I am going INSANE. Like literally, someone needs to strap me into a straight jacket and lock me in a padded cell WITHOUT any internet. And here’s why.
This week we sent Zoey to overnight camp, and while not having her around makes me feel like I’m missing a limb, that’s not why I’m going crazy. She wanted to go. I wanted to send her. So yes I miss her to death, but missing her is not what’s gonna send me to the loony bin. But I’ll tell you what is.
So every day at her camp, there’s this awesome photographer who goes around all day taking pictures of the campers, and then they post the pictures online for the parents to see. They do this for two reasons. One, so we can see what our money has paid for so we’ll keep wanting to spend bazillions of dollars on camp year after year. And two, so we won’t go too crazy missing our kids. Only the complete opposite is happening to me.
Because here’s the thing. They don’t post the pictures at one certain time of the day. They might post a batch at 10am and then they’ll add a few more at 12pm and then suddenly at 9pm like 40 more pictures appear. So I am CONSTANTLY checking the website. Like literally right after I typed that sentence, I went and checked it again.
And there are HUNDREDS of pictures, and your kid might be in front of the camera smiling ear-to-ear or she might be wayyyy in the background in a sea of other campers, and if you’re a desperate mom like me, you’ll comb through each and every picture searching for even the tiniest glimpse of your kiddo. Wait, is that her elbow? Do I see her ear behind that group? And you’re examining all the shoes and clothes to see if you recognize anything of hers. I shit you not. Like here are a few of the pictures I’ve found of Zoey.
And it gets worse. Because I am also constantly reading into each and every picture. Is she smiling? Is she frowning? Why is she hanging out with girls from another cabin? Is it because the girls in her own cabin don’t like her? Oh, there she is with a girl from her own cabin. Phew. And she’s wearing a bandana and another girl in her cabin is wearing a bandana. Maybe they’re friends! I am like a detective examining each and every picture to try to figure out how she is doing.
And then suddenly I log on at 4:00 (even though I just logged on at 3:52) and I stumble upon this picture.
Ohhhh shit, here comes the tailspin. Yup, I am about to hit rock bottom. This is a picture of Zoey on a paddle board in the lake. And I can see her cabinmates are also on paddle boards, only they all have two kids per paddle board and Zoey’s all alone.
WHAT POSSIBLY HAPPENED:
Zoey has always been a little afraid of water and didn’t want to share a paddle board with someone else because she needs to be in control, and the photographer took a candid shot while she was looking out at the water.
WHAT MY MIND INVENTS:
All the girls partnered up and Zoey asked one of them to be her partner and the girl said no in a bitchy way and now Zoey is stewing in anger and sadness and the rest of camp is going to be awful for her.
So I show my hubby the picture and tell him I’m worried. And he reminds me of alllllllll the pictures we’ve seen of her smiling and how this is literally just one moment of a long day and how it would be weird if she were smiling constantly. And I know he’s right. He’s right, right? Is he right? What if he’s wrong? Urrrghh, I don’t know. I’m back to tailspin mode. My mind is freaking out again.
And I literally don’t feel better until hours later (I’ve now checked the website 473 more times) when I jump on and see this…
Look, that’s someone’s hand on her shoulder!!! She must have a friend!
OMG, she had fun in the whipped cream battle!
And then this…
Look! She’s happy!!!!
And I’m at peace. For a few minutes at least.
Because then it’s back to driving myself crazy again. Like right now I just checked and they put up some Fantastic Friday pictures, but there are zero pictures of Zoey. So now I’m convinced she’s dead or missing and they just haven’t called me yet. Hopefully that’ll change when I check again in a few minutes. And by a few minutes, I mean seconds. Aww screw it, I’m checking now.
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