The day my daughter WON the locker battle (Win a $250 Gift Card!!!!)

Okay, can we talk? And by we I mean me because this is my blog so that means I talk until the comments section where you can decide whether you want to say something nice like “heyyy, this post is totally awesome” or something doucehbaggy like “wahhhh, I lost my funny bone and now I just sit behind my computer screen and virtually rain on people’s parades all day,” even though really our parade is still happily marching along and we’re laughing at annoying but entertaining trolls like you. But I digress.

Anyways, shoot, what was I going to talk about? Oh yeah, the first day of school. Wait, not even the first day. The day before the first day of school. The day they call meet-the-teacher day.

So yesterday I went to Zoey’s meet-the-teacher day and since we’ve already met her totally badass first grade teacher who’s gonna teach her amazing stuff all year which automatically makes me love him to death, I didn’t think there were going to be any surprises. Ennnh, like usual I was wrong.

See, I’m the mom who usually doesn’t know what the heck is going on. Like the first day of school sneaks up on me even though I’ve known about it for months. This morning I was running around the kitchen shouting, “AGGHHHHHH, I have to pack a school lunch and AGGGHHH I totally forgot where the heck her new backpack is and NOOOOO you cannot wear flip-flops to school” and like a million other things unprepared parents say.

And while I’m running around like a total whackjob, all I can picture are those totally perfect moms calmly getting their kids ready for school at the same time, with their outfits are all laid out the night before, and their breakfasts all cooked and organicky without hardened frosting or marshmallows, and everyone is civilized and sits in their chairs and eats the most important meal of the day together, and then afterwards the girls stand there perfectly still and quiet while their mom brushes their hair because A. It’s not a tangled rat’s nest and B. Their mom is not taking out her misplaced anger on her kid’s scalp. Uhhh, not that I ever do that.

So anyways, Zoey and I go to meet her teacher and then we go to see her locker. Hey, look at that, it’s a locker. Cool. Let’s go. But wait, what is going on in the locker next to Zoey’s. What the heck? Noooooooo. THIS wasn’t on the school supply list. Yup, there’s a mom next to me who has a giant bag full of stuff that she is quietly hanging up in her kid’s locker. Ruh-roh, big parent fail on my part. Because somehow I missed the memo that you’re supposed to hire an interior decorator to deck out the inside of your ugly metal locker. See?

Ummmm, yes, to answer your question, that is a REAL chandelier. As in, holy crap it actually lights up. And OMG, she’s hung up wallpaper on the “walls.” And my favorite of all, yes, there is carpeting. Which totally makes sense because it would be completely uncivilized to walk with bare feet on that cold metal floor. Wait a sec, who walks INSIDE their locker anyways?!!!

I have one word for you. WTF?

Hellllooooo, people we’re in the FIRST grade!!! Do we seriously need to hire the Property Brothers to come redo our lockers? And nope, in case you’re wondering, it wasn’t just one person doing this. MULTIPLE moms were decking their kids’ lockers out like they were on HGTV.

Anyways, at first Zoey looked at the decorated lockers and was like “That’s neat,” but then all of the sudden it occurred to her that I hadn’t brought a ginormous bag of crap to magically transform her boring metal box into a glamorous living room that could be featured on the cover of Architectural Digest.

ZOEY: Can I get a chandelier for my locker?

Uhhhh, lemme think about that. I’m gonna say, hmmmm, let’s see, NO. No based on principle. And no based on my wallet. And there is no way we are driving around the whole world tonight from store to store looking for a miniscule battery-operated chandelier.

ZOEY: Please.

Not pleeeeeease. Not pretty please with sugar on top. Not I love you Mommy, pleeeease. Just a sweet little please in her tiny little girl voice. Impossible to turn down.

ME: Fine, we can go see if Target has anything to decorate your locker. But only because I have other stuff I have to get there too.

And guess what, at 7PM the night before school, Target had already been stripped clean of pretty much every school supply you can think of. Imagine that! So I bought about a million dollars worth of other stuff because it’s impossible not to, and Zoey sulked all the way home. And I felt like doggie poo because apparently I was the worst mom on earth for not remembering that lockers need fancy overhead lighting.

Until we got home where Zoey did something pretty darn amazing. I mean if Target doesn’t have something I need, I just drive a little further to Walmart. Or I go online. But not my daughter. Instead she got creative and got out the pipe cleaners and art supplies and worked her little butt off.

And after many tries she MADE herself a locker chandelier. She even dug through our toy box and found this scary raven’s claw holding a red crystal ball that lights up and she clipped it to the bottom of the pipe cleaners so her chandelier would actually work. See?!!

And here’s the most awesome thing of all. I had nothing to do with it. NOTHING.

ME: What are you doing?

ZOEY: Making a chandelier.

ME: Want some help?

ZOEY: No thanks.

And then this morning on the first day of school she walked proudly with her head held high showing off her totally awesome one-of-a-kind homemade chandelier to anyone who asked what the heck she was holding. And believe me, LOTS of people did. And even though she still thinks her friend’s locker looks fiercer (her words not mine), I’m like NO WAY HOZAY. Zoey, my dear, your locker is the best one of all. Without a doubt.

And just when I thought I was the worst parent on earth for not going all HGTV on her locker, I realized that NOT decorating her locker was the best thing I could have done for her. Hells yeah, I’m a good mom after all.

Okay, if you thought that was awesome, wait til you hear this. You can win a prize pack including a $250 Visa gift card from my awesome friends at Minute Maid!!! Wahooooo!!!! And you can use all that money to deck out your kid’s locker!! Bwahahahaha, just kidding. If you win the gift card, you can use it on whatever the heck you want. It’s all a part of Minute Maid’s totally awesome  “Doin’ Good” campaign. Because parents are doing a better job than they think!

Just write in the comments section on the Baby Sideburns Facebook page and tell us about someone who does a totally kickass job at parenting. It could be a story about yourself or your spouse or a sibling or a friend or a locker-decorating crazy person. And I’ll randomly pick a winner next week and reply to them. Yippeeeee, free money!! In case you’re a lawyer and like to read boring stuff, here are the official rules. May the best parent win!! Not that parenting is a competition. Because it’s not. Because we’re all awesome.

If you like this post, please don’t forget to LIKE IT and SUBSCRIBE to this page. Thank you!!

This prize was provided by The Coca-Cola Company. The Coca-Cola Company and Fast Horse is not a sponsor, administrator or connected in any other way with this program.