I’m sorry I’m cheating on you

 

Dear Target,

I’m sorry, but I’ve been cheating on you. A lot. Do I still love you? With all of my heart and soul and I still love pushing a cart around your store and putting way more things into it than what I came for, but it just doesn’t happen as much as it used to. Because I’ve met someone else.

Who is it? Do I really need to tell you? It doesn’t matter who it is. Let’s just say I’m giving him less than I ever gave you, but he’s giving me way more in return. In fact, he sends me things almost every day. Boxes and boxes of wonderful things. He knows exactly what I want and knows how to please me and when I ask him for something, well, he just delivers. Even at 3am, he’s there for me. You were never there for me at 3am. And he’s such a gentleman. When my cart is full of soda and kitty litter and other heavy things, he never makes me carry a thing.

Oh please don’t look so sad. I promise, it’s not you, it’s me. I just like cheaper things.

So yes, I’m breaking up with you, but can we still be friends? Maybe even friends with benefits? I hope you don’t mind if I call you up for a booty call once in a while. Like when I suddenly need a present for a birthday party I forgot about and my new lover can’t get it to me quickly enough, I promise to come to you for a quickie when that happens. I may even browse your aisles for a little extra satisfaction. Because you might take a little longer, but sometimes that’s what I’m in the mood for. 

And I just can’t browse that way on Amaz– oh no, I said his name. Please don’t blame him. It’s not his fault he’s so good at what he does. I know what you’re thinking. That you can change. That you can try to do the same things he does. Well you have tried, remember? You tried to be like him, but you can’t be someone else. You are who you are. And alas, I’m in love with someone else now. I’m sorry.

Sincerely,

A woman with a guilty conscience… and a smaller monthly bill

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There are 7 comments for this article
  1. Heather at 10:22 am

    Oh BS I hear you on falling out of love with T. My T is being remodeled and things are not in the places they normally are. Some of the aisles are so narrow a cart does not fit through. A has come to my rescue more times than I care to mention. Like that time my daughter was doing a state report on Louisiana, T did not have what she needed, but A had it all!! T will always be my first love but A makes my heart skip a beat.

  2. Micki at 11:49 am

    I’m with you. I hate that they keep rearranging the store and taking out the brands I love to replace them with brands that try oh so hard but are not the same… I just hope Target doesn’t go the way of all the other big box stores…

  3. Helen at 1:32 pm

    Target even ventured up here in Canada for a very short time from March 2013 to to April 2015.

    But alas, the Target stores in Canada were not the same as the ones stateside. We were expecting to be able to get the same items we’d get from our occasional Target runs across the border in Niagara Falls, NY.

    What Target should have done is to find out what people in Canada would like to buy. The same thing could apply to shoppers in the U.S.
    Find out what people want and then make sure that they’re available for purchase in the stores.

    I’ve also succumbed to the availability and pleasing way that Amaz….. is there for me. Most items are there when I need them with free shipping. And on the rare occasion that the item didn’t work out, returns are accepted with no hassle.

    Perhaps others would be smart to emulate them?

  4. Christi at 1:59 pm

    So interesting! I too have strayed, but it’s the curbside delivery of groceries that made me (mostly) leave. And T can do that, but it’s a monthly subscription (just as it is with A). My new grocery place doesn’t charge for curbside pick up, which is awesome! It’s not the same, but saving money is a strong sales approach to win my business! And with less browsing comes even more savings! I still love T, but things have changed! And the massive store remodeling didn’t help them either.

  5. Andrea at 2:09 pm

    Well, Amazon employees are quite often on Medicaid, just like Walmart employees. And Amazon contracts out delivery and so can pay individual delivery people meager wages with no benefits. Yet they reap astronomical profits. And the CEO is a gazilionairre. All while my tax dollars fund healthcare for way too many of their employees. “Cheap” is not always less expensive. Sometimes it’s just cruel.

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