HAVING FAT THIGHS ACTUALLY MAKES OTHER PEOPLE FEEL BETTER AND THAT’S WHY I’M AWESOME
ME: I want another cookie.
WILLPOWER: You said you’d only have one.
ME: But I realllllly want one.
WILLPOWER: You’ll feel better if you don’t.
ME: I know, I know.
ME: I don’t feel better.
WILLPOWER: Stop thinking about it.
ME: Yeah, okay, I’ll do that.
ME: It’s not working. I’m just gonna have one more cookie.
WILLPOWER: I thought you wanted to look good in a bathing suit.
ME: I do want that. But I want a cookie more.
WILLPOWER: Rememberrr, you’re going to the pool on Tuesday.
WILLPOWER: Where people will be looking at your thighs.
ME: You know what, you’re right.
WILLPOWER: I am?
ME: Yes. And I don’t want to make those people feel bad if my body is too perfect.
ME: They’ll feel better about their own thighs if they see my FAT thighs.
WILLPOWER: That doesn’t make any sense.
ME: In fact I should eat TWO cookies.
ME: The bigger MY thighs are, the better I’ll make other people feel.
WILLPOWER: You’re kidding, right?
ME: (mouth filled with cookies) Ri’m ronna rake REVERYONE freel RAWESOME!!!
WILLPOWER: (sarcastic) You’re such a good Samaritan.
ME: Mmmmmm, these are delicious.
WILLPOWER: I’m leaving.
ME: Bye-bye. Don’t let the door hit your bony butt on the way out!
Yup, don’t forget this Summer if you go to the pool with a perfect body, you’re making other people feel bad. So go ahead and eat more cookies and ice cream and French fries. It’s the nicest thing you can do for society!
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I feel like this is based on science 10/10 will follow this advice
This is sound logic. Think of all the people you’ll help! I
My willpower is always trying to trick me into doing things like “exercising” and “doing the dishes as soon as they are in the sink” for my own “good”. I read your post aloud to talk sense into it. Ha! Take THAT willpower.
i make a deal with my willpower every night that i will pay it more respect the next day.