Dear person who is selling Rodan and Fields, Arbonne, Mary Kay, Botox, fillers, or any other miracle products,
So yesterday I got an email from one of you. An unsolicited message. I didn’t reach out to you and I’ve never bought products from you before. And this is what you said:
Your eyes are looking a little tired. I have a wonderful cream I’d like to share with you that could perk them up.
I have two words for you. Hmmm, how do I say this nicely? Let’s just say they start with an F and end with a U.
Here’s the thing. I don’t remember asking you how my eyes look. Or any of my body. And when people like you walk around the earth telling other women what is “wrong” with their appearance, you make them feel bad.
Once in the fifth grade, someone told me my skin looks kind of green in the morning. I never forgot it. Once someone at camp said my butt is big. I never forgot it. Once, someone suggested I get laser hair removal. I never forgot it.
When you say something about a woman’s appearance, it sticks with them like crazy glue. I wish I could just shrug it off and erase it from my memory, but apparently this is why my brain forgets where I left the keys all the time. To make room for shit like this.
And I’m not alone. Just the other day my friend told me how she walked into her dermatologist’s office to get a weird mole looked at, and suddenly Dr. Fuckity McFuckface starts telling her all the things she can “fix.”
DOC: I can insert some fillers to erase those forehead wrinkles, and do a little laser treatment to even out your skin tone and did you know your cheekbones are nonexistent?
My friend didn’t just lose a mole that day. She lost a crapload of self-esteem.
So to all the people who are pedaling stuff to make us “look better,” I realize you’re just trying to make a few bucks and I admire that. Go for it. HOWEVER, you need to wait until people tell YOU what they would like to “fix” or “change” or “perk up.”
And to the woman who wrote to me saying she could fix my tired eyes, unless you’re offering to come over and hang out with my kid who keeps waking up in the middle of the night, I’m going to just push delete and ignore your email.
The mom who will NOT be buying from you
If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it. Thank you!!
And if you want tired eyes like mine, read my new book I Want My Epidural Back!! You won’t be able to put it down and you’ll read it until the wee hours and then you too can have bags under your eyes and wrinkle lines from smiling too much!! Good problems to have if you ask me.