Dear Mark Zuckerberg


Dear Mark Zuckerberg,

I am a mom. I became a mom eight years ago, and it was the most exciting, confusing, amazing, terrifying, isolating, happy, exhausting time of my life. There were plenty of hours of the day that I was with my husband or friends, but there were also a crazy number of hours that I was alone. So alone.

When I first started breastfeeding, my daughter would crying loudly while I cried silently because I felt like a failure. And even once I got the hang of it, I would sit there nursing her in the middle of the night in a chair in the dark with no one to speak to. I felt so alone.

So when she was about nine or ten-months-old and I was coming out of the thick fog that all new moms feel, I started a Facebook Page. It’s called Baby Sideburns. It started off as purely entertainment but it quickly changed into something else. A community. A community of moms who turn to my page when they’re feeling that isolation. A community of moms who support each other when we make mistakes and need to know that it’s normal. A community of moms who can answer each other’s questions because we don’t have time to read a whole baby book. A community of moms who laugh together, cry together, keep each other sane, and accidentally pee a little together every time we laugh too hard. Which happens often on my page.

Tonight I read your Facebook post. In a nutshell you said that you’re demoting pages and aren’t going to share them in newsfeeds much anymore because you want to connect people. Well, if you don’t share my page (and many MANY others), you’re keeping people apart. Communities of people who live all around the planet.

We might not meet each other for coffee or have school reunions together or meet up at the local bar, but we are still friends. I’ve been seeing the same names come through my comments throughout the years. Heather Garcia. Krystal Mehrohf. Katie Coburn. I’m not looking these names up. I know them because they are a part of my community.

And right this very second a woman is becoming a new mom and she’s so scared and so alone, and I hate to think that she won’t be able to find a page on Facebook to help her through the thick fog that every new mother enters. Please don’t destroy the communities that have been born and grown and evolved on Facebook. Find another way.


Baby Sideburns

What can you do if you are reading this and want to remain a part of the Baby Sideburns community?

  1. You should subscribe to this blog right below. Maybe I’ll just start doing all of my daily posts here.
  2. You should  follow me on my other social media channels like YouTube and Instagram. I’ll be moving a lot of my stuff to those more consistent platforms. 
  3. You can keep liking and sharing and commenting whenever you’re one of the lucky ones who gets to see a post from me.
  4. You can feel like a dork and give yourself a hug from me. Thank you!!

There are 44 comments for this article
  1. Pamela Gihring at 6:56 am

    As a mom blogger just starting out, I am sad that facebook is doing this. I will keep seeking out your page because it’s hilarious and as a mom it helps me to feel more like a normal person. Maybe a normal crazy person, but at least I know that I am not alone!

  2. Kristen Fielding at 8:12 am

    I get your emails and I love them! Both my husband and I have intense jobs. We work long hours. When we are not working, we prioritize quality time with our two daughters, quality time together (usually staring at a TV!) and exercising. This doesn’t, and never has, left me much time for developing mom friends. I have a few, mostly moms with jobs outside of home like me, and we may see each other for drinks every two months. Bottom line, motherhood is the most rewarding but loneliest aspect of my life. Reading a blog at 5:30 am gives me a connection I would not otherwise get. I’m a better mom for it.

    On the lonely note, I’ve met moms from all walks of life as a mom and teacher and school administrator. One thing we all feel at some time or another is the loneliness. No one is immune. So happy to see you’re keeping your blog going. Thank you!!!!

  3. Laura at 10:07 am

    Done, done, done and done. Thanks for all you do; your honesty about life, parenting, etc, helps keep me grounded. I <3 Baby Sideburns!

  4. Christin at 10:11 am

    I can’t even imagine how much easier parenthood would have been with this column in my life. (pre-internet, yes, I am THAT old!) My hubby worked 2 jobs so I could stay home and raise the wee one, and it was a fantastic thing, but yes, the loneliness and isolation was intense. I wouldn’t change a thing-having the privilege of seeing all the ‘firsts’ and enjoying so much of her first 5 years was WONDERFUL! , and thankfully she turned out to be a productive member of society, for which I take full credit (not really-she had a terrific set of grandparents at the ready, and I live in a small town full of kid friendly things like the library, and thank goodness for 4-H) but now she is one of the best Moms I’ve ever seen, and a 3rd grade teacher as well. (as opposed to Inmate #307863265)

    I’ll see that in my little world, your column is shared as much as humanly possible!! Thanks for providing this grandma with belly laughs on a regular basis! Keep writing!

  5. Jennifer at 10:48 am

    In a world of social media, where so many people try to put forth the best face, your posts and your page have been the reality that I was looking for when I became a new mom 5 years ago. There is something so freeing about knowing that you’re not alone, and the people like you who take the time to publish content for those of us who, like you, sometimes feel like we’re drowning, are truly amazing and I don’t know how I would be parenting without you. Regardless of which platform you use, I will continue to follow you and support you. Thank you so much for all that you do.

    Also, I did talk to text when I wrote this, so it probably sounds funny. But I can be that person here. 🙂


  6. Sameera K at 10:54 am

    I Don’t even remember how I found your Facebook page 5 years ago when I became a mom but I know it was during one of those middle of the night feeding sessions when I was feeling so isolated and alone. Don’t know how I would have made it through those early years without the humorous spin you put on all new mommy things I was so overwhelmed by! Thanks!

  7. Jillian at 11:32 am

    I am a relative newcomer to your blog and have also just finished one of your books. I am a new (again) mom (15, 13 and one year old!). So much has changed from the first go around when social media didn’t exist, the pressures of perfect photos wasn’t there (because, film), Pinterest and just momming is so new. Thank you for helping me through it! I will still be following you!

  8. Patti Burnell at 11:37 am

    After reading all about it it sounds like pages will still be there as long as you make sure to show you you want to see them. I’m really bad at regularly going to the websites of bloggers I like, and you are my number 1. It’s so helpful to just go in my FB and come across your hilariously real posts while I’m scrolling along. I hope that you don’t lose too many people with this update but try the following (although I have noticed that it doesn’t always show what you want first)…

    Can people still see posts from the Pages they follow at the top of News Feed?

    Yes. People who want to see more posts from Pages they follow can choose See First in News Feed Preferences to make sure they always see posts from their favorite Pages.

  9. Barbara at 11:44 am

    That’s bs he’s doing that I so look forward to connecting to your page and makes me a better mom and person living through your life and stories. Thanks for everything you do

  10. Wendy at 11:46 am

    I look forward to your posts. The stories and the photos are a bright spot in the day. It’s also validation that I’m not alone

  11. Dana Ryan at 12:02 pm

    I am sad and annoyed to hear your page will be taken down! It’s really a shame. Being a mom is real and the stuff you put on Facebook or wherever you choose shouldn’t be shut down or quieted because mothering is real! Real hard! Life is crappy sometimes and if we can’t laugh about it, than what’s the point?! Thank you for your honesty and all you’ve done for this community. Btw I have your book by my toilet lol bc that’s the only time I read in peace (mostly I’m still interrupted by a little person hanging onto my knees) but your book is great because it’s short stories or paragraphs set up is exactly what I need! Thanks #babysideburns
    Your the best! Keep on keepin’ on!!
    Dana Ryan

  12. donna at 12:23 pm

    i’m a mom of adult children and absolutely love your heart….so much has not changed about “mothering” and i am reminded of this when i read your blogs…now i’m learning how to be a grandma and can tell you the love is doubled, and getting here was so worth every tear, sleepless nights and self doubt….wish you were around when i was raising my children….you are an inspiration and so so awesome!

  13. Sara Pfahlert at 1:34 pm

    Also a Grandmom who wants to support and encourage new moms. I hope youvkeep posting here. My kids are grown, and I can attest that they do grow up. Parenting is a terrifying succession of individual choices. We do the best we can without knowing how they will affect our kids. Just remember you know your kids better than anyone. Love them and teach by example.

  14. MsKimberley at 1:58 pm

    I subscribe, too. And I’m not even a parent. I thought the new rules were going to place priority on news sources and such that individuals choose/read/want the most vs those paying more money. Which is good. I hope that you DO continue to write, and that there’s a way in Settings to make sure your page is still seen by those who really do appreciate it and want to support. <3

  15. emma at 3:23 pm

    I’ve been using FB since it first came out and it’s easily my least favorite platform, especially now that my PERSONAL posts aren’t even reaching my in-real-life friends. As a blogger, I held off on a Facebook page as long as I could. I’ve had a very hard time growing an audience there, and I think that’s a tiny part of why. I have a feeling that those with a big and very engaged following (like you!) will still have posts pop up on news feeds. Mine probably won’t 🙂

    I can’t remember how I came across your blog or how long ago (at least 5 years), but I love you and I hope you write more here. I just subscribed 🙂 With all the changes social media platforms seem to make, I’m starting to feel like our blogs (esp those of us who self-host) are really the places we should share thoughts/memories there vs micro-blogging I see a lot of on FB and Instagram. I’ve read a lot of “experts” say your subscriber list is gold, and I’m starting to see why.

  16. WENDY ENLOW at 5:39 pm

    The only reason I even look at fb is to keep up with MY crotchmuffins AND READ UR POSTS! I don’t often comment because I’m laughing or nodding too hard to type. I’m subscribed to ur other methods of communication as well because I don’t want to miss anything but I’ll miss u if I’m not getting my daily feel better posts!

  17. Rachel Daniel at 7:07 pm

    I do t have Facebook but I am subscribed to your emails and follow you on Instagram. It’s sad he doesn’t see this as relevant. (Oh wait, he’s a man!) I love your page. You keep doing what you’re doing. We freakin’ love you!!!

  18. Donna Sperry at 8:04 pm

    I’m a Memaw and I love your page. And I have recommended your page to some young mom’s I know. You make me laugh and remember back when my kids were little a-holes!! Thank you.

  19. Heather at 8:53 pm

    I’m a mom with kids that are grown. I love your blog! Often times I think, yep I remember that. It makes me smile and sometimes straight out laugh. Thanks for the break from all the asshats out there!

  20. Shelley at 7:46 am

    My kiddos are all grown ups- I follow and read your stuff through another friend when she puts it up- you’re funny and candid and make me wish for social media when my kids were little! I laugh and commiserate, because I remember the feelings when I went through the same things you write about- all of it- even the pee! ( it doesn’t get better, btw!). You keep rocking on what you do- the same thing goes for the village of parents that follow you!! There’s love, support and strength in numbers, and I hope that’s not something that gets taken away! God Bless, and cross your legs when you sneeze! ?

  21. Amber McB at 8:55 am

    I have been thinking for awhile now that I wish it would go back to the early days of showing in date/time order. Does that mean I might see a long list of crap before the good stuff some days? Yes, but it also means I will be better about weeding out those who post crap.

    Your stuff is always a highlight of my day. Thank you!!

  22. Joan at 2:17 pm

    Thank you for all your gooey goodness!!? Even with a 12 year old seeking her boundaries, I find myself alone! Parenting is not easy and to have the laugh you give us and the community of moms you have formed to go to has given me my sanity on many occasions! Thank you & ??

  23. JP at 1:36 am

    He is doing this to combat fake news. And I am all for it. He has made it clear that he is only reducing the ability for people to share their Facebook pages with strangers. Your friends and people who already like your group or Facebook page will still get notified of your posts.

  24. Sandy Thieme at 8:06 am

    Thanks so much for addressing the Facebook demoting and not allowing posts to be shared issue.

    We are artists and post events where we will be sharing our artistry free, our posts are demoted by large numbers.

    We also have a weekly giveaway with no info requested, with our posts demoted again.

    Numerous people have said to us they couldn’t afford to pay for our services and they are so appreciative of us caring and sharing our free artistry.

    Many other people who win our giveaway are parents that haven’t been on a date night for months, and are finally going on one because they won.

    If someone doesn’t want to see posts they can block them anytime they would like to.

    I really feel the people should be able to see our posts and your posts, than they can make their own choice to block them or not.

    Please Mark allow Baby Sideburns and Sweetcakes Entertainment posts to share.

    Let the people decide which posts they want to see or block.

    Take care.

    Sandy Thieme
    Sweetcakes Entertainment

  25. Lisa J Montague at 10:25 am

    NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I feel like I KNOW Zoey and Holden. I know that’s super-duper creepy but like, I do. And watching you let Zoey be Zoey has let me just chill out about how my little fashion diva Elyse looks like a circus performer most days when she leaves the house. Dont do it Mark, just dont!

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