I PAINTED MY SON’S FINGERNAILS. SO WHAT?

So I want to say something. On Friday I posted a picture of my kiddo on Facebook getting his nails painted. No, that is not a typo. HIS nails. And it got over 800 comments within a few hours, mostly from people shouting out tons of awesome support. So thank you.

MAYBE YOU AREN’T CUT OUT TO BE A MOMMY

So yesterday Holden forced me to watch Paw Patrol with him, and after watching it for about .2 seconds I did what I always do. I picked up my phone to check my emails. Pleeeeease let there be just one new email so I have something to read while I’m trapped on this couch watching…

Zoey’s totally awesome kickass Mad Science birthday party!!

ME: Zoey, what kind of birthday party do you want this year? Please say an undernighter for a few friends. Please say an undernighter for a few friends. ZOEY: I want a birthday party that no one else has had. ME: Ummm, okayyyyy, like maybe an undernighter for just a few of your closest friends?…

Ten things I really F’ing want for Mother’s Day

Ten things I really F’ing want for Mother’s Day

1. I don’t want to wipe a single tush all day. I think all kids should have to hold in their poop in on Mother’s Day. Now that would make it special. 2. I want brunch. But not with the whole frigging family. I want brunch with my other mommy friends. See ya, rug rats.…

I want to pummel nannies who do this

  Dear nanny talking on your cell phone, Okay, so last Tuesday I took my kiddos to the Children’s Museum and I saw you three times that day. The first time was on our way there when I pulled up next to you at a traffic light. There you were yapping on your cell phone in…

Nine things I wish someone told me before I had my first baby

1. Sleep now. Like seriously, think of yourself as a bear and this is your only chance to hibernate because as soon as little Miss Poopie Pants arrives, you might not get 8 straight hours of sleep in like, hmmm, I don’t know, maybe forever. 2. Breastfeeding sucks. No pun intended. Eventually it’s pretty amazing…