Ruh-roh, you’re not gonna believe where I found the car keys

I did something stupid. I mean I do stupid stuff all the time, but this one makes me look like a total idiot. It all started the other morning when I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get the rugrats out the door for school.

ME: Did you brush your teeth yet?! Is your backpack packed?!! Zoey, stop playing with toys!!! If I see you touch that toy again, I’m going to throw it in the trash!!

HOLDEN: But it’s MY toy.

ME: I don’t care whose toy it is, Holden.

Annnnnnnd cue the crying.

HOLDEN: I DON’T WANT YOU TO THROW MY TOY AWAY!!!!!

ME: I’m not throwing it away, Holden. Where are your socks?!!

But he’s still crying about my empty threat and Zoey’s brushing her hair slower than molasses and I have no clue where my husband is and the jenga tower of dishes in the sink just crashed over and holy crap it’s 8:17. OMG, I am about to LOSE IT. I mean technically I’ve already lost it, but now I’m about to explode like a two-liter loaded up with a case of Mentos. And then my hubby waltzes into the room like he’s on vacation.

HUBBY: (clueless) Zippity doo da, good morning family!!

ME: AGGGHHHHHHH, WE’RE LATE, HELP ME GET THE KIDS READY AND IN THE CAR!!!!!!

And he looks at me like I’m insane, but he knows not to mess with me once my switch flips. And he casually helps me get them in the car. And then this happens.

ME: Where are the car keys?

(no one answers)

ME: Why aren’t the car keys in the bowl?! Did someone put them somewhere?

(no one answers)

ME: Where are they?!!!!! We’re not going anywhere until we find them. Why are you guys just sitting there?!! Help me look for them!!

And so begins the desperate search for the car keys and everyone is clearly petrified of me at this point and they are looking everywhere. EVERYWHERE. In purses, in bags, in the hats and mittens bins, on the kitchen counters, in the refrigerator, in drawers, everywhere. And then this happens.

To be continued after a short break sponsored by the Tile App.

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Amazingly enough, right after this went down, a company called Tile emailed me to see if I wanted to try out their product. I was like AGGGHHH, why didn’t you send it to me last week?!!! YES, I want to try it. And yes, this is sponsored, but I only advertise products I really like, and this one is seriously my new favorite product, so do not skip over this part. I mean you can, but you’ll be sorry.

This is Tile. (FYI, the big one is actually really small because don’t forget I have miniature hands the size of a toddler)

It’s simple. You install the Tile App on your phone, push a button on the app, and the physical Tile starts playing a song. There’s one with a hole in it to put on your keychain. Or there’s a super skinny one to put in your wallet. Or you can put it on pretty much anything you don’t want to lose. Your tablet. Your child’s EpiPen bag. Your kid. Your husband. ANYTHING. See?

So let’s say ‘someone’ in your family loses the keys in your house somewhere (ahem, I wonder who THAT could be). Just push the button on your app and your keys will literally start making music and you will hear it and presto, you’ll find them!

And it also works backward, so if you double click the tile, your phone will ring, and here’s the awesome part, EVEN IF IT’S ON SILENT!!! Anyways, it’s not too late to pick Tile up for your last minute holiday gifts!! It is seriously badass.

Now back to the lost keys story.

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While we are frantically looking around the house, I randomly reach into my coat pocket and that’s when I feel it. Oh crap. Yup, the car keys. Whoopsies. And I’m pretty sure I didn’t leave them there last night. I’m pretty sure I grabbed them this morning and tucked them into my pocket while everyone was getting their shoes on and I was freaking out.

ME: (chipper) Hey guys, good news, I found them!

The kids scream yayyyy! My hubby does not.

HUBBY: Where?

Ummmm.

HUBBY: Where did you find them?

Ummmmmmmm.

He looks at me and I do the only thing I can do. I shrug my shoulders and crack a sheepish smile.

ME: (sweet little innocent voice) In my pocket.

He shakes his head.

HUBBY: You had them the whole time?

ME: Hey, you knew I was crazy before you married me.

HUBBY: Not THIS crazy.

He’s right. Clearly I’ve lost my mind. Hmmm, I wonder if Tile can help me find it.

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