Mmmm, these cupcakes are SOOOOO moist

Holy crap, have you seen this picture circulating around the internet?!!

It’s from an article about this mom who baked these for her kid’s class. I shit you not. Check it out if you haven’t seen it. And then hop on back here because it just so happens that I wrote a chapter in my original self-published book I Heart My Little A-Holes about these beauties. So here goes. A few thoughts I had about these tasty treats:

1. I have never ever had a single desire to lick v*jayjay. Until now.

2. I do believe the only proper way to eat this is to lick the frosting off first. Slowly. With a lot of tongue. And look someone in the eye while you’re doing it.

3. I mean at first I’m thinking these would be like so perfect for a lesbian party. But then I realize, nooooo, these could like totally ruin a lesbian forever. “Ummm, I’m sorry sweetie, ever since I ate that strawberry hoo ha, yours just tastes a little off or something.”

4. Or I could be totally wrong. I’m not a lesbian so I don’t know. Maybe it’s actually the cupcake that’s disappointing. “Blagggh, WHAT IS THIS? Vanilla?! I was expecting that awesome v*jayjay flavor.” Kind of like when you think you’re biting into a grape but it’s an olive. Yuck.

5. I’m sitting in Panera right now and I’ve got this picture like really big on my screen and there’s a table of old men sitting behind me and whispering. I’m so tempted to turn around and shout, “Hey, quit staring at my v*jayjays!”

6. Well, I’m usually into black girls, but I kinda want a vanilla one. Is that racist?

7. I wonder if Martha Stewart has ever whipped up a batch of these. I can only imagine how beautiful her frosted you-know-whats would be. “I used a mirror to look at myself and make sure I was adding just the right amount of food coloring to tint it the perfect shade of pink.”

8. Mmmm, these are soooo moist.

9. WOMAN: Want to split one with me?

FRIEND: Sure, pass me a knife and I’ll give it an episiotomy.

10. Dear lady who baked these, There better be cream in the center. Otherwise, it’s just gonna leave me unsatisfied.

11. I am so tempted to bring a batch of these to my next gynie appointment to hand out to everyone. Why thank you doctor, yes I would like my speculum warmed.

12. You know that cake for Mardis Gras that has that little plastic baby inside? I kind of think these should have that too. Holy crap, there’s a baby in my v*jayjay!

13. All in favor of Channing Tatum eating one of these in slow motion, say aye!

14. Hey, if you’re not gonna eat your fun button, can I have it?