My son doesn’t want a girl to be president

So yesterday I had CNN on and I usually try to turn it off when the kids come in because it’s full of scary shit like Syria and Isis and gun-wielding maniacs, but it was talking about the presidential candidates so I left it on and the kids started watching. Now Zoey is ecstatic about the possibility of a woman becoming president. EC-F’ING-STATIC. I don’t think she cares if it’s Hillary Clinton or Carly Fiorina or Miss Piggy or Doc McStuffins. As long as the leader of the free world has a vajayjay, she’s gonna be bouncing off the walls with excitement.

Now please don’t get your panties all in a wad because you think I’m suggesting you vote for someone. I’m not. I don’t care who you want to win. Or don’t want to win. I’m not even saying who I’m voting for. But at this point it’s impossible not to think about the repercussions of a woman winning. I’m not talking about political repercussions. I’m talking about social repercussions. Because there’s a big F’ing difference between this:

PARENT: A black man can be the president.

And this:

PARENT: A black man IS the president.

The same way there’s a big F’ing difference between this:

PARENT: A woman can be the president.

And this:

PARENT:

Nope, can’t say it yet, because it doesn’t exist. It’s still a hypothetical, and that sucks. Because lemme show you what girls do.

Recently we took our kiddos to see the Marvel Universe show with Spiderman and Captain America and Iron Man and Thor, when suddenly this random unknown female superhero popped out onstage and Zoey was like, “Mommmm!!! It’s a girl! It’s a girl!! She’s my favorite! That’s who I want to be!!”

And even though we watch sports all the time, it wasn’t until earlier this year when the US Women’s Team won the World Cup that all of the sudden our very uncompetitive daughter who’s never wanted to play a sport in her life was like, “Mommmm, I HAVE to play soccer!!! Sign me up, sign me up!!!”

I don’t know why the heck it works this way, but girls look for other girls to emulate (heyyy look at that, I just used the only fancy word I remember from the SATs!). Anyways, about a year ago Zoey saw this picture…

… and this is what she asked.

ZOEY: Is that one a woman?

ME: No, men used to wear their hair long in the old days.

ZOEY: What about that one?

ME: Uh-uh, that’s a guy too.

And I could see the deflated look on her face. She’s staring at this picture with FORTY-THREE different presidents (yes, I counted) and she’s like WTF do you mean a woman can be president?? Are you sure, because it doesn’t look like it?

So for a lonnnnnngggggggg time I’ve known that if a woman is elected to the White House that it’s going to make an enormous difference to girls all over this country. No surprise. But here’s something I didn’t know.

As my kids were sitting there yesterday watching CNN talk about the presidential race, one of the female candidates flashed on the screen and I’m almost too embarrassed to admit it, but this is what happened.

HOLDEN: I don’t want a girl to be president.

Cracccccck SNAP. That, my friends, is the sound of my heart breaking. I mean I know he’s only four and might not really understand what he just said, but this kills me a little. He doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want a specific girl to be president. That would be okay. He genuinely means that he doesn’t want ANY GIRL to be president.

ME: (trying not to lose it) Holden, why not?

HOLDEN: Because presidents are boys.

OMG, deep breath, deep breath, deep breath. My heart is literally breaking. As soon as I shock myself with the defibrillator, I start to think more rationally.

Holy crap, he’s right. Presidents ARE boys. I mean look at the picture. No wonder this is what he thinks.

Of course I do my best to explain to him that girls can be president too and that a girl would make an AWESOME president, but it’s really not the same thing as showing him. And that’s when something dawns on me.

If a woman is elected president, it’s not just going to change the way every girl in this country thinks. It’s going to change the way every BOY thinks. Because guess who built the glass ceiling. Not women. Men did. And when our boys understand that a woman can do ANY job a man can do, they’re going to help break that stupid glass ceiling. They’re going to hire women, promote women, vote for women, work for women, and respect women.

So I don’t think we should vote for someone because they’re a woman. I think we should vote for someone because we think they’re the best PERSON for the job. If the best person is a man, okie-dokie. But if that best person happens to be a woman, hold onto your hats, people, because it’s going to change the way our girls AND boys think forever.

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Know someone who needs a good laugh? Pick up a copy of my New York Times Best Seller I Heart My Little A-Holes for them this holiday!!