Holy smokes, I’m officially a professional cake decorator!!!!

So the other day I got a phone call from a friend, and I’m thinking, that’s weird, why is she calling me and not texting? Oh no, it must be an emergency!! So I pick up my phone and don’t even say hello… 

ME: What’s wrong?

MY FRIEND: I have a question for you.

Do you know what she asked? She asked if I can make a cake for her mom’s birthday. WHAT?!!!

You guys, I literally just started making cakes. For fun. And not even making. Decorating. I bake a Betty Crocker cake and then I decorate it with homemade buttercream frosting. And I really don’t know WTF I’m doing!!!!

So I answer her…

ME: Ummm, no I cannot do that. I have made three cakes so far. Three. Period. I will totally F up your mom’s birthday cake.

But she begs and pleads and says she believes in me, and I cave.

ME: Fiiiine, I’ll TRY.

And then she tells me it needs to have an elephant on it. I’m like WTF? An elephant?!!! I mean a fish I could do. A snake? No problem. But an elephant?! That’s a crazy hard animal. I can’t even draw an elephant without making him look like a gray dog with male genitalia coming out of its face. Much less decorate a cake to look like one. But she twists my arm and tugs at my heart strings and I don’t know WTF I’m smoking, but I say okay.

Mistake #1 was saying yes. Mistake #2 was going to Pinterest to look at some elephant cakes that more successful, experienced, talented people who know what they’re doing have made. All I can think is oh crap, what have I gotten myself into. But I’m like nope nope nope, I promised her I would do this, and what’s the worst that can happen?  

1. She and her mom die of laughter when they see what I’ve made
   
2. I call up the bakery bawling my eyes out and beg them to make me a cake last minute

Anyways, after buying some premade fondant from Michaels, I immediately rush home to start making my elephant. I work on his head for like an hour.

Heyyy, not too shabby. So I make the body and pop the head on.

Plop. Plop. Oh crap. Apparently big ears and gravity don’t go together. Alrighty then, let’s try that again with smaller ears.

Only his head is a little lopsided so I decide to add a party hat, and you guys I have to tell you, I’m feeling pretty good at this point.

I mean sure, he looks like he comes from the island of misfits and if this thing came to life I’d freak the F out and run for my life, BUT he does look like an elephant. So I’m proud of my whacky pachyderm. But he’s wet, and I’m scared his ears are going to fall off again, so I google “how to make fondant dry quickly.” And I see TWO separate blogs telling me exactly what to do.

Put your fondant in the oven. Do NOT turn the oven on. Just turn the light on and leave it overnight. And yeah, this sounds really weird, but I see it in TWO separate videos so I’m like weird, but okay. So I put him in the oven with two juice glasses behind him to support his ears and I turn the oven light on and go about my day.

La la la la laaaaa. And then later I check on him.

NOOOOOOOOO!!!! I peek in the oven and my elephant has turned into an ele-puddle. WHHHHYYYYY????!!!!

And I’m having PTSD flashbacks to this day…

What is it with me and ovens?!!!

Apparently my oven light is like 200 degrees and I’m back to square one. But I’m not. Because at least now I know I can do it!! So may I present to you, drumroll please, badadadadadadadadaaaa, Elephant 2.0?!  

He’s rounder, he’s dryer, and he’s a little less cuckoo-looking!! I put him on a shelf in my closet where he can dry and no one will F with him and there are no ovens or lights or anything else that can melt/burn/eat/annihilate him. 

And then I made my cake and I plopped Mr. Elephant onto it.

Not perfect, but not too shabby. And when I show up to give it to my friend, she loves it (or at least pretends to) and asks how much she owes me. Ahhh yes, the awkward part. The exchange of money between friends. So I come up with what I think is a very fair price.

ME: $1

MY FRIEND: What?! No.

ME: Yup, that way I can say I sold a cake.

I sold a cake, people!!! It’s official, I am now a professional!!! Kinda sorta. 

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