Hi, I’m Karen Alpert, aka Baby Sideburns. I’m a mom who likes to wear fat pants and drink Hershey’s syrup straight from the bottle while I cook dinner every night. And by cook dinner, I mean nuke chicken nuggets in the microwave. Thanks for checking out my page! You might notice that I swear on here a little. If that bothers you, I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better I never do it in front of my kiddos (unless they drop a bowling ball on my head or something), and really I just do it in my writing because what I write is what goes through my head.

Here are some other things I do besides curse in my head:
Use fake words like vajayjay and anyways
Write sponsored posts so I can buy chicken nuggets and Hershey’s syrup
Raise two kiddos named Zoey and Holden (who were 5 and 2.5 when this page was created but who might be 97 and 94.5 now since this page will probably never be updated)
Write books (cough cough New York Times bestseller)
Have lots of fun on my awesome Facebook page
Help other moms and dads by admitting that parenting is like crazy hard for everyone

25 responses to “About

  1. Tanya Buchanan

    Love the Blog Karen!

  2. Hi Karen, I love the blog. Marc wants to see it so I’m going to give you his email address so that he can sign up, if it’s ok with you. With both of you having new baby boys, I thought it would be fun for him.
    As the mom of a very colicky son, about 100 years ago, I can assure you, eventually you will get some sleep – until you have teenagers!


  3. Ha ha, thanks Beth! I love more subscribers so absolutely. The more the merrier, especially other parents who are sleeping as little as I am. And last but not least, congratulations!

  4. I tried to subscribe in my RSS feeder but it won’t let me see the articles and the links never work. 🙁

  5. Kristin, go to facebook and join Baby Sideburns there. You’ll get everything. This is the old site. Thanks for reading!

  6. I’m sitting on my couch with my 3 month old strapped to me in one of those pouch carrier things, and your blog posts have entertained me for the past hour. What you’re saying is exactly what I’m thinking …. Thank god I’m not the only one! Great read, thanks for sharing!

  7. I have done several “spit takes” with my red wine reading this on a Friday night while my husband watches “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.” I love it!

  8. I don’t even HAVE a kid, and this s**t is hilarious! I have gone through ALL of your archives and liked your FB page.
    Of course, I don’t want kids now, but I don’t think that I did anyhow ;P

  9. Hi Karen,
    I just love the way make fun of things. You are awesome. I have followed you on Twitter. Hope you follow back.

    Keep it up. Cheers.


  10. Great blog! I’m a first time mom of a 3 week old and love your sense of humor!

  11. Love your blog and I’m wondering if I can buy your book in Canada anywhere???

  12. Help! I loved your post of “going-from-one-kid-to-two” It was my theme in 2012. I cant find it anywhere. i saved the link to your old blog, but that doesnt work anymore.

  13. Baby Sideburns, I love you but I have to ask…. why are there so many places to find you? I can’t keep tabs on all your blogs! Can’t you just have one? I’m going to miss something!

    – you have this blog right here
    – you have the ChicagoNow one
    – you have your Facebook page
    -you have a Youtube Channel
    -You are on Pinterest

    And none of them seem to intermingle!

  14. first of all you f*****g rock!!! I love reading you I’m actually sitting here right now with an arm sling and I’m wrapped up on my left side of my body from head to toe (literally my head is wrapped and so is my toe and everything in between) because I have road rash because I decided to get on my sons motorbike with a dress on needless to say it got caught in the wheel striped me naked in the middle of the street and I went sliding on the pavement as I crashed so I’m sitting on the pavement pretty much naked and bleeding from everywhere and a little kid comes up to me and Hands me a towel I probably scarred him for life because as my son says my tummy looks like a watermelon so I don’t look like a supermodel the poor kid wanted to goudge his eyes out probably after seeing me like that and my mom comes running up yelling at me to put my clothes on I don’t think she understood how severe the crash was So anywho as i sit here my little one is running around all over actually she’s crawling all over and just came up to me with a battery in her mouth I’m glad I’m not the only one that can sit back and relax and say f**k it she’ll be fine thank you for providing humor while i sit here lookin stupid i started your book in the hospitalwhich by the way I got for Mother’s Day a few hours earlier I’m almost done with it it f*****g rocks you f*****g rock thank you so much for what you do I f*****g love you sincerely Heather aka karmas mommy. P.S. I hope my blog does a quarter of what yours has accomplished check it out. Karmasmommy.weebly.com

  15. Love your blog on Disney! I laughed so hard!

  16. Pingback: Not Just Me Thinks That My Kid Is An A-Hole | BloggerMom.ca

  17. I highly recommend reading this. One more reason to love Roald Dahl: http://www.roalddahlfans.com/articles/meas.php

  18. Facebook leaves you behind in the queue if you share a link in your post.

    Say “look in the comments for the link”

  19. oh sorry…less than THREE MONTHS, not weeks…it takes three weeks to reverse the Thiocyanate deficiency…it took two months to treat infections once the labs started showing wtf he actually had, infections wise, that made him seem autistic…it is not the shots, but the shots trigger it…reversing an essential nutrient deficiency reverses it all as soon as you get some of the infections cleared…truth…and we ALL ate the foods, and let them sell them to us, then give us shots, and some people know exactly what that gene does…it is in all microniology textbooks on the planet. yep. xoxo

  20. Just started following your blog…love it!!! From a little nanny for 4 girls 7 and under…I truly appreciate your humour.

  21. You write in the way I hope to 🙂 I recently found your blog and Love IT! I will forward to reading more from you 😀

  22. Just found your blog and it’s a riot! Thanks for saying everything we’re all thinking — it’s a feel good romp for us moms. I don’t know if you do awards, but I’ve nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award at https://riddlefromthemiddle.com/2016/12/13/7-facts-and-a-lovely-compliment/.

    Thanks for sharing your humor with the rest of us!

  23. I’m Italian and.. you are my GURU Karen!

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