Kickass mom tricks that will help you cut corners and get your kids to eat stuff

So a couple of weeks ago I figured out this badass mom trick just by chance. Uhhh, I mean I was a super genius and came up with this brilliant idea on purpose. You might remember this. I put out two bottles of soap in the kids’ bathroom (one from the dark side and one from the light side) and they immediately WANTED to wash their hands because then they could pick which side they wanted to be on.

DARTH VADER: I will kill you and then I will clean my dirty hands with this foamy soap. Oooo, paaaa, oooo, paaaa.

YODA: Clean or clean not. There is no dirty.

Yeah, I don’t know WTF I’m saying. Anyways, it made me think that there must be a shitload of awesome mom tricks out there that I don’t know about. So I asked you guys. And a lot of you came back to me with some kickass ideas. Here are a bunch of my favorites:

I buy natural applesauce without added sugar. The kids don’t love it. They say it is sour. One day I let them add sprinkles, just a few! It was amazing. Not much sugar in those sprinkles but they don’t complain anymore. –Gwen West

Hells yeah! Adding sprinkles to my shopping list now.

When my son is dragging his feet getting dressed in the morning, I tell him we are going to have a race and I will win if he doesn’t hurry. Works every time. –Amanda Stegeman Miller

I know this isn’t a mom trick but a Grandma one. When I go to my daughter’s house I sneak each kid $5 to help mom clean or cook. She doesn’t know and always remarks how much help they are. –Angela Kasarda 

Holy crap, if I hadn’t given away my Grandma-of-the-year trophy to my own mom and my MIL, I would give it to this lady. F’ing brilliant.

When my kids would lose a balloon into the sky (usually in the parking lot just seconds after receiving it) I used to tell them Santa would bring it back to them at Christmas. You have to remember to get balloons before Christmas but it stops the crying immediately when it happens, and the astonishment and joy on Christmas morning is priceless. –Gwen West

When our kiddos wouldn’t stay in bed, my husband would give them “sleeping bucks.” They’d clutch a dollar bill in their hand and if they stayed in bed they got to put the buck in their bank in the morning. –Lisa Tite

You’re giving them all your money anyways, so why the F not?

Not my idea, but a friend figured out that if her kids had two cute toothbrushes from which to choose, they loved brushing their teeth. –Susan Chaney

I tell my girls their hair will fall out of they don’t eat their vegetables. It works. –Susan Angelsky DiFabio

Bwhahahahahahahahaha. Years of therapy ahead, but that is awesome.

My daughter loves “monster” raisins. You know the really giant big raisins? PRUNES!! Loves ’em! –Susan Führ

I’m trying to think of other shit this will work for.

I tell my kids the stuff at the store isn’t for sale. It’s so you can see it before you order it!!! –Misty Morgan Reyes Medina

Yo, Misty, has Mensa called you yet to be their next president?

Lysol gel cleaner in the toilet. Those little dots improve aims of those of all ages. –Katelyn Moore

Yayyyy, no more yellow drippy border in my bathrooms!

My daughter is only 9 months, but if she doesn’t want to eat, we put her food on the edge of our plates. She’ll always eat if she thinks she’s stealing our food. –Lori Bailey MacNett

We do the same thing with our four-year-old. Encouraging kleptomania!! But at least they’ll be healthy kleptomaniacs!

One day my two boys came downstairs and saw me chopping up green peppers to put in sloppy joes. They asked me what it was and I told them I was chopping up little pieces of The Hulk and eating it would make them strong just like him. They cleaned their plates. –Sarah Reed

Promoting healthy cannibalism! Awesome!!

My daughter who’s now 8 but 6 at the time would not eat Fish Sticks (yes I am that much of a gourmet cook) so I told her they were Taylor Swift fish sticks and she gobbled them up. –Heather Garcia

I see a whole line of this. Now don’t forget to eat you Bieber broccoli. That salmon cake by the ocean looks deeeelish. Whatta you mean you don’t want it? That’s an original Demi Lovato Tomato!!

So here’s the best thing about this post. I know there are a crapload of other awesome ideas out there. Please add them to the thread on my Facebook page so all the other moms will see your brilliance and learn from you because you are a genius.

If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it!! Thank you!

And don’t forget that I have a kickass new book out called I Want My Epidural Back that people are lovvvvving. Well, that’s what the Amazon reviews say. Yayyy, I’m not a failure!! At least when it comes to writing books.