AND THEN THERE WAS THAT TIME MY FAMILY ALMOST KILLED EACH OTHER (you could WIN a TomTom GO 500!!)
So you know how we went to Boston a few weeks ago? Well, you are NOT going to believe how insane our ride back to the airport was. Seriously, it’s a miracle we made it back alive.
Wait, lemme back up a sec. So whenever we plan a trip, my husband and I stress out big time over which flights we should take. You gotta think about naps and bedtimes and having to wake up too early and dropping off rental cars and delayed flights and allllllllll kinds of annoying stuff.
So we were careful and booked our return flight late morning. Ennnnnh, bad idea. Because guess what. Late morning means you have to get to the airport mid morning. And mid morning means you are driving there early morning. And early morning means the highway is a parking lot full of commuters and if you’re staying at your friends’ house wayyyyyyy outside of Boston, IT SUCKS.
So that day we have to wake up at like zero o’clock in the morning but at least we can roll out of bed and into the car because I was smart enough to dress the kids in their clothes the night before. Yes, that means they’re dirty. And no, I don’t care. And we start driving to the airport.
La la la la laaaaaa.
ME: At this rate, we’re gonna be there super early.
HUBBY: Are you saying we’ll have time to shop at the duty-free shop?
ME: The only reason you asked that is so you could say the word doodie.
HUBBY: You’re ri–
Screeeeeeeeeech. (FYI, that is the sound of my husband slamming on the brakes because the 60 mph traffic suddenly comes to a complete stop)
ZOEY: Mommmmm, I have to go potty.
Of course you do.
ME: Can you hold it?
ZOEY: Noooo, I REALLY have to go.
HOLDEN: I have to go potty too.
ME: You’re just saying that because your sister did.
HOLDEN: Noooo, I REALLY have to go!!!!!
ZOEY: I HAVE TO GO POTTY!!!!
HOLDEN: ME TOO!!!!!!!
ZOEY: WAHHHHHHH!!!!
HOLDEN: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
ME: Well, this is pleasant.
HUBBY: What a nice vacation.
This goes on for another bazillion minutes as we slowwwwwwwly crawl along at a snail’s pace.
ME: Oh thank God, the sign says there’s a Starbucks at the next exit.
In 1.5 MILES!!!! Do you know what it’s like listening to two kids scream that they have to go potty for twenty-six minutes? I was soooo tempted to get out of the car and walk alongside it.
ME: Wherrrrre is the stupid exit?!!!
HUBBY: You know they don’t really have to go potty.
ME: But what if they do?
HUBBY: They don’t.
ME: But what if?
We finally get to the exit and pull off. And we drive, and we drive, and we drive.
This has got to be a joke. Where the heck is the Starbucks? Oh crap, what if the sign was wrong? Or this Starbucks closed or something? I didn’t think it was even possible to drive four miles without passing at least one Starbucks.
And not only are we driving wayyyyy off the highway to find a stupid bathroom I’m pretty sure no one really needs, but the other side of the road is like a parking lot and that’s the route we have to take to get back to the highway. I look at the clock. OMG, we left the house five hours early and we actually might not make our flight. No need to panic. I’ll just start taking it out on my husband.
ME: I told you we should have booked a later flight.
HUBBY: No, you didn’t. You said let’s book the cheapest.
Shoot, that sounds like something I would say.
We finally find the Starbucks and all go to the bathroom.
ZOEY: That’s funny, I only went like two drops!
HUBBY: (through gritted teeth) Holden didn’t have to go.
AGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!
We get back on the road, drive all the way back to the highway, and then we sit….. in…… traffic…. and……sit…….and………sit……and……..sit.
ME: We could get off the highway.
HUBBY: Okay.
ME: But my phone says to stay on.
HUBBY: Okay.
ME: Do you think it accounts for traffic jams?
HUBBY: I don’t know.
ME: Aggghhhhh, help me make a decision here!!! Why am I the only one trying to figure this out?!!! We are totally going to miss our flight.
HUBBY: If we do, we do.
ME: Not if we do, we do. If we do, we are going to have to pay like a thousand dollars or some astronomical amount to get on another flight!
After about ten more minutes of arguing, we hand each other divorce papers. Not really, but if there had been a lawyer in the car with us, we probably would have. And we eventually give up and just get off the highway because it’s not moving even though we have no idea where we’re going and we drive down dark alleys and through an area where bullets are whizzing by my window and I have no idea how but somehow we eventually end up at the airport just in time to sprint through crowds of people to get to the gate. Yes, we are those people.
And let me just say this. When you get on an airplane with two little kids, people kind of hate you already. When you hold up a whole airplane because you are getting on at the very last second with two little kids and there’s nowhere to put your bags so you have to walk them back up to the front and then the flight attendant tells the plane that you can’t take off yet until “everyone” is seated and she’s talking about you but your kids refuse to sit down because they are fighting over who gets to sit by the window, people seriously hate your guts and are tempted to throw you out the exit hatch.
Oh, and as soon as we push back from the gate, this happens.
ZOEY: I have to go potty.
HOLDEN: Me too.
And it’s bumpy so the seatbelt light never goes off the whole flight. Fun times.
Okay, so the irony of this story is just two days after it happened, I got an email from this nice lady at TomTom, the most kickass GPS unit ever. I’m like AGGGHHHHH, why didn’t you write to me four days ago before I almost killed my children and divorced my husband?!!! Anyways, she apologizes and sends me a GPS unit to try and it is AWESOMMMME and I am not giving it back. Do you hear me TomTom lady? I am never sending this back to you.
I mean I spend like 9 million hours (not a scientific number) on the road every week schlepping (uhh, I mean carefully transporting) my kiddos around and this thing has real-time traffic so it shows me the best way to get home faster because our town is like always doing roadwork and I really don’t want to be sitting in a traffic jam with my kiddos because, well, I think I already described to you what that’s like.
Oh, and the other day my husband decided to take the worst route ever to drive Zoey to a birthday party (You seriously think it’s a good idea to take the road that goes right past Costco on a Saturday??), and he wouldn’t believe me so I just flipped on the TomTom and it told him the same thing I was saying. Told you so.
Anyways, here’s the BEST part. My friends at TomTom also gave me a TomTom GO 500 to give away to one of you. Wahooooooo!!!! Just share this post and tell me what would you do if you could #GetHomeFaster with a TomTom.
It could be anything–doing 9,000 loads of laundry, shaving your legs for the first time in months, cleaning toothpaste out of the kids’ sink, surfing Facebook and shoveling chocolate into your face while the rugrats are at school, ANYTHING!!! I’ll randomly pick a winner from the comments so you could win a FREE TomTom Go 500!!! Comment here or on the Baby Sideburns Facebook page. Here are the official rules in case you’re bored and want to read something really boring. May the best mom (or dad or grandma or spinster crazy cat woman) win!
If you liked this, please don’t forget to like and share it. Thank you!!
Been there…feel your pain and so glad you survived! I don’t own a GPS but I do use my iPhone – WAZE has saved us from killing each other many times. But heck ya, a free TomTom, why not?
we are driving to the beach (9 hours) with a 16 year old, a 10 year old, and 8 MONTH OLD in August. Id like not to kill myself or anyone else, so yay….Free Tom tom 🙂
If I could #GetHomeFaster with a TomTom… err… um… more time to drink a whole glass of wine? Wait…
Bottle. You mean a whole Bottle of wine.
My husband said I suck as a navigator….and it’s true!
If I could get home faster, I would make a valiant attempt to get my house cleaned!
We were stuck last week coming home from TN in a similar situation with 2 whining kids…also, the hubby wanted to make just a few more exits before we stopped for gas…and of course the gas light came on. GPS would have been HANDY! lol
Ohh this sounds like us all the way. We have the horrible Seattle and Tacoma traffic before we can even get to the freeway. I am lucky my husband knows his way around the back roads, because I am so horrible with directions no joke. I will end us on some dead end road near cliff, and by that time, I am like okay well it is here already and I feel like it, cause I know I will get lost trying to find the d**n freeway again. I am new to WA state as I grew up and learned to drive in Cali, so I knew all the roads, freeways, back ways. I move here and have to learn everything all over, and its worse HERE, believe it or not, I hate the roads here. You can drive ten minutes off the freeway, and to get back you need to drive a super long road, or do a million turns. I HATE using my phone for directions, cause I never pay attention to the roads, will probably end up in a river or worse. I need GPS system for my huge 8 seater car, I am sure all the other people on the roads will thank you for that one too lol. I am a blonde in a new state, thats to d**n old to even care to learn the roads. Thank god for my auto pilot brain that knows how to get home from a certain point. I am so useless when it comes to navigation. I will LOOOOOOOOOVE you tons if you help me, and make my husband happy cause we don’t have to argue on the phone cause I got lost and can’t find Childrens Hospital or the airport, cause I turned off some road and can’t find my way back.
If I could get home faster I would build a blanket fort in the living room with my daughter and hide it while she watches The Lion King for the first time. 🙂
I’m Canadian so I guess I don’t qualify:( I read the rules.
Get home faster? How about just getting home??! The Maps on my cell phone doesn’t work when i don’t have cell service. Go figure. But getting home faster would let me chase my little munchkin around the coffee table a few extra times as she squeals in delight.
Well, my story about a trip to the airport is similar except it involves vomit. Do you know what Cheez-it vomit smells like? If I had a Tom Tom to get home earlier, I’d Google how to get smelly vomit out of my car seats.
Omigosh, if I could get home sooner, I might actually have enough time to, dare I dream, actually make and serve a somewhat decent meal for my kids to eat instead of something out of a box (Hello, KD!), help with homework, finally get that load of laundry out of the dryer i’ve been re-drying for the past few days because it keeps wrinkling from sitting there all day, and if I’m very lucky, maybe, just maybe, after the kids are off to bed, my husband and I can finally crack open that bottle of wine I’ve been dreaming about ever since my baby weaned herself off from the breast milk. Sigh…..a girl can dream, right?
But, sadly, I am also a Canadian, and therefore not lucky enough to qualify for this would-have-been-wonderful-to win, contest……
OMG! I live 20 min. north of Boston. I KNOW this traffic! Not fun. I just LOVE the way you put to words, experiences I’ve had sitting in traffic with my 2 little ones…..Can COMPLETELY relate! And what’s this, TomTom can help, i’m in! If I could get home faster, I would….be a happier person, not as cranky!!!! I simply hate traffic.
I also suck with the navigation…not sure why as I am old enough to have been driving since before GPS was a thing
I am in the car 3 hours a day on average fighting crazy rush hour traffic. I could really use a TomTom to find the fastest way home. It’d be nice to have a dedicated device instead of having to juggle my phone when stopped in traffic.
I feel your pain. Been there more times than I can count! Don’t get me started on the air travel…currently sitting on the runway in Indy after a 5 hr delay and a cancelled flight, ARGH!!! I should have driven…if only I had a Tom Tom
“I have to go potty.” Seriously the worst words a parent can hear in the car. Ugh. If I had a kick-a*s Tom-Tom to get me home faster it would give me extra time to have one more glass of wine during the kids bathtime!
You are hilarious. 🙂
Take a nap on the sofa while the kids destroy the living room around me.
I would SAY that what I would do would be to clean the kitchen or PLAY with my kids but in reality, I would probably sit on my a*s and stare at the computer while I shove food in my face.
#gethomefaster so I can get out of car and stop the constant looping of calliou/Elmo on the car dvd entertainment system. I can’t take it anymore !
Would love to win!! just went through this!! ugh crazy
I would get my poor daughter to bed before 9:00 p.m.
Why oh why is it always “I have to pee”
I just took a trip to visit my parents with just me, my 3 year old, and my 9 month old on a plane and I totally feel you. No one wanted to sit by us. It was totally obvious. Glad we both survived.
If I could #GetHomeFaster with a TomTom I would spend it cleaning. And by cleaning I mean cleaning out the DVR.
You have more patience then I! Mad respect
Not divorce my husband arguing about directions! Maybe do a load of dishes or read a book!
If I could #GetHomeFaster, that means I can start dinner earlier… get done with dinner earlier… finish cleaning up earlier… get the kids showered and in bed earlier… finish reading to them earlier… And crossing that finish line earlier means more time for WINE and NETFLIX!
Omg I could maybe take a hot shower and shave my legs If I could #GetHomeFaster!!!
So I commute about 40 miles every day into Newton which is close to Boston… For the past 7.5 years.. I brought my son (who was an angel…firstborn they trick us!!!)to work with me for 5 yrs and now he is in 2nd grade and now I bring my daughter who is 22 months (and a sassy cranky girl!) along with me.. We leave our house at the a*s crack of dawn every day.. 545am!! Just to get to Newton for 730… My father comes over to watch my son and get him to before care at the school because we leave so early that there isn’t even a day care option that is open at that hour! So my daughter and I sit in awful traffic three days a week and completely feel your pain! I use waze which is ok… BUT not as wonderful as your TOm Tom sounds!!! What I would do if I had a Tom Tom … Jesus im not even sure… Perhaps be able to get dinner on the table before my sons bed time because by the time I pick him up and cook it’s always hurry and eat so you can shower and go to bed….yea because that sounds fun! Haha or maybe selfishly I would have saved enough time to go pick up sushi and shove it down my throat before I picked my son up lol anyway I wanted to say I love reading your stories!! Thanks so much for sharing pieces of your life with us!!!!
We are taking a 1 year old and 3 year old on a 14 hour drive from Ohio to Massachusetts this summer, with my darling hubby navigator that is 110% sure he knows exactly where we are going because we went there before. The “before” ended up being a total of 21 hours, 2 blow outs (1 tire and 1 diaper), a handful of temper-tantrums, and a gazillion “I gotta peeeeeeeee”s from the potty training 3 year old. X_X If I could get home faster, I would have more time to hide in the bathroom and cry/drink/sleep before our normal schedule starts back up.
I would be able to get past all of this horrible Tampa Bay traffic and not have kidlets asking “are we there yet?” fifty freaking million times. Also I might actually get to eat dinner on time for once AND be able to bathe my children at night before bed so they’re not the stinky kids, since they so helpfully love to play in dirt at daycare.
So funny! This is why I’m terrified of flying with my almost 3 year old!!!! Thanks for the laugh and always making me feel normal. Now give me the d**n TomTom!
I love your blog! You always seem to say what every mom is thinking ~ thanks for giving us a voice!
I am usually the navigator, so I would put this Tom Tom in my husband’s car. How he gets anywhere without me know, I have no idea. Hopefully I can program it to have a naggy voice just like mine, to make him more comfortable.
I travel for work, and even without kids – I have the same internal discussion in my head – what time do I have to leave the hotel to make sure I don’t miss my flight?! I can imagine with little kids…that has to be a nightmare!
If I could get home faster…I’d actually attempt to make dinner.
Enjoying my Starbucks iced coffee at home on my back deck while reading a book instead of HAVING to drink it in the car before the ice melts! Lol I dunno though, at least in the car it doesn’t matter if the kids ask for a sip, there is no possible way I can hand the cup back to them safely….. Hmmm LOL
My husband would love this because he drives a bunch by himself and it could tell him where to go!
I would go potty BY MYSELF. Alone but not lonley
If I could get home faster I would have more time to read my baby sideburns book 🙂
I will do absolutely anything to not get stuck in traffic–we were stuck for FOUR hours trying to get to our vacation house a couple of years ago with a 4 year old and a 2 year old. At least the 2 year old was still in diapers. HELL on earth. What would I do?? I like stuffing my face with chocolate, but perhaps I would go shopping…by MYSELF.
Once we got stuck for an hour and a half in a mall parking lot. no s**t. It was crazy.
If I could #gethomefaster I might actually be able to get things done around the house like pick it up,put away the 10,000 loads of laundry and maybe just maybe relax… Ya right who am I kidding relax with twin 5yr olds and police officer hubby who is never home!
I always use the Waze app on my phone, but u think this Tom Tom thing is way better!
Ha we live in Dallas so I feel your pain. We fight in the car ALL the time. Like I don’t even like leaving the house as a family anymore. And really, why do kids wait exactly two minutes before telling you they have to potty. Grr!
*I* not U. Argh.
If I could get home faster Id put my kids to bed quicker. Because after being stuck with them in a car for an extended period of time and I’m pretty positive they’d be the biggest douchenuggets everrrrrr, Id want them in bed asap!!! And then Id plop my b**t on the couch and veg out on tv until my eyes bled. #gethomefaster
I live in Boston. I think I heard your kids yelling from my house (I am THAT close to the highway.) I NEVER #GetHomeFaster but if I did, I could catch up on Baby Sideburns….. and maybe find out about this Game of Thrones show everyone is talking about.
Boston traffic sucks!! And we just drive 24 hours to Florida from NH with a two year old and a five year:/
If I could #gethomefaster with a TomTom I would spend extra time with my hubby after we put our little guy to bed. Deployments get in the way of extra time. Or I would pack up the little one and meet the hubby in a few ports so deployments don’t seem so long.
Can I use it to find the longest route so I get more solitude??
Planning on driving 800 miles for vacation with 6 kids (2 under age 2). If I could get there faster, I would be able to relax for the first time in 21 years and get the kids to a potty faster. Love your posts, you don’t sugar coat anything!!
I would sleep… With a 2 month old at home, that isn’t happening often, but with a little extra time… oh yeah… the naps I would take.
If I could get home faster with the use of the TomTom, I would have more time to step on Legos my toddler forgot to pick up. Then go soak in the tub!
I’d take a nap!
We are driving across the country this summer with my almost 6 year old and my 15 month and my husband asked me last night if I thought we would survive as a family. Not getting lost because we had a tomtom would definitely help.
Wine, I would have a glass of wine. I mean a bottle, I never only drink a glass. I’m a bottle (or box) kind of girl!
If I could get home faster from a vacation, we live in FL and drive to PA to visit family all over the state, I would relax, because vacations especially visiting family can be stressful. LOL
If I could get ANYWHRE faster I’d scream/cry/laugh like a crazy person. I’ve got 3 little girls under the age of 4 and with my husband in the Marines we move a lot. We currently live in the middle of no where on recruiting duty where I have to drive at least an hour to go to Target!….. I’d laugh as I drive my happy a*s to Target with a GPS that recognizes all these back country roads and doesn’t tell me I’m not on a map/road.
Congratulations Kris!! You are the winner of the TomTomGO 500!!! Please do NOT reply to me here. Please send me an email at babysideburns2@gmail.com this week and include your mailing address, email and phone number so they can get you your prize. So excited for you!!
I would be able to #GetHomeFaster another time. This time I would use the TomTom to escape our five kids so my husband and I can get the heck outta dodge. Recharge! Reboot! Actually eat a hot meal without getting up from the table 10,000 times and by the time you get back your food is a cold, dead, hockey puck. Please release me from the confines of our home!!!!
If I could spend that time doing anything, it would have to be sleeping while drinking wine. Kids would have to be somewhere—anywhere else. And yes, I could figure out the wine and sleeping scenario somehow 🙂
I might still have my sanity if i could #gethomefaster This is the story of my life! We just drove to Florida from PA (supposed to be 19 hours) – the way down was great…the way home not so much! My 5yr old was great as long as he had his electronics, my 2 year old was hungry for everything we didn’t have/couldn’t get and about half way she started SCREAMING and crying bc she wanted yogurt and hot dogs (barf!). Meanwhile my 8 month old, who just started crawling before we left, has been screaming since I buckled him in his car seat bc all he wants to do is move around…like NON STOP uncontrollable CRYING FOR about 24 of what turned into 27 hour ride home thanks to insane traffic from Washington DC to Pennsylvania! We could NOT get around it even with 2 cell phone map apps (1 apple, 1 android), the in cart navigation system, and my husband’s I don’t even know what brand work GPS… so I could TOTALLY use this! It would be awesome to actually see how to get around traffic! Please pick me so I can keep my sanity!
If I could get home faster I would have more time to spend with my kiddos between helping with their homework, getting supper, bedtime routine, and then off to my homework. We might actually have time to play!
I would binge watch even more Netflix. My needs are simple.
We take a road trip every summer with the kids…all 5 of them!! Ages 1 up to 15…And the husband. Believe me, there have been many trips I thought I’d come back a little “light” on passengers. Lol
Traffic is horrible as it is but add 4 kids in there and it’s enough to make the sweetest person turn evil crazy eyes! Free time (what’s that?!)… Lay in bed and binge watch a Netflix show!
We drove from MidlandTx to California over Christmas break to watch our son March in the tournament of roses parade. He flew with the band while my husband and I drove with our other three kids. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that e experience. Let’s just say by the grace of God everyone is alive.
I would spend it with family? Isnt that what lifes all about? Happiness, which for me is family 🙂 i may not have kids yet, but after reading your stuff, im sure im gonna love it 🙂
If I could get home faster, I would have more time to play outside with the kiddos and prepare something other than chicken fingers for dinner!
If I could get home earlier, I would spend more time with my husband. Or I would spend more time watching TV with or without my husband. Just be home more.
I have five month old who will be going to an airport, a plane, and California all for the first time in one day. I would never make this trip unless it was very important-we have an elderly family member there whom she has never met. This won’t be happening until she can get her MMR vaccine so not for a while yet but I’m already stressing about it. If I had that Tom Tom I could not only make it to the airport on time but I could navigate the Los Angeles traffic! What would I do with my extra time? SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP. Thank you.
With a tom-tom we would be able to solve (and maybe avoid) our route/traffic disagreements 🙂
One less battle would be nice!
Heck yeah! I’d love a TomTom!
If I could #gethomefaster I would binge watch the shows I never get to watch anymore 🙂 plus I suck at navigating and this would be a lifesaver!
I have got lost like a MILLION times and totally deserve a GPS! Thanks to my bad road memory.Also, if I #GetHomeFaster I’m going to take a nap before my 7 month old wakes up!
There is nothing worse than being trapped in the car with kids… One of our 5 hour trips home from vacation turned into 11 hours, & I think I have PTSD from it :-p
And all I want to do if I make it home faster is sit on the couch & watch my favorite shows that I missed while on “vacation” 😉
Time is precious. I’d spend it drinking wine and reading magazines
My husband, Arnie, got us lost in north Mississippi once with his “ArnieArnie” directional intuition, which, he swore, was much more accurate than a TomTom would be. WRONG! Would I ever get home again to Oklahoma, or would I forever be forced to eat Slugburgers in Corinth, Mississippi? (Yes, the Slugburger is a real thing.) Once again, this summer we will travel that same route, and a TomTom would be such an improvement over the ArnieArnie. Please help me to get home faster so I can eat a real burger!
OMG what I would give to get around Houston traffic with ease!! I too deal with the I gotta potty when we hit traffic!
If iI could get home faster I would… Not get home faster, I would find a faster route to the nearest target or starbucks and have an extra 15 – 20 minutes to myself. Alon!!
If I could get home faster I would take a nap. I’d be like Mommy is going to go clean her room and go lay down for 20 minutes while the kiddo watches tv. Yeah, that sounds awesome.
If I could #GetHomeFaster with a TomTom I would hand the kids over to their father and I would take a nap! In Las Vegas traffic it is always rush hour!
So, I drive almost 3,000 miles per month. Literally. I am an in-home therapist for early intervention and I am convinced that at least 1,000 of those miles are because my car gps hates me and gets a sick joy out of taking me the LONGEST and most congested route possible. So, if I got home faster I would enjoy the fact that I was actually able to see my kids more than just to kiss them good night.
I would totally use this thing everyday since I constantly get lost if I try to go new places!
I would seek in a 20 minute power nap if I got home faster!!
Thanks for all the laughs 🙂 I do live in Boston and have almost missed plenty of flights it’s horrible traffic! It’s even worse on my commute after work. It’s harder now that I’m 6 months pregnant and I’m the one saying I have to go potty peopleee. If I could get home faster I would definitely enjoy my commute a bit more and probably, actually definitely, be more productive and cook dinner for the fam instead of always deciding on pasta because it’s easy.
if I could #gethomefaster with a Tom Tom I would finally hang up all of our picture frames and wall decorations that have been sitting in our closet since we moved 3 months ago!!
You are so kind to allow others to laugh at your pain! I would clean up dog p**p, do laundry, clean the house and read something on the TBR pile!
If I could #GetHomeFaster I might actually make it home without stopping to puke from my extreme carsickness. How sucky is it that mom is the reason we can’t go without stopping and the kids are complaining that we have to stop again so mom can puke????????
I would just try to get home. On time. Lol!
I would have more time to clean up after my 5 kids and 2 (rescue) dogs. And chase the 12 chickens that seem to always get out of their stupid pin. And maybe have a glass of wine after I work so diligently at remaining calm! Love ur blog!!!!
If I could #GetHomeFaster with a TomTom, I would actually have time to clean out my kids drawers to take out the winter clothes and put in the summer clothes! It’s only May right???
OK this Nana MUST win the Babysideburns Tom Tom Go 500 (even though I never heard of it before this post). The question is what would I do with the extra time gained by using it – or something like that? Well I must confess it would not be for me – well it sorta would be cuz I’m the one that would save time by having my directionally challenged daughter using it. Whatever that part of the brain is that controls ones sense of space and time is kinda missing with daughter #2. I have been receiving driving phone calls for the last 19 years from her. Typical questions… “Where am I? Which way is east? Why are there so many cars on the highway at 7:30 a.m.?” Well you must speak HER language in order to have a chance of getting to her destination. “Go straight past Target, turn right at the next Starbucks, left at that yogurt place you love and if you pass Bloomingdales, you went too far.” While following those directions, at least 3 more calls will come in. This scenario may occur up to 3 times a day x 19 years which comes to… too many years! I’m getting way too old for this crap and that Tim Tim or whatever you call it sounds like it would save me a lot of time which might add a few more retirement years to my life
Period and crazy face emoji missing at the end of my post!
Not to mention my 16 year old daughter just started driving so I would give it to her so she couldn’t use the “I got lost” excuse
If I could #GetHomeFaster with a TomTom I could possibly have enough time for an ENTIRE bottle of wine, never mind just a glass!!!
I would like to say I would clean my house or do laundry but it would prob turn into reading more baby sideburns and scarymommy and Facebook.
I would love to #Gethomefaster because there’s nothing I hate more than when there’s construction or an accident that puts me off my route & I have no clue where I am! Add to that a screaming toddler & it makes mommy want to scream along with him!
yeah that… that central artery construction we suffered through did not do all that much to improve life in Boston since it really did not speed us up through the city… besides, there are all those bottle-necks and splits outside the city so as always, if you are bad with timing you STILL crawl most of the way… I love Tom-Toms and used to have one but somebody broke into my car and deprived me of it…. The sad truth is that if I got home a few minutes early I would probably do nothing but listen to my heart beat go from pounding to silence inside my head…. (and then go back up when everyone arrives)
OMG how his Tom Tom would save my life?!?!? My 4 month old hates the car. Anytime were in the car he cries so much and so hard. It gives me and my 2yo so much anxiety. We recently moved to San Diego and occasionally we like to visit my mom in la 2.5 hours away, because she had multiple strokes since we’ve moved. If this tom Tom can help me get to la quicker and avoid traffic while being in the car with a screaming 4mo and a over stimulated toddler, I’d take it. It makes it hard for me to wanna drive anywhere even to the target 8mins away. However not seeing my mom is not an option in her condition. I’d like to go more often but baby and long car rides is a no go. (I’d love to win)
With a road trip from WI to Houston TX next year, a new GPS would save me enough time to NAP. But the “I told you so” moments on diresctions would be priceless.
If I could #GetHomeFaster with a TomTom I’d be able to give my older son a bit more attention (he just became a big brother and needs some extra hugs!)
#GetHomeFaster will be amazing. It means I get to pickup the kids earlier from daycare and get them fed earlier and don’t have to listen to them scream “I’m hungry 5 million times.”
I would have more time to read I Heart My Little A-Holes
Know what I’d do??? I’d go to every stinking thrift shop I could find…I live in a town with no stop lights….yea for me..hence my sarcasm. Small town PROBLEMS Military wife looking for fun!!!
If I could #GetHomeFaster I would get a few peaceful moments with my 9 month old before dinner/bedtime meltdown which occurs immediately following my entry in the door. Also wine.
This is my travel story: we live in NY and were on our way to FL. We arrived at the airport a day late. Yes, a day late. My husband booked the wrong day and I never saw the itinerary. Just went on what he said. The story starts when we arrive. So, there we are…6:00am family of five and my babysitter at JFK all ready to go to FL on vaycay. My three kids are 5 1/5 yo, 4 yo and 1 yo. My husbands bolts to park the car while I check us in. The JetBlue lady tells me we missed our flight…by a day!
She is very nice and takes us inside, straight to the JetBlue counter. The people behind the counter tell me…”Well, we have seats on the next flight this morning. That’ll be $2500!” LOL LOL LOL. Right???!!!! My husband is still parking the car and I call him on the phone…told him to get his a*s back and that he is in a s**t load of trouble and he’d better have 2500 bucks! (We don’t but I’m pissed and screaming in the phone and at the same time trying to keep the kids in check!)
Well, the JetBlue people say, “Let’s see what they can do.” All of the sudden three people are huddled around a computer…typing away. Lord only knows. Probably Candy Crush. Anyway, the price magically goes down to $50 a person for the flight change. AWESOME…but wait. I asked them if they would play along with me so I could get my husband back and they did!
He came to the counter all charged, we all started talking at once, he started yelling and then finally, someone screamed April Fools…only it was August.
What was almost a divorce story turned into a funny story. JetBlue people rock, too. I love companies that do their best to help us have a better travel experience!
I absolutely love your posts, they help me get over my baby fever really quickly (my husband says thank you!)
I love a TomTom so I could have backup when I tell my husband he’s absolutely going the wrong way for the 4,000,000,000th time
Girl… I feel you. We flew to Boston then drove to the CT shore last summer… We are not taking a vacation this summer. Sorry kiddos, Mommy can’t hang. I would love to get home from work earlier and see those crazy little buggers an extra 5 mins each day before they go to sleep. That would make my life. #gethomefaster
If I could #gethomefaster I would totally be putting the kids to bed and having a huge glass of wine with the hubby since we almost kill each other each time we’re in the car…
#gethomefaster with a tomtom means me trying to sneak in some alone time before the three kiddos wake up just to find they have already woken up early and are greeting me at the car door after work 🙂
That is the reason i always put a pull-up on my 4 year old when we travel or are in the car longer than 45 minutes… She rarely “uses” it, but it’s nice to have when she does!! One less thing for me to stress over (especially since I always travel with my daughter alone) 🙂 Winning a TomTom would really save me when we have to make the 3 hour trips to my parents and there always seems to be traffic and constructions on the route I decide to take!! Would love to actually make it in the 3-hours it’s supposed to take…. Great blog! You always crack me up!!
if i could get home faster with the tomtom i wouldnt be sitting on the side of a random road in the middle of nowhere because my phones gps closed and wouldnt reopen because it hates me i wouldnt be loooost!
If I got home sooner, I’d have time to walk around thinking about all the things I now have time to do and being indecisive until I ran out of time to do any of them 🙂
We are going to a wedding out of state next month and this would be a huge help to save our marriage as well.
I would tell my kids they can’t watch another show and that they need to pick up their rooms for the hundredth time.
If I could #GetHomeFaster with a TomTom I would get into yoga pants immediately, get the kids to bed at a decent time and then watch something on Netflix with my husband that is “intended for mature audiences only” (No, not p**n–get your head out of the gutter!).
If I could #gethomefaster, I would take the time to actually complete a Pinterest project!
We will be driving from South Florida to New York City in July with 4 kids ages 4-17. In a vehicle that sits 3 of them in one row together. And I almost forgot to mention the car sickness several members of the family suffer. I’m sure we will all make it there in all the vacation excitement, but the ride home will be dicey at best. Yay!
If I had a TomTom I would have more time to vacuum up more dog hair.
#gethomefaster to drink wine!!
I would make dinner (actually, watch TV) in the time I’d save.
There was that time traffic was SO BAD I called my husband at work to direct me through traffic using the traffic feature on Bing maps… it still took me a million hours to get home, and I wanted to make dinner (actually, sit and watch TV and THEN make dinner) before everyone got home. Sadly, I only had time to ACTUALLY make dinner before everyone got home. SOOO disappointing.
Omg, I LOVE you!
I don’t drive much, but my husband drives from the Capital (Denver) to home (40 miles) every day. He sometimes takes 2 hours to get home! If we won this, he could get home sooner and ACTUALLY make dinner some nights! Wouldn’t that be something?
Bwah hah hah…love the part about the divorce papers. We have all had the same fight in the car. If I had more time I would…read a book, take a bath…work out…Nah! Do laundry, clean and have time to sort socks.
We had a very similar experience recently. We were staying in the DC suburbs and were 3 miles away when my 4 yr old had to pee. My husband opts to not use the EZ for “just 3 miles”.. well 45 minutes later were at the hotel cleaning pee out of the car seat…Real time traffic would very much make our lives more pleasant because we also have a one year old and doing this all over again might just kill me 😉
My three year old hates being in the car…thus I hate being in the car with him. If I had a TomTom, I would enjoy the quiet and not want to stab myself in the eye with a pencil when I have my youngest child in the car!
If I could #GetHomeFaster with TomTom I would pee by myself with no kiddos or dog!!
I would love a Tom Tom!
If I got home early using TomTom, I would change out of my work clothes (score!) before our hostage, err nanny, ran out the door and I might even get outside and enjoy some sunshine before starting the family dinner debate. Send me that TomTom!!
I’d say take a small trip if I won – let the TomTom plan it all out.
If I could #GetHomeFaster, I could actually cook a better, creative meal for my severely food allergenic (I’m talking top 7 and then some) kids. It’s already pretty impossible to feed ‘nutritious’ meals to a picky 1 and 3-year-old, so when they have so many limitations, takes it to a whole new level of holy shiet especially when I’m racing to and from work to get them from two different daycares, at rush hour in the morning and in the evening. That leaves me about 30 minutes or less to get a quick, allergy-friendly meal on the table that they won’t throw across the room (1 year old) or make a face and say ‘It’s too spicy.’ (3 year old), which means she won’t eat it. (We tell her our wine is too spicy when she asks for some, lol). Hubby travels 3 weeks out of every month. Kill me.
Never use Bostons airport, use providence so easy no traffic sometimes cheaper. We drove from Rhode Island to Florida in April with a nine year old, six year old, and three week old.. If it wasn’t for waze we may have killed each other… Did I mention we drove straight through both ways…. Yea we are stupid!!!
I would love one….this would keep us from getting lost and Columbus and experience the same thing you experienced!!! PLEASE!! 😀
If I had a Tom Tom and got home earlier, I would be able to hide all the junk food I bought at the store without my children and husband finding out and would finally be able to dole it out over the week instead of it getting scarfed down the first two days! Oh, but I would know where it was, so maybe not!
Tom Tom will save my marriage and have my 15 yr old just a front seat passenger, instead of a crappy navigator/front seat passenger.
If i could #gethomefaster I would use my extra time to work on walking and standing l with my 3 year old son who has cerebral palsy so that he can get stronger so he can interact with kids much easier.
Oh my gosh, this sounds like nightmares I had about being stuck in traffic & kids or myself having to go to the bathroom! What would I do… sleep ALOT!! 🙂 Your site is great!
If I could #GetHomeFaster I would be able to actually eat dinner at a reasonable hour (translation- get the kids in bed early so mommy can sit on the couch and have a glass of wine). Also, we are going on a 15 hour road trip this summer with a 3 year old and a 1 year old so this device would be a lifesaver- literally!
If I could #gethomefaster I wouldnt have to hear the kids make it to the last bottle of “root beer ” on the wall
I would take a nap!!!!
It’s so nice to hear I’m not the only mom who goes through the same crap!! Making our annual Florida trip this December, already dreading finding the nearest bathroom for my 3 and 6 year old and by then we will have a 6 month old, yay! Not to mention the nearest gas, couldn’t tell you how many times my phone has taken us to oil drums (if that’s even what they’re called), really awesome when your gas light is on. A TomTom would make the 20 hour drive so much easier!
Relax!!!! 🙂
I would solve world hunger. Or drink more wine. Or both!
thats great..my gps on my phone shows me there is traffic but doesnt tell me how to get the heck around it!! sometimes though, i’m really lucky my 2 year old is still in diapers lol. we dont have to deal with this quiet yet. haven’t been on a plane yet but im terrified
Actually get the baby to bed before she has a meltdown!
If I could #GetHomeFaster with a TomTom, I might get to prop my feet up.
This would be awesome because I could plug TomTom in and play on my phone without worrying about messing the directions up. Oh…and then my husband would stop calling me CorCor when I tell him where to turn. Is there a s**y man voice on it?
If I could #gethomefaster I would take a nap while the kids destroy the house because I’m seriously exhausted and running on no sleep at the moment.
Maybe clean my house a little?
Free Tom Tom would leave me time for a well deserved nap.
If I could get home faster… It would give me more time to kiss the hell out of my 3 month old baby boy while my 6 year old rugrat was at school… Because you know I can’t smooch the sh*t out of him while she’s around!!
I would sleep.
The Tom Tom GPS would allow me to get out of St. Louis and Memphis faster and I could really have a decent dinner without being overly exhausted #GetHomeFaster
The only gps I have is on my crappy boost mobile phone. It randomly tells me ‘gps signal lost’ throughout my trip, especially when the area Im in is super busy and confusing and we are almost late to which ever appointment. If I win the tomtom I might not get lost going around the block (happens sometimes in unfamiliar areas) (and by sometimes, I mean every time!) Which means I will not be stuck stressed out driving in circles with 3 kids fighting like rabid dogs. I will get home faster so they can fight like rabid dogs at home, which is waaayyy better!
#GetHomeFaster
Omg, a TomTom would be amazing for my life. I live in the city where every destination I need to get to is on the corner of road construction and bumper to bumper traffic. Seriously, it’s that bad! That real time update thingy would allow me extra time to shave my legs in the morning, paint my nasty toenails, put on make up AND do my hair in the morning, wash my jeans instead of settling for the sniff test, drink an extra cup of coffee, or any other task busy women put off because they don’t have enough d**n time! Pick me, pick me!
So…. we were on our way home in the country from the big city hahaha. And we’ll lexi (4) had to pee but as a trained her for emergencies to pee on side of road ahead couldn’t do it so close to the main road and had to go on a gravel road way out of way. Soni figured instead of going back to main road to just continue west and eventually would hit the Second cement road near my house I call my husband Google map does not even get close enought to tell you dirt road names at this point 4 year old lexi is screamING that she will never see her grandma again because we are lost and I am like shUT up I need to get hone before I go into labor oh I didn’t tell you I’m like 9 months pregnant and in extreme Stat of being exhausted of driving. ….. I kept driving west for like 2 hours and find a road that’s number and decided to go north. …… omg must been fate it was my house road but like miles south of my house howbi ended up south of my house I will never care to know.
I commute 60miles a day. My hubby a paramedic is gone every third day, so it’s all on me. If I could get home even 10 minutes faster, I’d steal a few extra kisses, maybe work in one of those 7min yoga class, and heck warm up food in the oven instead of the microwave!
If I could get home faster…. I’d sit and read while pretending it’s calm and serene around me,and nobody is biting, pushing, or throwing a tantrum.
I would avoid fights with my husband. This post seriously sounded like us.
If I could #GetHomeFaster it would give me more time to clean the house, exercise, and make fantastic meals for my family! (accompanied by a glass of wine or three)
If I could get home faster….I’d actually make a meal for my family without involving a microwave!
yes, i completely understand the we handed each other divorce papers part, especially when we’re traveling, and lost, and he wont ask for directions
Oh how timely this would be! I’m driving 15 hours alone with a 3 year old and a 4 year old at the end of June. I’m already gritting my teeth at the idea of unexpected construction work or other delay that will wake my children up the minute I hit the breakes! Help me. 🙂
If I got home early I’d get to have an extra glass of wine!
I would get home faster to relax with the family.
I would only like to get home faster if it’s a day that my husband is working from home and the kids are still in school!
On our way back from a family visit 9 hours deep, our old GPS hijacked us and added 5 hours onto our journey. We no longer have a GPS.
We’re planning on doing a 6 hour trek to go camping with Family in July. Last year when we went camping with family, my navigator (my boyfriend) missed our turn and we drove 2 hours around a mountain in PA for no reason.
We could really use a new GPS… but we live in Canada.
Omigosh that is hilarious! I can say that from the quiet of my bedroom but I have 4 of my own and have been there, done that! If I could get home faster I might actually make dinner fresh, not frozen or from a box!! https://twitter.com/Trasina/status/603751763414487040
#gethomefaster, by finding all the secret passage ways, side streets and any unconventional way home. TRAFFIC IS THE PITS! TOMTOM RULES!!!
I cant get home fast enough from dropping the kiddo off at daycare on my day off from work so I can clean the carpets before the hubby gets back home with said child late morning
I love you and your book!! I would also love a tomtom!
If I got home faster, I’d have time to relax. Who am I kidding? I’d do laundry or dishes, lol
If I could #gethomefaster with TomTom Go, I would probably watch more episodes of whatever show I’m currently binge-watching, all at an ear piercing volume so I can hear it over all 4 of my boys.
If I could get home faster with a TomTom, I would eat a scoop of ice cream. And then when my girls get home from school, I would eat another scoop with them.
Iiiiiiiiiwould consult with TomTom and then lure the tinys into a small sugar induced pre diabetic coma (purely for travel time) and while arguing with the soon to be ex husband, I would cleverly knock him out with anyone of the little’s solid a*s toys that HAVE to be filling the floorboards because what’s a road trip without umpteen million things you don’t f*****g need??? Particularly objects of attention that fail to do their ONE job.bthen travel in style for the next seven minutes until you arrive at your destination with two days’s ago Jammie’s, last years hairdo, today severely bad breath, tomorrow regret, and the body fluids of all passengers??? Sounds like a good a*s f*****g time!!!
If I could get home faster… It would be too totally have some wine!!! And a shower… And pee alone…with the wine
3yearold & 4mth
Love your stories. I can so relate to you and your family. Have been in many of the same situations with our kids and now with our grandkids who stay with us for extended periods of time. I have schlepped and slopped and slipped and flipped and ripped and been on the verge of insanity many times. Thank you for making me laugh out loud!!!!
If I could #GetHomeFaster I would take a nap.
Make supper…instead of doing take out 😉
I would be able to spend more quality time with my family or meet with the girls and not be late because I was stuck in traffic. The ladies know that if I am running late that when I get there I will be frazzled soooo the martini is waiting for me :). (Great friends)
We go through this every year when we drive to Florida. I so feel your pain!!
I would definitely use that time to do something for myself!, like checking email, scrolling FB, and eating ice cream in front of the tv….#gethomefaster
Because someone broke into my car and stole my GPS (even though it was out of sight hidden in the console) I had to sign up with On Star because I am directionally challenged, only On Star sucks cause it takes forever because it drops calls or says it will send directions to your car, only it doesn’t and then I an driving around in circles waiting gas and time trying to figure out where to go while I call On Star back….insanely frustrating. So yeah, Tom Tom not only #gethomefaster but #gethomeperiod
We just moved so I would unpack some more boxes.
If I could #gethomefaster with TomTom, my daughter could use, or not use (because honestly, it’s like Schrodinger’s bladder every time she claims she has to potty while we’re in the car), her own bathroom instead of having to find a semi-decent public bathroom and rush to yank to the folding potty seat out and set it up on the hopefully-cleaned-in-the-last-week toilet, only for her spend ten minutes deciding if she really has to go, then sanitizing the potty seat, folding it back up, getting it stowed away within the five seconds before she opens the stall door and starts telling me “I can’t reach the water in the sink!!!!” (Is it too much to ask for a stool in bathrooms so a three year old can reach the water?) Basically, if I could get home faster, I’d maintain some of my sanity…maybe.
If I could #GetHomeFaster with a TomTom, honestly, I’d probably lock the kids (and husband, quick before he beats me to it!) out of my bedroom and take a frikkin’ nap!!
Yep, pretty much us everytime we are on on the road!
If I could #GetHomeFaster, I would probably lay on the couch and watch TV. Not going to lie and pretend I would be productive haha.
If I could #GetHomeFaster, I’d totally catch up on your blog and re-read your book! Maybe even in the bathroom. ALONE!
I would spend more time “pooping”. Cause it’s the only time I get to myself. I surf the net, read magazines. I’m “pooping” right now. #GetHomeFaster
I could enjoy the peace and quiet before the kids get home & well….have that chocolate you mentioned without having to share it.
If I could #GetHomeFaster, it would give me just enough time to turn around and have to #leavehouseslower
If I could #Get Home Faster I’d have more time to listen to my son complain about how there is NOTHING to do at home. Should be a fun summer 🙂
If I could #gethomefaster I would want to read a book. By myself. And not a kids one. But likely I’d do something one would consider necessary rather than enjoyable, like laundry or dishes…
Traveling makes for good stories! If I had the Tom Tom to get home earlier, I would relish 5 minutes of quiet and be a much better mom when I pick up my kids at daycare.
I don’t think we have made it through a road trip without yelling at each other…
You are the best… Thank you for being awesome!!!
If I won, I would spend more time reading your blogs… They make my day!
Sometime I wonder if driving 1200 miles with 5 kids and nursing the youngest is what finally made me fall into the “i don’t care what you do to each other as long as you don’t kill each other” phase of parenting!
we are actually doing exactly this scenario in 1 month. 11 am flight from boston, staying at a place 2 hours away. for the record, even with your TomTom you would not have gotten there faster. the ONLY way to possibly navigate through boston is via hovercraft. the city is a maze designed by a psychotic blind person.
For everyone who doesn’t win this Tomtom…. DOWNLOAD THE WAZE APP ON YOUR SMARTPHONE!!!!! It has saved my a*s from being late more times than I can count. Best GPS ever, sorry TomTom.
I’d #GetHomeFaster with TomTom & use those precious minutes to learn to fish with Mr. Tom. I mean, I know how to fish & all, but not reeaaaaaally fish . . . like Mr. Tom (our neighbor down the street). So . . . in order to satiate my twin girls’ incessant demands that we go see Mr. Tom so that they can go fishing, I’m going use all of this extra “TomTom” time with Mr. Tom to learn how to fish! Kinda like the the old saying . . . “Give a man a fish vs. teach a man to fish . . . ” Welp. I’m hoping the same holds true for women, but my guess is that it may take a little longer to teach this particular woman the tricks of the trade, so I hope that little TomTom lives up to its name, and gets me home yesterday!
The part of me that wants to sound like a good mom wants to say clean or do more with the kiddos. The realistic part of me says SLEEP.
My husband, 3 year old daughter, and I live in Europe with the Air Force. Spain for two years and Italy for the next four. We had a GPS that I may have killed while poking at it not so gently out of frustration. Navigating around here is hard enough as it is anyway when you have no idea what the hell the sign in front of you says. What would we do with a kick a*s GPS? Go home. Find the easiest route home. After a few years of crap navigation trying to send us through bushes and restaurants because it doesn’t recognize a one way road, it would be wonderful just to be able to find my d**n house after a long day.
If I#GetHomeFaster with a TomTom (as I would not get lost), I would have more time with my family at the dinner table, playing board games, watching movies, hanging out or going to the park.
I would spend more time playing games on my phone instead of needing it to route through my Bluetooth into my car speakers to tell my husband where to take us using whichever stupid map app is the one I hateeeee but is always the one all the other apps seem to like to default to when I click an address.
If I won, then my husband could get home faster,so I could pee alone or go out or shower alone or just walk out the door and not say when I will be back! FYI I have done that before, I got pissed at him and left him alone with the baby ( after I feed him), I just left didn’t say a word walked out and went to tim’s for a coffee and read my book in peace. I come home in time to feed my sweet boy but he didn’t know that!