24 NEW words to call our little A-Holes

Okay, so lately I’ve noticed this trend. Tell me if you’ve seen it. All these people are starting to call their kiddos “a-holes” ever since I wrote my book I Heart My Little A-Holes. Nahhh, just kidding, I have no idea if my book was the first to do it. Probably not, I rarely come up…

The crap you may have missed this week

Awwww shit, as much as I like Facebook, sometimes I just want to kick it in the balls. Because these days I keep hearing the same damn thing: “Why isn’t Baby Sideburns showing up in my newsfeed?” Why? Because Facebook changed their algorithms, which means sometimes you’re gonna miss shit. Funny shit you don’t want to miss.…

Is 5 too young to have a boyfriend?

Dear Baby Sideburns, My 5yr old came home today from pre-k and told me she has a boyfriend. WTF… I don’t know what to say. I kinda froze. I don’t know how to handle this. What would you say? Signed, MSH   Dear MSH, Awwwww shit, see, this is what happens when you don’t feed…

Awww crap, look who just lied to her kids about where their stoopid balloon went

  Do you guys remember this picture from earlier this summer? When Holden’s Spiderman balloon floated away? Maybe you do or maybe you’re like me and have brainesia and don’t remember jack squat anymore. Anyways, as you can see it was pretty traumatic. And HILARIOUS. Uhhh, I mean devastating. But seriously, it was just a stupid…

Queen Elsa’s Dating Profile is totally hot

Holy crap, did you guys hear who is ROYALLY pissed off?! Elsa. Yup, that snow queen is mad as hell because Disney decided to keep her single at the end of Frozen. I mean yeah she totally agrees that it’s cool to teach little girls that women don’t NEED a man to be happy, but…

American Girl Dolls and why I’m NOT cashing in my 401K for them

Okay, so Zoey just got her first (and hopefully last) American Girl Doll as a gift, and let me say this. HOLYYYYY SHIT am I in the WRONG business. I mean you know how they say a house is $XX per square foot? I think they should do the same for these dolls. This is Isabelle. She’s…

Disney Tips to make your vacay more magical and less sucky

I’m just gonna come right out and say it. I am a Disney person. No matter how F’ed up your life is, for at least the first few minutes when you’re walking down Main Street in Magic Kingdom you can’t help but be optimistic. I mean I’m not gonna lie and tell you all sorts…