Your hubby is doing the grocery shopping. This could be bad. (With a special offer from Blue Apron!)


ME: Agghhh, I have SOOO much to do today, I think my head might explode.

HUBBY: Want me to do the grocery shopping?

I know I should jump on this amazing offer immediately, but A. I’m waiting for the probe to fall out of his tush because clearly he was abducted by aliens and this is not my real husband, and B. Letting my husband do the grocery shopping is not exactly as blissful as you might envision it to be.

But alas, if I do not take my hubby up on his generous offer, the pantry and refrigerator will remain empty and my children will starve to death and I’ll feel like an even crappier mom than I already am.

ME: (fake smile) That would be so helpful!

But no worries, because I’ve written a few guidelines to help our grocery-challenged hubbies when they do the food shopping:

Step one:

Make your husband a foolproof grocery list.

Seriously, you CANNOT make your list detailed enough. Write which aisle things are on. Which brand you want. And exactly how many you want of each item. Because last time I wrote “apples” on the grocery list and my hubby came home with TWO apples. Well, isn’t that awesome? That should get us through the day and we won’t have to go grocery shopping again until tonight. Oh, and one more thing, if you have enough time, write your list in the order he will pick things up around the store or he will literally zig-zag all over the store going back and forth from one section to another and it will be a four-hour shopping trip.

Step two:

Do not expect him to know critical things like the difference romaine and iceberg and arugula. To him they are all lettuce. If you want him to get a specific lettuce, print out a picture of it from the Internet. I mean I guess he can just ask a sales associate for help, but bwhahahahahahahahaha. Wait, I’m not done laughing yet. Bwhahahahahahahahaha.

Step three:

Be available for phone calls and text messages while he’s shopping.

I know it is tempting to be unavailable so he won’t ask you a thousand questions while you’re in yoga class or at the nail salon or pooping without interruption for the first time in years, but remember, you want him to get the correct stuff, right????

Keep reading to see the rest of this funny post but this brief intermission is brought to you by Blue Apron! (Don’t miss this because Blue Apron ROCKS and has a special offer for Baby Sideburns readers!)

So the other day I sent my hubby to the grocery store and guess what he forgot, the MAIN ingredient for our dinner (AGGGHHHH!!!), but luckily our Blue Apron order had just arrived on our doorstep, so I let him redeem himself by cooking one of the meals.

In case you don’t know, Blue Apron is this totally awesome service that sends you ALL of the ingredients you need to cook two amazing chef-designed meals every week, like literally every little thing you need for the recipe (except for olive oil), so there’s no need to send your grocery-challenged hubby to the store. You can skip or cancel the service anytime, and the best part is, the first fifty people who sign up will get TWO FREE MEALS off their Blue Apron order. Yayyyy, free food! Just click here to get this awesome offer!!


Anyways, my hubby did a great job and he only made two HUGE mistakes when he cooked our Blue Apron order.

1. He told me he enjoyed cooking it.

2. And the meal tasted awwwwesome.

So guess who will be cooking dinner from now on?! Mr. I-Enjoyed-Cooking-and-Now-Think-I’m-the-Best-Chef-in-the-House. And guess who will be vedging out on the sofa while he cooks? Meeeee!!!! Muhahahahaha, mission accomplished.

Anyways, back to our regularly schedule programming.

Step four:

Try to be patient and answer your husband’s questions seriously when he texts you from the supermarket.

This is the RIGHT way to answer him:


And try NOT to answer him with your actual thoughts:


Step five:

Last but not least, try not to be annoyed and pissed and naggy when he comes home with the wrong items and lots of things that weren’t on the list at all. Because in the end you’ll just feel bad for complaining when he was trying to help (I am MAJOR calling the kettle black here, by the way). And anyways, is having thirty-six rolls of ONE-ply toilet paper really the end of the world? I guess it depends on the situation.

In case it isn’t obvious, this was sponsored by my awesome friends at Blue Apron!! Just so you know, I ONLY do sponsored posts for great products I really believe in.

If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it!! And don’t forget to sign up for this AWESOME Blue Apron offer!!!

There are 13 comments for this article
  1. Shannon at 2:19 pm

    If you have Publix stores nearby, look into Shipt. You order your groceries online and they deliver them to your door!! It’s the BEST way to grocery shop!!

  2. Amanda at 2:20 pm

    My cousin uses blue apron and sent me 2 free meals once. They were amazing and my kids actually ate them. I loved it. I know it’s inexpensive if you consider buying all the ingredients yourself. However, I’m more on the 99 cent box of pasta and 99 cent jar of spaghetti sauce with the 2/$4 box of garlic toast once a week meal plan. Sooooo, as much as I loved it I was unfortunately unable to continue it. If anyone is on the fence about it I’d truly recommend it if you can afford it!

  3. Tessa Martin at 2:49 pm

    I’m lucky, The Hubster’s a chef so does all the shopping and cooking. The only problem he has is when I want to go shopping too! I’m the one who ignores the list and puts loads of treats in. He whines every. Single. Time I go shopping with him I double the bill….on the plus side 16&13 love it when I go shopping 😉

  4. Rachelle at 8:31 pm

    We are official Blue Aproners! We have been at it for probably 12 weeks now. It has brought back some romance to our marriage.

  5. Lyndsie Schultz at 9:15 pm

    Blue Apron is how we got my hubby making dinner. Seriously, foolproof directions. Perfect for my man, and less shopping too!

  6. D Burns at 6:24 am

    You know, I enjoy reading your posts, but as a Dad, this one I find highly insulting. Yes, I know some dad’s aren’t exactly domestic. However, there are plenty of us, when given a grocery list, can get all the items on the list just fine (even feminine products when necessary). Or in the alternative, since some of us do the cooking and grocery shopping primarily, we’re the ones that get texted by the wives when they don’t know which specific things to get.

    • Daniel Blackwell at 1:06 pm

      … … also a guy that can go to the grocery store without questions… but I’ve got my big boy pants on today and didn’t get b**t hurt by a hillarious post of an individual’s experience. Lighten up buttercup and don’t take yourself so serious.

    • Ceri Dwen at 10:50 pm

      My son’s father was a chef and taught me how to shop. I taught him the joy of reading non-school books (he’d never read one before). My current partner is a domestic idiot but I have been sick for six years and he has taken on everything in the house except the finances. He still needs a detailed, aisle-by-aisle list when he goes shopping and bring home the wrong stuff. D Burns, it’s all a matter of personal perspective – ten years ago I would have been confused by this article (of course all men can grocery shop, some just can’t read books). My perspective has changed to of course men can’t grocery shop or know that the dishes have to be done every day whether you want to do them or not…Daniel Blackwell is right; lighten up, it’s a joke, dude.

  7. Chris at 12:32 pm

    So glad I “found” your blog. This is seriously funny stuff!

  8. mzklever at 3:14 pm

    My husband does almost ALL the shopping and cooks 95% of our meals, and yet when he goes to the grocery store, he STILL has to call me at least three times and text me countless times. We’ve been married for 15 years and I am very brand loyal, so we’ve been buying the same stuff for all this time. He’s extremely capable, but walking into the grocery store drops his IQ by at least 20 points.

  9. Peter at 10:48 am

    Hah those dumb dads, they are such doofuses that can’t do anything right!

    Meanwhile let’s celebrate mediocre parenting, because just kind of half assing life is what your kids deserve!

  10. Amber Miller at 4:54 am

    I sent him to the store last night for vanilla ice cream and I specifically said home style vanilla in the store brand NOT vanilla bean. What does he bring home?! Yep vanilla bean and he says it is home style and he is thinking store brand still thinking that home style is store brand! I abhor vanilla bean with a brownie treat with caramel and hot fudge but I smiled and said you’re the best. He stopped by the store on the way home so I wouldn’t have to drive ten miles one way and he worked a very long day plus it was snowing. However no matter how specific I am he just gets the wrong item and yep lettuce is lettuce to him and I like butter lettuce and he says it’s all the same! I said I want Hershey with almonds and all he will hear is almonds and get almond joy but he will run back to the store and get my fave. He will do anything I ask but when I give him specific instructions he will say I’m not stupid but oh yeah too I will send a pic of an item and guess what vanilla is vanilla to him but vanilla bean?! Yuck!!!