Dear stranger who disciplined my kiddo at the playground today, Woah woah woah, lemme get this straight. So today your daughter was trying to do the monkey bars? Okay, got it. And my kid was trying to do the monkey bars too? Simple enough. But since your kiddo is new to the monkey bars…
Well, well, well, isn’t this interesting? Someone just sent me a very informative article about timeouts. Holy crap, did you know that a recent scientific study shows that giving timeouts to children mimics similar brain activity to children who are neglected and abused?!! Agghhh, I’ve been giving my rugrats timeouts for years and clearly F’ing them…
To the woman who just had her first baby last night, Okay, so the first thing I want to say is, WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!!!!!!!!!! I mean it’s not like a super exclusive annoying club like the crappy stuff you dealt with in high school or anything, but it is a club. A club…
ME: Agghhh, I have SOOO much to do today, I think my head might explode. HUBBY: Want me to do the grocery shopping? I know I should jump on this amazing offer immediately, but A. I’m waiting for the probe to fall out of his tush because clearly he was abducted by aliens and…
Okay, so Mother’s Day is next weekend and I could totally buy my mom some fun earrings, or grab her a gift card at Tarjay, or pick out some pretty flowers to be delivered and then curse the company because they want to charge me an extra million dollars for delivery on Mother’s Day, but…
Dear Mattel, Okay so the other day we were at Toys R Us looking around when I stumbled upon the Barbie section and I did a double take. What’s this? Did you finally give Barbie’s body a makeover? And then I looked a little closer and realized nope, not really. The regular Barbie is…
So a couple of weeks ago I figured out this badass mom trick just by chance. Uhhh, I mean I was a super genius and came up with this brilliant idea on purpose. You might remember this. I put out two bottles of soap in the kids’ bathroom (one from the dark side and one from…
Dear Grandma, When you said you wanted us to go on a vacation and you sent me a check, here are some of the things that went through my head. Wha-WHAT, do you know what I could buy with that kind of money?! New kitchen appliances that we desperately need. A big portion of…
This is one of the most amazing stories I’ve ever heard. So last night I was reading the comments and posts on my Facebook page when I got to this one post that was put up by a woman named Heather. I read it. I reread it. I read it again. Was I reading it right? No,…
Holy crap, Zoey is on the rampage. I can’t stop her. She has been signing hundreds of bookplates. I’m like Zoey, stop, you don’t have to do anymore. ZOEY: I want to! I’m gonna do them all. See? HUNDREDS!!!! If you want one of these bookplates for FREE, all you have to do is buy…