I’ll be carrying around the Mom guilt for this one allllllll day

I feel like a bad mom. So for the past few days I’ve been waking up at the ass crack of dawn because the stupid birds outside my window keep chirping. Now I know some people love the lovely sound of chirping birds in the morning. People like Cinderella and Mr. Rogers and Pollyanna. But not me. Does anyone remember that Friends episode when Phoebe was dating that police officer and when the tweeting bird wouldn’t shut up outside her window, he whipped out his gun and shot it? Everyone was like GASP! Well, I was like, YESSSSS! I mean no, I don’t really want to kill all the little birdies, but I’d love for them to relocate or at least get a watch so they know when it’s a reasonable time to start chirping.

Anyways, last night I was sooooo desperate for a decent night sleep so I finally wised up and turned on a sound machine. But then at 5:30 this morning, guess what happened? Yup, someone woke me up again. But it wasn’t the stupid birds this time. It was Zoey. OMG was I pissssssed. I mustered up the most evil demonic voice I could at that hour and growled at her to go the F back to her room and do something quietly until at least 6:30. I was fuming.

Needless to say, my blood pressure was through the roof and for the next hour I lay (laid? lied??) there trying to go back to sleep, but there was no F’ing way. I was wide awake. So when I finally dragged my ass out of bed for the day, I was super grumpy. Imagine Cujo with a really bad hangover. And all morning long while we were getting ready for school I took it out on Zoey.


ZOEY: Will you put up my hair in a ponytail?

ME: No, I’m too tired to do that right now.


ZOEY: Mom, watch this commercial, it’s hilarious.

ME: I can’t, you woke me up so early I’m too tired.


ZOEY: Can you pack cookies in my lunch?

ME: Zoey, you’ll be lucky if you ever get cookies again.


ZOEY: I love you sooooo much.

ME: (like a monotone robot) I love you too.


Etc etc etc. And the more grumpy I was, the more she tried to be chipper, but I could not turn it around. It was like once that switch flipped, it was stuck there.

Which sucks because there have been sooooo many times in life that she’s been little miss grumpypants and I’ve told her to fix her attitude ASAP. I mean just the other day she was being all pissy, so I told her she must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed and I literally made her get back into bed and climb out on the other side. And guess what? It worked! A smile popped onto her face and she was all better. See?

She was able to flip her switch back just like that! So why can’t I?

I really need to take my own advice. Yup, that’s it, I’m doing it. So I just crawled back in bed for thirty seconds (DO NOT FALL ASLEEP!!!) and I rolled out on the other side. And then I did the most important part. I put a smile on my face. See?

I just I wish is I did it two hours ago before I dropped her off at school because I’ll carry that Mom guilt with me all day until she comes home later. But come 3:30, I’m gonna be the best damn mom I can be. Well, until someone pisses me off and I overreact again. I’m a mom, not a miracle worker. Well, maybe a little bit of both.

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There are 12 comments for this article
  1. Melissa at 10:29 am

    Aww. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be a mom! I love reading your posts about your family life. From what I can tell with my total lack of parental experience, you ROCK at this 99.9% of the time. And I totally get how you are feeling, since I feel like a total shithead whenever I act like that to my husband or coworkers. Cut yourself a tiny bit of slack, and give her extra smooches this afternoon!

  2. JulieD at 10:31 am

    Oh my. You just described SO many days of my life. TO A TEE. The monotone response to “I love you” when my boy is turning himself inside out to make things right and get reassurance that I still love him even though I’m seething and being a colossal beeyotch… The idea that I demand he adjust his attitude immediately, yet he can’t demand that of me (but you make me realize, he should be able to!)… carrying the mom guilt all day and being super lovey mom until the next time I overreact (like, sometimes 10 minutes later)… that switch that flips and I feel powerless to flip it back, even though I feel my heart aching with guilt and love (it’s like an out of body experience – I see myself behaving in this totally unacceptable way and can’t stop myself)… Thank you for giving me such a great, simple new way to reset that switch before it’s too late. It is definitely a day to day, work in progress, and nice to know I am not alone after all. 🙂

  3. Barb at 10:39 am

    Everyone feels that way at sometime. I have a list of top 10 parenting fails or nearly fails. And happy to hear I’m not the only one that doesn’t know how to properly use “lay”

  4. MomOfTwoBits at 10:41 am

    I did this on Mother’s day – of all days! I was (what we call in our house) a grump-o-potamus. I mean UGLY mood. I realized that I projected unrealistic expectations on my two kids and even though it took me until midday Monday to realize it, I apologized to them and asked for forgiveness. They need to see that we’re HUMAN. We make mistakes. It’s apologizing for our mistakes – no matter how much later it takes to realize it – and being genuine about it. That’s the bigger lesson & she wouldn’t have fought so hard to bring you back if she didn’t love you. Keep up the good work mama. <3

  5. Amie Margolis at 10:47 am

    I totally hear you…I lost it/overreacted with my son (5) last night when he wasn’t being a good listener. Monster mommy came out and I got really mad, he got really upset and I felt awful…we made up and he bounced back quickly, but I still felt like a really bad mom.

  6. KP at 11:21 am

    I’ve had many of those “flipped switch” moments and what matters most is how you repair it and move on and your kiddos will also learn this vital skill. We are human, not super human, and we make mistakes. The key is owning up to your behavior and repairing it. Thanks for your honesty and showing that parenting is a messy thing and we are all in this together!

  7. Helen at 1:23 pm

    I was in the same mood when my mother-in-law woke me up from a deep sleep at crack of dawn by calling me on the phone to ask what time I’d be at her house.

    How many times have I told her to not call me until after 8:00am if it’s not an emergency?

  8. alessandra vaughn at 4:39 pm

    i have been there and when i snap at my kids cause of getting woken up to early honestly i dont feel bad or guilty cause i have told them repeatedly dont wake me up before 8 a.m. on weekend and 6:30 a.m. during the school week.

  9. Cathy at 12:23 am

    This touches a sore spot in me. When my kids were small and would wake me from a deep sleep I would greet them with a string of expletives which caused them to run from my room terrified of the momster they’d awoke, which of course horrified me by the time I was fully awake. This was one of those things I feared had really left a mark on their psyche, because this is still so vivid to me! So one day I asked them about it, to my surprise and relief none of them remembered it. So try not to torture yourselves, moms. Chances are good they won’t remember your bad moods either, they love us, bad moods, potty mouth and all.

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