Seriously kiddo, THAT’s what you want for your birthday? (you could win an AWESOME prize in this post!!)

ME: Holden, what do you want for your birthday?

HOLDEN: A dragon.

ME: No way, buddy, he’ll breathe fire all over us!

HOLDEN: Nooo, a NICE dragon.

ME: No such thing. Pick something else.

HOLDEN: A bunk bed.

Eeeks, really? But he’s looking up with me with those adorable puppy dog eyes and damn it, why does he have to be so stinkin’ cute?! Okay, fine, a bunk bed it is. A huge, hard-to-make, hard-to-put-together, expensive thing he’s gonna roll out of and break his arm or his leg or his neck. Awesome.

After searching for hours and hours online (not really because I’m watching Bachelor in Paradise and only looking down at my computer every ten minutes), I find a couple of good ones.

ME: Honey, which one do you think will look better in Holden’s room? The white or the brown?

HUBBY: I like the white one.

ME: Okay, let’s get the brown one.

HUBBY: Why do you even ask me?

ME: Because I need to hear your opinion to figure out which one I like better.

HUBBY: And then you just pick the opposite one??

ME: No. It’s like as soon as you say it, I know which one I liked all along.

My hubby walks out of the room with an eye roll. And a series of audible toots. Anyways, the one I like comes from Target. Wait, no that’s a lie. The one I like comes from Pottery Barn Kids and they set it up for you when they deliver it, but it costs like $9,000,000 (slight exaggeration. SLIGHT), so I decide to go with the one from Target. The one you have to assemble yourself. I go to put it on my Target Red Card.

Ennnnnh, rejected. OMG, what’s wrong with my Target card?! This can’t be happening. Must keep breathing. I try to make the payment again. NOOOO, what’s wrong?!!!

And then I figure it out. Apparently the order is $703 but my credit card limit is $700. I shit you not. THREE dollars over. But I need to put it on my card to get the 5% off and the free shipping, so I call customer service. Okay, let me just say that I have no problem with people who barely speak English. I barely speak a lot of languages. But speaking with a person who barely speaks English when your card isn’t working and your rugrat keeps screaming in your ear but you can’t say, “SHUT UPPP, I’M TRYING TO SURPRISE YOU WITH A BIRTHDAY PRESENT!!” is torturrrrre. I’m literally on the phone with them for HOURS and at one point I lose it.

ME: AGGGHHHHH, I WILL WALK TO MINNEAPOLIS (real Target junkies know where the headquarters is) AND HAND YOU THREE DOLLARS!!!! JUST TAKE MY MONEEEEYYYYY!!!

Eventually I give up and call my mom to order the bunk bed on her card which she does in like point three seconds without any problem, and a week later guess what arrives.

A crapload of boxes we avoid like the plague.

(two weeks later)

Yup, we’ve put together enough things in our lifetime to know that if a GIANT bunk bed is inside these teeny-weeny super flat boxes, putting it together is going SUCCCCK.

ME: His birthday is tomorrow. We can’t avoid this anymore.

HUBBY: Fine. What do we need?

ME: A screwdriver, an Allen wrench, and alcohol. Lots of it.

And so it begins. Just so you can see how much fun it is putting this bed together, here are some of the highlights.

Wheeee! Time to bring Holden in and show him his awesome birthday present. But wait, before you see his reaction, check this out. My friends at my favorite bedding company SlumberCloud gave us the most awesome mattress protectors for the new bed. Thank you, SlumberCloud!!!

And I know what you’re thinking. Ugghh, now I have to listen to advertising crap?! I promise I’ll be quick. This is how I can afford important stuff, like this bunk bed. And food. And coffee. PLUS, you don’t want to miss Holden’s reaction to his new bunk bed so keep reading. Anyways, you’re probably thinking, big whoop, mattress protectors are boring and you can buy them anywhere. Ennnhhh, you are wrong. You cannot buy THESE amazing mattress covers everywhere.

1. They are very VERY waterproof but don’t feel like a diaper. And if you are sleeping on the bottom bunk and your little brother is sleeping on the top, you can imagine why waterproof is SOOOOOOO important.

And 2. They are made with OUTLAST technology. And if you’re like WTF is Outlast, so was I until I got one a year ago. NASA created this technology and it absorbs your excess heat so you don’t get too hot at night. And then when you get cold, it gives you back that heat. So you stay comfy and don’t wake up. AHHHMAZING!!! Keep reading to see how you can win a bunch of awesome stuff from SlumberCloud!!!

Okay, so I promised I’d show you Holden’s reaction. So after making him stay out of  his room allllllllll morning (literally 3 hours and 12 minutes of me tackling him to the ground every time he tried to come into his room), we finally let him in. He takes one look at the bed and falls to the floor pretending to faint with excitement. FYI, he did this with pretty much every present this birthday. Hilarious.

He LOVES it!! He LOVVVVVES it!!!!!

HOLDEN: This is exactly what I wanted!!!

Me: No shit, Sherlock. You asked for it. Remember?

And here’s where you can win something. Yayyy, free stuff! SlumberCloud is gonna give one of you a FREE mattress pad, pillow covers and a duvet!!! Eeeeeeeks, it could be you!!! Just “like” this post and then leave a comment on the Baby Sideburns Facebook page.  I’ll randomly pick a winner this week. But wait, there’s more! They’re also offering a 12% discount to everyone!! Woohooooo! Just enter the promo code SLEEPBABY to get the discount on all of their awesome products. And speaking of stuff that’ll help you sleep better, here are the boring rules to the contest.

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