Let’s not judge and actually unite.
In today’s world, I have to disagree. Another parent has every right to come to me and tell me what my child is doing, but to say it’s Ok for a complete stranger to directly discipline my child in a public park because they think my child is doing something wrong? Not a chance. Even if I am on the other side of the apparatus. Come find me, tell my child to get me, anything of that sort… or you’re going to wish you had. JMO.
If you can use language like “douchenugget” and “jerkwad” when talking about children you obviously have no respect for them.
I think you should go into writing something of a different subject matter. You are not humourous or witty. Bad language is a poor subsitute for good writing.
I have a few problems with this post, it either is a made up post being passed off as real or you are leaving some important facts out (how you heard about the exchange that led you to conclude that in fact your child was acting like a nugget etc) ,
My biggest problem though is the village comment, if I don’t know the village I don’t want the village talking to my child, sternly or otherwise.
I don’t know their parenting skills, I don’t know if their version of the event is accurate or complete.
Maybe they are overprotective or just plain having a bad day and taking it out on my child.
I will not allow a stranger to berate (or talk sternly) mine in public, although I would use that event as a teaching moment on the way home.
“I’m not saying you have the right to touch him in any way or yell at him uncontrollably (only I’m allowed to do that)”
Call your kid names, present your complete lack of emotional maturity and self control. But hey, at least you didn’t verbally s**t on a total stranger. Kudos.
– See more at: https://babysideburns.com/2016/05/playground-dicipline/#sthash.jELCMiPg.dpuf
Someone who writes a blog should know how to spell. It’s whoa, not woah. But I liked the story and do agree.
Dear Thasia, I would have said Excuse You! You had nothing to apologize for. That takes the responsibility off her because you spoke up and accepted the responsibility. Put the responsibility of bad manners back on the other person. Then I would have said “Please apologize for your behavior” Accepted it and moved on, explaining to the mother that the girl accepted her responsibility, like a true Brownie!! P.s. 30 year retired first grade teacher.
I was astonished by what I read! I didn’t expect what I read at all. Thank you for your perspective!
Over the 30 years I’ve been a professional working with children, I’ve found that the greater percentage of people who refer to people between 1 and 21 as “kiddo”‘s are pretentious jerks who have no ability to or intention OF get a full grasp on the situation or how to handle it using their brains. They seem to think that the word “kiddo” is cute and makes them look like they are a loving, dedicated figure with the child’s best interest in mind when their actions give a very different message. So she lost me way back at the “kiddo” remark. Can’t figure out how that works, but it’s dead on just about EVERY TIME! The person who uses that term is sooner or later found to be a fake somehow.
Americans are stupid. That is all.
Although I agree with disciplining another child when a parent isn’t around (and some one or something is in danger of getting hurt), don’t ever call the child a name or treat the child in any way that you wouldn’t want your own treated. By the way, your name calling and swearing throughout your blog is a real turnoff!
Sorry, but I am not on board with this at all. If there is something my child is doing, by all means politely come up to me and inform me. Disciplining a child without first acknowledging the issue with the parent is largely overstepping the boundary. I am the parent, and I will discipline my own child. I do not know you. You are a stranger, and your approach to parenting may not be the same as my own. While I take no issue with gentle reminders like “we do not push” or “wait your turn”, etc., to encourage discipline of someone’s else’s child is just asking for an unnecessary altercation. I am also a believer of not “helicopter parenting” children either. It’s difficult at times, but sometimes children need to learn how to solve conflict with one another without parental involvement (all within reason, of course), I think parents just need to breathe and calm down. I don’t recall ever having issues like this when I was a child at the playground. Parents are so afraid now to just let kids be kids.
Your remark is asinine. Read the letter and you’ll see that no actual discipline occurred. She said: ‘Does that give you the right to talk to him sternly and tell him to knock it off?’ Clearly this is what happened. Although she termed it ‘discipline’, it clearly wasn’t.
train (someone) to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.
So correction/training occurred, but no punishment was delivered, thus, not discipline.
Yes! Except the walking up the slide thing. I think walking up the slide is perfectly fine unless youre doing it so others can’t come down. I guess that’s where it gets tricky. My rules may not be your rules but if it comes to disrespecting another person, by all means tell my kiddos they need to stop.
In criminology, this is called “informal social control”. We used to think it took a village, and our neighbors had both the ability and responsibility to discipline our kids. Turns out that it works, and strangers and community members telling our kids to behave is actually good crime prevention.
This is bs
“Because even if you aren’t his parent, you are the adult. Which means you are smarter than he is.”
First I have met MANY adults that are not nearly as intelligent as my children were at the age of 4.
Second teaching your child that just because a person is an adult makes them right primes them to end up in a ditch somewhere.
Third you must have an entirely different world view than I do because I teach my kids that they have to deal with it (or stand up for themselves) in a public park because I am not the one who paid for those toys. You want private monkey bars? Put them in your yard, then you can mess around on them all day with no one to bother you.
It seems like you put all the blames on the little girl and her mother. If you were not there to watch your child, how could you know your son just bumped her a little bit making her fall off from the monkey bar. Although I don’t agree with what the girl’s mother had said to your son, but I also don’t believe in one side of the story where I didn’t nothing wrong, but other person was a bad guy. If you couldn’t be there with your son and he didn’t play nice at the public park then this could be one of the results you might get. I don’t think we can expect a lot from others when we also don’t or can’t do our parts.
Absolutly love this! Great post Hun 🙂
Brilliant! I love this. Yes, yes, yes. Well said.
“It takes a village” – not heard that before. I like it.
Because it really does take a large amount of people to raise a child ready to be part of that village. Teachers, medical teams, Cub leaders, after school clubs, neighbours… etc
But at the same time it make me imagine everyone walking about in Dickensian hats and coats, children playing in the streets, and me with beard and pipe…
Couldn’t agree more. I was at Disney World for Food and Wine with a friend. While there, a child who looked to be about 3 or 4 walked up to me, smiled at me, squeezed his juice box all over my legs and feet, and then laughed. The parents, who had no other children with them, were sitting a few feet away, so I corrected the child, kindly telling him that it wasn’t okay to squeeze juice all over people. While my friend was frantically reaching for napkins to help clean me up, the parents jumped up and said it was an accident (an accident???) and I must not have children (I have 3) if I didn’t understand that small children have accidents, and whisked the kid away. Let me just add that the child was grinning at me as they left.
One more thing: I was there celebrating my year anniversary of my second kidney transplant. Due to the transplant, my immune system is compromised. For that reason I always carry antibacterial hand sanitizer with me. Unfortunatly, I spent the rest of my day with sticky legs walking in sticky shoes and someone else’s juice all over me.
If this had been my child, he would have been made to apologize, get wet napkins, and offer them to the woman. I understand that kids aren’t perfect. They’re going to make mistakes. However, they won’t learn from them unless we teach them.
I volunteer with disabled kids on horses. I’ve never been around more polite kids in my life. They are even polite to the horses. It’s not that hard to teach manners.
Great article! As a daycare provider I find myself doing this often. Sometimes children just need reminded of how they should behave. No offense but if they wasn’t cursing in it I would have shared it.
Absolutly right!! Our children need to know they are being watched always and they respect one adult the same as another.
Great post. I too was about to call BS in the beginning but continued to read. I agree 100%. I am a parent, as well as a Football, Baseball, and Basketball coach. And I have no problems with an adult “coaching” a child. Mine or not.
I was so worried from the start of your post that you were gearing up to have ago at someone who disciplined your kid. But HOORAY you did just the opposite! Bravo to you. I’ve been on both sides of the fence – my son didn’t wait his turn at a playground once and another mum had a word with him- thank you, that mum – but another time he was bitten by a child whose mum accosted me for disciplining her child, claiming that “biting is a stage all kids go through” and that I had no right to inhibit her child in that manner. Right. Ok, then.
I love the “village” analogy. Thanks for the great post.
Thank you for this! I feel like I am the only one left that truly believes that it takes a village to raise a child. I tell all my neighbors that if any of my children are out of line to put them back in their lane. It builds character for them as adults. I feel they wI’ll also do better in society.
Finally, a mom with Common sense. I applaud you and your children are so very lucky you are their mom. I imagine your mama is very proud of you! I know I am.
I understand it is very challenging to watch any child get pushed around or cut in front of another kid. No matter your values or parenting style, the data shows, shame does not encourage nor motivate positive behavior change. Sure, in the moment, if you are yelling or shaming someone else’s child, you may get your desired result. However, if you truly want to make the world and therefore your family a more kind loving place for all, shame of any kind (your kid’s being a j**k) has no place.
My suggestion would be to try empathy. It’s certainly the unlikely choice in our society, shame just feels so good.
Thanks, Olivia! How refeeshing. I scolded a child once in a department store. He was wrecking the joint and sassing his young mother who was hopelessly inept at parenting. She gave me that dirty look, but her brat halted his bad behavior – at least while I was still in the area.
I am on your side on this issue … except for one of your comments.
“walking up the slide” is NOT rule-breaking. It is creative play, and should be encouraged.
AMEN! Don’t touch my children, don’t scream like an uncontrollable mad person… but please say something!
Jumping ahead on a monkey bar or going up the slide the “wrong way” isn’t being rude. It’s being a kid. Where they need to learn to take risks, be adventurous and move faster and better to compete. You are making judgements on parenting and children’s behavior based on adult rules. No one is getting hurt in these instances and no one is being bullied. The dad who’s kid is taking too long should be encouraging his child to move faster and get with the program! Academic and parental pressure on children is out of control. Don’t like it, keep your precious bundle home.
So while you were “away” at the other end of the playground looking after your kid’s friend because he was crying, your kid acts like a “douchenugget”, you come back and he incriminates himself and lays out all the s**t that went down to you, including that he made this other kid fall and you’re turning around like a dog chasing its tale to find this mystery person, can’t find them and decide to lay it all out online? I call bullsh*t, but kudos to a well crafted viral story..
Don’t know you but I think you are a fantastic parent! Thumbs up
THANK YOU for writing this! I have always approved of gentle correction in playground or school situations by any parent who is around. I’ve had to do it and seen it done. Anything is better than pretending that kids are perfect and sacred somehow. There are exceptions to every “rule”; I’ve packed up my kids and gone home several times rather than deal with out-of-control families.
Or another perspective might be..that perhaps the mom with the child who kept getting bumped might have thought to herself…hmm this is a high traffic area with kids that really want to pass through these bars..Perhaps this very moment isn’t the best for Daisy to be learning what to here even though MY Daisy should get whatever she wants. Maybe I should hold on to Daisy a little tighter so IF she gets bumped by the kids who are doing what they are supposed to do..she won’t fall…I’ll catch her if she does….
I was so ready to jump down this mom’s throat. I’m so glad I continued reading or who would of looked like the a-hole. Good job momma sideburns
I’ve only yelled at someone else’s child twice – once when a small boy was tormenting a cat, and once when an older one was tearing a branch off a street tree. Proud of both occasions. Nine times out of ten, I was grateful when someone told one of mine off, too. Well done this person.
Hahahaha, douchenugget I love it.
Some lazy cow allowed her children to throw sand over me today and she just sat there and laughed. I ignored them but wish I’d growled ?
After finally learning the difference between attention seeking Narcissists and, genuinely empathetic people; it’s become so much easier. To tell good parents from bad parents.
For example, taking your eyes off your own kid to care for another when undercover videos show every kid will follow the anyone with a van full of puppies.
If you haven’t taught them to be courteous by age 8; you probably haven’t told them not to go anywhere with a stranger either.
Going up the slide, throwing wood chips…oh no what a terrible child (sarcasm).
Let kids be kids – as long as they aren’t hurting anyone or being rude there’s no reason to discipline them at the PLAYground.
I taught my son how to climb up (and to only go up when no one is waiting to go down) and would be pissed if some parent told him to use the stairs.
I love that this is actually a Thank You note – appreciation for the parent who stepped in when you were otherwise occupied. Yes, it does take a village. Having grown ups compassionately teach children how to act in the world is so important. Appreciating all the grown ups that make it happen, makes it worth while.
Hopefully, the village also points out when children are doing something amazingly fantastic!! Reinforcing the good they are already doing is also an important lesson for our children to receive.
Thank you for the post – it was highly entertaining!
Love this!!! Very well written ??
Love that whole “It takes a village” shtick…..unfortunately, there are child molesters, drug addicts, drugs and just plain a*s holes in the village as well.
More unstructured play, less screen time, get them out in nature, give them chores, must have 11 hours of sleep a night, practice your reading and math so you don’t summer backslide, let them settle their own disputes, neighbors will call the cops on you rather than asking your kid if they are OK, start young with music lessons because its great for their math scores, STEM camp, community service… Am I making my point yet? You can’t establish a guideline that everyone is going to be OK with or that works for every type of kid and the comments on this article demonstrate that nicely.
I just wish people would stop being so binary about discipline when they talk about it online as if 80% of the world were true believers in anarchy parenting (Un parenting, does this even have a buzz word yet) and only a select few REALLY know the one and only way to discipline a kid for best behavior 24×7.
Discipline is like a tool box. There are a lot of different tools in there, some work for one parent, or with one kid, or one situation and others don’t. US / western / civilized / modern society has taken away some of the tools like “it takes a village” , spanking, playing with plastic bags, and a moderate amount of unsupervised time for the 9+ ages. A child who is rude is POSSIBLY a heathen with no-account parents, or maybe just a child whose parents haven’t found the tool that works on that kid for that problem yet.
We want them to be polite. To be polite takes empathy. I wish we could show some more of both of these traits towards each other online.
I think if the child is doing something really wrong where someone could get hurt then yes say something. However my boys got corrected for little things by way too many family members and they wouldn’t listen to me at all. So unless someone is going to get hurt zip it.
Ha ha ha so true!!! I have two kids, while I deal with one who knows what the other is up to!
I was soo ready to give you a piece of my mind when it seemed you were offended! You got me! LOL
My motto is, if the kid’s parent isn’t there, I feel I can be the one to nicely orient or stop a child from doing something dangerous or mean to others or him/herself. In my mind, what I think is that if you don’t like other people saying something to your kids, please ALWAYS be with them and of top of it! I will also come and look for you and let you know what your kid was doing. I have gotten some nasty looks but other moms have thanked me. The latter are the kids who I want my child to hang out with!
Glad someone else believes in a “village” system.
<3 I have twins and can't be in 2 places at once. I can't get be offended and I do appreciate when strangers save my kids from getting hurt or hurting others. Kids are kids and do need adults to be the adult. Thanks for sharing your story.
That is awesome!! It does take a village and too often that is forgotten.
This is called Childism.
Adults accepted for disrespecting children. And then patting each other on the back for it and making it funny. Also that is not discipline. If those people leave the children alone and let the children sort it out I bet that boy would have simply apologised and moved on and the girl would also have gotten over it quicker. That mother left both children feeling disempowered and with less self esteem. I have seen children work things out better without adults getting involved. I have see adults knocking into each other on the street too. You don’t see one of the adult’s partners go and tell the other off?!!?
I am going to agree; it takes a village and that does not means when mom and dad are not around then the attending adults need to be strong enough and smart enough to know when and how to correct the behavior of a child they are not directly responsible for. The daughter realized her mom had her back, the boy realized just because mom and dad are not around he is not in the clear.
I expect all parents to take good sense and comment to my children as needed. I do that for them ans not because I want power over another child but rather to ensure the generations coming down the pipeline are not considered to be brain dead, helpless or become easy targets of such videos as this:
What is wrong with others correcting our children and then we have that conversation with our children teaching them that the real world and home are two completely differnet worlds. Rearing a child is prepping a child to be a functioning adult…not a…well, “douchenugget.”
So let me get this straight, your kid has a friend who cries at the playground?
You are a level headed mom. Good for you. I had the opposite experience years ago. My child was 4 years old then and had been acting up in a store and I reprimanded her (MY child). A woman who obviously had nothing better to do started chastising me and even told my child that I was the bad one! Can you imagine that? She even went so far as to say she was a school counselor and had seen children killed by “abusive” mothers yada yada yada. I don’t know how she could get all this from a mom reprimanding her child for acting up and being rude. I did not yell at my child but I was sternly talking to her. I told the woman to mind her own business but she continued. Of course, she was a nobody and I never saw her again – she was just some stranger in the store. I probably would not recognize her if I saw her. Nondescript face and personality.
Woah lots of anger here!
I find the best way to deal with these situations wherever it may be (i.e. when kids are all getting in each others’ way, knocking each other over etc) is, rather than singling one child out, turning it in to a group thing and announcing it almost like in a classroom. – “Right everyone, lets all be patient and take it in turns, otherwise someone’s going to get hurt!” for example. Even if there are only two kids it works.
Kids I think respond better to group instruction like that than they do a direct telling off. They will still perceive that they are doing something wrong and need to correct it, plus no-one is particularly offended (ie other parents if nearby) as you come across as “sorting out the problem”. No exchange between parents necessary, just a knowing look!
As for the comments about “you should have taught your child to know better” – pure nonsense! It’s these sort of experiences that make us who we are as we grow up, just like falling out of a tree when climbing or whatever.
I agree 100%! If my child is acting in a way that is in appropriate. It is COMPLETLY acceptable for someone to tell him/her! Because I feel it is ok for me to do the same thing. And if my child continues I would be COMPLETLY ok with said parent finding me and letting me know so I then can discipline my child for not listening to a fellow adult! Bravo Mama, so not being “one of those parents” who think their child does no wrong! It takes a village!
Honey, “woah” is not a word. Perhaps you were trying to say “whoa.” I know you’re just a girl, and girls are all like “I don’t understand why we have to learn this stuff” in school, but people who write things for the public to read should at least know the basics of their own language.
Many thanks for your excellent contribution to this comments section. You must be very proud of yourself. Just wanted to reply quickly re: few things:
1. I am not your “Honey” but given that the use of patronising language is most likely important for your self-confidence we can let that one go
2. I am a man!
3. The Oxford English Dictionary includes “Woah” and “Whoa” as alternatives to each other.
4. Based on your loose usage of “Honey” and the classic lazy “like” with subsequent quotation adjective, I would speculate that you are in the US?
5. If this is the case I fully understand you may use a different spelling to me e.g. “Whoa there Cowboy!”
6. I am English, I write in English, not American English.
7. People who write things for the public to read should also get their facts right to avoid making a fool of themselves.
8. Why not consider the actual purpose of these comments i.e. to debate the article, not to incorrectly suggest that someone has misspelt an onomatopoeiac word.
Wait, you’re claiming to be the author of this blog post (you take the commenter’s use of “honey” as being directed at you), but you’re a man? And you write articles posing as a “mom”? What else are you lying about? Are you even a parent?
And, FYI, Shakespeare spells it “whoa.” Some uneducated rappers spell it “woah,” which is most likely how that slang term made it into your OED, if it’s even there at all. (You’re not worth the effort to expend energy looking it up, since you obviously aren’t familiar with the language you claim is your own.)
Are you serious? When did I “pose” as a mum? Are dads not allowed to comment on this blog?
The original post was of course directed at me as I’m the only one that used “Woah”. And I will continue to use it. We use it a lot over here anyway. The word has been around in many variations for centuries. Just google “Whoa versus Woah”. The former is just more popular, but notably we use Woah more here than in the US.
I don’t claim any language as “mine”, English is varied and diverse but sadly some uneducated people have narrow views about what is right and wrong in language.
I could suggest to you that “mom” should be spelt “mum” but I respect the fact that, in the same way as above, we all have our different approaches spelling.
Shakespeare may have used whoa as his choice of derivative but he also made up new words, thank God there weren’t people like you around criticising his choice of language – he would have lost the will to live.
Yes, you did sign off as the kid’s mother. But then you say you’re the kid’s father on that “Honey whoa…” response. And you chastised Breed7 for calling you out on that apparently fraudulent signage? And you spelt “mom” just like Breed7 did, not “mum”. But yet you criticised Breed7 for his/her spelling of that word. To be frank, the writing of the blog comment sounds like a man’s — lexicon, sentence syntax, word usage and expression. But you signed off as “mom”…..go figure.
See below, I copied and pasted how you signed off on your blog comment.
“That” kid’s mom.
You’re right about the author signing of as a mother. And “he” even spells “mom” not “mum”. See my reply to “him” below.
Are you all mental? What is wrong with you people? I didn’t write the bleeding article, I have never claimed I did. I commented on it (see original post above by MB on may 27 5.22am) and shortly after this, 2 comments afterwards, someone criticised the use of the word “woah”, I responded in that context.
I had posted my thoughts and suggestions with a view to making a positive contribution but it turns into some kind of slagging match, insinuating I am someone that I am not, that I am not even a parent, and “What else am I lying about”? Imagine if someone said that of you? How would you feel as a new contributor?
Instead of spending your time forensically analysing the “lexicon, sentence syntax, word usage and expression” (correctly by the way) in random blog comments, in an attempt to unearth the “truth” about someone you think might me making a story up but has nothing to do with it, why not go out and have fun with the kids, or if they’re asleep, take it easy, relax and enjoy your evening. With the warm reception you’ve given my comments, you deserve it.
Im more wondering why you think you should have been right there. Can you helicopter if you have more than one child? Even if you only have one, why are they never allowed to explore social interactions on their own while you watch from a distance? Don’t apologize for not being a helicopter parent 😉
And honestly, yeah you can and should adult at a play ground but you definitely better know your boundaries. You will watch your tone. You don’t need to get an attitude with a child who is learning and didn’t intentionally hurt anyone.
Love the story and I feel the same way but I cringe at the word ‘kiddo’. I’ve never in my life said that or heard anyone else say it more than once.
YES. D**n straight. And to further the point, I would like to ask that if anyone ever sees my child doing/attempting anything that might involve a trip to the hospital you have my absolute permission to tell him NO. As in, NO, riding your bike down three flights of concrete stairs without a helmet is not smart. NO, leaping from the top of the two story climbing tower is not smart (even if you DO land in wood chips). NO, throwing rocks at your brother to knock the coke can off his head is not smart. Many people think I am sticking my nose into other people’s business when I see this kind of thing going down unsupervised and feel the need/uncontrollable urge to speak up, but I ABSOLUTELY think it takes a village and sister, I am your tribe.
This is a great post. Thank you so much. It does take a village to raise a child. The fact that kids don’t always listen to their parents, I always appreciate it when someone else steps in. It gives the kids another view and they realize their behaviour is not acceptable.
Some people don’t know how ! Talking with a civilized tone and being honest no kid can deny he was wrong . unless he is a jerkwad . No need to be bitchy . Remember he is not your child . As the adult we must give children who are being unruly a little earful . In a civilized tone . Parent comes you simply tell them what happened you being the only adult physically watching the children you had the right to be playground monitor !
I want a village too! Thank you!
I somewhat agree with the creative play about the slide however, as a playground supervisor at a school it is a safety issue. That is why it is a rule not to walk up the slide. I have seen many kids smack their face on the slide and get a bloody mouth or nose due to another child going down the slide as another child is climbing up.
“douchenugget” lol I gotta ask if you were in the Military or in a military family.
P.S. Love the article
A few years ago, I was waiting for my flight at an airport. I noticed this little girl around 7 swinging her leg up and down and thought to myself that if that were my child, I would have her sit down and play or read because she is going to kick someone by mistake. I was mistaken, instead, her sandal flew off her foot and hit me in the face. I picked it up and held it out to her and nicely said “you should say you’re sorry”. That is when her mother finally paid attention and instead of telling her child to apologize for hitting me in the face with her shoe, she yelled at me. ” She’s just a child”. Yup, she’s just a child of a mother who is not bringing her up with the proper manners. I applaud you both.
Children learn what they live! By example, therefore, it doesn’t speak well of the adults. Nothing wrong with manners, and respect which must be taught.
We need more of this type of action. There are too many out of control, non parented kids running around with no discipline or awareness. Being a child is not an excuse for poor behavior or bad parenting.
I told some kids riding their bikes against the traffic here in California. If they were hit by oncoming cars, it will be their fault because they should not be facing oncoming traffic because in California bikes are considered vehicles and they must follow the vehicle code 21200…
I try not to but end up scolding other kids at the playground all the time and find that it’s certainly in my right if it bullying or tormenting other kids (i.e. throwing sand at other kids (including mine), pushing, shoving, hitting, etc. To the parents who say, you should come find me before disciplining my kid, usually you are no where to be found, off chatting or playing on your iphone or the kid is there w/ the nanny who is paying no attention.
This was heartening to read because just last night I was scolded for “embarassing” a boy and his mother — we were at a school arts&talent night, and parents had donated snacks for the kids. Everyone could get one — and IMMEDIATELY after the teacher told “NASA shirt boy” that he could take one, he saw her turn away and he took a second one. I called him out on it. And another parent cut in and told me off. I was so dumbfounded I let it go. And they walked away with an extra snack — and this other parent saying “his mother was right there… he has a sister.. I didn’t know if you knew that was his mother”. He didn’t ask the teacher “Can I take one for my sister” — he just took the extra.
I’m with babysideburns on this issue. If another responsible adult reminds my child of a well-known rule, I say THANK YOU and reinforce that rule to my child.
The oblivious mother who didn’t see her son’s action? I may tell her what happened some day, and give her son a second chance. The interrupting mother? I’ll be avoiding her in the future.
I will never address another person’s kid …unless that parent is NOT doing anything. I will say something gently at first . Simply because I dont know that child pwrhaps they have a lwarning issue …or juat becauae I dont know how that’s kids parents will react …not all parents take kindly to someone saying something to there kid…even if there kid is wrong.
Sometimes kids just don’t think so if it’s repetitive rude behaviour then I will say something.
If my kid was being rude over and over I would expect someone to tell him to knock it off without being rude themselves or tell me . Sometime kids don’t think it through …not because they aren’t taught right or rude…simply because they are kids and thier brians aren’t fully developed.
I love this…I’m a mom to 6 kids, ages 6 to 17, and have witnessed on several occasions parents getting bent out of shape because another adult had the chutzpah to say something to one of their kids who needed a little adult guidance. Like you, I feel that other adults do have a right to say something to any of my kids who are acting unacceptably. Why is this okay? Because my own opinion isn’t the only opinion that matters. My kids need to learn that they will have to get along with people to whom they are not related. This is what society is, and consideration for the feelings of others is that lubricant that makes things go smoothly in our interactions with others.
I have especially strong feelings on this topic because one of my childhood memories is of my father, a gentle, child-loving man, telling a little boy at the playground not to throw sand in my sister’s face. He had crouched down and said, very nicely, that thrown sand can get into the eyes and hurt, and asked him not to do this anymore. The consequence was that the little boy’s father came up and demanded, “What are you saying to my kid?” The next thing I remember was my dad’s wife (my parents were divorced) leading me and my sister out of the playground because the guy had my dad pinned to a seesaw and was beating the crap out of him.
Children whose parents know no self-discipline are generally not disciplined.
Parents are always so proud of their child all of the time we forget to drop our ego when the child needs correcting. Children do not have the capacity to think about the situation at hand they only know about self gratification. Parents are not always able to help direct their kids the right way and need the extra help. I don’t expect to be able to watch my daughter every second of every day so it is helpful when there are other parents who are thinking and watching out for your child.
It is good that you did not take her correcting your child to heart and understand she was only looking out for the best interest of your child and teaching them a little respect and humility at the same time. It can be hard to swallow your pride in the moment, but once we learn to reflect it becomes very obvious why it was a good thing in the end.
I agree 100% that it takes a village to raise a child. I also feel that nobody but me should touch my child. I don’t feel that telling my kid to stop doing something that is wrong, offensive or hurtful is considered disciplining them. That is what happens after I hear what my child did & I decide how serious the issue is what type of punishment they deserve to correct their behavior. However, if my child is friends with that parents child & is a regular visitor or in some cases, a semi permanent fixture in that persons home, then I expect them to treat my child the same as they would their own & if that means my child deserves a swat on the behind then by all means give it to them. By no means am I giving them permission to abuse or beat my child but a well deserved kick in the pants is acceptable in my book because if your child is at my house on a daily basis then when I catch him doing something he shouldn’t I’m gonna crack his a*s, mainly because there is a 100% guarantee that my child is right beside him doing the exact same d**n thing!!!
You are my new favorite person.
Love this lots!!!! Reminded me of chuck e cheeses last sept. For my youngest Birthday… as 2 older boys.. preteen.. threw footballs from one of the games across chuck e cheese, running, and pushing little ones down as parents just stood their looking dumb watching it happen. Won’t lie I stepped in took the footballs away, yelled at the boys for making some little boy cry by pushing him down, exc… If and I say if cause my boys arent plain out rude and disrespectful.. they Ever acted like that and I wasnt around I sure hope a parent would step in and… yea… takes a village!
10/10 Would enjoy plot twist again…and again…and again! I was getting a little horrified for a minute there but then I was overcome by the soothing balm of sanity.
Out of all of this, I think I was most impressed by the fact that someone else out there actually uses the word douchenugget. Nicely done.
Couldn’t have said that any better.
I dare a complete stranger to discipline my son. My children absolutely know their manners, and that’s why I can confidently say that. You may inform me of their actions, but it is a complete violation to allow a STRANGER to berate my child. There are way too many crazies out there.
Good outcome. I’m 64. Was taught to respect elders.
In church, I was torn whether or not to say something to a teen who could not stay off his phone. It’s disrespectful, sooo-I just passed him a note: no phone, please. He did lay it down, but kept looking at it like it was going to run away. When the svc was over, I thanked him.
It was very difficult for me to do.
But. I think best at times.
Kids will be kids!
It really does take a village.That’s how things were done when I was a kid (1960’s)…we have lost that through fears of retribution, law suits and other such silliness. If those old basic principals were re-adapted,maybe we could save our young kids from the streets that just gobble them up. Blessings.
Fifty shades of awesome! Shared at facebook.com/fighting4answers and on twitter @fighting4answrs
I applaud this. This happened much when I was young, though it was mostly my friends, not that I was a saint or anything, just tried to be on my best behavior whenever I could. There has actually been times I felt like telling my friends to knock it off, but it was not easy for me. I am glad the mother respectfully told your son to stop, and I am glad you love your son enough to teach him right from wrong. You sound like a good loving parent to me, do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
Yes. Yes. Yes!!!! Bravo stranger. And kudos to you mom for accepting that help. It does take a village to raise a child. I grew up in a neighborhood where by the time I got home, my mom already knew what happened, so I got disciplined twice.
You have the same rights as a paraprofessional substitute teacher.
You are in public.
In a playground for all.
I followed a wondering around little girl (3) because she was crossing the street headed to a jumping castle far away that I could see by kneeling. I had asked her where she was going.
Mother of that child had told the older two to watch her, 4&6 yrs at best, while she sat nearby on her phone texting.
Finally, after many people were witnessing this she stared to run back to were she came from. Her mom was crying while on phone to Police when we came up. I recounted the story to her and the P.O. The mother never said a word to me and the Ifficer just rolled his eyes, shook his head and said thank you. I smh and left.
The mom was also yelling at the kids for not watching her.
Remedy? I think…
Mother’s phone confiscated and given to judge…
P.O…one hour of his pay billed to that mom.
Lady that did help me…Bless her for she blessed us.
50 or so witnesses that sat eating BBQ during this ordeal…citation and made to watch child endangerment video and what to do.
Me? High-five, that’s all.
I’ve coached youth soccer, baseball, Scouting, raised kids.
Yes, you did sign off as the kid’s mother. But then you say you’re the kid’s father on that “Honey whoa…” response. And you chastised Breed7 for calling you out on that apparently fraudulent signage? And you spelt “mom” just like Breed7 did, not “mum”. But yet you criticised Breed7 for his/her spelling of that word. To be frank, the writing of the blog comment sounds like a man’s — lexicon, sentence syntax, word usage and expression. But you signed off as “mom”…..go figure.
See below, I copied and pasted how you signed off on your blog comment.
“That” kid’s mom.
As per my reply above, this has nothing to do with the original article writer, you are jumping to conclusions without reading the comments. She can write “mom” all she likes, even “kiddo”, whatever works for her, this is creative writing on a blog so anything goes. I did not criticise breed7’s spelling, I pointed out that whilst I may have my own view of how mum is spelt I respect and acknowledge other people spell it differently. As should other people when it come to the word “woah”.
If I take my kids to the park and another kid hits or bullies them in any way,or anything like that I will say something to that kid. All you parents who think it is wrong to say something to these kids need a good slap. When we were young we had more respect then these little bastards today. The schools are the ones teaching our kids and they are doing a bang up job. The kids think we can’t touch them because CAS will come. Well I don’t care about those crooks. They are worse then any school
Do you realize how you undermined your message by saying “there are probably a-holes out there who would be all pissy about some stranger getting mad at their kiddo.” Yeah, there probably are. But this is completely dependent on the situation, and you not clarifying this scenario makes YOU the “a-hole.” I would never get mad at another parent who told my child to stop doing something really wrong. However, what if that parent was wrong and your child wasn’t? What if the other parent was a bully, an intrusive know-it-all, or just rude? If you confront this bully, are you still a pissy “a-hole?” I think not. So can you kindly inform the world what the “a-hole” parent is supposed to do then?
Wow. The hurtful comments here. Yes, is it absolutely appropriate to gently correct someones child is they are a little on the wild side and the parent is not around. But, the old adage, show by example is what comes to mind. Correcting in a calm voice, not yelling or accusing and then move on is correct. Yelling, touching, and getting in their face is never ok. Any parent who thinks that is ok, is teaching that bullying is ok. After most kids hit about 10 or so, their manners are set. If they do not have good manners by then, where do their behavior patterns come from and why. Who or what was their example of learning. Makes you wonder…
Chuck, good points, and I entirely agree. Perhaps instead of focusing on punishing them, we should focus on helping them learn. Children are sensitive and fragile. You can discipline through kindness, and this is not the army.
i am 70 years old. In my day we treated each others children as our own. if someone misbehaved we felt comfortable correcting them since we hoped another parent would do the same. It demonstrates to the child that adult authority extends past their parents and they are accountable for all actions.
I see a lot of parents responding on this site that “get it.” Too often I encounter children that have no respect, no boundaries, and no regard for anyone but themselves. When they act up they are not shown or told that this is not an acceptable way to behave. They are either ignored or “threatened” with discipline that is never administered. The word oblivious is the correct term, they do not just “see” that their child is doing something wrong; or they just ignore it.
I grew up with the “village” concept; I think I turned out okay. I respect my elders. I say please and thank you. I understand the difference between mistakes and deliberate actions. I know the difference between a gentle reminder and someone trying to bully me. I understand that my actions create reactions. I understand that my actions are my responsibility and that I must be accountable for them. I don’t see this much anymore in our children; it is needed in order to have a society that is not hell-bent on self destruction.
On the other hand – some of the comments show that others just don’t understand that raising children is not just a one or two person job. Parents cannot by with their children 24/7; their children will be influenced by other adults. The adults that take their jobs seriously know that all children are their responsibility, not just their own. This is an inherent trait in almost all parents. The problem is that the concept of “the village” has been taken out of our society. If you cannot do it on your own, your deemed a failure. This needs to be corrected and I glad that there are others out there that are still true to the concept.
Old school. Love it!
I have definitely “interrupted” kids at the play ground. One time this boy kept turning on the sprinklers button in the volley ball area while two other boys played there. The two boys kept telling him to turn off the water, which he was doing and laughing about, and the two boys got so upset they started throwing ROCKS! So if I didn’t interrupt who knows how this situation would have ended. The boys stopped throwing rocks and I did let the “water boy’s” mom know exactly what was going on since she had no idea. Sometimes it is GREAT for others to make sure everyone is safe. I didn’t know these kids and never saw them again but do people really think I should have stayed out of it? I don’t think so at all! Stepping up and explaining to the kids what other choices they could make is the best option.
It takes a village to raise a child. Kudos to this mom for being thankful. Wonderful story!
As a father of a 5 year old I enjoyed this story. I had the same issue one day at a birthday party. There was a bouncy house and my son who is 5, and small was playing with other small kids. All of sudden I see a kid about 10-11 years old flying across the small bouncy house. I kept seeing the kid fly across which endangered the smaller kids. What was happening was he would lean against the wall of the house and another kid would push him, which would launch him into the air flying across the bouncy house. I immediately said, “son that is dangerous stop doing that”. He obliged, but his mom, who was on her cell phone, says “that is my son you’re talking to”. My reply was, “I don’t care who it is what he is doing is endangering the other kids” She could tell I was not happy. Then she says again, “I’m just letting you know that is my son”. I replied, and my son is in the bouncy house about to get hurt. I think she realized I was not in the mood and was not going to change my stance. So much could be averted if parents spoke up. Thanks.
I may be old fashion, but I don’t see the “discipline” in this story. My definition has some sort of punishment involved. Can you help me understand why you used the word “discipline”?
Discipline does not mean punishment. We all need to live disciplined lives. Choosing to do the right thing even when it is hard! We are parents trying to raise disciplined children.
I saw a segment on your post this morning on Fox&Friends. At first I was worried that the story was going to be about yet another overly sensitive parent. I was so happy to see that I was wrong. I completely agree with you and had it been my child I would have felt the same way you did. If I had been there and another parent talked to my child about a negative behavior, I would thank that parent and then have my own conversation with my child. Where I would be expecting him to apologize to both the other child and his/her mother. We need to stop coddling our children and start disaplinging and guideing them!
One time I even touched another child. I was at a playscape with several friends and all of our children. A little boy punched my friend’s son in the face. I politely reminded him not to hit. The same child was repeatedly banging another friend’s daughter’s head against the wall a few minutes later. I went in to rescue her and told him again not to hit. As I was carrying my friend’s daughter (who was still crying) out of the playscape, I came across the same child with his hand raised to hit my son. At that point I grabbed his arm to stop him and yelled at him in earnest, using my “scary mommy” voice that I usually reserve for my own kids.. Honestly, at that point I was hoping his parent would hear me and come get their child to protect them from me, because then all of the other kids there would be safe. Although I do not think it is normally ok to touch another person’s child, when the parent isn’t watching at all and the child is intentionally hurting other kids – someone has to step in and stop it.
I agree, it is not alright to touch someone else’ child, but sometimes, people just need to intervene. The same could apply if I saw an adult bully a child. What you did was fine. You did not spank. You did not hit. You did not push. You just grabbed him by his arm and told him to cut it out. I would have probably done the same if nothing was done. I have no experience with children, but I care about all children (and pets), and if one is being hurt, and no one is doing anything, I would wish to intervene. We must teach our children (and pets) well, trouble is, most of us just do not care, maybe because we are too lazy to do anything, or we do not understand the repercussions of what is happening, or we think they are just going off, or we just do not care. This sounds this is what happened with his parent, poor parenting skills. I find the use of “discipline” in this article to be weak, I think it should simply be “educate”, nothing is wrong with stepping in to reprimand someone else’ child, or someone else’ pet for that matter, not just are we protecting the weaker ones, but we are helping those picking on them better their selves. It is too bad their owners/parents do not always see it that way, but if they just took the time to do it for their selves rather than needing to rely on someone else. This world will probably be a much better place.
You are, without doubt, one of the best parents I’ve had the pleasure to come across on the web. Is it okay if I feature this post in my blog?
I’m disturbed by the tone, attitude, and language you use with a total stranger regarding your own child. I would like to ask you to do something in all sincerity: if it had been your daughter that day and not your son, would you have spoken in exactly the same way about her as you did him? Would you have called her a douchenugget? A jerkwad? Would you have taken to your blog publicly to thank the stranger for reprimanding your daughter for her behavior? I ask you please to go line by line, word for word even, through your letter and ask yourself these questions. And if the answer is no, even once, why is it no? Why does a boy have less dignity and deserve less respect than a girl? Why is it ever ok to demean a boy, especially to a stranger and especially publicly? Is this letter a brand of girl power? Why would you treat any other girl with less respect than your own flesh and blood? Thank you for your time.
Beautifully written, Dave…………..
On Friday i disciplined a child for hurting my son at the playground by saying.if you continue to hurt your friends no one is going to want to play with you. Tuesday the father approached me and started the conversation by saying. I know you have three boys and your overwhelmed… And your doing a good job but….he was very angry by what I said to his son…so angry the argument continued for one hour..with 2 interruptions from his disrespectful son. The son continued to play with my son and the boys in the field..the next thing I know my son is hurt. Today I took him to the pediatrician who then told me to get an xray. My son has a fractured finger. He cannot play for 2 weeks and cannot play lacrosse. He cannot go swimming and yet.I was wrong. I am so angry.
I’m a 64 yr old Grandmother that is very old school in love and disincline.Parents can’t be everywhere it does take a village to raise kids.I can’t tell you how many neighbors took me home to my parents when needed or corrected me growing up !I don’t believe in adults being bullies to children.Now days so many parents either don’t disincline or teach and if you say a word they jump you badly.I took a little girl up front in a retail store when the parent saw me holding hands with her child she chewed me up one side down the other this child was crying and lost !Another child was climbing a fire exit going up to the roof he was about 5 I said honey I would hate to see you get hurt it would make me sad can you get down..his very ignorant Mother had a foul mouth which she used with me I let her have it that day !Its hard to know if you should help it not now days but if a child needs it I will usually help out ..it’s just me and I believe it’s necessary !
Oh m|…an open minded parent who actually cares about raising a decent human being!! Thank YOU!!
stop complaining and enjoy my tax money this is for everyone to enjoy even strangers that live in Leominster.
Sorry but I don’t agree. Children will rough house a little on the equipment and in the schoolyard. The girl should have been told to assert herself, and/or practice when it wasn’t being used, and/or ask to use it exclusively for a time. I’ve seen children play rough on purpose for physical contact. As long as no one is injured, and they are having fun, this is normal healthy play.
That is VERY different from a child being an intentional bully or abusive. I would have told me son to be more gentle with someone who is learning, but if I had seen another parent addressing my child for that level of behavior I would stop and explain to my son that sometimes parents are mean because they don’t know how to be good parents, and her behavior was wrong but you can expect that sort of reaction from time to time.
I would also, in front of the parent, address the girl and encourage her to confront my son in a nice way and explain that she needed more space to practice, and I would encourage my son to engage her and help her.
I always model behavior I want to see in my child. I would NEVER want my child mouthing off to anyone unless he was being threatened, and in most cases clearly assert himself, assert his boundaries, and NOT engage in violence for any reason. If he was out of his league, I would tell him to engage an adult.
I also have a big problem with the language. “douchenugget and jerkwad” are sexual or bathroom references. Children aren’t “jerkwads,” which is a tissue full of m**********n sperm (!) Is it really a good idea to use that term?
Children are delicate humans that need guidance, love, and a great role model. They need to be “tweaked” into better behavior with thoughtful adjustments and hints, redirections of focus, and a parent modeling the right behavior, not humiliated by other parents WITH the permission of his own protector (his mom). The anger that is suppressed in a child under that situation eventually could become dangerous. Also, the self-image degradation that occurs over time is very damaging. It is more likely from how the story was told that the boy was simply in his own world, and his tolerance for physical contact different that the girl’s. More likely, the girl was frustrated with herself and her inability to achieve the physical challenge rather than upset because the boy hurt her. The issue was that the second mother trained the little girl to revert to a state of helplessness and cry, and that behavior was reinforced in the story. The girl needed encouragement and empowerment, not a shield from reality. That’s what parents should be doing.
Just curious, you wouldn’t want the other mom to address your kid, but you could address hers to “encourage her to assure herself?” Kids are delicate, however if they’re continued to be treated as such then they grow up to be delicate. How could they handle a strong boss as an adult, or a college professor who is extra assertive? Mommy cannot always be there to explain
If all parents would open their eyes and realize their kids can be “douchnuggets” from time-to-time. I know mine can be, and I like it when they hear discipline from others besides myself. It teaches them to respect authority
Many parents get overly protective of their children these days and I’m glad you’re not at all offended by the stranger at the playground.
Kids being kids will always test their boundaries to learn what’s acceptable or not, and it’s good that some adults can contribute to his/her development, since we can’t be there 24/7…
Thank u for saying thank you! No truer words have ever been spoken ” It takes a village” we need more parents like u in this world! ❤
Part of parenting is civilizing the child.they need to know how get along in the world.just sayin’…
I am so glad this post went this way!! It takes a village for peet’s sake! Our kids need to respect other adults! Thank you for posting!!
How timely this article is! Just recently my husband corrected my nephew for shouting at him but the parents are making a big issue out of it and greatly disagrees our loving act of correction. Thank you for this.I feel we did the right thing.
YES!! I was distracted by my baby when my toddler was doing something wrong so my friend gently asked him not to and the APOLOGIZED TO ME! She said ‘I can’t believe I told your child what to do! You are totally capable of parenting him yourself!’ Umm actually…?! I was glad she stopped him! Why are people afraid to be the adult and have authority! JUST DO IT!
I hope you gave your permission to that mom to copy your post, but in French? http://parfaitemamancinglante.com/2016/06/01/a-toi-le-parent-qui-a-engueule-mon-enfant-au-parc-ce-matin/
This is a bit off topic but I’ll be the one who had to give some discipline at a park playground. My son is quite well behaved, he’s 4 yo and knows that hitting, or hurting someone in any way is a no no. He also knows to stay within his parents eyesight whenever we go somewhere. So there he is at the park quietly building a sand cattle with his own toys and minding his own business. He comes up to me to tell me he built a sand castle, I acknowledge that and he goes on to build it even bigger. Now I’m sitting on a beach towel a little farther away because I have studying to do. I raise my head quite often so I know where my son is and what he’s doing. Suddenly I see a girl about his age come up to him and destroy his castle that he was so round of. Well I think I’ll let him defend himself but he runs over to me with tears in his eyes to complain. I tell him to tell her to trip. So he does. Now he’s rebuilding it. The girl grabs one of his toys without asking him and starts playing. Well ok I think, we have to share that’s cool. Maybe her parents have not talked about asking first. So next I raise my head and see the girl throw sand right in my sons face. He freezes and blinks. He knows it’s wrong so he’s appalled that some other kid can do that but not him. So she does it again. All that time the girls parents are not in sight. I shout over to her that she must stop throwing sand at my sons face and find another spot if she does not know how to play. I’m of the mindset that I can yell out to another kid that might potentially hurt mine and not feel guilty about it. Why should I get off my but to do a quiet and calm reasoning with the girl. I have studying to do and etc. I’m not her babysitter or parent. So here goes, I get some random mom, not the girls mom come over to me an HOUR later to to call me crazy because I yelled at some else’s kid. Really? Correct me if I’m wrong but I have no obligation to waste my time on other parents bad parenting by getting up and going through all that find the parent, talk to the other kid calmly shabang. My thoughts are – you don’t like it, you better watch your kids yourself. Honestly, was I so wrong for doing a shout out? I wasn’t screaming or losing my mind over it, just shouting over that that’s unacceptable and protecting my own son which I’m responsible for. What are your thoughts?
My oldest son is 4 and plays soccer. There’s a kid on his team who is totally unable to keep his hands to himself. -__- So anyway, the kid who can’t keep his hands to himself was punching and kicking one of the other teammates over and over. I look around and this kid’s mom isn’t saying a word. So I call out, “[insert kid’s name], stop hitting!” He stopped for a minute and went back to it, this time also swinging at my son. Again, the mom didn’t say a word. So I yelled his name again, probably a little sharper than the first time. My husband (coach of the team) witnessed the mother of the kid who can’t keep his hands to himself call me a b***h and ask who I thought I was. I’m glad I didn’t hear her, or it might have gotten awkward.
I mean, if you aren’t going to take on the responsibility of telling YOUR KID not to assault someone else, I’m sure as hell not going to stand there and watch him do it! Please, people, if my kid does something like that and I don’t see it, feel free to tell him to knock it the hell off! 🙂
And who calls people names at a kid’s soccer game? She is awful.
How large would you say a ‘village’ should be? Are there limits?
What if your child isn’t being rude or as you say a ‘jerkwad’ but a grownup comes down on them anyway? Just trying to get your thoughts on this. 🙂
This is exactly what every mom should do, take a stand for her kid, this builds the confidence in them. Btw there is a book which i usually suggests to mothers, its about making your kid a responsible person. Its “Mom Dollar Money ” by Angela Reuss. a Great read on Parenting.
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i CAN’T believe this hs goneon so long. over a simple action meant to improve a childs manners. IS THIS HOW WARS START. go bac and read some of this stuff
@trixie 79 – what? What are you talking about? This is post from over a year ago…and the last relevant comment was more than 6 months ago.
This actually made me feel emotional. As a retired teacher of 34 plus years I read something written from a parent who totally gets it. I’m positive I would have loved your children as students. You rock.
Yay! At first I wasn’t t sure if you were going to go off on the other “mom” or adult. Glad to see not; it does take a village! This is the way it “used” to be, and things were better, in many ways.
Nope. I am not like this author at all. If someone has an issue about my child’s behavior, they need to address me about it. Not my child. It is my responsibility to discipline or correct my child, and no one else’s. I also, do not and would not ever discipline or correct another person’s child (unless under my care or supervision, such as daycare or babysitting). If I see a child behaving inappropriately towards my child I ask the child “where is your parent, please point them out to me.” Then I address the issue with the parent. We all parent and correct our children’s behavior differently and “I have seen the village and I don’t want it raising my child!” What you feel is acceptable to say to my child, I may not find appropriate. And vice versa. I will either take my concerns to the parent, or remove my child from the situation entirely. For if your child is being a bully, not sharing/taking turns, throwing wood chips, etc. Then the best lesson I can teach my child is not to associate with people that behave inappropriately by no longer allowing my child to play with your child. It also, teaches your child that no one wants to/or will play with them if they behave inappropriately. My child, my responsibility. Your child, your responsibility. Period.
Nice!!!!! At first, I thought you was going to rant and I thought he was being a brat. I was going to scream!!! I loved this. Loved loved loved it!!! We need all parent’s to feel this way. Respectful comments the way it was when we were kids. Adults were adults and you listened to them because moms didn’t go off on you for saying something and then later the kids didn’t think they had a right to tell you to go F yourself because they knew mom would have their back. Get to basic respect. Nice. Thank you!!!!
Absolutely could not agree with you more!!! And thank God someone has some b***s left to actually say how they feel without worrying about what “everyone” will think! We definitely need more parents and people in general like you! When I listen to my dad tell stories about when he was growing up in West Virginia back in the 50’s and he said if he was bad not only would he get a spanking at home but also from the neighbors mom where he was, he got it double, because parents understood that they needed to help each other raise their children, and that it was wrong to be disrespectful to adults, your parents or not. My son is 5 and I swear I’m getting paid back for being an asshole when I was younger lol. I love my son so much and would never hurt him but I refuse to raise an asshole and send him out into society for the world to deal with! So I also say Thank You to the other parents that are their when I can’t be and you have every right to be the adult and discipline my son if he’s being a snot or disrespect!!! I too choose the village ??
Yes! But please stop calling your children “kiddos”, “kidlets” and “tiny humans” ?
Good article. However referring to your children as “kiddos”, “kidlets” or “tiny humans” is really obnoxious.
Sorry, double post.
By the same token, I have spoken to a mom when I saw there kid do something really nice too. One time I was with my grandson at a park and I saw an older boy being so patient and sweet to his little sister. I found the mom and asked if that was her son. She nervously said yes. I told her how impressed I was with how he was treating his sister. Her face was relieved and proud.
I thought the same thing when first reading this. Thinking they would offended. So glad you were not. I would have been glad had you said something like that to my children as well if that were the case also. As you said ” it takes a village” and unfortunately there are not many out there that want that village.
Thank you for this. I am a teacher. I respond to misbehaviors all the time when I see kids treating each other badly. Usually it’s a “sweetie, you could have ….been nicer…been more patient….taken turns.” When I see kids touching all the fruit in the grocery store, I simply direct them back to his/her parent. I can’t leave my teacher side at home. I love all kids and want the best for them all.
I agree with an adult correcting a child as long that same adult doesn’t mind me correcting their child. There are to many parents that believe their child can do no wrong.
I agree with you on it takes a village. If mine is doing wrong, please feel free to let them know. I am old school and we were told by our elders and respected them. We need more parents like you, and us.
That’s how they do it in Europe, child misbehaves or is rude a perfect stranger will firmly tell them to knock it off. Holds children accountable even when their ‘real ‘ parents aren’t around. Loved your story and your message, I too thought you were going to yell at parent who disciplined your child, glad it was quite the opposite, we all need to do a better job when children are young so they grow up to be respectful teenagers.
I was getting upset at first. Thinking you were actually offended someone was correcting your son’s bad behavior….lol You are so right. No kid or adult for that matter..is perfect. We all must do our part to train up all children we come in contact with in a positive way. As long as we do it with respect and kindness. Too many parents these days get so offended when someone dares to correct their Child. Bravo to you for standing up for what’s right!!! If we all felt and acted like this we would see a world of change
It’s ‘whoa’. Please, for the love of all that is holy, stop spelling it like Noah!!! ?
I loved this and was upset to start off with because in kindergarten I had my collarbone broken by a little boy who pushed me off the monkey bars. Sure wish someone had of told him to quit being an asshat.
This is great in my neighborhood mom’s Carey knives big ones and if there child gets wet at the water park they pull it out and stab the parent of the child that got there’s wet at the water park mind you. What a fucked up world yes it takes a village. ROCHESTER NY.
To the author… if your child, who was obviously not taught to wait his turn, patience or common consideration, knocked my kid, or any other kid, to the ground, I’m going to have something to say. Do your d**n job, or others will do it for you. I’m sick of soccer moms believung their kid can do no wrong, only to raise an entilted, bratty, pain in the a*s. And, if you had a problem with me politely informing your kid to wait his rightful turn, you and your child’s father can take it up with me directly.
Fact is, our children are extensions of us until they go out on their own…kind of like beautiful, creative, and sometimes rude third arm. If your arm accidentally gets in the way or bothers someone in public, you don’t blame them, get in their face and blame them. Even if it was an unavoidable accident, you take responsibility for you weird extra appendage and apologise. Nobody ‘s going to grab my kid while I sit passively by, but I don’t care if my little rambunctious boys hear “be careful, you should show respect or don’t make me get your dad”. We all eventually learn there are other authorities out there than just our parents. Take it in stride.
Hey guys Are you getting any therapy or breakup recovery coaching around this? I hope so, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I recently did a podcast around “Why you’re still thinking about your Ex (and how to stop).” I hope you check it out and that it helps you find your way forward.Here’s the post, if you’re interested: https://lovespellsite.blogspot.com/
I hope these resources help you…