Do you ever worry that your hubby’s not gonna do something on your anniversary?

So a couple of years ago, something kind of shitty happened. My hubby didn’t do anything on our anniversary. Not like he forgot it. That would have been more forgivable. Like he actually remembered it and said happy anniversary and that was it. And all day I was waiting for something. A card, a surprise babysitter, something, anything.

But by the time we were getting into bed that night, nothing. I was like WTF? I mean I could have said something earlier that day, but then he would have just bolted to the store to pick up a last minute card to fix the mistake, only it wouldn’t have fixed it at all because it doesn’t count if I TELL him to do something. So as we were sitting there in bed, I let him have it.

ME: Wow, you really didn’t do ANYTHING?

HUBBY: Whatta you mean? You said no presents.

ME: No presents doesn’t mean don’t do ANYTHING. You have to at least acknowledge it.

HUBBY: I did acknowledge it. I said Happy Anniversary.

And we had a fight on our anniversary. I wonder how many people have fights on their anniversary.

Anyways, here’s the worst thing about it. Not how I felt that day. How I felt after. It scarred me. And now every time it’s our anniversary or my birthday or Mother’s Day, I get that worried feeling. What if he doesn’t do anything again?

And last week I started to get that pit in my belly. Our tenth anniversary was on Thursday. A biggie. And I felt that same nervous feeling again leading up to it. We said no presents, but would he do something? I kept resisting the urge to remind him. Maybe I should just gently let him know that I was doing something, but no, no, no, that would defeat the purpose. And then Thursday arrived.

When we woke up, nothing. By lunchtime nothing. By mid afternoon I was starting to get annoyed. I mean he knew I was taking him out for a nice dinner and a hotel the next night, plus I surprised him with this HUGE romantic card with lots of pictures from ten years ago when we got married. See?

But so far all I’d gotten was a slightly longer kiss than usual and a “Happy Anniversary.”

Until 4:00.

HUBBY: Hey, can you stay out of the kitchen?

ME: Can I stay out of the kitchen?!! Hells yeah I can stay out of the kitchen!!!! I mean I kinda want to ask you WHY I need to stay out of the kitchen but nope, not gonna ask a thing. I’m not even gonna tell you to clean up the kitchen when you’re done even though I’m thinking that in my head. 

I just went into our bedroom and shut the door and let out a huge amount of air because I had been holding my breath all day. All week. See? Scarred. 

And then at about 6:00, I heard the kids running upstairs.

KIDS: Mom!!! MOMMMMMMMM!!!! Come down for dinner!!

And when I walked out of our room I found this. A path of rose petals leading down the stairs and into the kitchen. 

And the table was set with plates of homemade shrimp and chicken stir fry and rice and rolls and he’d even uncorked the best bottle of wine we have in our pantry.

And we sat around eating and reminiscing and sharing schmoopy moments to purposely gross the kids out.

And when the kids wouldn’t sit in their seats like they’re supposed to, we didn’t even tell them to sit back down. We had a romantic meal just the two of us.

So this is ten. It hasn’t been perfect, and there have been mistakes along the way. He’s made a few. And I’ve made a few. But in the end, we do our best to fix it when we screw up. They say you’re supposed to give tin or aluminum for your tenth anniversary, but I don’t agree. Because my hubby gave me something much better. He gave me happiness.

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There are 18 comments for this article
  1. Jennifer Metcalf at 10:03 am

    Our anniversary is 2 days after my birthday. I already know he’s not going to be doing anything on either day. But, since we’re moving into a house 2 weeks later, I think I’ll be okay. 🙂

  2. Cole at 10:21 am

    My hubby pretty much never does anything for our anniversary or birthday or mother’s day. He feels he shouldn’t have to do something on a specific day. He finds little ways to show me he loves me. Like doing the dishes after dinner. Surprising me with a clean house, little things that he knows help me out a lot. Maybe one of these days he’ll surprise me or maybe not. Lol. Happy 10th anniversary!

  3. loriflori at 10:56 am

    Nope, not at all. I never expect or even anticipate anything for any of these holidays and we’ve been happily married for 42 years this summer. He has sent me flowers three of those years, but I think probably someone at his work put him up to it because it was a complete shock to me each time. We show each other our love in little things we do every day, and just the acknowledgement of a verbal “happy anniversary, sweetie” is enough, because we recognize the day. But to each, their own.There is nothing wrong with either way. Happy tenth, and many, many more! (We do always go out for dinner, though, that’s a given! LOL!)

  4. REGINA FINKELSTEIN at 11:45 am

    After 33 years of marriage, we know how we feel about each other, and anniversaries are nice but we appreciate each other every day. So we decided not to buy greeting cards every year (special occasions excepted).
    The funniest was one year when hubby and I were at the mall we and passed a Hallmark store and he said “since we’re not doing cards anymore, how about we go in and show each other the card we would have bought for the other person?” We went in and had some laughs showing each other the card we would have bought. Now it’s a running gag with us.

  5. donna at 12:37 pm

    this is priceless….so great for the kids to see and participate in this….you are so relatable and down to earth! this one brought tears to my eyes….happy anniversary!

  6. R L at 1:42 pm

    Try to enjoy the fact he at least remembers to acknowledge it every year. My hubby of 40 years now has Alzheimer’s and sometimes doesn’t even remember we are married 😭

    • Nubstep at 6:23 pm

      So sad, and I understand completely. My dad had Parkinson’s, and at the end, he had no idea who I was. He thought I was my older sister.. he thought I was my mom.. and as he regressed further, he even thought I was his mom.

    • Cathy at 1:09 am

      I’m so sorry, I know a couple going through the same. He was a good friend of my dad, now he doesn’t recognize him. His wife is so strong. You must be to get through this.

  7. Magy at 1:52 pm

    Nope we do not celebrate any holidays ! No presents nothing not even my Birthday We are prefectly happy I love that simplicity everyday is special and happy by his side I will admit that when he had his 3 rd shift job he would randomly pick me up flowers when I would wake up I would have a special I love you gift just for making him happy but now we work the same hours I never go anywhere without him

  8. PirateJenny at 2:07 pm

    That is so sweet! Happy Anniversary! We just had our 10th last year too! My hubby’s “gift” to me is often an extra-special home cooked meal… those are seriously better than any wrapped gift IMO… especially when the kids see the effort and love that goes into it. By the way, our kids totally gag when we smooch also… sometimes we do it just to gross them out.

  9. Nicole H. at 2:09 pm

    Happy Anniversary! My hubby did the same thing (the nothing part) for our FIRST anniversary AND our SECOND anniversary (I obviously didn’t get mad enough the first time!). He had the same reasoning, “you said no presents!” Yes I said no presents, that doesn’t mean do NOTHING!!

  10. Meghan at 2:52 pm

    My other half forgot our 14th this year and it wasn’t even a forgot to say something he legit forgot the day …I told our kids at 930that night and swore them secrecy… that was a month ago he still has no clue …(I am more impressed my kids kept their mouth 👄 shut though)

  11. Rene at 10:31 pm

    I can b relate to ALL of this!! Although I think the BEST anniversary hubby and I had was maybe 3 yrs ago when we actually each picked out the exact same card for each other.

    We have, together, developed this ritual of leaving cards for one another on our pillows on the bed after we’ve both gotten up in the morning. That way they’re guaranteed to be seen before bed that night. Neither one of us tend to open them until we’re getting ready for bed, but we notice them throughout the day. It’s heartwarming to know it’s there at 7 am, even if you know you don’t open it until 9 or 9:30 PM.

    That year we’d gone shopping for anniversary cards, perhaps even in the same store (I’m not sure), and purchased the exact same card. When we opened them and read them, we both looked at each other and just started laughing. To realize, in that moment, that your connection is so strong and so great that you do this… it was just so…. right!

    We celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary on Tuesday (May 1st). We have been together for almost 14 yrs though. He is my rock, my stay strength when I feel like I have none. He adopted my son at the end of last year (my son is an adult so it was faster) and it’s in process of adopting my daughter (she’s almost 15).

  12. Tara at 11:51 am

    I have forgotten our wedding anniversary, completely, several times. I remembered when my mom or sister would call or text me, late in the day to say Happy Anniversary. We have a huge, yearly,work event, that is always around the time or even on the day of our Anniversary, so my mind is typically over focused on that event.My husband works night shift, I work days, so sometimes we don’t even see each other.

    I have found that you have to be very specific with some people (not just men). You probably have to say, “no presents for our Anniversary, but let’s acknowledge it in some way besides saying Happy Anniversary.” And then not be upset or angry when the acknowledgement is not “enough.”

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