Dear woman who wrote that lovely comment on my page

 

Dear woman who left that lovely comment on my page,

I just wanted to say thank you for leaving such an insightful comment on my page. I totally hear what you’re saying. Who the heck are all of these women signing their posts with #metoo? And carrying their useless women’s rights posters that do nothing to advance women, blah blah blah, I have a vagina and that makes me special. Maybe if women spent less time talking about being oppressed, they’d have more energy to accomplish something, right? Like you did. I mean you stated it pretty clearly in your comment. YOU never got sexually harassed. YOU were never paid less than the men you worked with. YOU are successful and run a profitable company now. So I can totally see why you would think all these women are just being whiny complainers.

Because YOU got lucky.

It must be so nice to sit on your high horse up there and look down on all the women who did encounter some man who made them feel like dirt. Who touched them or stroked them or said something nasty to them or pleasured himself in front of them. I mean the nerve of these weak women talking about the shit that happened to them. Dwelling on it. Helllloooo, don’t these people know that strong women stay silent.

So what did you tell them to do? Grow some cojones (your words not mine)? You tell’m! That’s exactly what you should tell a woman who’s been sexually harassed. Go grow some man balls.

In case you can’t tell by now, I’ve been using the sarcastic font in this letter so far, and if I’m really being honest and direct I think you’re an a-hole who can’t put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Because here’s the thing. You WEREN’T sexually harassed. You had a boss who treated women fairly. You weren’t discriminated against. And look at that. You got ahead.

You, my dear, just proved a very important point. Women who don’t encounter this crap get ahead. But some women are harassed and oppressed and discriminated and other bad “-ed” words, and the ladder is way harder for them to climb.

So people like you have two choices. You can belittle their problems and make them feel even worse. Or you can have a little something called empathy.

I’ve never had cancer, but I can still feel bad for people who do. I’ve never been an alcoholic, but I can still feel bad for people who are. I’ve never been called a faggot, but I can still feel bad for people who have. And when I hear about a woman who uses the hashtag #metoo or who marches with a sign to speak out about her problems, I can react in one of two ways– I can go online and write a comment that belittles her and tells her to quit whining, or I can support her. Whether it’s marching alongside her, or just cheering her on from the comfort of my home.

So hey, sorry I didn’t respond to your actual comment the other day. I was too busy marching when you wrote it.

Sincerely,

We’re here to lift each other up, not tear each other down

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There are 39 comments for this article
  1. Susan Rieser at 9:19 am

    Right on! Thank you for standing up for all people who have experienced the disrespect and power play “#me too” stands for. You are changing the world to be a better place for everyone, not only women. People who get ahead by putting down someone else, lessen their own accomplishments & self confidence.

  2. Sarah May at 9:27 am

    Thank you, dear, sweet Baby Sideburns. Thank you for marching. Thank you for standing up for others who may be scared to. Thank you for seeing the correlation between this woman’s belittling story (which I saw and read the comments for) and the powerful message she unintentionally sent by trying to tell women that they don’t need support to do great things. You are my spirit animal. 🙂

  3. Sara at 10:08 am

    Well done… so tired of the negative a holes that weigh in on everything. People lack serious empathy, sympathy, compassion and just flat out kindness these days it’s sickening. What happened to the good ole lesson we were taught in preschool “if you can’t say something nice don’t say ANYTHING at all”

  4. Megan Brooks at 10:59 am

    You’re not lifting her up by singling her out!
    I am not interested in following you anymore. I thought the purpose of you page was to Unite Moms. You certainly are not doin that when you erase another Moms comment or allow other women to gang up in her. Then you follow it up with a letter to her, publicly, where other women will now bash her AGAIN

    • Shaunna at 11:37 am

      She erased her comment SO OTHERS WOULDN’T GANG UP ON HER. She didn’t write the woman’s comment in this blog or say who she is SO OTHERS WOULDN’T GANG UP ON HER.

    • Rebeca at 11:33 am

      This woman, whoever she is, chose to leave a hateful comment on a public page. Baby Sideburns did not “allow” others to gang up on her. Baby Sideburns cannot control that. This woman brought that on herself.

      With this letter Baby Sideburns is standing up for other women, putting down the hateful remarks. THAT is lifting other women up. Standing up for what you believe in is a brave and admirable thing. You don’t get to put her down for that.

      If you are not interested in following anymore, then don’t.

  5. Krystal at 11:07 am

    I hope you privately messaged her and asked her to stop following your page. Thanks for that post, Karen! You’re truly one of the good ones (puffy coats in car seats and all)

  6. Steph Amador Tribbett at 11:41 am

    This is the best! Way to remind her that just because she hasn’t experienced it doesn’t mean it’s not there. I’m so tired of seeing women drag each other down when we should be raising each other up. Good on that woman for never having to deal with these hardships, but her (lack of) experience does not qualify her to trivialize the hardships and trauma that her fellow womankind go through. As said in this letter to her, lucky for her for not experiencing it but that doesn’t mean she can’t feel empathy for those who have. And if she can’t muster up any empathy, then maybe she should just keep her comments to herself.

  7. MsKimberley at 12:24 pm

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. We all have different experiences, and some of them are hurtful, harmful, limiting, oppressive – this person seems to have been fortunate enough to dodge all those bullets. Good for her. Now, let’s create a world where everyone is so lucky, yeah? How? By sharing our stories, speaking out, marching, and being allies to others. <3

  8. Lisa at 12:35 pm

    Well said! As a mom if 3 boys it is my responsibility to teach them about HUMAN rights. Not man or woman just human rights they should ensure everyone gets and fight for it if they have to. I hope my boys are never discriminated against or made to feel like less but they still fight to ensure no one is treated that way. Thank you for marching so i can use your post to open a dialogue with my older 2 (my boys are 14, 8 and 1). (Hands clapping loudly with some cheering)

  9. Renee at 1:32 pm

    I saw a great comment in my Facebook feed today that I never want to forget. It said, “real queens adjust each other’s crowns.” We don’t have to tear someone else down to make ourselves feel better. None of us get out of this life alive, so go adjust someone else’s crown today!

  10. Tracy at 3:18 pm

    As a woman, mother, and teacher I try so hard to instill in others the importance of kindness. It amazes me that it is not instinctive or even a thought for most people to react with kindness before being hurtful, mean, or showing no empathy. It truly makes me worried for the world. Thank you for your blog.

  11. Lid at 9:28 am

    Thank you for stepping forward on this. I love how you speak your mind and stand up for what you believe in, yourself, and anyone in general and take no crap in the process. It’s people like her that makes some afraid to speak up, it’s not an easy thing to do to begin with. Your final sentence really rounds it out nicely, together we are strong and can overcome anything. Much love and respect to you <3

  12. Lisa J Montague at 7:58 am

    I literally cannot understand this unfollowing movement from people who think this page is for “fun”. It is fun. But you cannot be silent in these times. And it is about lifting each other up. Supporting mommas, daddies, and everyone. “I’ve never had cancer but I feel sorry for those who do” I mean: HELLO! YES! This is totally spot on. If you dont know someone who has been oppressed in one form or another, you are living is a glass bubble and that bubble is about to be smashed. This world we live in is broken. We all need to do our best to make sure that everyone is treated equally. Oh my heart…

  13. Elaine Connolly at 12:36 pm

    My thoughts! And I can’t express them as eloquently as you did!
    I get very emotional when I encounter someone like that. And can’t get out the words to set them straight. And she sits there all pompous and judgement.
    Wish I could be more assertive in those situations.
    Keep talking to us! Your words are empowering. P

  14. Cynthia Carr at 4:15 pm

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! Some people just do not get it! You are using your voice for good. Please never stop. There are so many of us who appreciate your words. Thank you for speaking out.

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