Mmmm, these cupcakes are SOOOOO moist

Holy crap, have you seen this picture circulating around the internet?!!

Anatomy Cookies

It’s from an article about this mom who baked these for her kid’s class. I shit you not. Check it out if you haven’t seen it. And then hop on back here because it just so happens that I wrote a chapter in my original self-published book I Heart My Little A-Holes about these beauties. So here goes. A few thoughts I had about these tasty treats:

1. I have never ever had a single desire to lick v*jayjay. Until now.

2. I do believe the only proper way to eat this is to lick the frosting off first. Slowly. With a lot of tongue. And look someone in the eye while you’re doing it.

3. I mean at first I’m thinking these would be like so perfect for a lesbian party. But then I realize, nooooo, these could like totally ruin a lesbian forever. “Ummm, I’m sorry sweetie, ever since I ate that strawberry hoo ha, yours just tastes a little off or something.”

4. Or I could be totally wrong. I’m not a lesbian so I don’t know. Maybe it’s actually the cupcake that’s disappointing. “Blagggh, WHAT IS THIS? Vanilla?! I was expecting that awesome v*jayjay flavor.” Kind of like when you think you’re biting into a grape but it’s an olive. Yuck.

5. I’m sitting in Panera right now and I’ve got this picture like really big on my screen and there’s a table of old men sitting behind me and whispering. I’m so tempted to turn around and shout, “Hey, quit staring at my v*jayjays!”

6. Well, I’m usually into black girls, but I kinda want a vanilla one. Is that racist?

7. I wonder if Martha Stewart has ever whipped up a batch of these. I can only imagine how beautiful her frosted you-know-whats would be. “I used a mirror to look at myself and make sure I was adding just the right amount of food coloring to tint it the perfect shade of pink.”

8. Mmmm, these are soooo moist.

9. WOMAN: Want to split one with me?

FRIEND: Sure, pass me a knife and I’ll give it an episiotomy.

10. Dear lady who baked these, There better be cream in the center. Otherwise, it’s just gonna leave me unsatisfied.

11. I am so tempted to bring a batch of these to my next gynie appointment to hand out to everyone. Why thank you doctor, yes I would like my speculum warmed.

12. You know that cake for Mardis Gras that has that little plastic baby inside? I kind of think these should have that too. Holy crap, there’s a baby in my v*jayjay!

13. All in favor of Channing Tatum eating one of these in slow motion, say aye!

14. Hey, if you’re not gonna eat your fun button, can I have it?

There are 13 comments for this article
  1. Jess at 10:55 am

    Save the bloody one 2nd to the bottom left for me!! I’m gonna shove a sea sponge into it!

    • BabySideburns at 11:03 am

      Bwahahahahahaha!! Good cross-referencing 🙂

  2. Wendy at 2:10 pm

    OMG I laughed SO hard at both the post and the article. I love you Baby Sideburns you never disappoint and for the record I totally WOULD share one of these with you!! HAHAHA

  3. Samantha at 3:13 pm

    Wow. V******y cookie mom lost her mind! That being said, I would totally eat one of these and enjoy it. you said cream needs to be in the middle and I completely agree but the cream should be icing because if it was thicker, you would need a box of Monistat to go with it. Lol

  4. MH at 5:44 pm

    Can you imagine your 2nd grader coming home saying “I ate v****a mommy!” ummm…wait…what did you do? and who do I need to talk to about their upcoming impalement for this??? I’m all for v****a love (the non-lesbian kind but love all the same), but I believe these cupcakes are appropriate for say…one of those d***o parties or something…second graders don’t need to learn how to eat v****a!!!!

  5. Mamaofone at 2:05 pm

    Am I the only one who thinks the second one from the left on the bottom row looks like it’s going through that time of the month? HA!