Dear person who is selling Rodan and Fields, Arbonne, Mary Kay, Botox, fillers, or any other miracle products

Dear person who is selling Rodan and Fields, Arbonne, Mary Kay, Botox, fillers, or any other miracle products,

So yesterday I got an email from one of you. An unsolicited message. I didn’t reach out to you and I’ve never bought products from you before. And this is what you said:

Your eyes are looking a little tired. I have a wonderful cream I’d like to share with you that could perk them up.

I have two words for you. Hmmm, how do I say this nicely? Let’s just say they start with an F and end with a U.

Here’s the thing. I don’t remember asking you how my eyes look. Or any of my body. And when people like you walk around the earth telling other women what is “wrong” with their appearance, you make them feel bad.

Once in the fifth grade, someone told me my skin looks kind of green in the morning. I never forgot it. Once someone at camp said my butt is big. I never forgot it. Once, someone suggested I get laser hair removal. I never forgot it.

When you say something about a woman’s appearance, it sticks with them like crazy glue. I wish I could just shrug it off and erase it from my memory, but apparently this is why my brain forgets where I left the keys all the time. To make room for shit like this.

And I’m not alone. Just the other day my friend told me how she walked into her dermatologist’s office to get a weird mole looked at, and suddenly Dr. Fuckity McFuckface starts telling her all the things she can “fix.”

DOC: I can insert some fillers to erase those forehead wrinkles, and do a little laser treatment to even out your skin tone and did you know your cheekbones are nonexistent?

My friend didn’t just lose a mole that day. She lost a crapload of self-esteem.

So to all the people who are pedaling stuff to make us “look better,” I realize you’re just trying to make a few bucks and I admire that. Go for it. HOWEVER, you need to wait until people tell YOU what they would like to “fix” or “change” or “perk up.”

And to the woman who wrote to me saying she could fix my tired eyes, unless you’re offering to come over and hang out with my kid who keeps waking up in the middle of the night, I’m going to just push delete and ignore your email.


The mom who will NOT be buying from you

If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it. Thank you!!

And if you want tired eyes like mine, read my new book I Want My Epidural Back!! You won’t be able to put it down and you’ll read it until the wee hours and then you too can have bags under your eyes and wrinkle lines from smiling too much!! Good problems to have if you ask me.


There are 27 comments for this article
  1. Tracy L at 10:27 am

    Amen to that! I get these same unsolicited messages from various “friends” on FB at least once a month. My thought is that I see 98% of your FB posts are about your new business. And that’s great. But if I haven’t reached out to you after seeing your “advertising,” then why would you think it’s ok to send me a PM that’s going to make me blatantly ignore you and possibly even delete you, if you catch me on the wrong day? The best part is that these messages always come from people I haven’t seen in YEARS and they always want to throw in there how I have a beautiful family and we should get together, blah, blah, blah. If you weren’t trying to get together with me before trying to sell me something, why on earth would you suggest it now??

    • Liz at 10:43 am

      I sell Avon but am nowhere near that pushy. I post maybe once a month advertising a sale. Anyone who has previously bought from my online store will get automated emails, but I don’t control that. I get them, as well, because I am my own best customer. The one time I contacted someone directly is when my husband’s aunt asked if anyone sold Avon.

      • Jill Hartman-Bottcher at 12:21 am

        Don’t explain your business to this person.
        She is selling a book and thinking it’s appropriate to condemn a whole group of hard working women for her benefit.

    • Jill Hartman-Bottcher at 11:40 pm

      Let me give you some advice…
      Are you ready?
      3 words… Super simple… Did you make it past 3rd grade? You got this!
      was that so hard?
      This article AND responses make me sick.
      Do women have nothing better to do?
      Freaking get on with it

  2. Cindy Zimba at 10:45 am

    Once someone in 9th grade told me I would be so pretty if I didn’t have a space between my teeth. I never forgot it and am conscious of my smile to this day. BAAAAHHHH!!!!! Why is everyone so grossly fixated on what is believed to be beautiful, instead of seeing the beauty in everything.

  3. rengland92 at 10:53 am

    I think you make some good points Karen. I find that if people want something, they go and seek it out, they don’t need someone to push it in their faces. I think we need to shift the focus in women’s products to create awareness and teach them about their bodies, rather than put them down by suggesting they have something unattractive or they need to change to be more beautiful.

  4. Lid at 11:57 am

    I completely agree, and I’ve never forgotten the things people have said about how I look. By the time I turned 18 I was convinced I was ugly and had absolutely no s3lf esteem because of it. Society is cganging though, but people arent looking at the whole picture; they’re so focused on body shaming for being too skinny or overweight that they’re forgetting about all the nit-pick things we’ve been told, solicited or not. Being called bubble/big b**t, thunder thighs, or pointing out moles, scars, dark circles etc does a lot of damage to a person; especially teenage girls. Should we learn and teach our kids to understand that this is going to happen and to ignore it? Absolutely, just as much as telling them they’re beautiful just as they are and people will always try to tear someone down to feel better about themselves. We don’t need to be told about our wrinkles or dark spots or whatever issue they think is “wrong” or should/could be corrected; we already know because the most critical person is yourself. We don’t need some jackass pointing it out, if a person wants to change something they will seek advice, if they’re happy with it leave it be… unless the scorching sun is melting your makeup, in which case it’s nice to be told!

  5. Heather at 12:04 pm

    My chiropractor started telling me what to do with my acne, which since then I have learned is actually Roscae. I was taken aback but it wasn’t until later that I got angry because it took me a while to realize I should be angry. I go to him with no make up on because I work out with him for an hour and he starts telling me what I can do for my skin….FU buddy. I stopped going to him.

  6. Jessica G. at 12:50 pm

    I sell Thirty One and one of the biggest things they drill into us us share don’t sell. And I do share but only in my customer group for those that want to be there. Pushy people drive me batty. People that only see the negative drive me insane. I’m currently working on weight loss. The last time I went to my doctor she focused only on how much I had to lose, not the fact that I had already list 25lbs and 30 inches using Beachbody. Then she tried to get me to sign up for their weightloss program they had through their clinic.

  7. Miranda at 2:37 pm

    I am an Arbonne consultant and I apologize if it was someone in my company that approached you that way. My mission is to help people feel better from the inside out (and most end up looking better too!) but pointing out assumed flaws is not the way we are encouraged to share. I’m also rocking an impressive set of under-eye luggage thanks to a 7 month old snowflake that thinks 4am is a suitable breakfast time (FYI, unless there’s heavy drinking involved, it’s not). And, if I lived close enough, if totally watch your crotch muffins so you could pass out as a thank you for all the laughs and moments of levity you’ve given me. Don’t let someone’s awkward attempt to introduce you to something new make you feel that you are anything less than awesome; you’re hilarious, intelligent, and those bags (if you’ve actually got some) are something to be proud of. Keep kicking a*s and making us laugh!

  8. Marcie at 7:07 pm

    It’s so crazy you posted this , I got the same message from someone today , I was all , ummm ok ????

  9. Beth at 7:09 pm

    The worst is when these people post how “thanks to their company they can afford groceries or a night on the town”. Or better yet, they can stay home with their kids and not miss anything. Well I also work for a company that pays for those things, and many years as a single mom working my a*s off outside the home, I did miss things. But how dare they make me feel more guilty than I already do. Also, who TF brags about their job buying groceries?! And to your point, they are preying on our insecurities. Shameful. I’m sure there are many who don’t sell this way but ewww stop with your It Works! You know what else works? Eating healthy, working out. Not that I have time for that as I am neglecting my kids whilst I work outside the home and pay my bills. SO annoying!

    • Dory Dog's Mom at 7:49 pm

      If they’re saying they’re not missing a thing with their kids, but still making big $$$, something is missing. Making money in sales take time. Perhaps they spend a lot of time on their phone or computer while those kids are around and call it being with their kids….. But how engaged are these moms?

      • Jill Hartman-Bottcher at 12:05 am

        I used to work 50 hours outside the home and now work hours only when my kids are in school and then squeeze in sharing my business where it allows me to continue to be present for my kids
        Please freaking explain to me how this kind of rant lifts women and moms up?
        And did you stop to think how this person could possibly be neglecting her kids while she’s on HER phone and computer ripping other women and moms to make $$$$?
        Nope, I doubt it by your well rounded, thought out response.
        Again, disgusting.

  10. Milusha at 7:56 pm

    Your post was floating in my newsfeed and I was curious. As a mother and a woman, I completely understand where you are coming from. But I felt like I needed to say this: who cares? Who cares what anyone else says? As long as you are a strong person who knows who you are, who gives a crap? I come from a at the time, 3rd world country where women were supposedly 3nd best and submissive. I am neither of those things by a stretch and it’s all because my parents infused very strong core values unrelated to god I might add. I have never let anyone who says anything about my appearance (believe me I have obvious flaws), matter. I am what I am and I am good with that. So honestly why do you let some idiot who you don’t even know bother you so much that you dedicate a blog to it? Don’t. That’s all I am trying to say. Believe in yourself and know that you are strong. That’s it. From 1 mama to another.

  11. Kelly Arnold at 8:18 pm

    Your self esteem shouldn’t be hindered by what other people say about you, it’s your self esteem, you have control how you feel. Don’t let that person control your thoughts. It’s up to you.

  12. Jules at 8:27 pm

    When I was at Target with my newborn 2nd-born, a stranger literally RAN up to me in the parking lot to tell me that I had a belly and that I could fix it by buying her $200 wrap nonsense. My postman had also tried to sell me this same crap. I had a NEWBORN in my arms!! My belly was not flat, but it was not supposed to be so why should I be made to feel ashamed of it by strangers!?! PS: I knew I shouldn’t feel ashamed about my body at that moment, but I totally did. 🙁

  13. Annette at 9:55 am

    I just want to say that you just blasted a whole group of people for one person’s mistake. I have been in sales for 33 years and have never done that. Nor do I teach my unit members to contact people that way.

    • Jill Hartman-Bottcher at 11:54 pm

      She’s “selling” her book at other peoples expense.
      I’m not buying it… Figuratively or literally. I work 2 jobs, am a wife and mom.
      Maybe I should start a whinny blog and try to sell a book. Yep, that’s not hypocritical

  14. Cherise A at 11:44 am

    This hurts my soul. I’m sorry to hear that someone was so rude .. because that’s exactly how I feel about such a comment. I get told at work that I look so tired, when in fact most of the time I feel great. And your right, it drops the self esteem and makes us self conscious.
    I do work for a network marketing company and just want to say that this type of comment is not only rude and hurtful, but unprofessional.
    As women we should be lifting each other up not finding things to tear each other down with.
    If you are in fact tired, it just goes to show you are an awesome mom who cares for her child by getting up all hours of the night and putting that child first.
    I’m certain you are a beautiful woman and you should never forget it hold your head up high!

  15. Christin at 11:58 am

    You go, girl. I love love love your blog, and this one is no exception. I hate network marketing. And how much of it is sales to make you look, feel, dress, etc. (fill in the blank) better?! AGH! If I need help, I’ll ask for it. Truly, I swear I will. It took me 51 years to realize that I am just fine EXACTLY the way I am. Wish I had figured it out decades ago though! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

  16. Jill Hartman-Bottcher at 12:18 am

    What I will do is share how hypocritical and whinny this is.

    Contunue your rant.

    It’s ridiculous that people find it funny. I agree with another comment….You ripped a whole group of people for 1 persons actions.
    You were offended or WHATEVER!? Seriously find your self confidence within yourself.
    I am offended that you truly just took women back about 50 years.
    If ripping moms who want to work hard and make a better life for themselves and their families, is the way you choose to make a living, you are way worse than anyone you criticize.

    • Lizzy Brooks at 11:26 pm

      Wow, you are really angry about this post. While YOU might not sell your products this way, a LOT of people do. Their messages and posts are very annoying, and prey on peoples’ insecurities. Yes, we should not care what people think about us, but the fact is that most women would be upset if someone commented on a “flaw” that they noticed. Especially if it was one that we have been insecure about in the past. It’s great that you are 100% happy with your appearance, and have absolutely no insecurities at all, and wouldn’t care if someone told you that you looked tired, or had wrinkles, or your belly was flabby, or you looked old, etc. But I don’t know many women who are 100% unaffected by someone making a comment about their appearance, even if the comment was just to get a sale. You seem more offended that she made her comment about the MLM companies in general. She didn’t single out one company, probably because there are so many of them, and we get messages about these products on a daily basis. My Facebook notifications are a constant stream of “Mary has invited you to a Lularoe/Arbonne/Thirtyone/Younique/Usbourne/blah blah blah party!” And some (not all, but I’d say a majority) of them are incredibly pushy. It’s great when women can find a business that allows them the freedom to spend time with their families, but to be really successful in these businesses, you either have to spend a LOT of time on it while the kids are in school or asleep, which makes for a very tired momma, or you have to do it when you are with your kids. That is just a fact. And who cares if she’s promoting her book? Obviously there are people who want to buy it, so just like I’m sure you have no problem sharing your products on whatever social media platforms you use, this is her f-ing blog, why would she NOT try to sell her friggin book? I don’t see why you are so annoyed about that. She’s funny, has a huge following, and would be crazy not to share her book ON HER OWN WEBSITE. You SHOULD write a book, like you said in a previous post. But you seem so negative, I doubt anyone would read it.