Okay, so here’s the thing. Zoey is selling Girl Scout cookies. Now if you follow my Facebook page, you might know who’s really selling them. Yours F’ing truly. Here’s the post if you didn’t see it on Facebook. You can skip to the next part if you already read it.
Woo-hooo, Zoey is selling Girl Scout cookies!!
ME: Hey, Zoey, do you want to see if Ann wants to buy any Girl Scout cookies?
ME: Ask her if she wants to buy any cookies.
ZOEY: Do you want to buy any cookies?
ANN: Sure. How much are they?
ZOEY: Mom, how much are they?
ANN: Great, do you have any Thin Mints?
ZOEY: Mom, do we have any Thin Mints?
ANN: I’ll take two boxes.
ZOEY: She’ll take two boxes.
ANN: Do you take a check?
ZOEY: Do we take a check?
ME: She can pay when we deliver them.
ZOEY: You can pay when we deliver them.
ANN: When’s that?
ZOEY: Mom, when’s that?
Oh wait, did I say Zoey is selling Girl Scout cookies? I meant I’m selling Girl Scout cookies. Where do you guys think I should iron my patch when I earn it?
Is it a pain in the ass that I have to do this with her? Absolutely. Did she start to answer the questions on her own after a while? Absolutely. So heyyyyy, she learned something! And that is why I make her do it with me. Because Girl Scouts don’t sell cookies because they’re F’ing awesome slices of chocolate heaven that make you have multiple mouthgasms. This is why they sell them:
When a Girl Scout sells you cookies, she’s building a lifetime of skills and confidence. She learns goal setting, decision making, money management, people skills, and business ethics–aspects essential to leadership, success, and life.
By putting her mind and energies to something, a Girl Scout can overcome any challenge. There are no limits. She can be anything. She can do anything. Help her build a lifetime of skills and confidence.
FYI, I did not write that shit (duhhh, otherwise it’d be filled with grammatical errors and colorful language). I stole it from the Girl Scouts website. That’s right, call the po-po, I stole it.
‘Cause here’s the thing. There are a shitload of parents out there who think the purpose of selling Girl Scout cookies is to sell as many boxes as possible and to win a prize from the prize chart and they’re like hellllllls yeah, I’ve got 300 people I can hit up at work to buy them. Shiiiiit, I’d probably do the same thing if I worked in an office. But for some reason yesterday when I helped collect the forms for our Girl Scout troop, it bothered me. I mean some kids had sold hundreds of boxes of cookies. How does a KINDERGARTENER sell like 300 boxes of cookies? Oh yeahhh, someone else does it for them. And this is totally NOT what selling Girl Scout cookies is all about.
I don’t really blame the parents. I mean if I hadn’t been standing there in a daydream while the girls were coloring, I probably wouldn’t have thought about it. Plus, how could we deprive alllllll of those people from awesomely amazing Girl Scout cookies? And some of the money goes to the troop and that’s awesome. And if the parents don’t sell them at work how can the kindergarteners sell enough to win that stupid cheetah wristlet that we could buy them at Claires for $4? And I’m sure the Girl Scouts organization never says parents can’t sell the cookies because they’re just super psyched to sell MORE cookies. Hmmmm, maybe because it’s a money-maker.
But we are doing our girls a disservice.
Would it be faster to get my kids’ shoes on if I put them on and tied them myself? Yes. Would a cake look better if I frosted it and I didn’t let my three-year-old take control? Sure. Would it be easier if I read books out loud to Zoey and didn’t make her……read……the……words……at……the……pace……of……a……snail……on……downers? Of course. But we let our kids do shit without too much help because it gives them seriously awesome life skills.
So I don’t care what you do. Take your daughter to work with you and make her do her sales pitch to everyone. Have two order forms—one for the cookies she sells and one for the cookies you sell so you can win your ugly wristlet prize. Whatever floats your boat.
And go ahead, call me an asshole for saying it, but when you sell your daughter’s Girl Scout cookies FOR her and then you hand her a big prize at the end, you have just lost a seriously awesome opportunity to teach her something.
P.S. Don’t forget to “like” this post if you like it. Thank you!!